Category Archives: Health

Love is for the brave, not the weak. What is genuine love?

It’s hard to love someone through the ups and downs, the good, bad and ugly and that is why commitment is required. It’s difficult and makes one feel vulnerable to allow someone to see all sides, the dark, the bad, the fears, etc. instead of only the good, the better, the ‘image’, etc.  – that is why commitment is important, even required.
When things get hard, it’s easy to exit and be onto someone who will see you with fresh eyes and that you can fool for awhile into thinking that you are such a good, nice, kind, successful person, etc. – whatever your persona or whichever way it is that you ‘need’ to view yourself and, or to be viewed to feel ‘okay’ about yourself and to keep your image in tact.

Some weak, insecure people can’t/don’t genuinely love and commit because they are fearful of their wounds, their weaknesses being revealed and seen because they then would need to address, heal and correct them to become more whole, in order to feel that they are worthy to self and another. As long as they can keep those things hidden and what they ‘think’ is out of sight, they ‘feel’ that they are ‘okay’ – when they really aren’t. Facing your wounds, your issues can be painful and it’s the brave who do so. Love is for the brave, not the weak.

The challenge of the love relationship and life is when others see who you really are and when you see who they really are – all their different sides and you still love one another through thick and thin.  That is what love is – that is what commitment is. That is why the vows of marriage are as they are – for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, good times and not so good, forsaking all others as long as we both shall live, along with ‘let no one put asunder’.

It’s easy to love when everything is perfect – not so easy when it isn’t, but the genuine enduring fulfillment comes when a couple goes through the thick and thin of life together.  Vows of a love relationship are not – ‘I will love you, until I see that you aren’t perfect, we have troubles, or you get sick, or  when you might see the real me and leave me.’

The benefit of love is that it challenges both individuals to become their best, to heal their wounds, address their issues, by rubbing their souls against one another for the benefit of both. Love is the most clear and profound mirror you will ever have.
There are some fatal flaws that which are if an individual is too weak or ignorant to address and that another can’t abide, until awareness, healing and change occurs  – as in cheating, addictions, or abuse, etc. 

Only if you tell someone that you love them, but can’t love them through their worse place, time or situation, or when they behave their worst, then what is your love worth? Not much. The times when people behave their worst is when they need love the most. Actually, it may be a cry out for love. Sometimes, it might need to be tough love.
Relationship is ultimately for healing of the individual soul and also together as the whole – a commitment of support, care and nurturing. It’s not for sucking off the good times, the sexual energy, the beauty, the allure, the excitement as in the beginning of romance, or the success, or exploitation of everything you can get, until or before you are seen for who and what you are – then off you go to find fresh prey.  Love is for giving, not what you can get. It’s a circle of giving and receiving – not always equal at times, but it will work out for the well-being of both in the long range, when and if both are committed.

Love is not for quitters, losers, the weak, or fair-weather friends. It’s for the winners, healers, tenacious, aware, strong, brave, etc,   It’s not a sprint. It’s a long distance run.  It’s the most genuine fulfilling place on earth to be and the only thing that lasts through eternity. People in love, oftentimes live longer and stay in better health. And the glow and commitment that can be seen in the faces and energy of those who have made this journey together are palatable as it’s an energy that emits a glow that heals not only themselves, but others and out into the world.

Tools to assist in awareness with opportunity for healing – DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR – memoir/self-help & FEAST OF MEN – story of a woman’s heart. Male/female the most powerful connection/attraction on earth – created differently for respective individual purposes, but equal.

Can insecure fearful people…

love another for genuine reasons?

Insecure fearful people are overly focused on self and what they lack and what they are trying to gain in order to feel better about themselves. So can they genuinely care for or love another? They are most always looking to fill themselves up in some way, instead of giving to another and to, at times be able to fill another up.
Love is about what you give, not what you take.When an insecure fearful person does give, they most always have a need, even must feel like they have some kind of gain or reward in it for themselves, or it isn’t worth it to them.  When, or if an insecure taker does give, they are more concerned that others see what they did and that they get approval and applause for their giving, rather than to be focused on just the pure pleasure of giving to another. Their innate insecurity creates an inner need to make everything about themselves. Many times, their insecurity leads them to be controlling of others.

Momentary pleasure with a temporary feeling of security are only when they gain something or feel good about themselves – so they can pat their needy little selves on the back.  They suck off the energy of others to get through their miserably dark and lacking life, instead of dealing with their inner turmoil, issues and feelings of insecurity. They may even appear egotistical in their words and behaviors to cover-up for their innate insecurity.

They attract to beauty, money, success, status and things that they ‘think’ will rub off on them and give them a brighter facade or image – in order to build up their insecure ego. 

In a love relationship – there will be a circle of giving and receiving and at times, one may need more than the other because of life circumstances, etc. – but when, or if one begins to feel drained, used and taken for granted – in ‘aware’ love, the other will sense this and connect with them in comforting love – as in hugging, touching, nurturing, or a look in the eyes. But an insecure, needy, self-serving, selfish person will rarely if ever recognize need or lack in another, unless, it serves their self-interest to do so – as in they will gain attention, prestige, sex, gifts, money, or reward of some sort, etc.

