Intimidation! Intimidating!

Blackwhite30… the definition of intimidating is someone or something that inspires fear or awe.

(adjective) Meeting your favorite celebrity in real life is one example of a situation that might be intimidating.

Intimidating is defined as acting in a way that inspires fear or demands great respect.

(verb) When you threaten a younger child on the bus, until he gives you his lunch money, this is an example of intimidation.

Some use intimidation to get their way, to make a ‘sale’, close a deal, to take advantage of others and some have a persona that is intimidating as in their size, mannerisms, way of speaking, or tone of voice. Some men (women,too) workout and build their muscles up,, in order to ‘appear’ externally intimidating to others, which can be positive, but can also be a distortion… if they are emotionally weak internally. Therefore, their external show of intimidation is just that… a false front. As intimidation is a display of a false soul trying to strong arm, ‘over-power’ others.

Some may think that they ‘need’ to intimidate in order to succeed, or to ‘feel’ better than, when really they are just ‘trying’ to feel ‘equal’ to, as good as, or up to the task, or situation at hand.

Bullies use intimidation in some form or another…

They like, even need, to think they are ‘intimidating’ and that others see them  in this way… as it makes them ‘feel’ powerful and in control.

Think of the bully that intimidates the servers in a restaurant. The bully that intimidates his wife and children so that they succumb to him. The playboy manipulator that seduces then intimidates his prey.

To intimidate, or to ‘appear’ so, is to hold others at arm’s length, so being, or doing so, they don’t get too close to anyone. They are shut down internally and even as they may not completely, or immediately ‘get it’, people realize, they are out for themselves only and anyone else’s needs take second place. As the intimidator has little, if any real regard for anyone but themselves and their goals of what they want.  That is what intimidation is…

Observe Obama and his regime.. threats, fear, and intimidation are their stock in trade.

Intimidation can be the last resort when intellect and clean, honest speak won’t, or don’t work. But it is mostly the action of fools, or bullies, or that of last resort. So-called ‘smooth talkers’ (capable of projecting extreme sincerity when there is none ) incorporate the art of intimidation in their words, intent and agenda. They are not being real, or in any kind of integrity, and they measure each word for the intent and agenda they are after… ‘subtle intimidation’…

Intimidation isn’t always out there, obvious, overt and loud… it can also be subtle, covert, and hidden in and by manipulative words and actions…

People who enjoy intimidating others have a weak, insecure inner-core and their need to be ‘intimidating’ temporarily boosts their weak self-esteem. Many times, they have no ability to sincerely feel their emotions, so they use intimidation to be able to ‘feel’ anything at all. They enjoy watching others feel, emote and even be hurt. They often times walk away from anything real… as they can’t deal with reality in themselves..because they often feel emotionally ‘overwhelmed’ …. so they ‘intimidate’, or ‘manipulate’ others,  instead of honoring their feelings and emotions…

They like to and often do ‘correct’ others and like to prove them ‘wrong’, or make them feel less than in some regard.  They take pride in being the ‘corrector’ … the one who knows the ‘right’ way that people ‘should’ be, or what ‘should’ be done. Intimidators use ‘criticism’ as a tool.  Doing so, helps them to not look at their own flaws… but should you correct them.. they get easily offended because that reveals that you are not intimidated, or in awe of them and that makes them realize their humanity… and that they are flawed also. Also by their use of criticism, insecure people might become intimidated… and the intimidator instinctively knows this.

Example: A man who has weight issues and is insecure about his weight will bring it up allot. Then others around him will find that they begin to feel concerned, or insecure about their weight even when there is no reason to be. This is one example of covert intimidation… that perhaps, you haven’t realized or even thought about… as it’s the subtly of it.

Intimidation fits well with projection. Intimidators ‘project’ their insecurities and lack onto others out of their fear of looking at self. They must dominate and feel in control at all times… feeling vulnerable shakes them to their core.

