A man leads a relationship….true of false?…

???????????????????????????????And if he is corrupt, crooked, a liar, or weak, he can lead it off its path and onto the road to hell…

Is it even possible for a woman to lead a relationship? Sure there are weak men, but a woman can’t create it on her own and she can’t make a man love her and do the right thing for them both. Sure she can encourage, support and be his cheerleader… but in the final outcome… it is a man who creates a relationship for the good or not….

Agree or not?

Now I understand that a woman can do things that destroy a relationship also…

But in the final result.. there will and can be no relationship if a man doesn’t lead.

Is this why we have so much divorce, broken homes and messed up kids? Because many men these days aren’t up to the challenge and responsibility of a relationship, commitment, and life with responsiblity to another or others….?

I think so…

As a man leads and a woman follows… that’s the basic nature and natural order and when we go against it… it just doesn’t work out as well. Sure it can be done… but the outcome is not sympathico as it is when a man leads and a woman follows..

And saying this, a man needs a woman as much as a woman needs a man. Just because he leads doesn’t make him ‘better’. It makes him have more responsiblity to the woman that he loves….more on his shoulders… that is if he is a real man.

And many men these days just don’t seem to ‘get it’  and their not getting it is causing the downfall of  society.

As a woman, if your man can’t lead, won’t lead, doesn’t lead, find another…. you are better off alone than with a leech, a loser, a con, a follower, a liar, a man without direction, a man who can’t love, a man who is all about himself, or his sports and activities, an addicted man, or a selfish man…

A selfish man does not make a good lover, partner,  friend or father.

Women protect and guard yourselves from a man who can’t lead….and, or one who will lead you and your relationship off the road and into a ditch…. 

I would not want anyone’s life, but my own…

59bday2I am content with who I am, what I have, and the life that I have been given with all the experiences in it. I am an individual created from my environment, genetics and blood lineage from ancestors.

And ladies and gentlemen, I have been through one heck of alot… and only by and with the grace of God landed on my feet and smiling…

I have been so low that I thought I would not survive. My second husband whom I loved dearly was an alcoholic.

When we met, he was an executive with an oil company in the eighties. Then oil crashed, he pared down and got into real-estate, but it was a rough emotional ride. His partner in the oil business committed suicide. While we were dating, I got pregnant and had an abortion (the most difficult and wrong decision of my life) About Abortion…

We sailed at the lake, partied and had a great time while dating. I was building my interior design business. But after we married and life ‘became real’ … his drinking became too much for me to handle. He would lose his car, sleep in his office, and once, when I was helping one of my designers write up an order, while sitting at our dining room table, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my drunk husband wearing his business suit, crawling down the entry hall towards us. It was continual drama and chaos with this man and I detested it.

He promised to stop drinking, tried, failed, then tried again. Finally, I could not handle it any longer and I kicked him out of the house by court order.

Doing this broke my heart … I cried, cried and cried.(think Diane Keaton in ‘Something’s Gotta Give’, but about 10 times more) I sat on the floor of his closet with his perfectly lined up suits, just so many inches apart (Mr. GQ was emphatic they be such) and whaled in my suffering (but even in my intense pain, I had the awarness that I was fortunate to be able to feel and to love so deeply).

I filed for divorce and during this time discovered that I needed emergency surgery to have an ovary removed. I was frightened into the core of my being and wondered if this was punishment for my having an abortion. I did want to have children and….

What should have been a relatively uneventful operation turned into a nightmare. The physician cut an artery and I lost a very large amount of blood. I had not signed a release to be given blood because it was during the time that AIDS was being discovered in the blood reserves. And the doctor told me that I didn’t need to ask my family to donate blood because the operation would not call for it. But it did.

During my recovery, I was so weak that I could barely walk across a room. I was used to being a fit as a fiddle ballet dancer and instructor. And now, I went out for an ice cream cone, it exhausted me. I was weak, going through a divorce and so alone… so alone….so, so, so alone.

During this time, one night, I was lying in bed, feeling as down as I have ever felt in my life, weak, like a failure, too tired to work, looking liked death, thin, pale weak and felt worse than I looked, broken-hearted, aching and wondering what was to become of me.

I don’t recall, if I was reading the Bible, or had it on the bed near me. But resting back on pillows filled with intense pain, I felt a cool breeze blow directly and purposefully through the middle of my chest near my heart. At the same time, I felt love fill me up in such comfort that I can’t put it into words, I jumped up and searched to find where this cool breeze came from…no windows were open and there was no source that could have created this.