Example: in relationship – you can handle their moods and issues, but they can’t handle yours. And not only that, they ‘expect’ you to handle theirs, and will feel put upon whenever there is a need for them to handle your emotions or moods.
Think the woman who can’t stand it when her husband shows weakness in some area – or the man who negates his tired wife’s need for rest and attention. These people are so overly about having their own needs met through the other, than to truly care for and love the other – with little ability to see, recognize the other person as separate, with their own issues, needs and pain.

If your well-being is overly tied to your partner, you will be internally that of a needy child.
On the flip side, if your partner can’t have a melt down with your support  and understanding then you are not  being there for them – but are there only for your selfish-self and childish needs.  If you expect your partner to be perfect in your eyes and out in the world at all times – think of the pressure you are putting on them. Relationship is a place where you can rest and be rejuvenated, to feel and  know that you will be comforted and cared for when you are not at your best.  It is a place to sustain you when you are down and to lift you up.

If you are too insecure and weak to face your issues and pain, you will deflect and project them onto another – trying to make something wrong about them, in order to make yourself feel better about you. 

Love is a combination of acceptance of another, while having self- awareness and growth at the same time.

There are individual fatal flaws that make relationship impossible as in – cheating, addictions, lack of genuine commitment, need to escape at any sign of stress or conflict, inability to have empathy as in seeing your partner’s side of the situation with understanding. If a person is addicted to anything then their relationship is with the addiction instead of their partner –  that addiction may be alcohol, drugs, food, TV, porn, parental approval whether parent be dead or alive, and material things such as collections, etc.
Relationship is for giving, receiving and ultimately healing and growth both individually and together to equal balance in self and in one another. It takes much self-awareness and a mature openness in both  individuals to merge with another in genuine love and commitment. Otherwise, it’s just playing, like a child does and becomes a game to see who can take and get their needs met in spite of the  needs of the other.

In today’s world, there is much narcissism, selfishness, materialism, self-centeredness, lack of commitment, immorality, inability to self-reflect, lack of ability to look at self in genuine awareness. And because of this lack there are many unhappy, depressed, anxiety-ridden, addicted even tormented people. Immaturity is rampant. Accountability and responsibility are lacking.

There is no relationship without accountability and responsibility. It’s about commitment to self in awareness and growth as well as commitment to one another. This is what makes relationship so rich, worthwhile and life worth living.

In relationship is where you learn about yourself  in ‘relation’ to another human being with the ability to become more and this is even in casual daily passing relationships. Only ultimately and more importantly, it is intensely experienced in the love relationship. You were attracted to another and brought together for a reason and purpose. If you shut down, runaway or escape when it gets difficult or becomes real, you are not only harming your partner but ultimately yourself.

When commitment, accountability and responsibility are negated, put down, diminished, dismissed, ignored and escaped from in our individual lives, we are creating  a distorted, fractured, weak immoral society and  world – wherein self-pleasure, selfishness and self- centeredness rule and ultimately there is much self misery.

Books to assist in awareness and growth DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR – memoir/self-help & FEAST OF MEN – story of a woman’s heart – Both available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. in e-book and soft cover.

Life is drama! Drama is life!

“I don’t want any drama in my life.” This blind and mostly idiotic statement is often used by people who want to minimize their partner’s legitimate concerns – or who are uncomfortable – even fearful of addressing and expressing their own emotions and feelings. Perhaps, because it is too painful for them to do so. Being thus, they are uncomfortable when observing others express theirs.  While, for example – they watch movies to experience ‘orchestrated’ drama and sports events to experience the highs and lows of winning and losing.

The word ‘drama’ – used in the context of, “I don’t want any drama in my life’ is actually an inappropriate use of this word.

What is drama? In the arts – there are five parts to drama – plot – character – thought/ action – music and spectacle.

In literature, it is comprised of comedy – satyr – and tragedy.

So in life, if you don’t want drama – does that mean, you don’t want passion in sex, excitement and emotion while watching sports, or feelings and emotions while experiencing beautiful or engaging music or art?

Drama comprises everything in life – not just when someone says it’s okay to feel or experience it.

The drama in life is what makes life worth living! It is the humor – tragedy – pain – joy – sadness, happiness, etc. In life, we are meant to experience all emotions  – that is why we have them – as they are triggered by people and life events. Life is  comprised of drama. If you try to avoid the drama then you are avoiding life and ultimately yourself- actually it’s even a kind of denial of your soul.

We are on earth to experience the drama of our feelings and emotions both the so-deemed good and the deemed not so good.  So, if you believe that you don’t want drama in your life – think again.  Do you want a lifeless, emotionless partner? Do you want a lifeless, emotionless life? Along with the good, comes the so-called bad…. when actually, it’s all good – it’s LIFE! The polarity of the ups and downs are what create the tension in life that keeps us energized.

If you are afraid of drama then you are afraid of life and living fully. If you don’t want drama then perhaps, you are afraid  and living in fear of your own feelings and emotions – especially that of feeling your internal pain. You are afraid of feelings – of truly living – to the depths of pain to the highs of joy. If you avoid pain – you will have less, perhaps even little chance of feeling joy.

