Tag Archives: aware

Do you believe what they are ‘selling’ …

or yourself?
Snake oil salesman, influencers – so-called entertainment ‘stars’ – media – advertisers – advertising – advertising – advertising – repeat – repeat – repeat – make them like you – make them ‘think’ you know more than they do – that you have some kind of cure – some kind of secret miracle – that you know more than what their instincts tell them – make them ‘think’  that ‘it’, some product, diet, cream, serum, medicine – be it medical or homeopathic – some shampoo or something else – and then get paid for promoting and marketing it.

Get ‘them’ – the ‘masses’ to ‘like’ and trust you – so they will follow you, buy and do as you direct. You will lead them where you want them to go and have them buying what you tell them to – you will have them eating out of your hands – you will be an influencer and get paid for being so.

Teenagers are usually the quickest to follow their pack or peers – they are searching to rebel against any authority over them and to break away, try new things and this, of course can be positive and worthwhile, but it can also lead them on a journey to into hell. They ‘think’ they are  being rebelliously unique as they are being manipulated to become as a brainwashed flock and to gravitate to the same things.

Some things are tried and true – others not so much. They are only a whim or the latest fad – but influencers model, that if it works for them, or even some, it will work for others.  The slogan, “If I can do it, you can do it, too.” – is their call to arms. The  so-called’ influencers are ‘used’ to promote products, lifestyle choices, perfumes, clothing lines, diets – what to eat – how to live – what to buy – what not to eat and more.  Just take the product of Coke and the ‘so-deemed’ energy drinks – these things literally destroy your body, but people buy them en masse only because of false and repetitive promotion, to be/feel cool and ‘to be like all the rest’.  the call to be like all the rest – to be like others – to think if you are different or don’t have, or do what others have – is a powerful motivator for those who can’t think or choose for themselves.

As a young ballet dancer, even at the age of 12 – as that is when I auditioned and was selected as the youngest at that time to be chosen to dance in the corps d’ ballet of a professional company.  I  became obsessed with my weight – along with my energy level. I was going through puberty, so my body was changing and my fluid retention would shift as my hormones fluctuated – a normal and healthy part of maturation.

I write about this time, in my book DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR –  in the memory – “You’re too fat – No, You’re too Skinny!”  It was my quest to have the perfect body, even at the age of 12 years-old when I was still growing and changing.

I read everything I could find on nutrition – vitamins, etc. I didn’t realize it then, but I was using my body as a laboratory. I would eat only protein and get very lean, but had little energy. A times, I would starve myself. I would eat Fritos dipped in peanut butter – then eat only grilled cheese sandwiches. I observed how my body reacted as I tried different combinations. As a professionally trained dancer,  I was fortunate to be be given the gift and choice of complete body awareness.  A ballet dancer’s core is from where her strength and movement derive. So, I became ahead of the fitness game, even as a child – and way before most of the world was into it.  I knew the feeling of being completely physically integrated and knew how great it felt. I was into fitness, nutrition, health, etc. before most the rest of the world  had even thought about it. When I was growing up, I never saw a fat person – perhaps, a pudgy child, but compared to what I see today, they would be considered thin.  Food stuffs were filled with less chemicals, hormones, etc. Everything was more natural – even so-called ‘junk food’ tasted like real food as compared to now – as now, it tastes plastic, chemical & fake – not like food at all.

My mother prepared most of our meals  – which were most always a balance of meat, vegetables and a starch. We rarely, if ever had desserts or bread, as in dinner rolls, etc. We only had desserts as in a homemade pie or cake on birthdays or holidays. Sure, we had homemade cookies on occasion and popcorn and very occasionally potato chips. When as a family, we went out to dinner, it was to very nice restaurants – individually owned and, oftentimes we knew the owners – the food was fresh.

People weren’t sick. No one that I knew was was sick – except for an occasional cold, but hardly even that. I knew no sick children and none who took medications for learning, behavior disorders or anything else. We were are pretty much well-behaved.  No one that I knew took anything more than an occasional aspirin – if that.

