Category Archives: Self-help

Empath or narcissist?…

Ann June 18, 2016 -3The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist, the sooner they will spot one with less chance they will have of developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already underway,  they can  dig deep into their soul and recognize their strengths and capabilities then do everything they can to build the courage and confidence to see it for what it is and walk away.

Because a narcissist lives in their creation of  facade, illusion, delusion and idealization, through deception, projection, control and delusion, narcissists are skilled at twisting reality. They leave you anxious, confused and questioning your own sanity. Learn how to ignore the crazy-making and stand firm in your truth.

Some in the pop psychology culture deem that someone who takes selfies is a narcissist and that is false.  Because some narcissists hate photos of themselves because they hate themselves, when self is really all they have the capability to care about.  They may have illusions and delusions of how they ‘image’ themselves and when a photo doesn’t match that image they can’t stand it.

Narcissism  is a pattern of thinking and behaving which involves infatuation and obsession with ones self to the exclusion of others. It is very different from healthy narcissism which we all possess. The actual meaning of the depiction of Narcissus in Greek mythology looking into the lake and falling in love with his reflection, is that he only has the ability to care about wants and needs of self. He cares for no one, but self. It’s all about him and no one else and actually that comes from the inability to have genuine self-love with authenticity of self on the soul level. Narcissus fell in love with ‘image’ of self, not who he actually is…because he either hates who he is or doesn’t know who he is. Therefore, he tries to create the image that he wants others to see to cover up who he really is. ‘Image’ is all a narcissist has.

Authentic self-love is very different from a narcissistic obsession with self. It takes a person who loves self in the authenticity of who they are, that can truly look into a mirror, see  who they are, their flaws and all, and still accept and  love themselves. And, therefore,  be able to love another selflessly and authentically, able to accept flaws in another, give to and to understand the responsibility of another’s heart. Doesn’t mean that when you look into your mirror that you don’t want to change some things, but you authentically accept and love yourself, until you do.  It’s a type of unconditional self love… it’s what the narcissist craves, but can’t feel or give. So they seek to suck the energy of love and acceptance from others, but when they get it, they eventually turn to criticize, diminish and abuse those giving it.  Partly to  create distance,  partly to have no responsibility for another, partly to feed their own ego, so they can temporarily feel better about their self-lack, and partly because they don’t think they are worthy of the love and acceptance they are being given, and they so desire. So they devalue and destroy it along with the person giving it. This temporarily gives the narcissist the upper hand and a sense of power, of feeling important, and unattainable. But, they always did have the upper hand because most knew they were  disingenuous from the beginning. They can’t live in the reality of  love, harmony, peace and joy because they don’t have these things inside themselves. Our inner world creates the outer.

Add to that, narcissists are threatened by genuine self-confidence and anyone who has authentic self-love, peace and joy, because the narcissist does not have that ability. So they seek out people who can fill them up with what they are lacking, if only temporarily and, of course, it is temporary as the narcissist sooner or later always crashes into reality of self and will try to tear the other person down and keep them off kilter. Giving the narcissist a rush of power in their fragile ego as they control the emotions of another.

Narcissists only care about what they can get from others, be it an  emotional, high, ‘such as falling in love’, excitement, sex, power by association, money, distraction, or just that they feel something, anything to take them out of their non-feeling and self-loathing emptiness.  Narcissists are about what they can ‘get’ instead of what they can ‘give’.

Some narcissists appear to enjoy sex in the beginning; but what they enjoy is the excitement, seduction, and the rush of newness; as the relationship progresses, they may shut down or pull away from their partner sexually. Doing this, serves to give them another sense of power, by withholding what their partner desires. Many narcissists have no authentic connection to their bodies, when it comes to genuinely connecting to another, so sex soon becomes a chore or non-existent or meaningless as they go from one partner to another.

An empath is connected to body, mind and spirit, so sex to them is another expression of love. With a narcissist, sex is a means to an end, a way to control, or a rush to a high that they lose interest in, soon to be on the prowl for another conquest.

Narcissists don’t have the desire or energy to genuinely love anyone but themselves, unless when it serves them to, because suppressing their anger (narcissistic rage) and other emotions that can easily turn into depression (depression is anger turned inward) is all they have the energy for. They remain focused on self on every level. While they long to be fulfilled, they have no understanding that what genuinely fulfills, is to give and to care for another or others. 

Narcissists focus on escape, illusion of perfection, power, great wealth, that the whole world loves and revolves around them, winning the lottery and all sorts of objects and things, etc.  They idealize relationships and their dreams of pleasure and escape can change often and rapidly. They are never satisfied because it’s impossible for them to be, because they aren’t internally satisfied  with self. I am not speaking of ordinary adventures, dreams and ambition that most all of us have.  Because a narcissist is different, in that, they are never satisfied or happy even when they achieve or attain that which they are after,  and  with that realization, they can fall into an even deeper depression.

Their lives can be a roller coaster, a series of being seemingly happy then depression and they have no idea why. Since they idealize relationships, they will devalue what they have, always looking for more, the next shiny thing … on a constant quest, but never finding fulfillment, like a hamster on a treadmill. The grass is always greener in their world, but when reality hits hard, when they realize that it isn’t, they may fall into deeper depression. Remember, they have no ability to accept flaws in others because they can’t accept flaws in self.