Oftentimes, those who state, “I want no drama in my life.” Are the ones who actually create the drama in their life and in others. They very well could be passive/ aggressive – as they say and do things to trigger situations and emotional reactions. Then when the situation escalates or the person reacts – they stand back and point their finger away from self – as they state, “Look at how dramatic you are. I don’t want drama in my life.” Then they turn away – thinking they are superior in some way, since they don’t want and don’t think they have drama in their lives. When actually, it’s out of their denial that created the drama in the first place, but they want/will take no responsibility for their words or actions – the very words or actions that created the drama. They project their need for drama onto others to be acted out before them – since and because they can’t acknowledge it in self, or they have a deep fear of expressing their own feelings and emotions. So, if you have lots of drama in your life and don’t like it – how about looking at yourself to understand why.

It could be that their family of origin didn’t share personal feelings and if this person did, they were criticized for having them, told they were wrong, or even ignored and negated. Therefore, they  shut down and learned to related in a stunted and toxic manner- creating and projecting drama onto others – while stating that they don’t want it.

People like this are full of suppressed feelings and emotion –  they are stunted, stuck and may not have been taught by example or otherwise, how to express and process their internal feelings and emotions. They are fearful to walk into their own pain – so they try to keep it outside themselves.  But to live fully and gloriously – you will experience all the levels of drama. It’s the motor that keeps life alive and worth living. Of course, there is a spectrum of drama – so it’s all about living in balance. So for God’s sake – for your sake – live – feel – emote as appropriate – live in the truth and freedom of your emotional and intellectual self, so you will not be tempted to stunt yourself with addictions.  So, you will not harm yourself and others – so you will live free and at choice.

DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR -memoir/self-help – available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and all the usual online places. In Part Four are tools to assist the reader in finding and identifying their feelings and  emotions then explains a way to process and release the negative beliefs and limiting imprints. Release the negative so you can experience it all – facing the pain can burst you open to joy. It’s the divine process of really living and genuinely feeling so you can arrive back at peace, love, and joy!

Those moments and times of perfection…

…how  wonderful and fleeting they are. You know those moments and times when the house is clean – all errands done – everything is calm and peaceful in your world as you sit in bed sipping iced coffee in calm – talking to loved ones – etc.  Or cooking, as you  create a meal for those whom you love while sipping wine – sharing and talking . Or after a vigorous workout when your physical, mental, and emotional bodies are drained and cleansed  with endorphins flowing. Or after making love to the person you love laying peacefully together. – eyes meeting – skin touching breathing in sync.  Or watching a sunset – walking beside the ocean as the waves pull in and out.  Sliding into clean fresh sheets after a long day or getting out of a warm shower – wrapping a big soft towel around you – all clean and relaxed. It’s peace. It’s calm. It’s goodness, happiness and  complete joy all wrapped into one! It’s Heaven on earth. These are some of the kind of moments that  are perfection to me.

We all have our variations of the perfect moments in time.  Those moments that ‘still us’ into what it means to be truly happy, peaceful and content. Those moments for the most of us have to do with people – the giving, loving and sharing, our communication of self and gifts of self to others.

Then the world shifts – something breaks – the car – the dishwasher – there are more errands to do – things to clean and wash – irritating even horrible news about something happening in the world, a tooth aches, tummy hurts  and the moments and time of perfection  seem to fade way even to cease – as a seemingly irritating kind of hell emerges –  as we do what is needed to  try to make our way back to that place of peaceful wonderful.

We live on a planet of dualities – good and evil – nothing stays the same – it shifts and moves from pleasant to troubling – perfection to irritating – it always has and always will. And realize it or not – this is a positive thing – this shifting and changing from peace to turmoil is what keeps us striving for more of the perfection of the peaceful good. Striving for the good – those moments in time of perfection – can be a wonderful stimulus for experience, learning, growth and change. So actually, it’s all good – all  in the perfection of God’s earth. Therefore, love your peaceful perfection as well as  the perfection of your irritating, struggle, challenging and striving turmoil. I know and  well understand, easy to say when all is well, and not so easy when all is out of whack and in turmoil. Never the less, try to recall  and know – because this too soon will pass — Our perfect moments help us to keep on going through the irritations, pain – hell. And our challenging times help us to be grateful for the times when we are in joy and bliss – our individual Heaven on earth.

It’s all as God planned it – just for you. It’s why we are here on earth.  A book to read for awareness, processing and healing as we travel through this challenging and wonderful life. It’s available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble – all the usual places and also available on the front of this site.

https://www.amazon.com/Daddy-Throws-Air-Ayn-Dillard/dp/1619848031/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1532879066&sr=1-1&keywords=Daddy+throws+me+in+the+air 

Two-faced, smile to your face, talk about you behind your back…

Polite and nice to money. Rude otherwise and looks down upon, even shows disdain for those with less than, or in poverty.  Judges people by their car, house, clothes, etc.  instead of their character. They don’t even know what ‘character’ is  because they have none – so they can’t recognize it in others. Will do anything – lie, cheat, steal to achieve the image, position or appearance of control or power over others. Mistakes having power and things as greatness.

Say one thing then  they do another. Say words or act in ways to manipulate for their use or gain. Nice, courteous and kind to people when selling something – be it a service or a product but uncaring, dismissive even rude otherwise. try to extract value for self from people, places and things with no regard to what they might do to harm.

Men who tell  lies to get a woman into bed. Women who flirt and compliment to make an oaf feel like a king for her gain – doing so, only to manipulate and with ill-intent instead of worthy intentions.

I have observed and become more aware of  this kind of behavior in our world today. This is why, in my opinion there is so much depression, anxiety, addiction, harm to self and others. There is a lack of respect for our fellowman and  ultimately ourselves.