As fast food came upon the horizon – as in pizza, etc. We tried it and liked it. Only the pizza then was freshly made with fresh ingredients.

Soon other fast-food choices made their entry onto the eating horizon – fried chicken, hamburgers, tacos. I would indulge in this fare – say once a week or less – just kinda going along with my group of friends. I was always into vitamins and took them when others thought they were nonsense. And after all my research, I knew this fast-food-thing with their little buildings popping up with their drive through windows all over the place – could not be good for the human body.

Now, what I see appalls me.  I see overly fat people everywhere. People who have little to no body awareness and certainly don’t feel or operate from their core. And we are not supposed to even notice they are fat, but to accept them as such, so as to not hurt their feelings.

Everything has become an orchestrated distortion. Less fitness over-all, while it’s being pushed and marketed. Less nutrition, while we have more so-deemed nutritional products and services. Many diets saying even taunting us to eat this and not that –  pay us money and you will lose weight – all these specialized foods that taste like yuck! Less activity, while it’s being lauded – more fat  and unfit people, but we are not supposed to shame or even notice them.

And then the sexual confusion being promoted to confuse our youth is off the charts perversion.  Sexualization of our children is of evil and perverse.  With some promoting little boys become girls and little girls become boys – naming them opposite sex names and dressing them as such.  So that, they begin their lives in sexual confusion. It’s vile and repugnant.  Only by these so-deemed influencers, we as a society are being led to accept that which we once found abhorrent as the norm. It’s promoted as leading edge — ‘design your child’s sex’.

So the questions are –  ‘Do you follow others or yourself? Do you follow your God-given instincts and what is moral and psychologically sound, or do you believe and make choices because, or based on something some entertainer does, says, or tells you to do, or to think, buy or live as, and that includes some self-serving ‘religious-type’, making millions off spewing their interpretation of the Bible?

Your connection to God – to yourself – to your body – to your psychological well-being – your moral and emotional health is personal between you and God – it’s not between you and anyone else and it costs nothing, but your time in reading, prayer, awareness and self-reflection.

Eating a pear cost less than eating a Big Mac with fries and is abundantly better for you. Natural and pure is better – less is more. Sex is between those committed in love.


Freedom and choice is of God/good.  Control, no choice, being in bondage to ‘addictions, chemicals, government/entertainers, media, sexual perversions’ are evil/Satanic.
We are in the world, not of it – therefore, be discerning, instead of in bondage to any person, thing or earthly/material belief.

0-7 are the most impressionable & formative years for a human being – so what a child sees, hears and feels at this time are very important to its well-being or not – creating their view of self and of the world. We must shield/protect our children from overt sexuality, violence, & pathology, along with rank so-called entertainment as well as we are able to.
Just as you can inherit your appearance and health, be it good or bad from your ancestors and lineage, you can be imprinted by their beliefs, either negative or positive that will guide your choices and ultimately your life. You will be imprinted and influenced by your parents, caretakers. societal imprints and beliefs and the world that you grow up in, until you become aware. You can change and better your appearance, learn skills, educate yourself, change your health factors by self-care, and you can also change your limiting imprints and negative beliefs entangled in your memories by becoming aware. A tool to assist DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR – memoir/self-help available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Goodreads, etc. and by contacting me.

Two-faced, smile to your face, talk about you behind your back…

Polite and nice to money. Rude otherwise and looks down upon, even shows disdain for those with less than, or in poverty.  Judges people by their car, house, clothes, etc.  instead of their character. They don’t even know what ‘character’ is  because they have none – so they can’t recognize it in others. Will do anything – lie, cheat, steal to achieve the image, position or appearance of control or power over others. Mistakes having power and things as greatness.

Say one thing then  they do another. Say words or act in ways to manipulate for their use or gain. Nice, courteous and kind to people when selling something – be it a service or a product but uncaring, dismissive even rude otherwise. try to extract value for self from people, places and things with no regard to what they might do to harm.