Narcissists cannot/do not feel joy,  have flat or shallow  emotions, cannot genuinely love because love takes the ability to give, to be unselfish, compromise and narcissists do not have these abilities, because everything is about them.  In the beginning, when they are trying to achieve their narcissist supply, they can ‘act’ unselfish and giving, but this is only an ‘act’…   nothing is genuine or authentic with them and will not last for long.

 Narcissists are soul sick.

They  may appear controlled in their expressions and words, like an empty  kind of politeness… as if they have to think hard before they speak, so they can phase words just right for their orchestrated-agenda-filled effect – their self-created image. This is because, they aren’t authentic and don’t have genuine intention.  While the rest of us are just being who we are when we talk and move through life. That doesn’t mean that we don’t think about what we say and do, but most of the time it’s effortless. We can error, accept it, correct ourselves, genuinely apologize and continue on. A  narcissist’s apology is the most shallow words you will ever hear.

A narcissist’s  image is overly important to them since they have little to no internal core structure. They freak when their image is threatened as that touches to the base core of their fragile ego.

They, more often than not,  mimic emotions, behaviors, even dialogue and scenes in movies to be able to fit in, move though the world, seduce and to attain their narcissist supply. They may have dead eyes, even when they smile. Their lips smile, their face and eyes don’t. They study people to learn how to respond appropriately and practice how to act, in order, to appear a certain way when they want to be accepted.

Often times, they fall into a deep depression with no ability to feel, until their next shiny thing comes along with which they can pursue their narcissist supply… the rush of pursuit with goal to suck off of another’s emotions.

Narcissistic supply is easily seen in the romantic pursuit of relationships… but the same dance occurs, of course, in all levels, and activities in society.They fall in love as fast as they fall out of love. Since they cannot genuinely love,  they soon lose interest when the first rush of falling in love with all its emotional excitement settles down to reality.  Love is enduring, not just a rush of excitement, shallow, superficial or fake. Narcissists can’t handle the quiet security,  peaceful joy and genuinely getting to know another person, becoming vulnerable to another and living with the everyday challenges, disappointments and joys of life.  This feels mundane to them, while it’s what most all of us strive for. This is because they do not have this internally, so they have no ability to create, express, or experience it externally. Therefore,  they begin relationships again and again for the rush of the challenge and excitement.  Some prefer short monogamous, marriage-like connections, (so they can feel temporarily connected like others) until the relationship  get too real and the other person has needs and requirements that must be met in order to create the balance that sustains a real relationship. When this occurs the narcissist shuts down, rages, abuses, criticizes, falls into depression or someone ends it, because when it isn’t all about them, they are not in control and pulling the strings, they get no rush.

The chance of a narcissist changing is highly unlikely, so we shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, then great, but it should never happen at the expense of anyone else. They  can even  keep up their false image to mental health providers when seeking help .

They may or may not be consciously aware of their behavior and the damage it causes to others because in their fake game, they will sacrifice anyone and anything for the gain of their narcissist supply, then escape and not feel pain, except for themselves…. they are the eternal victims. Because they are above all selfish, all about themselves and no one else really matters. They do not have the ability to feel or express empathy, except in a fake, learned mannerly way .

An empath is authentic, genuine and is desperate to live true to their soul’s purpose and will very likely find a relationship with a narcissist a huge lesson, a dodged bullet with a painful awakening.

An empath feels love deeply and genuinely. They feel and honor all their emotions with no need to negate or to fake them. If negative experiences happen, they hurt and may get unhappy or depressed, but it’s situational and they will lift out of it as they work to improve the situation and to heal. An empath wants to heal and to heal others. An empath feels the joy of living and being alive. An empath is genuine to themselves able to have empathy and to love another in authenticity. An empath accepts all emotions and allows them to flow through them in awareness  as they  try to gain growth and a deeper insight into self on their quest to becoming more authentic. This is why narcissists attract to empaths.

Empaths need to be careful of not becoming co-dependent. They can’t ‘fix’ the narcissist. When an empath states, I love you, it is genuine and means the beginning of a life together. When a narcissist says, I love you, it means I love the way I feel when I am with you, or they have claimed their shiny object, can get monetary, or other needs met, or that the chase is over and their narcissist mission has been temporarily accomplished…soon after, the love stops. 

A narcissist struggles to have any connection to their authentic self and will likely walk away from any relationship or situation, once they realize that they have lost their ability to control the empath, or the empath will not accept the narcissist’s behavior and  forces them to become self-aware and to heal. When the narcissist’s fake  game no longer works, is pleasurable, or they can’t suck narcissist supply from their victim, if the narcissist is not able to be in control with ego constantly stroked, feel in charge, they will seek out their next victim, ‘the next shiny thing’, or escape.

Narcissists are full of ego and selfishness, but it’s a fragile ego built on nothing. They flip from feeling less than to feeling more than, instead of just being equal to all others. They are always trying to outsmart others to gain the upper hand. When reality is, they are outsmarting themselves, damaging others and ultimately destroying their chance at authentic fulfillment. Reality is, their ego is so fragile, that they always need fresh pursuits or withdrawal to recharge.