I am otherwise, I was taught otherwise and choose to live otherwise. My words and behaviors reveal who I am, not only to others but to myself.  My word is my honor and my bond. I can be counted on to do what I say, or I don’t say it. So many people these days cannot be counted on for anything much less their word.

What I do in private, matters as much as what I do in public. Of course, I have been known to say what I think – which means, I don’t lie to myself or others.  There are  these concepts called – truth – honesty –  responsibility and accountability.

I try to live by the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Do I lose it at times and mess up? Of course! But this serves me also,  to become more aware of my behaviors and how they may affect others including myself. It’s called ‘self-reflection’ and ‘self-awareness’. We won’t grow, if we don’t have both in our emotional and mental selves.

If we are not becoming more aware in our lives, then what is it we are actually doing? Accumulating stuff – screwing as many people as we can – and on multiple levels –  taking  instead of giving? Look into the eyes of people who have done this in their life even for their entire lives with little to no awareness.  Oh, then of course, some know exactly what they are doing and these are the evil ones. And these people  have dead eyes which reflect their internal selves

Look at the eyes and faces of the Clintons – they are perfect examples. Bill is only 71 and he looks as if he is 171. 

Today so many seem to live by the motto – ‘Screw others before they screw me’.  They will say  or promise thus and so and if they are lying or change their mind and it inconveniences or harms another — so what? Their motto is –  ‘It’s ‘me’ that matters, not them’. What value can I extract from another. They are all about self and this is why they are so internally twisted and unhappy, seeking any and every thing to numb out their torment and misery.

We have become in many ways a selfish, narcissistic society. And that is why so many are unhappy, turn to drugs, alcohol, stuff their selves with food, buy too many things, sit on the sofa watching TV or playing computer games, watching porn, having sex with people only for sex, stare at their phones – texting or surfing the internet even when in the company of others.  Living behind a facade of cars, clothes, fitness routines  – so concerned with ‘image’ – they forget  their internal/eternal self – when reality is – nothing is fit or right about them. Or  they may live in a fat, unkempt body, wearing ill-fitting sloppy clothing, lazy and slovenly  while, thinking nothing matters,  including their appearance, while being envious even hating those who appear they are ‘really together’ – but  who inside may be also dying.

There is a concept called balance – both  inside and outside. The inside will reflect on the outside in some manner or form.

Those who indulge in these behaviors ‘think’ they are putting something over on everyone  else, but what they are really doing is harming themselves, even going as far as to be rotting their soul. Who – they are conning – is themselves. They are choosing to live by no standards, disaplines or morals, but that of self-gratification and all this does is to make a person selfish, self-centered, internally alone, even though they may be surrounded by others – bloated and fat – possibly catch STDS for having sex with many – and because of selfish self-indulgences  they lose their ability to love and care for others and therefore, lose their own individual humanity, just for the purpose  and sake of their momentary attainment and  pleasure of fake power and things. Image is actually nothing. It’s the internal reality that matters.

When you are true to yourself is when you will be true to others. and this has to do with integrity in body, mind and spirit and this comes from continual awareness of self as it relates to others and your relationship with yourself. Self -awareness and self-reflection are keys to happiness.

A book to assist in awareness:

 https://www.amazon.com/Daddy-Throws-Air-Ayn-Dillard/dp/1619848031/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528307660&sr=1-1&keywords=Daddy+Throws+me+in+the+air&dpID=41Ym6dKOKtL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

 

Download- upload – how about we upgrade to God?

We have all these technological upgrades that we are continually being prompted to make on our computer  and our phones. ‘Technology’ – what is it really? It’s one way to communicate through machines – it can be convenient and it can also be a pain to deal with. While it’s making communication faster with ability to reach more, it is also taking away the humanness in it. It’s taking us over and it’s separating human beings from others with focus on machines that transmit communication with no real human interaction.  Used too often, it can become, instead of an aid, a menace to society and to the psychological well-being of human beings.  It’s distancing us from one another – distancing us from  genuine human interaction as it ‘pretends’ to bring us closer. Used as a tool and in perspective, it’s great – out of hand it becomes a distancing evil.

Machines  and things are of this earth.  Human beings are of God. Human beings are the importance  and the blessings  on this planet. Things are tools for human use – not to be used for control, to manipulate,  or to distance us from one another. And certainly not to be made or to become more importance than human beings.

Guns are things ‘machines’ – they can’t do anything without human control over them. Those who use them to harm  and kill are Godless- faithless- lost people.  Guns used by the right people are to be for protection.  All things and machines can be used for either ill or for good. 

We are on this planet to interact with one another – person to person – voice to voice – eye to eye. – flesh to flesh – instead of texting on a phone or emailing on a computer. Technology is man- made. Human beings are created by God. Texting does not replace a real conversation and much can be misconstrued in a text as our phones self- correct spelling sending the wrong word.  It can be difficult enough to communicate in person – so texting, emailing etc, can many times add more difficulty – as it can be too fast – too easy – too unfeeling. And that is what is happening to some people in this world – too fast – too easy –  too unfeeling.

A text is not a hug!  A text is not a voice!

What this world needs is to upload and upgrade to God. We will be much better served and it’s free – no app to buy or new machine to purchase or anything to upgrade or download  in order to keep up with it and not be left behind or to become ‘out- of-date’.