I rested back into bed, but felt differently. I felt relieved, comforted, and my energy for life was re-emerging, as much as I was perplexed concerning what had occurred. I had an innate knowing that it was a message from God, my angels, guides, someone of comfort to let me know that all will be okay.

I picked up my Bible and it opened to Psalm 27… The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? … While I read the passage, the knowing of what occurred became anchored solidly into me. It continued to sustain me through my time of healing and even to this day, I have the imprint of this memory as a comfort.. as a sure knowing that I am not alone.

I have written two books. This is a small piece in the story of the second one. The first one I am readying and will be sharing excerpts with you soon….

Some people, these days,seem to want to be someone else. They are envious of the life they ‘think’ others live, instead of being who they are. But no one really knows what goes on in the lives of others no matter how it may appear on the outside.

Your life is yours, an expression of all that you are and will become. It is what makes you individual unto yourself. All that you experience is for the growth and healing of your soul. Be not envious of others. Be glad of who and what God has blessed you with to experience. None of us are the same… we are all unique individuals…and each life has its unique path with blessings, trials and challenges…

(My ex-husband, sobered up, is sober to this day. and we remain friends. He told me that my decision to throw him out, was the wall that slammed him into himself.)

From the shallows to the deep end of desire..

,Q˜ËŒThe thing about crushes is we tend to fill in the blanks regarding what we don’t know about the object of our desire.  To change a crush into  a real relationship that is more fulfilling and enduring, here are some helpful hints:

Off of the Pedestal

Crushes are a combination of fantasy and reality and are fed by internal desires that are place on the person. As you get to know that special someone better, crushes begin to morph into something more substantial by accepting their strengths and weaknesses. As a result, they are no longer on this unattainable pedestal of perfection, but become real people with faults just like everyone else. It is on this equal footing that a real relationship can begin to grow into something mature and lasting.

Testing the Waters

There are subtle signs to give that you are interested in something real and that can  take the relationship to the next level. Flirty secret smiles, prolonged eye contact, and brief physical touches during conversations are just a few ways to let it be known you’re interested in stepping up the intimacy. Planning events—which by their nature call for a certain amount of emotional and spiritual intimacy—is bound to move things along more quickly. For example, a sunset supper on the beach on a balmy summer evening provides a beautiful intimate setting devoid of the noise and chaos of dance clubs and movie theaters. Your aim is to build a closer bond by sharing the deeper parts of your being, thus creating a sense of familiarity built on trust, caring, and acceptance.

From Physical to Emotional

Crushes are often fueled by lust, and stem primarily from a physical attraction, whereas love is an emotional attraction to another person. Feelings of love come from seeing someone for who they are inside and out, as you explore every aspect of each of you and how you fit together as a couple. Physical attraction is a great part of a loving relationship, but it cannot be the only strong feeling you have for him or her.

Selfish or Selfless?

Crushes are often selfish, reflecting your desires for the “perfect man” and usually obscuring the reality of who he actually is, faults and all. True love means putting the person you “love” first, accepting him for who he is and loving him despite his flaws and imperfections. As you get to know him better, you will begin to see him as he truly is, and accepting all sides of him is one of the best ways to prove your love. This also means laying all of your cards on the table, the good with the bad, showing him all of what you are and proving to him that you love him enough to be vulnerable with him.

Fleeting vs. Everlasting

Since crushes are inclined to be built on whimsical desires, as you change, so do your desires. Whereas certain qualities you bestowed upon the idea of him when you first met were once important to you, as your outlook and priorities shift, you may discover you are no longer enamored with these traits and behaviors. Or, as he exhibits certain behaviors which do not live up to your idealized image of him, your crush is likely to diminish. With true and everlasting love, the longer you know him, the more of life you experience together, the more you are impressed with what you see and the deeper love grows.

Love, Lust or Addiction…

Annstairs2bQuestion? Why do I feel so sexually and emotionally tied to a man I’ve been dating for a little over a year (more on than off). He’s with me and then he’s not. He always comes back around to tell me he misses me, and I give in to him. What’s wrong with me? Why am I so addicted to him?


In order to understand this dilemma, it’s essential to understand that relationships are formed for the purpose of defining self… And in relationships dealing with pair bonding and mating, the stakes can get very high as biology and ardent physical chemistry take a firm hold. It’s advantageous to know this truth of our reptilian selves, because at the end of the day, instinct drives the species and the fundamentals are always in play.