The final act on the stage of life seems to be a pulling back of the curtain to the soul.

As a narcissist ages, they may realize something is wrong with them and fall into an even deeper depression. They can’t genuinely connect to people and certainly not in a love relationship… they may prefer being alone, only coming out of their darkness for their narcissist fix, then going right back in. They may realize how alone they really are, alone inside their distorted mind,  stuck  in their heads only connected to their empty self and their selfish wants and needs.

Narcissism and Depression

Narcissism and depression are believed to oftentimes occur together, probably because the narcissistic personality is incapable of developing true feelings of self-worth or intimacy with others. Genuine relationships with others are what enrich and sustain the lives of empaths because they have a genuine relationship with self, so they value people.

Depression brings with it many physical ailments, aches, pains, headaches, back aches, high blood pressure, heart issues, etc. addictions, and is all about self-absorption… the very thing the narcissist loves… self.

A narcissist has been fractured somewhere in their childhood, and split off from their authentic self to survive, or they were born disconnected from self with their life’s journey  being to reconnect. But it’s a deep soul searching journey to fulfillment and wholeness and most will not attempt or do so. They will just keep playing the game, using the tactics that they know. Some are diabolical, sociopathic monsters and others are wounded souls with little genuine self knowledge. It’s nature versus nurture and there can be a fine line between the two. There may be an inherited disposition to mental illness, or something could have occurred in childhood to trigger it, or both. Genetics  can influence the absence of various brain chemicals that influence how little or much empathy a person has. Personality disordered people struggle with not experiencing, or not having empathy.

Narcissistic need can be compared to that of a toddler. To a toddler everything is mine, mine mine. It’s a normal developmental stage that is usually soon grown out of, as they learn to share, care, and interact with others. But some children at any age can have experiences that fracture them and they stay frozen in that developmental stage. As in a child or teenager who is fearful of growing up and separating from parents and when triggered as an adult, the person digresses back to the developmental age in which they were frozen.  I have literally seen persons with suppressed  emotions, digress right in front of me to somewhere in childhood… as they scream “‘I’ won’t! ‘I’ don’t! ‘I’ll’ do it when ‘I’ am ready!” Their faces and voices becoming child-like, as if they are talking to a parental or authority  figure. A temper tantrum passes for cute in a toddler, but is shockingly and monstrously detestable done by an adult.  Observing one can make you want to gauge your eyes out. It’s hideous.

Parents and the family play a large roll in our psychological development and no ones parents or siblings are perfect. Be alerted if anyone states their mother, father and family were perfect and without flaws. Many times, this kind of denial is part of their fake existence as they try to keep anything negative suppressed to keep their facade intact. Denial is a prominent tool of the narcissist’s existence and assists to keep their fragile self intact. They develop certain beliefs because those beliefs allow them to maintain their  so-called ‘psychological stability’. So any  threat to their beliefs is considered a direct threat to the person’s fragile psychological stability.

Therefore, if they are awakened and acknowledge their parent/family’s flaws then it can make the narcissist feel even more fragile and lost because some  narcissists have an unhealthy connection to one or both parents and hold onto it as if it’s their life line that creates their existence… going from love to hate and back again but never just genuine acceptance.

The most narcissistic people I have known fall into this category. They have created a facade that their family is perfection, when it’s quite the opposite and they have much buried emotional pain, etc. that they have endured as they fragmented themselves trying  to fit in where they didn’t. Therefore, forever or until and if, they decide to dig really deep to heal, they will use much energy suppressing these buried memories and the emotions connected to them which causes depression. 

After all, the issue with narcissism, depression and other mental disorders is an inability to genuinely and authentically process, feel and express emotions.  To be and live in the authentic genuine self, you must have the ability to see things as they really were/are and not as you want them to be. By so doing, you are free to create and live an authentic life, to be loved and to love another, etc.

The romantic relationship is where these deep seated wounds are more easily seen and exposed with have the possibility of being healed because being that close to another is as close as we come to being truly vulnerable, but it takes courage to do this. It’s as close as we get to the child, mother, father connection. Those deep and profound imprints that drive us our whole life in both negative and positive ways, either to our destruction or onto our healing and authentic wholeness.

To love another genuinely, one must become/be the authentic self, or the love will be shallow.

Empaths are giving. They put others before themselves.  A narcissist will only put another before themselves when they are trying to hook the person in to get their narcissist supply.

Narcissists seek me out because of my empathic nature. Many times, I knew I was dealing with coldness and strangeness, with shallow, self-serving emotions, other times, I didn’t know until I did.  Some were overtly abusive and cruel, escaped into alcoholism, gambling, affairs,  others covertly,  fell into depression and excuses for no apparent reason, except for the pursuit of escape, in their fear of being really seen, and known, or when reality became too real and they either had to change to have any semblance of being a genuine feeling human being or escape….

While interacting with them, I began to have stomach aches, or feel ill in some way that was not my usual way of feeling and when I called them on their issues, they tried to project them onto me. Even projecting so much as to call me, for example: a narcissist because I take selfies.  Projection is a key tool of the narcissist and others who are disordered.  They can’t look at self in any authentic way, so have to make it about the other person, when it’s really about them.