Men who tell  lies to get a woman into bed. Women who flirt and compliment to make an oaf feel like a king for her gain – doing so, only to manipulate and with ill-intent instead of worthy intentions.

I have observed and become more aware of  this kind of behavior in our world today. This is why, in my opinion there is so much depression, anxiety, addiction, harm to self and others. There is a lack of respect for our fellowman and  ultimately ourselves.

I am otherwise, I was taught otherwise and choose to live otherwise. My words and behaviors reveal who I am, not only to others but to myself.  My word is my honor and my bond. I can be counted on to do what I say, or I don’t say it. So many people these days cannot be counted on for anything much less their word.

What I do in private, matters as much as what I do in public. Of course, I have been known to say what I think – which means, I don’t lie to myself or others.  There are  these concepts called – truth – honesty –  responsibility and accountability.

I try to live by the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Do I lose it at times and mess up? Of course! But this serves me also,  to become more aware of my behaviors and how they may affect others including myself. It’s called ‘self-reflection’ and ‘self-awareness’. We won’t grow, if we don’t have both in our emotional and mental selves.

If we are not becoming more aware in our lives, then what is it we are actually doing? Accumulating stuff – screwing as many people as we can – and on multiple levels –  taking  instead of giving? Look into the eyes of people who have done this in their life even for their entire lives with little to no awareness.  Oh, then of course, some know exactly what they are doing and these are the evil ones. And these people  have dead eyes which reflect their internal selves

Look at the eyes and faces of the Clintons – they are perfect examples. Bill is only 71 and he looks as if he is 171. 

Today so many seem to live by the motto – ‘Screw others before they screw me’.  They will say  or promise thus and so and if they are lying or change their mind and it inconveniences or harms another — so what? Their motto is –  ‘It’s ‘me’ that matters, not them’. What value can I extract from another. They are all about self and this is why they are so internally twisted and unhappy, seeking any and every thing to numb out their torment and misery.

We have become in many ways a selfish, narcissistic society. And that is why so many are unhappy, turn to drugs, alcohol, stuff their selves with food, buy too many things, sit on the sofa watching TV or playing computer games, watching porn, having sex with people only for sex, stare at their phones – texting or surfing the internet even when in the company of others.  Living behind a facade of cars, clothes, fitness routines  – so concerned with ‘image’ – they forget  their internal/eternal self – when reality is – nothing is fit or right about them. Or  they may live in a fat, unkempt body, wearing ill-fitting sloppy clothing, lazy and slovenly  while, thinking nothing matters,  including their appearance, while being envious even hating those who appear they are ‘really together’ – but  who inside may be also dying.

There is a concept called balance – both  inside and outside. The inside will reflect on the outside in some manner or form.

Those who indulge in these behaviors ‘think’ they are putting something over on everyone  else, but what they are really doing is harming themselves, even going as far as to be rotting their soul. Who – they are conning – is themselves. They are choosing to live by no standards, disaplines or morals, but that of self-gratification and all this does is to make a person selfish, self-centered, internally alone, even though they may be surrounded by others – bloated and fat – possibly catch STDS for having sex with many – and because of selfish self-indulgences  they lose their ability to love and care for others and therefore, lose their own individual humanity, just for the purpose  and sake of their momentary attainment and  pleasure of fake power and things. Image is actually nothing. It’s the internal reality that matters.

When you are true to yourself is when you will be true to others. and this has to do with integrity in body, mind and spirit and this comes from continual awareness of self as it relates to others and your relationship with yourself. Self -awareness and self-reflection are keys to happiness.

A book to assist in awareness:

 https://www.amazon.com/Daddy-Throws-Air-Ayn-Dillard/dp/1619848031/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528307660&sr=1-1&keywords=Daddy+Throws+me+in+the+air&dpID=41Ym6dKOKtL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

 

Defense and Denial – excerpt from my soon available book…

Defensive and Denial

 Defensive and denial are partners in the deepest blocks towards awareness and healing. Becoming defensive or flipping into denial can be a sign that something, someone or some words have triggered an imprint that you are trying to avoid. Defensive and denial are activated because of fear to feel the pain, to feel wrong and to avoid reality and truth. Living in denial is living in a fog.