Government is not your father or your god and certainly not the father to your children. Communication through a machine is not genuine human interaction. Real communication is eye to eye, voice to voice, person to person. How about cease texting and pick up your phone to hear a voice – better yet, have a real face to face in person communication. All this technology is creating isolation in our people especially our youth and for some it’s detrimental to their psychological development, mental health and emotional well- being.  People need to feel connected to one another. Babies will not thrive and develop healthfully and normally, unless they are held, feel human touch, voice and energy – daily and often.

We need God back even stronger than ever before in our country – our schools – our families – our businesses – with a strong presence  in all  areas of our lives. We need to bring God back into our hearts! It’s the family – a father – a mother – and children with God at the helm that will create a solid, stable, healthy environment for living a ‘right’ life. Sure, it can be done in many ways, but the ‘right’ way is, for the most part – the easiest with usually a better outcome for those involved and society in general.

There is right living and there is wrong. ‘Right’ promotes health and goodness. ‘Wrong’ promotes decay, harm and evil ways – addictions, perversions, unhappiness in mind, body and spirit – distancing from self and from others.

There will always be good and evil. Isn’t it better and more productive for an individual and society to strive for good?

Let’s download the Ten Commandments. The closer we live by and to them – the better our lives and that of others will be.

 

 

The Ten Commandments –  also known as the Decalogue, found in the Ark of the Covenant are:

 

  1. You shall have no other Gods but Me.
  2. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything. (Gov is not your god or your lord and savior – it’s a false idol- giving a false sense of security – it’s man- made- therefore out for self and not to be trusted.)
  3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.
  4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it Holy.
  5. Honor your father and your mother.
  6. You shall not murder.
  7. You shall not commit adultery.
  8. You shall not steal.
  9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
  10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, wife, or property.

When you  strive to live as close to the Ten Commandments as you are  able , there will be less chance for murder, adultery, immorality, perversion and evil, etc. to be in our world.

God protect and bless America and all God’s people on this earth!

(Yes, I am aware that I am able to transmit this message to many quickly because of technology – that is one good thing about it.)

Physical and emotional health are the first wealth…

I was at an event about a month ago where I met a man who talked a lot about when he was a young man in the service that he  was stationed in Hawaii and was awarded a post at the White House in the Ford administration. He even carried  a photo book with him – which he pulled out – about as bizarre as anything I had experienced at a social function. He seemed a lonely man . His wife had died in the past couple of years and it seemed that he missed her terribly. So I endured listening to him to be kind while I wondered was his wife the only one who could stand him?  In the photos showing him with Queen Elizabeth, President Ford, Nancy Reagan, etc. – he was a slim, trim guy – no resemblance to the man  as he appeared today.  He wore my ears out with his bragging.

He weighed about 300 pounds or more  –  I don’t really know how to judge weight well. But he was HUGE, had trouble walking and he could not stand for long.  I sipped wine listening to his stories as he went on ad nauseaum – then he went on to tell me how much money he has, how wealthy he had become – how great a businessman he is – how big a house he was getting ready to buy to live in alone – how he was getting ready to retire and no one wanted him to do so – the people he worked with LOVED him – about the new luxury car he was going to purchase.  He already had the biggest Mercedes made but he got a new one every year – plus a truck – SUV on and on. I kept moving away to try and mingle and  talk with others – but he followed as best his fatness would allow – he was attached to me. Since I was kind and listened for a bit, he wasn’t going to let me get away.

When finally I escaped and was across the room from him, I observed that he talked continually about himself – pulling out his photos from the past to try and impress as everyone moved away from him. He eventually sat at a table alone drinking a Martini and stuffing down food.

He was the perfect example of an empty vessel trying to fill himself up with any and everything. I pondered – what a sad lost man – living in the past – obese – empty –  stuffing himself with food – having the need to talk continually about how important and wealthy he is to impress and no one could stand being around him.

His physical appearance was grotesque even though he wore an expensive suit that was tailored as well as could be to fit a body his size. His emotional health was clearly as bad as his physical.  (Your outer self reflects your inner.)

As I thought back to this man, it made me sad for him. I live in an area where affluence is abundantly everywhere. Some people talk about and flaunt what they have and who they ‘think’ they are. There are of course, women like this man, all  fashioned up in their designer labels, overly done make-up, plastic surgery  and their bragging – as if all this defines their existence on earth.

Things are nice, accomplishments great, what you did in the past – sure it’s part of who you were and are but it needs to be integrated into the now . Who you are today. That is what matters.  How does your body feel, function and move? How do your emotions flow through you? Do you live in the past or are you living in the now  in peace and joy with an eye to the future?  Do your eyes sparkle with passion for life, does your body move in health and vigor or are you stuffing yourself with any and everything to fill your emptiness and to numb your inner lack and pain? Do you spackle your face with make-up, so no one can see the glow of your skin and wear rings on every finger?

Listening to that man, he was not interested in me or anyone else really – only that they listen to him. No one had value to him… except to fill up his empty self-worth and ego  housed in a bloated stuffed-to the brim fat body.

He had/has a fractured inner core. Where that fracture happened or came from only he could know or figure out. He kept telling me what a nice guy he is… He was exhausting!