Empaths being self-aware with the desire to be caring, empathetic and authentic to self may take on the narcissist’s projections until they wake up and realize that none of it is about them. A narcissist can devastate an empath’s self-esteem, even making them feel mentally and physically ill. Being around pathology can make healthy people ill. 

Recently,  I reconnected with a psychologist, I had gone to years ago after a divorce. She is retired now and we spent much time talking about narcissists and empaths. At my request,  I took some personality tests to affirm what I already knew, that I am predominantly an empath. On one of the empathic/narcissist tests, I scored 90 percent empathic.

A psychologist once said to me : “He USED you! He wanted from you what he didn’t have–you were a challenge. He wanted your high energy, your enthusiasm for life, your kindness towards others, your class, your good-looks–he wanted it all…and then….once he had it, and the challenge was no longer there, it wasn’t fun for him anymore,  and he either had to anti-up or destroy it all to escape and slide right back into his comfortable depressive state where he’s spent most of his miserable life. After all the romance and ‘l love yous’, then to say, “All I am capable of is friendship.” What fucking bullshit to treat you so shabbily and say that shit to you!”

The above  paragraph is the exact and perfect example of the way a narcissist behaves.

A narcissist’s primary goal is to manipulate for self-serving agenda. An empath’s primary goal is to love and to heal.  So a relationship with a narcissist is toxic for an empath.

We all have varying traits that hit on every aspect of the psychological spectrum. It’s when very many are in one, that  a person is deemed to have a personality disorder.

A review of narcissist traits:  shallow emotions, flat or shallow affect, goes from high to low emotions, (range of degree can even be bi-polar), many short term romantic relationships, rarely commits,  cheats, boasts, lives dangerously or on the edge, suppresses anger and other emotions, rage and anger can come out of nowhere,  impatient, bouts of depression, only interested in self, selfish, can go from appearing loving and giving to cold and non-giving in a short span of time, and for no apparent reason,  and many would rather be alone than with people. They don’t actually like people, unless, it’s to get their ‘fix’ for their narcissist supply. They are cold and calculating, whether aware of what they are doing or not and most are aware … and all this has little to nothing to do with taking selfies…

Also, there can be mixed psychological issues, such as narcissist/borderline – narcissist/avoidant disorder, etc. But the bottom line is these people are psychologically disordered and can wreck havoc in the lives of those who live in authenticity with emotions in tact, able to give  and to receive love.  People who  are empaths.

Giving to another in love is the greatest blessing we have on earth. The greatest lesson we may all ever learn, is to love and be loved in return. This is especially true for the narcissistic personality type as they learn to give and for the empath to learn that love is received in return.

“There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations”.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“My life began when I met Ronnie” Nancy Reagan…

Nancy Reagan 3The death of our beloved Nancy Reagan brings us back to the love story between her and our beloved President Ronald Reagan as they clearly displayed the love, respect, balance, and support, the blessed gift from God possible on earth between a man and woman.

Nancy and Ronald Reagan

Her comment that her life didn’t really begin until she met Ronald Reagan… is not understood by some… as in the woman libbers who think they don’t need a man or that they are weak to think that they might, the feminists that have no clue concerning the balance achieved through the love between a man and a woman. There is great strength and wisdom in Mrs. Reagan’s statement regarding her profound love and soul connection that  she knew she had when she met the love of her life. It’s doesn’t negate that she was a woman of talent and accomplishments in her own right as ‘feminists’ seem to think. What it means is that their union enhanced both of them on many levels and by their union, both destinies were recognized and achieved bigger, more and better than had they been apart.

When any of us are given this rare and blessed  gift from God to meet and join with a soul mate, our life does begin anew and again with a future opening up changing our lives forever, giving us the opportunity to become and grow  more than ever could have imagined possible. Ronald_Reagan_and_Nancy_Reagan_aboard_a_boat_in_California_1964

It is exciting and more meaningful to grow through life with a partner, a true soul mate, who witnesses and offers support in life, assisting, therefore, each to become more than ever thought they could be alone.

And it takes a real woman or man to submit to this kind of deep profound love, which requires being seen clearly by another, exposing vulnerabilities and wounds, and in that closeness is the ability to experience genuine love, the kind of love that is the closet thing to God’s love for us on earth. It is not an undertaking for the feint or weak of heart… it’s only for the brave and sincere of heart and spirit.

Though love is the closest that we can be to God on earth.

” Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

Pure, committed, God based love was clearly displayed by Nancy and Ronald Reagan.

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him – or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” – Tim Keller

Nancy Reagan 2

God bless and keep you dear Nancy… as you reunite with your beloved Ronnie.

Nancy and Ronald Reagan 1

Fraudulent bizarre advertising…must STOP!

Oct10Stop9I called Weight Watchers and told them to get Oprah’s lying ugly fat head off their ads, that I change the channel every time she comes on. I don’t watch OWN and never will and don’t appreciate seeing Oprah’s face and hearing her voice continually in ads while I am watching a movie.  I don’t watch OWN so I don’t have to see or hear Oprah.