You want this man for a few very basic reasons. First, you’re sexually well matched. Your bodies are in sync on some very sensual levels. This is a potent component indeed. However, it isn’t the only reason you find yourself being so compliant with a man who comes and goes as he pleases. Unfortunately, the fact that he treats you like you’re less than he, is what attracts you. He makes you a lower priority, thus elevating himself which appeals to your biological instincts. After all, it’s the natural objective of the female to mate with a male of superior stock. Not a lesser… Not even an equal. What constitutes that superiority will vary from culture to culture, age to age and woman to woman, but the principal remains the same.

Men are creatures of nature, too, but they don’t really care if a mate is their equal or superior or what. They’re as prone to sleep with one beautiful woman as another, because to them all that really matters is that they capture and subdue their conquests. They will sleep with many and cut most of them loose at once. Yet some, the good ones, they will try to imprint, to keep them around for future mating. This is what your man is doing with you. You’ve been fairly easy prey for him.

Each time you sleep together, you’re being imprinted by him in a territorial cycle. At first, he did it just a little here and there, to test your boundaries. He quickly realized that his game works well with you.

No matter how horrid his behavior, you always take him back and the bedroom door swings wide open. As a sexual predator, he knows that if he was kind to you and stayed with you night after night, he’d lose his allure and that bedroom door would close.

As things are now, you’re his to control. Every time you take him back and give him sex, you hand over your power. If you think there’s any chance for you to change the situation, I’m afraid you’re very much mistaken. The very foundation of your attraction to this man lies in his mistreatment of you.

You can’t really do anything about the fact that you desire men who make themselves aloof and superior. Nature sort of has you cornered there. My only advice for you would be how to avoid this situation in the future.

You can change unwanted patterns by employing a realistic knowledge of yourself. Next time, he comes around, keep the bedroom door shut. Go off him cold turkey, and get him out of your system and get him out of your life. Either that, or embrace the fact that you’re really into having sex with him and accept the relationship for what it is. It’s your choice. Whatever you choose, don’t expect him to change. He won’t!

Women, the power is in you not the man. Men know this, that is why they con, test boundaries and say what women want to hear. When you realize this, your life will change. You decide if and when, you give your wonderful womanly powerover to a man and my advice is to raise yourself above basal nature.

Now a self-actualize man, while still feeling nature’s pull will rise above the basal. So wise women will look for this type of a man and pull away from the lowly predator…

You teach people how to treat you… and predators are always testing…it’s in their nature.

Seven Deadly Sins…

???????????????????????????????“Woe unto them that call evil good and good evil; that put darkness for light and light for darkness.” (Isaiah 5:20)


#1 – PRIDE – which makes one feel superior to others, is totally wrong. This sin was Lucifer’s downfall! The Bible says, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall”. (Prov. 15:8)

#2 – GREED –  has caused more wars and created more gangsters and promoted more theft than any other sin.

#3 – LUST – is the desire for something not lawfully yours. A sensual desire for the forbidden fruit! It includes an inordinate desire for power, control, sex, substance abuse or wealth. Lust always brings spiritual death.

#4 – ANGER or HATRED – causes high blood pressure, ulcers, violent confrontation and even murder!

#5 – GLUTTONY –  is an over indulgence in eating. A phobia or inordinate desire to eat food, even when one is not hungry. A good rule is: Eat to live, not live to eat! A day of fasting & prayer each week does wonders for us – spiritually & physically!

#6 –ENVY – will also cause the blood pressure to rise and the demons of jealousy and pride to fabricate lies and even fantasies in a person, given over to this wicked sin!

#7 – SLOTH – goes hand in hand with laziness and poverty.

What happens when vice is virtue and virtue is vice?

When people lack morality, honesty and virtue, society crumbles. Great nations are not conquered, they rot from within.

Look at what is being done to and done in America and the world these days.

The 7 deadly sins are being promoted on every front, Hollywood, Entertainment, politically…’They’ are using the 7 deadly sins to corrupt and destroy. The 7 deadly sins are running rampant today… out of control.

Look to yourself, how you live and how you think…it’s your  way to healing…

The Seven Deadly Sins…

Is the difference between good and evil becoming more apparent and pronounced? I have people sharing with me that it is and I have noticed it also. That many are seeing evil intent in those that they once thought were of good intentions. That some people are showing their true colors …. that the seven deadly sins are rearing their evil heads in the clarity and intention of what they are loud and louder in our world. 