And they often have a need to feel ‘larger than life’. So they hold people at arm’s length and hence, intimidate… even as they may, at times, give the impression of being able to feel… they really don’t, or can’t, or if they do for a moment, they find a way to run from it, suppress, or deny it. As ‘feeling’ and being sensitive is only an act in their ‘intimidation ploy’.

They are bossy, bullying, critical and insincere… and they are easily threaten internally.  But will never let anyone know… as their fall back is to try and intimidate… to be too busy, too important, or off onto another conquest, or activity, etc. Their life is what’s important not others.

Think of many ‘actors and stars’… they are so weak internally that they need, or even crave admiration in order to feel bigger than life and to feed their ego… so the art of being intimidating in some form is their the way to interact and to cope.

Intimidation and manipulation… go hand in hand. It’s an ego-boost, and those with weak ego development like to feel and ‘act’ like they have the ability to intimidate.

We have all been intimidating at times and all been intimidated at other times…

It’s how often it’s used in your repertoire that creates your reality that is revealing. If you enjoy intimidating others, and it makes you feel good to have them think you are intimidating, and you use it often, you need to perhaps, look at why. That is if you are able to do so. HA!

I had a man tell me recently that women are ‘intimidated’ by him. HA! HA!…right! I wonder why…?! “Hey baby, I am so cool and great, I know I am intimidating.” He was attempting to have me be intimidated by his comment. HA! HA!

So, if and when you sense someone is trying to overpower you with intimidation tactics, pause, take a step back, and evaluate why?

Also, ponder this – Who or what intimidates you and why? Whatever it is will reveal a part of who you are.  And are you easily intimidated and when do you display intimidation?

I know I have used it as a last resort…. like dealing with a cable company, or some other situation that has tried my nerves to the breaking point. In my personal interaction though, I never want others to feel intimidated. I want them to feel seen, heard, cared for and appreciated. As to intimidate destroys intimacy… and that is what an intimidator wants… as they can’t deal with intimacy…

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What does it mean to be a parent?

???????????????????????????????I have no natural children and I always thought that I would have. It was my dream as a young woman to be married to the same man all my life and to have many children. You see, I love children. I love working with them, teaching them and relating to them. I am a giver to children and a lover to a man. But you can’t be a lover to man, if he doesn’t know how to separate being a father and being a husband, or if he isn’t a ‘real man’.  HA!

I always knew the relationship begins and ends with the man and woman(husband and wife) that children are secondary to this relationship…as in this observance is one of the most powerful and influential ways children learn to relate and especially to that of the opposite sex.

Fortunately, early on, I realized that if I was unhappy in a marriage with a man whom I came to lose admiration for, came to loath his habits, his character, and his life-style, that this was not a man whom I would want to have children with. So, I didn’t. I got out of the marriage, instead of bringing a child into it. Unlike some women, and also some men, who ‘think’, if we have a baby, it will make everything better, as this rarely is the case because a child’s needs only serve to make things more obvious and extreme. Therefore, in many cases worse, and I instinctively knew this. 

I had a stepdaughter, and have assisted in rearing two young boys into young manhood, of a man I dated at length. And I have taught children and volunteered in positions where I interacted with many. I get along with children and relate well with them. They usually respect and love me. Might it be because I treat them as children? I don’t use them, lean on them, have them fill-up some gap in my life, or have them take over a place, some lack, or issue in my life where children do not belong.

I have friends who treat their children as something else other than children. A friend, I have known for 25 years has told me repeatedly how she can’t stand her husband and wants out of the marriage. She had a young son, when we first met, then later had a daughter. Her husband is emotionally abusive. I have listened repeatedly for years then advised that she leave him. As I would have left this man immediately and certainly not had children with him. Yet, she stays with him and states it’s ‘because of the children’ that she does. Now, she says that once their youngest gets out of highschool she will leave. But, she said that about her son then went onto have another child. Now, her life is centered around her daughter as this is her ‘excuse’ for staying in a terrible marriage. She uses her daughter to fill up her emotional emptiness.