Oprah has been on diet after diet for decades and is still fat. She’s had private trainers, personal chefs and is still fat.

She pulled a Oprah thin1wagon out on a stage with the amount of fat she lost when she shrunk down to thin after one diet but then she ballooned  back to fat. Oprah fat3

Oprah is the worst spokesperson for a diet that anyone could have.  But I heard she bought 10 percent of Weight Watchers, so now, we have to endure more of her telling everyone what they should do diet BS. Add to that she went on a program in England and stated. “All old white people need to die.”
oprah
After Oprah said that, kids were playing the knock out game to harm and kill whites and others. Oprah should be arrested for inciting murder.  She should never be a spokesperson for any product much less a diet.  It is offensive to me that Weight Watchers uses an over-weight racist, who wants older white people to die, in their ads. So which is it Oprah, die or lose weight and make this the best year ever? What a lying duplicitous, self -serving con artist Oprah is.

Is Oprah spewing through the platform of Weight Watchers that only young non-whites should be on their plan?

If Oprah does lose some weight using Weight Watchers, she will put it all back on as she has done for decades. Oprah fat I don’t believe in dieting or any of these diet program. It’s portion control, exercise and it’s a lifestyle not a diet.  Appears to me Oprah has no self-control Oprah fat1even after all her shows about loving self, ‘living your best life’ and ‘that you are responsible for your life’. HA! When Oprah can’t even control her ‘own’ weight. Oprah fat 5She needs to practice what she’s preached/preaches for decades. Can you say FRAUD, USER and CON! She gets wealthy off America while attending a ‘hate America church’. 

A Weight Watcher dweeb on the phone told me I should be more professional. HUH?  Me, really? When they have a fat racist as spokesperson. It’s Weight Watchers that should be more professional. Peachrehab9Seeing Oprah in ads offends me since I am an older white person and she is calling for me to die. And I am physically fit, never been fat and never dieted.  This is Weight Watchers number if anyone else wants to call and complain, 800.651.6000,   What a bunch of conning freaks. Might I suggest everyone call and complain about Oprah and her fat A$$ being used in ads for dieting. I am so sick of seeing Oprah’s face and hearing her con and lies.

 Weight Watchers has a fat, racist as spokesperson.

I guess Planet Fitness that ‘non-judgmental’ place to workout, should use Obama as spokeObama workingoutsperson since he is such an example of fitness and the way to workout .. .see video below.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2014/jun/05/barack-obama-presidential-workout-warsaw-video 

The needy self-absorbed man…

self-absorbedI have a male/acquaintance/friend who is in his 50’s and very ill. He has spent his life as a playboy being obsessed with how a woman looks and sex. He’s never married, laughed at it and put it down. He is  now alone and lonely. Parents are gone and friends off with their lives. He’s pathetic. I feel sorry for him, always have. He called me last night whining that he has no one to talk to. He is alone and can barely take care of his own needs. He needs assistance to shower, etc. 
He has only cared about himself and his needs and wants. He doesn’t even listen when you talk with him. I have talked about God.. but he laughs at me. He doesn’t think there is a God.
Men need women for much more than sex and how she looks. A man who objectifies  women usually turns out like this one … alone. I have seen it happen many times. When they get old or sick, can’t rockin’ roll and their resources dwindle… they are left alone with nothing. The women that he chose for her looks, only wanted him for what he gave her as in excitement or gifts while he only wanted her for her body and how it temporarily made him feel.
Men if you are fortunate enough to have a woman love you, you might want to cherish her for all her gifts. It’s been proven that a man needs a woman more than she needs a man.
Women alone live longer than men alone. Why is this? A woman assists a man in processing his emotions. She cares for and nurtures his needs. When he provides, commits and protects this creates a great balance. But when he doesn’t… it falls apart… the balance never occurs.
When a man is so needy that he is driven to suck off many women with no commitment, he is really cutting himself off from what he really needs, but this kind of man is too insecure, can’t allow vulnerability or be real within himself, so he distances emotions and feelings for the temporary charge and escape of sex and being in control and in the end he loses big time!  
Women can do this for themselves. They process their emotions more easily, so why would any sane woman want to take on the neediness of a man without his full commitment to her and respect of her whole self? Women who share their bodies with a man without the wholeness of commitment are fools. They are fools looking to temporarily escape who they are in reality and wholeness and it is a big fail in the end for both. 
The real deal with the ‘never married man’, forty and up, is they can’t commit, are afraid of failure and real intimacy. So, they objectify women and diminish marriage and commitment to make themselves feel better about their inability to commit, to choose, and to make long term relationship decisions.

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”

Oscar Wilde

Insurance companies as bad as government…

I went from happy with no injuries to  this becAftersurgery12ause I entered a particular restaurant where they were mopping before closing in a dark environment with no wet floor signs. I was wearing  low rubber-soled shoes and even then,  the floor was so wet that my feet slipped out from under me and I landed on my left side slamming my elbow and left hip into the concrete floor.

All I asked is that they take care of my medical and a bit of pain and suffering. I was told by the restaurant manager, the next day, that they would take care of everything and that I am a valued client.