I think he did ask me one question – what I did or like to do and I think I stated that I am a writer and was getting ready to put a book out. He didn’t ask what it was about or anything else. He went onto talking  about the  huge house he was going to purchase with large yard and pool —- blah blah and blah!

If I had clearly met someone who obviously could use and benefit from the info in my book – it was this man, but he would have little to no ability to comprehend its awareness . He thought he knew everything – had everything and was everything.  He pretended his life was perfect. His family perfect – kids and grand kids perfect – during our conversation one called him to ask for money. He stated a woman that he took out a couple of times had asked him to pay her rent and to give her money and he couldn’t understand why… UGH! The man had/has no concept of self.

When you are ready to become more aware of what makes you – ‘you’ – what you have been imprinted with, why you believe, think and act as you do – to learn how and why the memories that you recall most often are guiding your life whether you  realize it, want them to or not…

 




Defense and Denial – excerpt from my soon available book…

Defensive and Denial

 Defensive and denial are partners in the deepest blocks towards awareness and healing. Becoming defensive or flipping into denial can be a sign that something, someone or some words have triggered an imprint that you are trying to avoid. Defensive and denial are activated because of fear to feel the pain, to feel wrong and to avoid reality and truth. Living in denial is living in a fog.

Some people will do any and everything possible to avoid self-refection. They must believe – ‘think’ that they are ‘right’ and everyone else is wrong. They feel – ‘think’ that they must do this in order to survive. They feel as if they might be destroyed and even die if they don’t. Actually sometimes, you need to die unto yourself, tear down, break down and take apart something in order to rebuild it on a stronger and better foundation. But the fear of death of the ‘current and in place belief system’, no matter how distorted it might be, can create such fear that defense and denial become life lines. Actually defense and denial are angels of death creating blocks and leading to destruction.

If you flip into denial and become defensive along with being angry about a situation or something said or done, it reveals that you have been deeply triggered. You are trying to make them wrong. So you can feel ‘right’ and ‘safe’ in your current beliefs according to your imprints about self, others and your issues.

Break through the knee jerk reaction of denial and defense mechanisms to be able to look hard and long as to why you react in this manner. Incorporate intense self-refection. Look at yourself instead of trying to point the finger outside self or at another. Pointing the finger outside yourself and at another is deflecting and projecting – a sure sign that someone or some situation has hit upon your vulnerabilities. Looking with honesty at coping mechanisms that you use to deflect discomfort is the biggest challenge to awareness and healing. The deepest work is healing our personal wounds – our core wounds. And to do this you must be open to looking at self honestly in deep self-reflection.

Many times becoming defensive and in denial is insecurity hiding behind a big ego. It’s a kind of self-willed blindness. You wouldn’t have been triggered, if it hadn’t touched something that you were trying to avoid or hide. So why do you have such fear of being ‘judged’?

Defense and denial mechanisms can be difficult to break through, because their whole purpose in being kept alive is to defend imprints and the belief system, in order to stay out of pain and to feel ‘safe’. They come into play to avoid looking at self and to avoid change. Therefore they will fight hard and long to stay alive. The defended self can be a hard nut to crack. Some people reacting defensively and in denial do so with such intensity that it’s as if their very life is being threatened and to them, it does feel this way. The fear that their defended belief system might not be accurate throws them into a tailspin and the feeling that they are fighting for their life. So they will accuse the other side to that which they are guilty. They will project.

 PROJECTION – is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities – both positive and negative – by denying their existence in themselves and attributing them to others.

Realize that people will not only project their bad traits onto others, but also their good. When a person projects their good traits onto someone – they for example may see someone has having a kind heart which is theirs. When in reality the person on whom they are projecting has a cold manipulative heart with devious motives. Therefore projecting can be harmful whether it’s done with either negative or positive attributes.

Projection can be an obvious manipulation tactic and is also used to control, along with shaming and blaming others into shutting up allowing for continuance to keep on doing as they wish. Therefore, the clearer you see yourself in awareness and knowledge in relation to others is the best and safest you can be in this regard.

 Concerning defensiveness, awareness will need to be done layer by layer. Because feelings of defensiveness can trigger intense denial, anger and the feeling that you want to reject the person, words, experience or situation. You may actually do this by cutting them out of your life. As you point the finger at them away from self either in deflection or projection as you try to shame and blame. Because they are too close to revealing the truth. That will break open or shatter your image of self. That which you believe you must hold onto in order to make you ‘feel’ and ‘appear’ what you ‘think’ is ‘safe’. Something is shaking up your status quo and your mechanisms of defense don’t like it and will fight like hell to stop being exposed and to not feel the emotional pain. The defended belief system is a major block that keeps truth and subsequently peace, love and joy away.

Dig really deep to become aware of why you are defensive; look at yourself honestly, don’t be afraid to feel the pain. Pain is part of living. If and when you allow yourself to get into the feelings and the imprint that is being triggered, you will be able to more easily see why you became defensive and then release it. Why are you afraid of being judged? Why does it bother you so intensely? It wouldn’t bother you if you felt and were secure in self.

Understand that being defensive is usually because you are not feeling good enough, feeling flawed, unworthy or uncertain and someone has gotten dangerously close to revealing it. So you try to do everything in your power to defend self. But what you are actually doing is defending your right to stay stuck, blocked and cut off from self growth, truth and ultimately healing and happiness. The longer you stay in denial and defense, the longer you will stay blocked. The quicker you break through denial and defense, the faster you will feel free.