But recently, her daughter said,”I will never get married. I think you should leave Dad. He is mean. I hate being around him. Don’t leave me alone with him.” So clearly the example being set by this marriage staying together at all cost …is not serving anyone. Is my friend afraid to leave? Does she stay out of ‘duty’? Does she think she deserves the abuse? Who knows? She’s the breadwinner in the family and she for the most part is a great mother. All the husband does is to criticize and fight. The marriage is a farce, the children know it and the observation of this dysfunction, disordered, abuse along with my friend’s inability to get out, has damaged the children’s take on what healthy relating is between a man and a woman.

I have another friend who ‘lives’ for her children. Her husband is a great provider and she walks through the motions of being a ‘wife’, while her life is really only about ‘her kids’. It’s all she talks about. She hardly ever talks about herself. I have asked her many times about her goals and her life and all she does is talk about her life lived through her children. And listening to her makes me sad and I actually find it pathetic and a horrible example for her children.

I have met men who ‘spoil’ their children rotten. Then wonder why, they fail classes, have no ambition, don’t take care of their belongings, talk back to them and get into all sorts of trouble. It seems obviously clear to me, the why of it.  Sure kids should have their goodies and have fun. But ‘some parents’ today, ‘think’ their ‘ego-pride’ of showing the world how much money they have and what they can buy for their children is more important and valuable than teaching their children values and setting the standards to develop their children’s character. They let their children run the show, pull them this way then that, while they stress and wonder why their children are the way they are and wonder why they show them little to no respect. The truth is the children do not respect the parents because the parents let them walk all over them. These particular parents may have grown up with lack, so they want to make sure that their kids have everything that they didn’t… things.

I know women who treat their sons as if they are their ‘husbands’ relying on them way too much for their emotional needs, if not entirely. It’s children who deserve and need your support. Parents are there to ‘support’ and to ‘nurture’ children first and foremost, instead of the other way around. They don’t need your immaturity, emotional lack and your trauma being put on their backs to carry as they are growing, learning and ‘trying to mature’ into adults.

Immature parents create children who don’t mature, who escape into drugs, Internet games, sex and other negative activities. This is so obvious that it shouldn’t need to be said, but unfortunately, it does.

Some people have children only so that ‘they’ will have someone to ‘love them’. How twisted is that? You should not have children, until you are prepared to love, nurture, guide and support them. And if you can’t do that for yourself, how do you think you can do this for a child? The obvious point is, you can’t! So, why are you having children? Do people even ‘think’ now days about what the responsibility of having a child is and  what it really means?

Then the men who state, “Well, ‘she’ got pregnant.” As if they had nothing to do with it. Men who make comments such as this disgust me beyond belief. They take no responsibility for any of it. They are the ‘child-men’ of this world… the non-men.

Then we have this kind of a situation…  My ex-husband treated his daughter, before I met him, like she was an adult. When she was a toddler, he took her to business dinners, even formal ones, and talked with pride about how adult she was.

My own Father hearing him brag of this told me it’s not right for the child. It is putting too much pressure on her. He is using her like a date, or as if she was a woman. And my Father was correct. My ex-husband could relate more to a child than he could a grown woman and as this became clearer to me, I exited…

It can seem easier to the emotionally immature to fulfill a child’s needs then to interact and deal with a grown woman. I have observed some men who put all their relating into and onto their children and use them as an excuse… how sad for all concerned. Men who do this are usually afraid of real intimacy with a woman. Once, I had a man tell me he needed to ask his daughter if he could take me out. HA! Idiot man! Then throughout the years, I have listened to men tell me that they can’t do this and that because of their kids. They seem to ‘think’ that catering to their children makes them a ‘good father’ … When it makes them a fool and is detrimental to their kids and what they observe.