The insurance company interviewed me while I was on pain pills and before I had the surgery to fix my broken elbow.

The restaurant manager (wasn’t there when I fell) and other employees when interviewed by the insurance company all told different stories and all lied. They were sloppy in their recollections and clearly focused on self protecting.

They began cleaning up the restaurant 45 minutes before closing. While the busboy (an illegal alien that we needed an interpreter for)  stated in his deposition that he never started cleaning until everyone was gone and the lights were turned up.

Their insurance company denied my claim.

So I was forced to get an attorney and go through the tedious, full of delays, insulting,  and irritating legal process.

During the depos, under oath, the server did tell most of the truth. They had padded the bill to make it appear that we had more to drink then we did. We were in there 20 minutes, I had one sip of champagne and they had charged us for four splits of champagne as they comped the bill, because I had fallen, so on that night we did not see what we had been charged. They were planning their set up of me and cover up of themselves before I even left for the emergency room.

During my deposition, I was accused of being a racist which had nothing to do with my falling.  An illegal alien did the mopping that caused my fall. A black bartender, covering for the manager who had left earlier that evening, talked to me while I was trying to figure out how badly I was hurt.  What did race have to do with any of this? It didn’t. Except that we were white and they were trying to vilify us. So, in actuality, they were being abusive and racist against me.

We discovered the black bartender was fired a few months after my fall and had been charged with felony assault on his girlfriend. When we tried to depose him, he would not return our calls. And we were told that while the illegal alien came to the deposition, he would not be in court to testify because he was illegal and afraid of being deported.

It was clear this group was in a hurry to leave that night, the manager had left earlier that evening, and didn’t care who was harmed or what repercussions might occur.

After all this, they settled. I got all my medical paid and more pain and suffering than I was originally going to ask for. This ordeal took almost two years and in so doing, cost the insurance company more money and caused me more stress. Lawyers made money off this stupidity and waste. Their insurance adjuster attorney was like a government bureaucrat, short, pale and severe. We had to cancel one depo because the little man had three kidney stones. And that shows exactly what and who he was, a pissed little man with no real power, but to hurt people as he attempted to keep from paying claims. It was all deflecting, blaming and lying… just like our current administration.

If restaurants are open and they start cleaning, they need to be boycotted  because if you fall and are injured, they will claim no responsibility and that there were wet floor signs when there were none. They will claim you are clumsy, drunk, or a racist, Ha!  Even if there is a ‘wet floor’ sign and someone falls, they should still be held responsible. People don’t enter restaurants to watch staff clean or to be injured.  Restaurants should never clean before closing.

Crufall2I fell right behind where this man is standing on the way to the Ladies’ Room, the only way. The place is dark, the floors are scratched concrete and ill kept. I have never fallen in my life, never had a broken bone, am a former ballet dancer and fit as anyone could be. It was like walking on black ice, yet they tried to blame me.

Also, we discovered that this place is known to traffic in drugs. When you are in a place to relax, meet with friends, have fun and enjoy, you rarely think what goes on in the place behind the scenes. And why should you? You are there to be with who you are with not fraternize with the help, but there can be hidden harmful dangers in some places, even those that appear respectable and in good locations as this place was when you are paying to be served and to be in a safe environment.

I have always been a careful person but this incident has taught me to be even more cautious. Because of the way I was treated, I will never enter this place again nor will my friends and it was once considered an acceptable place to go on occasion. Had I been treated well, they paid my claim right off, and treated me with respect, it would have saved money, time and created an amiable outcome. The way it was handled, was a waste of money, time, resources with insults, alienation and unprofessional interaction, except by the ‘crook style’ of doing business.

Oh some establishments smile and ‘act’ like they appreciate  you when you are a paying customer, but when you are harmed because of their negligence, and they need to show responsibility, they will blame, deflect and lie to get out of it. Just like Obama and our current administration.

Unless you are my granny, don’t call me sweetie, darlin’, or honey, etc…

???????????????????????????????Endearments are only appropiate when intimacy, familiarity, time and experience have developed, otherwise they are insulting, condesending and rude! When people who have never even met me in person, or barely know me  call me “Sweetie”, “Honey”, “Sugar”, “Darlin”, or variations of my name as in, “Annie”, it makes me want to explode! It’s so condescending, rude, presumptuous, over-familiar and crosses personal and respectable boundaries. 

A man who does this to a woman is trying to take control as in you are less than me, I am in control, you “little sweetie”, so do as I wish, like me, love me, have sex with me, go to dinner with me… just plain you are such a “sweetie” that I am going to over power you and get you to do as I want and as I deem.  Many men who do this have insecurity  and control issues and by calling a woman endearments prematurely makes them feel powerful and in control when actually they are weakened, rude and fools.  It shows a lack of respect to refer to someone out of their name that you barely know. It’s way too familiar and crosses personal boundaries.

If a woman calls another woman she doesn’t know well or if they are the same age,  something like ‘sweetie’, it’s nothing but pulling rank as in claiming she is higher up, more important, in charge or knows more.

When I hear premature, unwarranted and unwanted endearments it makes me think of a drunk sitting in a bar referring to female servers  as “sweetie.”  Or some vile, overweight, drunken man sliming around somewhere like Vegas referring to women, he has just met, as “honey, lover, baby, sugar lump”.  Makes me want to gag!