Some people will do any and everything possible to avoid self-refection. They must believe – ‘think’ that they are ‘right’ and everyone else is wrong. They feel – ‘think’ that they must do this in order to survive. They feel as if they might be destroyed and even die if they don’t. Actually sometimes, you need to die unto yourself, tear down, break down and take apart something in order to rebuild it on a stronger and better foundation. But the fear of death of the ‘current and in place belief system’, no matter how distorted it might be, can create such fear that defense and denial become life lines. Actually defense and denial are angels of death creating blocks and leading to destruction.

If you flip into denial and become defensive along with being angry about a situation or something said or done, it reveals that you have been deeply triggered. You are trying to make them wrong. So you can feel ‘right’ and ‘safe’ in your current beliefs according to your imprints about self, others and your issues.

Break through the knee jerk reaction of denial and defense mechanisms to be able to look hard and long as to why you react in this manner. Incorporate intense self-refection. Look at yourself instead of trying to point the finger outside self or at another. Pointing the finger outside yourself and at another is deflecting and projecting – a sure sign that someone or some situation has hit upon your vulnerabilities. Looking with honesty at coping mechanisms that you use to deflect discomfort is the biggest challenge to awareness and healing. The deepest work is healing our personal wounds – our core wounds. And to do this you must be open to looking at self honestly in deep self-reflection.

Many times becoming defensive and in denial is insecurity hiding behind a big ego. It’s a kind of self-willed blindness. You wouldn’t have been triggered, if it hadn’t touched something that you were trying to avoid or hide. So why do you have such fear of being ‘judged’?

Defense and denial mechanisms can be difficult to break through, because their whole purpose in being kept alive is to defend imprints and the belief system, in order to stay out of pain and to feel ‘safe’. They come into play to avoid looking at self and to avoid change. Therefore they will fight hard and long to stay alive. The defended self can be a hard nut to crack. Some people reacting defensively and in denial do so with such intensity that it’s as if their very life is being threatened and to them, it does feel this way. The fear that their defended belief system might not be accurate throws them into a tailspin and the feeling that they are fighting for their life. So they will accuse the other side to that which they are guilty. They will project.

 PROJECTION – is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities – both positive and negative – by denying their existence in themselves and attributing them to others.

Realize that people will not only project their bad traits onto others, but also their good. When a person projects their good traits onto someone – they for example may see someone has having a kind heart which is theirs. When in reality the person on whom they are projecting has a cold manipulative heart with devious motives. Therefore projecting can be harmful whether it’s done with either negative or positive attributes.

Projection can be an obvious manipulation tactic and is also used to control, along with shaming and blaming others into shutting up allowing for continuance to keep on doing as they wish. Therefore, the clearer you see yourself in awareness and knowledge in relation to others is the best and safest you can be in this regard.

 Concerning defensiveness, awareness will need to be done layer by layer. Because feelings of defensiveness can trigger intense denial, anger and the feeling that you want to reject the person, words, experience or situation. You may actually do this by cutting them out of your life. As you point the finger at them away from self either in deflection or projection as you try to shame and blame. Because they are too close to revealing the truth. That will break open or shatter your image of self. That which you believe you must hold onto in order to make you ‘feel’ and ‘appear’ what you ‘think’ is ‘safe’. Something is shaking up your status quo and your mechanisms of defense don’t like it and will fight like hell to stop being exposed and to not feel the emotional pain. The defended belief system is a major block that keeps truth and subsequently peace, love and joy away.

Dig really deep to become aware of why you are defensive; look at yourself honestly, don’t be afraid to feel the pain. Pain is part of living. If and when you allow yourself to get into the feelings and the imprint that is being triggered, you will be able to more easily see why you became defensive and then release it. Why are you afraid of being judged? Why does it bother you so intensely? It wouldn’t bother you if you felt and were secure in self.