And it’s interesting, my stepdaughter wanted to live with me after the divorce and not with her Father, or her Mother. And the reason was, perhaps, because, I treated her like the child that she was. I didn’t put ‘me’ onto ‘her’. I set boundaries that I expected her to live by and she thrived, even though she fought and balked at first and even told me, I was mean… she came to love it. Sure, I wanted to be the loved stepmom, but I cared more for her than me. So, I stuck to my guns. When I met her, she was a spoiled rotten over-indulged and overly-doted upon child and I assisted in taking that burden off of her. She could be a child with me without the weight of the issues of her parents. So, she felt free, instead of weighted down.


If you drink, then tell your children not to drink..
If you are promiscuous, then tell your children not to be…
If you are a liar, a cheat, or lazy, then tell your children not to be…

It just doesn’t play…

Children see who you really are and that is how and who they model and learn from. It’s not what you say, it’s how you live, what you do each, and everyday, the choices that you make, the real you is how and where the imprint is passed from you to your children…

Now, some children as they grow and mature, will attempt to choose the ‘opposite’ of who their parents are and what they model, if they felt abused or harmed, but even in so doing, they ‘may’ still choose the same, as it’s their imprint that guides them. But, at times, observing what you don’t want will enable a person to choose differently to create what they would rather have…

It’s all individual… and children deserve to be their unique self as much as is possible without the baggage of their parents weighting them down.

Clearly children observe and learn from who you are, not who you ‘pretend’ to be, not who you ‘think’ you are, but who you really are.

In my opinion, rearing a child is the most important job in the world. It’s a sincere, deep and profound responsibility. One that seems to be taken way too lightly today. Either that, or some parents use their ‘child responsibilities’ as an escape and excuse for not having a relationship with an adult partner and not ‘growing up’ themselves. Preferring to interact and wallow in their issues and neediness of the imprint from their own childhood, or what they can’t look at in themselves. Therefore, they project their damaged and disordered imprint onto their children…

After all, it’s easier for some men and women to relate to children than it is to relate to an adult partner.

In my opinion, children need to be treated as children, not adults, and certainly not like a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or to take up the emotional space of a spouse that is no longer there.

Adults who are emotionally needy children, ‘need’ to stop having children, out of irresponsibility, or the desire that the child fill them up, or to heal themselves in some regard.

I have no natural children, but in ways, I have had many…and I can see and observe their hearts, their wounds and their sensitivities, etc.

A parent’s positive and negative traits are what a child breaks against to become who they will eventually become…

I know that’s what I did. And oftentimes, it takes most of a lifetime to realize, and to process into awareness the realization of what was imprinted on you as a child, then to be able to stand back and outside of it, in order, that you see your parents as people, so that you become whole and able to choose freely.

It takes a Mother and a Father to rear a child. It takes the example of the male and the female… to create healthy wholeness in a human and in humanity…

On this Father’s Day… how about think about how you relate to your children and what kind of an imprint you are making on them and what they will carry from you for their entire life.

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Like swimming in Champagne…

???????????????????????????????Lunch and shopping at Neiman’s is a ???????????????????????????????Texas tradition’ for ladies ‘in the know’…. in the know, of what is relaxing, pampering along with a touch of Texas class and elegance. The food is superb especially the popovers with raspberry butter…make sure to take some home….

Today, I enjoyed this adventure with my ‘crazy’ Russian friend, Lara, and I state this with sincere affection because we have known each other for over twenty years….even though she ‘really is crazy’, but in a ‘good’ way, most of the time, anyway. HA! And she will say the same about me. Only, it’s not true about ‘me’. Really! It’s not!