My Mother was from the South where people tend to greet others in this manner… but never someone that you don’t know at all. And men who use these endearments to ‘try’ and be ‘familiar’, in order, to create a false sense of intimacy to ‘get there’, before ‘getting there’ is even on the radar are just plain clueless dummies.  And it’s the biggest turn off. So get a clue, it’s an insult to call people endearments, unless, you are in a real relationship, or you are 20, or more years older than the person … darlin’!

A granny or grandpa calling a little child “sweetie” is endearing… otherwise save all endearments and pet names until a time when it’s acceptable as in, you are in a real relationship with the person and have had the time and experience for endearments and pet names to be developed naturally because then and only then are they acceptable, meaningful and worthy.

So, unless you are my granny, don’t call me sweetie!

Shades of Grey = dysfunction, not sexy, damage, boring, bland, blah!

nightshirtpolkadots1I didn’t read the book, but saw the movie…

All it was is a depiction of a damaged child/man who can’t connect in love, therefore,  uses control and domination through sex  to make himself feel. He projects his damage and pain through punishment onto women in order to escape his own.

It was more sad than sexy. In fact, nothing about it was sensual or sexy. There are more and more people  today who are damaged as this man is depicted, who can’t look at self long enough to heal, who go from person to person focusing on sexuality for escape, thrill and the high and even when given the chance at connecting with a loving person is too emotionally damaged and fearful of becoming vulnerable to connect.

Love,  passion and commitment are what makes sex, sexy. Sure games can be fun and taking it to individual fantasies and edges can be exciting on occasion, but that in itself means nothing and lasts less than that.  Most mature adults recognize and understand this, immature, inexperienced youth won’t and don’t and some will see this movie as ‘cool’ showing things to try before they are emotionally and sexually developed which can then lead to distorting their perceptions of sex and love.

I found nothing sexy about this movie. I found it pretty boring and blah. The actors while attractive had no chemistry and that is another aspect that makes sex, sexy… chemistry along with personality.

To me, this was a psychological study of an emotionally damaged man.

At least, in the movie, she left him. I think so anyway. I exited to the ladies’ room several times, I was so bored.  But he soiled an inexperienced and pure person to his perversions.

Now, what would have made it interesting is, had love been able to break through his damage and pain, to break him open to real love. But he was too damaged, weak and fearful,  just like some in the world  who can’t commit and focus on sex, instead of  love, emotions and feelings.

I have no idea what all the ‘to do’ was about this story. I found it mundanely  dull. I know that’s redundant but so was the movie.

Why women like it, might it be that the thought, idea and fantasy of a ‘powerful/successful’ man taking control in the bedroom, and, or in their life, might be appealing because now days,  so many men  seem to have lost their manhood and are looking for a mother. And a man looking for a mother has no sex appeal. But in actuality,  the  sad, damaged man in the movie needed to be mothered, in orde,r to heal and possibly be able to love.

In a real enduring relationship, each person plays all the roles of male/female respectively…  as in intimacy, healing, growth, vulnerablity, empathy, strength, weakness, sex, sensuality, child, parent, teacher, student, lead, follower, depending on time, place and circumstance, etc..

Nothing is more sensual and sexy than an emotionally strong man who can take control in the bedroom, but ‘control’ is a shared two-way experience and a man who is too weak and insecure to let a woman take the lead to balance out the experiences is not sexy for long.

In my opinion, there were not many shades of grey in this movie, there was only one and it was blah!

Gender confusion… ?

???????????????????????????????If this offends anyone, sorry… as this is my opinion.

God created man and  woman to complement one another and their respective physical bodies display this clearly… to reproduce, comfort one another, have companionship and family.

Why all this gender confusion? Is it hormones in the food, drugs, big pharma, and, or recreational drugs, psychological or sexual abuse, or what?  Because it is not natural to the nature of our bodies. The children of the hippie generation seem to be the most confused and it’s just gotten worse since then. Did the recreational drugs their parents took cross over  the placenta and affect their hormonal make-up and genetics? Because it’s become bizarre like some freak show on earth.

I have interacted with homosexuals in my life because I was a ballet dancer and in the interior design fields for years. Those I knew blended in and didn’t choose to make a spectacle of themselves.  Those that I talked to in depth all revealed they had been sexually abused as children by those of the same or opposite sex,  had psychological or physical abuse from one or both parents and on a deep level had both disdain and envy for heterosexuals. It is known that when a child is over sexualized or sexualized in a perverted way it can affect them their whole life as to choices and self-esteem as their fragile boundaries are crossed when they are still in formation and an imprint is made on their mind, body and spirit. Open a door to evil and it walks right in. That is why we need to protect our children from perverted imprints being placed on them  from any level.. movies, TV, politically, in society, and in the home.