Understand that being defensive is usually because you are not feeling good enough, feeling flawed, unworthy or uncertain and someone has gotten dangerously close to revealing it. So you try to do everything in your power to defend self. But what you are actually doing is defending your right to stay stuck, blocked and cut off from self growth, truth and ultimately healing and happiness. The longer you stay in denial and defense, the longer you will stay blocked. The quicker you break through denial and defense, the faster you will feel free.

It takes bravery to break through defenses. This is why it’s so prevalent in our world today and why so many make statements such as: ‘Don’t judge me. You have no right to ‘judge’ me. Who are you to ‘judge’ me?’ Comments such as these are defense mechanisms on over drive and come from persons not integrated and at acceptance of self. People who react in this manner are living in insecurity, intellectual denial and emotional pain. Their defensiveness concerning the fear of being judged by others clearly reveals this. They may as well be screaming, ‘I am insecure, am weak, feel unworthy, am really not sure of what I believe or what I am saying or doing. So don’t put it in my face because I am too weak and frightened to look at it or myself.’ They will then deflect or project trying to point the finger outside of their self by shaming and blaming those who have triggered their deep seated issues and insecurity.

Blaming is actually a form of giving your power away. When you blame, it is saying or admitting ‘they’ have power over you concerning the way you react, feel and behave. Therefore, you are admitting that someone else is so powerful as to control your feelings, mood and even your very being. So how weak does that show you as being?

Some people will even defend the indefensible as in someone may commit an actual crime and their mother may say, “Oh, it was just his circumstances. He hung out with the wrong crowd.” 

Avoidance is another piece of defense and denial – as in avoiding whatever is brought up avoid the pain. You deny, block, bury, ignore or turn away from all warnings and signals. You avoid doing activities, being around people or expressing yourself because you fear that you will experience pain as recalled from past experiences.

 Avoidant personality disorder – Those affected display a pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and inferiorityextreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire to be close to others. Individuals with the disorder tend to describe themselves as uneasy, anxious, lonely, unwanted and isolated from others.

 Avoidance coping creates stress and anxiety and ravages self-confidence. It is a major factor that differentiates people who have common psychological problems – depression – anxiety and/or eating disorders vs. those who don’t. Simplistic example: You realize that you have gained some weight. Instead of addressing it and looking at your body naked in a full length mirror, you avoid mirrors and wear larger clothing to cover up and continue over-eating. When you realize you have gained even more weight, you become overwhelmed and depressed. You feel like you look bad, whether you actually do or not. It’s your perception and you feel hate for yourself – your body – your clothing and that hate of self bleeds out what you do and onto everyone you come into contact with, in some form or another. You avoid going to the gym until you lose weigh because you have a fear of being judged and humiliated. You avoid doing your usual activities and being around your friends. It’s about what you fear that leads to what you avoid rather than what is actual. Avoidance coping causes anxiety to snowball because when people use avoidance coping they typically end up experiencing more of the very thing they were trying to escape.

You are overly focused that the outcome of interactions and experiences will be negative. You are self-conscious, have fear of being judged and think everyone is seeing you as badly as you perceive yourself. Most people probably will not notice or care that you gained a few pounds. Most people are more concerned with self than someone else. This is an obvious example of ‘avoidance’ on a physical level. Avoidant personalities – blow things up in their minds thinking and worrying that if, in some context and time frame, they had a bad experience that they always will. They idealize relationships then devalue them, avoid making decisions and avoid life’s experiences in general.

 Reality is that everyone is judging everyone else in each day and every moment. We all make judgments. Judgments from others will not trigger you and you will not become defensive, if you are at awareness, acceptance and understanding of self. It will just cause you to self-reflect and self-reflection is how you grow into awareness. So being triggered can be a good thing, if looked at and used with awareness. What matters is how you look at yourself. It’s fine to be different and individual. It’s your insecurity about self that triggers defensiveness, denial, vulnerabilities and fear of being judged. Feeling the pain in self-reflection and awareness is the beginning to healing. Feel the pain and release it, so you can feel the joy!

Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.