But okay???????????????????????????????she takes pleasure in telling the story of how we met… a Russian alteration lady from Calvin Klein in HIghland Park (it was on the corner before Chanel) called Lara crying … “There is this lady and I cannot please her. Would you see if you can?” Yep that was me, the not-pleasable-lady.  Lara owns an excellent alteration and dressmaking shop and she has been pleasing me for over 20 years. She is a real craftsman with an ‘eye’. Lara has ripped apart and redesigned many of my designer duds… Armani, Klein, Karan, etc. over the years. Once standing in my bathroom, she cut a Calvin Klein dress right down the front and we redesigned it and made it totally fab!???????????????????????????????

On our excursion today, Lara ordered a scrumptious shrimp salad, while, I got the Tuscan chicken sandwich with french fries, and, of course, we shared.

FYI, a well-kept Dallas secret, only a very few know…  Neiman’s has fab fries. Shhh! Now, keep that to yourself, ya’ll…

And we consumed every tasty morsel…

Then a bit of exploratory shopping amongst the??????????????????????????????? goodies with help from the staff of utmost service and excellence.

It’s like swimming in champagne on a toasty summer day in Texas, lunching and shopping at Neiman’s… while, all we actually sipped upon was refreshing sparkling water.

It’s just that Neiman’s affect, ya’ll.  The magical, fantasy, elegant world that Stanley Marcus created for excellence in the art and experience of shopping.

I had the pleasure of knowing Mr. Marcus and he was one class act, a humble, perfectionist, appreciating the unique and the best… just like his store…

And just like me. I have worked in the finest of the ‘carriage trade’ and this assisted to define my appreciation of the finest quality… maybe, even to over define… HA!

I worked part time, while in college, at Miss Jackson’s then onto Le Marquis, owned by Joanne Skelly .. of the Skelly oil family who brought fine china, crystal and other fine art objects to Oklahoma and Texas from the greatest of the European craftsman…  Waterford, Galway,
Wedgewood, Lalique, Limoges, Baccarat, Tiffany …to name a few. I came to know Mr. Marcus during this time frame.

Compare the fine European craftsman to the junk from China that you find at places like Walmart. Sure, they are different shopping experiences and both have their place and of course…???????????????????????????????

saving money is great. I love to! But on some things, it’s worth paying the price and the wisest seasoned shopper knows the difference… when to splurge, when to save and  when to cut corners..

Neiman’s is much more than ‘Needless Mark-ups’. You will find the unique, the finest and the exceptional offered with the best of service. And great service is what we need more of as this is the American way…

Neiman ‘s … a magnificentTexas tradition…

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To respect authority, or not?…

???????????????????????????????It can be good and it can be wise, but at times, it isn’t… like when ‘authority’ is wrong, or actually harmful.

I was taught to ‘respect authority’ … and I did, but I also questioned it and, at times, challenged it, because I was taught to ‘think’ by the educational systems I attended and by my parents, especially my Father. I also was born with an inquisitive mind and a strong will and with a sense of right and wrong imprinted on me by God.

Many of the Jewish people in Germany ‘respected the authority’ that told them to get on a train to concentration camps and ultimately their death. They were obedient to ‘authority’.

To respect and follow authority blindly is to be made a fool.

Just because ‘someone’, or a group has ‘authority’ over you, or some ‘so-called experts’ tell you what you should, or should not do, doesn’t mean they are ‘right’, ‘good’, ‘honorable’, ‘wise’ or ‘caring’, or have good intentions. It only means  they have the ‘authority’ and are wielding it. And any ‘authority’ on earth can be corrupted, with a self-serving agenda and even evil intent.

There are corrupt police, judges, attorneys, politicians, presidents, leaders, doctors, psychologists, advisers, teachers, etc. that may have ‘temporary earthly authority’, but are not worth respecting, or listening to because they are not respectful, wise, competent, nor do they respect the individual authority in you.

A ‘title’ means nothing… it’s the character of the individual carrying the title that gives it value and authority, or not.

Corrupt authority relies on ‘useful idiots’ to not only follow them blindly, but to help them implement ‘their agenda’.