Deadly Sin
Opposing Virtue
Brief description
Humility Seeing ourselves as we are and not comparing ourselves to others is humility. Pride and vanity are competitive. If someone else’s pride really bothers you, you have a lot of pride.
Avarice/Greed Generosity This is about more than money. Generosity means letting others get the credit or praise. It is giving without having expectations of the other person. Greed wants to get its “fair share” or a bit more.
Envy Love “Love is patient, love is kind…” Love actively seeks the good of others for their sake. Envy resents the good others receive or even might receive. Envy is almost indistinguishable from pride at times.
Wrath/Anger Kindness Kindness means taking the tender approach, with patience and compassion. Anger is often our first reaction to the problems of others. Impatience with the faults of others is related to this.
Lust Self control Self control and self mastery prevent pleasure from killing the soul by suffocation. Legitimate pleasures are controlled in the same way an athlete’s muscles are: for maximum efficiency without damage. Lust is the self-destructive drive for pleasure out of proportion to its worth. Sex, power, or image can be used well, but they tend to go out of control.
Gluttony Faith and Temperance Temperance accepts the natural limits of pleasures and preserves this natural balance. This does not pertain only to food, but to entertainment and other legitimate goods, and even the company of others.
Sloth Zeal Zeal is the energetic response of the heart to God’s commands. The other sins work together to deaden the spiritual senses so we first become slow to respond to God and then drift completely into the sleep of complacency.

What is the deadly sin that ‘gets’ you the most? Mine is anger… when I am confronted by phonies, lying, cons, sinning, and duplicity… I tend to flip into blind anger…instead of being able to confront it in myself and the situation in a calm manner. I am working on this…

What are you aware of to work on and to transmute in yourself?

Evil … the lack of compassion towards your fellow man…

with the ability to act on it without conscience…???????????????????????????????

I look at this psychopathy as evil versus good, Satan vs God.. it’s really that simple.

Psychopaths have a lack of compassion towards their fellow man along with no conscience.. that is their main trait. Al the other traits are part of being human and  ‘normal’ people have some of them also… so they are not definitive..

Good vs Evil. It has become alarmingly pervasive in today’s world. All things, institutions, values, and beliefs are in a process of compromise and falling into evil… without conscience.

Think about our public figures.. the music… the sexual innuedoes.. the lying… the agendas with the pretense of good that are only hiding the evil of control and domination.

Obama is one good example.. his disregard for our constitution.. his disregard for Americans.. his agenda comes first with him. He cares not about the people. He only cares about winning and his agenda.  His ability to lie repeatedly, spin and lie again. He is Leviathan directed and full of chaos.

“The man who refuses to judge, who neither agrees nor disagrees, who declares that there are no absolutes and believes that he escapes responsibility, is the man responsible for all the blood that is now spilled in the world. Reality is an absolute, existence is an absolute, a speck of dust is an absolute and so is a human life. Whether you live or die is an absolute. Whether you have a piece of bread or not, is an absolute. Whether you eat your bread or see it vanish into a looter’s stomach, is an absolute.

There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice. But the man in the middle is the knave who blanks out the truth in order to pretend that no choice or values exist, who is willing to sit out the course of any battle, willing to cash in on the blood of the innocent, or to crawl on his belly to the guilty, who dispenses justice by condemning both the robber and the robbed to jail, who solves conflicts by ordering the thinker and the fool to meet each other halfway. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit. In that transfusion of blood which drains the good to feed the evil, the compromise is the transmitting rubber tube.”  Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

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What is appropriateness?…

???????????????????????????????What’s suitable and proper in and for the circumstances.

It seems that this has been forgotten… My mother modeled what was appropriate and what was not by her actions and words. It became innate to my being…

Her comment after coming home from bridge club and Daddy had given her a beautiful ring as a gift. “Several woman asked how much the ring cost. How inappropriate, one never asks a question such as this… it’s the thought not the cost.”

Then she went on to say that some women wear every piece of jewelry they own at the sametime to try and show off.

But these days, the cost of something such as what some ‘star’ gave some other ‘star’ for example the price some ring cost… blah blah! Is all over the media… Nothing is private… It’s all flaunted.

What to wear and when… There is little appropriateness any longer. It seems more like anything goes. And the less worn is the better, no matter where or when. Crassness is everywhere with ill-fitting clothes to no-clothes.

Where has appropriateness in behavior and dress gone?