It takes bravery to break through defenses. This is why it’s so prevalent in our world today and why so many make statements such as: ‘Don’t judge me. You have no right to ‘judge’ me. Who are you to ‘judge’ me?’ Comments such as these are defense mechanisms on over drive and come from persons not integrated and at acceptance of self. People who react in this manner are living in insecurity, intellectual denial and emotional pain. Their defensiveness concerning the fear of being judged by others clearly reveals this. They may as well be screaming, ‘I am insecure, am weak, feel unworthy, am really not sure of what I believe or what I am saying or doing. So don’t put it in my face because I am too weak and frightened to look at it or myself.’ They will then deflect or project trying to point the finger outside of their self by shaming and blaming those who have triggered their deep seated issues and insecurity.

Blaming is actually a form of giving your power away. When you blame, it is saying or admitting ‘they’ have power over you concerning the way you react, feel and behave. Therefore, you are admitting that someone else is so powerful as to control your feelings, mood and even your very being. So how weak does that show you as being?

Some people will even defend the indefensible as in someone may commit an actual crime and their mother may say, “Oh, it was just his circumstances. He hung out with the wrong crowd.” 

Avoidance is another piece of defense and denial – as in avoiding whatever is brought up avoid the pain. You deny, block, bury, ignore or turn away from all warnings and signals. You avoid doing activities, being around people or expressing yourself because you fear that you will experience pain as recalled from past experiences.

 Avoidant personality disorder – Those affected display a pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and inferiorityextreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire to be close to others. Individuals with the disorder tend to describe themselves as uneasy, anxious, lonely, unwanted and isolated from others.

 Avoidance coping creates stress and anxiety and ravages self-confidence. It is a major factor that differentiates people who have common psychological problems – depression – anxiety and/or eating disorders vs. those who don’t. Simplistic example: You realize that you have gained some weight. Instead of addressing it and looking at your body naked in a full length mirror, you avoid mirrors and wear larger clothing to cover up and continue over-eating. When you realize you have gained even more weight, you become overwhelmed and depressed. You feel like you look bad, whether you actually do or not. It’s your perception and you feel hate for yourself – your body – your clothing and that hate of self bleeds out what you do and onto everyone you come into contact with, in some form or another. You avoid going to the gym until you lose weigh because you have a fear of being judged and humiliated. You avoid doing your usual activities and being around your friends. It’s about what you fear that leads to what you avoid rather than what is actual. Avoidance coping causes anxiety to snowball because when people use avoidance coping they typically end up experiencing more of the very thing they were trying to escape.

You are overly focused that the outcome of interactions and experiences will be negative. You are self-conscious, have fear of being judged and think everyone is seeing you as badly as you perceive yourself. Most people probably will not notice or care that you gained a few pounds. Most people are more concerned with self than someone else. This is an obvious example of ‘avoidance’ on a physical level. Avoidant personalities – blow things up in their minds thinking and worrying that if, in some context and time frame, they had a bad experience that they always will. They idealize relationships then devalue them, avoid making decisions and avoid life’s experiences in general.

 Reality is that everyone is judging everyone else in each day and every moment. We all make judgments. Judgments from others will not trigger you and you will not become defensive, if you are at awareness, acceptance and understanding of self. It will just cause you to self-reflect and self-reflection is how you grow into awareness. So being triggered can be a good thing, if looked at and used with awareness. What matters is how you look at yourself. It’s fine to be different and individual. It’s your insecurity about self that triggers defensiveness, denial, vulnerabilities and fear of being judged. Feeling the pain in self-reflection and awareness is the beginning to healing. Feel the pain and release it, so you can feel the joy!

Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.

Psychology and physiology of a smile…

ann-smile-5Smiling… not only lifts your spirits but  that of those around you. A smile uses muscles that stimulate us to feel better. When you smile you feel better, even when you are feeling down.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Our faces have muscles with the ability to animate our faces to smileface1express and to show how we feel, think and emote at any given time. Our feelings and emotions direct that animation of the muscles either naturally or they can be forced and faked. Take an actor for example: While acting they can use their body as an instrument to express feelings and emotions that will illicit feelings and emotions in those watching. We all have that ability in every moment and every day of our lives that will affect not only us but those around us.

???????????????????????????????I love to smile. I once had a surgery where my cheeks were swollen for a few weeks and I couldn’t smile. It was a horrible feeling not to be able to smile. It made me feel so down inside not to be able to smile. I so wanted to smile but couldn’t and my smile was distorted when I tried. I was amazed how not being able to smile affected my mood, my feelings and everything about me. Then when my face became less swollen, and I could smile a bit, I felt better.  When I could fully smile again, I felt great! Smiling affected my whole body, my mood, my spirit… everything about me.

A smile affects your physiology and that of those around you.

The Psychological Study of Smiling

ann-smile5That experience made me realize how wonderfully good smiling made me feel. It lifts me up and makes me feel so good inside.  Think of people with bad teeth that don’t smile and children with cleft palates who can’t smile… when these things are corrected and they are able to smile… their whole face lights up. Their mood changes along with that of everyone around them. A smile affects the energy in your eyes, in your body, in everything about you. Smiling affects health and well-being.

You can smile with your eyes, your lips and with your whole face. There are all kinds of smiles.  But a genuine smile lights  up your eyes, your whole face and affects your whole body along with the energy it carries and emits.