Children have a special place in God’s heart and anyone who harms a child is inviting God’s wrath upon himself.
Sexual abuse or molestation is particularly devastating and is soundly condemned in Scripture. Warnings against sexual sin abound in Scripture. To force sexual acts upon a child is a horrible, evil offense. In addition to committing a sexual sin, the perpetrator is also attacking the innocence of one of the world’s most vulnerable persons. Sexual abuse violates everything about a person from his or her understanding of self to physical boundaries to their spiritual connection with God. Perhaps, that is why evil is attacking human beings so intensely on this level  and at this time.  In a child, boundaries are barely established so that they are altered for life, and without appropriate help may not ever heal.
Psychological and emotional abuse are also forbidden in Scripture. Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to “exasperate” or provoke their children, but to bring them up in the “training and instruction of the Lord.” Harsh, unloving verbal discipline, emotional manipulation, or volatile environments alienate children’s minds from their parents and render their instruction and correction useless. Parents can provoke and exasperate their children by placing unreasonable requirements on them, belittling them, or constantly finding fault, thereby producing wounds that can be as bad as or worse than any physical beating can inflict.

Today, many gays are like side shows in the way they dress and act. It’s circus-like in its distortion. Many years ago, I was in Key West and witnessed for the first time women with women, and men with men openly flaunting their choice, bizarre behavior and dress. I found it humorously amusing  while it also made me feel like I needed to take a long shower to wash off grime after viewing their perverted depravity.

In the days of the caveman, were there men who wanted to be women and women who wanted to be men? Without the injecting of hormones, plastic surgeries, cosmetics, and clothing this change is not possible.

As a child, I was a Tomboy. I climbed trees, wore dungarees, ran around the neighborhood barefoot and dirty, at that time, the dirt didn’t bother me. I even climbed to the roofs of houses that were under construction, more daring and risk ready than many of the little boys in our group,  but when I went to Sunday school I wore a dress and never once did I wish or want to be a  boy. Then as I began to mature, I became more feminine, concerned about my dress, and cleanliness, no spots on my dresses,  pretty and well-groomed became my desire, even though I was still into sports, and, of course, ballet.

About a decade or more ago, I was out to dinner with many girlfriends. one friend had invited her decorator and she brought along her ‘girlfriend’. The decorator looked butch with a short hair-cut along with a manly attitude and mannerisms and it intrigued the rest of us. We started talking about homosexuality. The butch-girl said she could tell just by looking at someone, if they were gay or bi. She would look around the room and point those out she ‘deemed’ as such. We found her bizarre,  really off, but entertaining in a sordid way. Then she turned to me and my friend and said we had the possiblity to be if we were open. We both laughed, as this woman proceeded with her manipulative BS. It was as if she wanted to make everyone like her. We clearly had no interest and while it was humorous in its way, it was also demeaning and insulting that this dyke was trying to turn two very feminine women into her prey. She was crossing our boundaries with her manipulative, self-serving verbiage. She was a homosexual predator.  I wonder, how many of those with weak boundaries who have curiosity or confusion fall for this kind of manipulation and try something that they are not and have no interest in?

What has happened to our society that so many are confused about their gender? If you have a penis you are a man, if you have a vagina you are a woman. Nuff said!

“Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed.” Luke 17:28-30 (KJV)
Leviathan spins the web of fog to blind peope to the truth.  Good is seen as bad,  bad is seen as good, truth is seen as lie,  lie is seen as truth, because that is the way and agenda of Satan’s destruction.

What inspires you to love?

TreeAnn6Is it beauty, fun, kindness? Is it sex, liking the samethings, or experiences shared? Is it commonalities, differences, or the energy you feel when you are with the person? Is it their actions, words, or that their words and actions match? Is it consistancy, compatiblity, tension or comfort?

Is it inconsistancy, uncertainty, excitement, thrill,  or danger?

Different things attract  the inspiration to love. Some of the attractions are healthy and some not. Sometimes, it’s a mixture of the good and the bad? Some people think they love someone when they feel like they felt with their parents or caregivers. They attract to the familiarity of whatever they experienced then, so it ‘feels’ like love, ‘like home’, when perhaps, it isn’t. It’s just familiar, like a habit, but  it’s what ‘feels’ comfortable, like an old shoe and so they think it’s love.

If the past was healthy and nurturing that is great, but if it was one of discord, addictions or dyfunction, not so great. Those imprinted patterns are difficult to break and they can guide either to goodness or destruction.

So, ponder what inspires you to love and attracts you to someone as it’s the basis of the relationship, its journey, its joys, its pain, its success, its harm, or failure.

“But does he who loves someone on account of beauty really love that person? No; for the small-pox, which will kill beauty without killing the person, will cause him to love her no more.

And if one loves me for my judgment, memory, he does not love me, for I can lose these qualities without losing myself. Where, then, is this Ego, if it be neither in the body nor in the soul? And how love the body or the soul, except for these qualities which do not constitute me, since they are perishable? … We never, then, love a person, but only qualities.”  Blaise Pascal’s “Pensees”

The above is an example of shallow love…

We all lose our ‘qualities’ eventually  and when we do, is when we will know if we are loved and if we love.

The awareness, blessing and grace to love without the distraction of qualities and traits is  a genuine gift and if we love sincerely love  will  eventually evolve into this.

What attracts you to love someone? Ever really thought about it deeply, beyond the face, figure, abs, smile, etc?

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”

Oscar Wilde

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