I have noticed and learned that those in authority who are worth respecting and listening to, are respectful of their authority, humble, and consider it ‘their responsibility’ to do the ‘right thing’ for others… and that their authority is not about power over others, but wise, honorable, conscientious service to others. They have an element of self-sacrifice leading them more than that of a self-serving agenda.

There are so many rules today, too many, and regulations… many unnecessary and are used only for ‘control’, to levy fines for revenue, and to give someone false and meaningless power over others. Are all these to be ‘respected as authority’, or are they to be ‘challenged’ by thinking individuals?

Throughout history, many times, those who challenge authority are those who create a better world.

Challenging the authority of a dictator and the authority of suppression and oppression frees the people to live, and to create a better world. That is how and why America was created. 

So, it’s my opinion, respect authority, but to also question it. That is what we must teach our youth.

If someone doesn’t respect my individual authority over myself and my choices, why would I respect them, or what they ‘suggest’, ‘tell’, ‘order’, or ‘direct’ me to do?

Consider the source of the authority, their reasoning and their agenda, why is it, what it is, and why is in place where it is and for what purpose? I have witnessed, seen and experienced many fools with authority. And these fools are looking for other fools to follow them… 

Thinking, common sense, and rational reasoning have become lost today.

It’s actually amazes me the ignorance of some in authority – their agenda, their manipulation, their lies, their ignorance, their complete disregard for truth, honor, integrity, or respect for an individual’s right to be and to choose for themselves.

So, in respecting authority there is a fine line… to do so can be wise, but then it can also lead to harm and even self-destruction and that of many in the world.

In this time of Leviathan … the words and intentions of those in authority must, it’s even imperative, that they be weighed, examined and questioned thoroughly.

We must teach people to think, instead of to follow, to reason, instead of  being lead, to have respect for self, mind – body – and soul – because by so doing, common sense will have a chance to reemerge. Otherwise…

Would you follow an idiot into hell just because they have the ‘authority’  and the fast talking words to lead you there?

Be your own authority…

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Enjoyed rockin’ your cane, Dad, but it’s on its way out…

???????????????????????????????After two weeks in rehab, I am about done with using my Dad’s cane. Now, I only use it when I am out, like walking outside, across a parking lot, or in the grocery store, etc., in the house, not at all.

Without it, I limp a bit and am still working on strengthening my left leg and focusing on walking from heel to toe in a natural flow into a smooth gait and to accomplish this, it’s time to lose the cane. 

My arm is getting more range of mobility each day and I am beginning to use it more naturally without thinking, or worrying about it.

Actually, using a cane has its glamour and distinguishing style.

In ways, it’s just plain kinda cool.

There is even something kind of ‘sexy’ about it and it certainly makes for a cool prop…

???????????????????????????????Or is my take, based on my theatrical background? Ha!

Although, it ???????????????????????????????can be irritating at the sametime… because after awhile it gets in the way and becomes a nuisance. I guess, that’s when it’s time to let go of it…right?
But, I am certainly glad, I had my Dad’s cane to steady me as I healed and learned to maneuver on my feet and legs again.

Although, I’d rather have been using the cane as a ‘real prop’, as in dancing around it, instead of actually needing it.

I feel much better and more like myself each day. But, I need to make sure to take my time and not???????????????????????????????push too hard.. but then at the sametime to push, so that I make gains in strength and movement everyday.???????????????????????????????This rehabing is ‘something’ else and not for sissies…

But, ‘Mr. Cane’, your days are numbered. You will soon be back poised in the corner of my powder room.

But, I will forever look upon you with gratitude and fondness…along with the amazing feeling of being looked after and cared for from above by my Dad during this ordeal.
Thank you all again for your prayers,
words of kindness, support and inspiration.  I appreciate you all so very much, each and everyone!!!

Feeling cared for and supported certainly is and will help my healing process along. So again… THANK YOU!!!

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