The muscles of expression located around the mouth are the depressor anguli oris, therisorius, the zygomaticus major, the zygomaticus minor, and the levator labii superioris (see above image, highlighted in blue). All of these muscles, specifically the zygomaticus muscles, are involved with smiling; they pull the orbicularis oris (the circular muscle of your mouth) upwards. These muscles are innervated by the various branches of the facial nerve (VII), which — when the muscles are activated — send signals to the brain that you are smiling.

From there, endorphins are released into the bloodstream from the pituitary gland and the brain and spinal cord from the hypothalamus. Endorphins are opiod (chemicals that bind to opiate receptors) peptides that act as neurotransmitters. Think of endorphins as the body’s natural painkillers, or opiates; they are released in times of stress (good and bad), exercise, excitement, pain, love, and other emotional states, and you feel awesome because of them

http://info.visiblebody.com/bid/216820/learn-the-science-behind-a-smile-visualized-with-visible-body

???????????????????????????????Smile more. Smile lots. Smile at others.  Smiling is contagious.  When you smile it lifts the energy. A smile creates openness… a channel for positive communication.

Smile at yourself in your mirror. Lift your spirits along with those around you.

waterhead2SMILE!

 

When this fully kicks in, will all hell break…

loose, or will we be living in hell?…. 

Will we be living in an America, where we have no choice, where human life is only worth what it produces for the government? Where when you are old and ill, the government has control over whether you get treatment or die and they can confiscate your property for their use?

What Nancy Pelosi didn’t want us to know until after the Healthcare bill was passed. Remember she said, “Pass it and then read it!!.”

Obama Care Highlighted by Page Number THE CARE BILL HB 3200JUDGE KITHIL IS THE 2ND OFFICIAL WHO HAS OUTLINED THESE PARTS OF THE CARE BILL.

The mostegregiouspages of HB3200 especially reference to pages 58 & 59JUDGE KITHIL wrote:

Page 50/section 152: The bill will provide insurance to
all non-U.S. residents
, even if they are here illegally.
  (Remember when Obama was called out as being a liar about this and the man was chastised for doing so, well he was telling the truth? Obama as usual was lying!)


Page 58 and 59:
The government will have real-time access to an individual’s bank account and will have the authority to make electronic fund transfers from those accounts.

Page 65/section 164: The plan will be subsidized (by the government) for all union members, union retirees and for community organizations (such as theAssociation of Community Organizations for Reform Now–  ACORN). 

At age 76, when you most need it, you are not eligible for cancer
treatment
see page 272

Page 203/line 14-15: The tax imposed under this section will not be treated as a tax. (How could anybody in their right mind come up with that?)


Page 241 and 253:
Doctors will all be paid the same regardless of specialty, and the government will set all doctors’ fees. (Socialized Healthcare)


Page 272. section 1145:
Cancer hospital will ration care  according to the patient’s age
 


Page 317 and 321:
The government will impose a prohibition on hospital expansion; however, communities may petition for an exception. 
 


Page 425, line 4-12:
The government mandates advance-care planning consultations. Those on Social Security will be required to attend an “end-of-life planning” seminar every five  years. (Death counseling – Death panels)


Page 429, line 13-25:
The government will specify which doctors can write an end-of-life order. (Death panels)


Judge Kithil then goes on to identify: “Finally,it is specifically stated that this bill will not apply to members of Congress. Members of Congress are already
exempt from the Social Security system, and have a well-funded private plan that covers their retirement needs. If they were on our Social Security plan, I believe they would find a very quick fix’ to make the plan financially sound for their future.”


If the government wouldn’t spend our funds on providing for Illegal immigrants and all ACORN members, they might be able to do a better job for those who actually deserve to have it spent on them.

But Obama and his ilk reward their friends and punish their enemies and the old people are their enemy, since they do not bring in as much in taxes for government use and most of them see through the con of the Obama regime.

The ‘government’ helps illegals, (but we aren’t supposed to call them ‘illegals’ any longer because they are Obama’s ‘friends’) so ‘they’ can get their votes forever, so ‘they’ can stay in office.  Plus, they will be a fresh and longer source of future tax revenue. Therefore, the government caters to them, at least, for now.

The government can raid citizens assets, when they get ill, as what they have saved, earned and worked for all their lives, become a piggy bank for government use. This so-called ‘Healthcare Bill’ is not about health, or life, it’s about government control of your life. It’s about taxes and confiscating resources from the real American citizens.

Once the older generations have passed on (the Obama Regime wants this to happen sooner rather than later) America as we know it, will cease to exist. It will become just another socialistic/communistic country full of people controlled in every aspect of their lives by the government regime.

This is exactly what our forefathers warned us about and why they set up government checks and balances to avoid and to curtail. But Obama and his ilk are ignoring our Constitution, our Bill of Rights and destroying everything that made America free… And America is the home of the ‘brave’ and the ‘free’.

This ‘Healthcare bill’ is not about health. It is about control, death and a power grab of the assets of private citizens…

ConstitutionSo thanks to Pelosi, Obama and their ilk, our Healthcare is being destroyed, are rights taken, choices gone, and our property seized.

I believe it fully kicks in 2014. It’s implementation of the NWO.

So will all hell break loose, or will we be living in a hell of the Obama regime and those who back it and pull its strings, making?