Category Archives: Women In Real Life

Women In Real Life

My Evening with Two Saudi Princes…

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???????????????????????????????Many, many years ago, before I even actually knew what a Muslim was, or even thought about it (remember the good old days?)…

My husband and I were at a business dinner to entertain two Saudi Princes. My father was the owner of a construction and oil related company and in a joint venture.

There were eight other people besides myself and my husband then the Saudi Princes… One Prince, the older brother, sat at the end of the table, I sat to his left, with my husband to the left of me. The President of the company doing the joint venture was at the other end of the table and the younger Prince sat across the table.

This was an oxford-cloth-traditional group, except, for the Saudi Princes who wore multiple chains of gold around their necks, flashy bracelets and watches on their wrists, many rings on their fingers, silk shirts and shiny, slick suits…and, of course, with their dark skin and they both had mustaches, or some sort of facial hair… in other words, they looked like pimps…

It was the usual business dinner with a bit of personal conversation. It was obvious the Princes had no interest in talking with the wives.

But for some reason, the Prince sitting next to me, took an interest in me and asked what I like to do. I told him that I like to dance. His eyebrows raised. “I dance ballet.” From his reaction, I don’t think that he knew what ballet was, as I go on, “I am a ballet teacher. Ballet? France? The Bolshoi?”

He nodded acknowledgment then flashed a look at my husband and exclaimed. “You allow her to work!?”

“I like to work. Why wouldn’t I work?”

“A woman such as yourself should not work.”

“I like to teach and I have danced all my life.” I answer as I thought, what a jerk, ‘allow me’. Is he kidding or what?

I don’t recall the rest of the evening’s conversation, except, that the Prince  took a liking to me. Maybe, it was my dark hair and olive skin…and my speaking up and challenging him at every turn.

These gold encrusted Princes were on a tour of America and to do some business and when they returned to Saudi Arabia, they were both to be married. I found them to be boastful and arrogant, but the one sitting next to me, not entirely unpleasant. I found him interesting to observe.

At the end of the dinner, the President, at the other end of the table, was given the check and paid it. When the Prince next to me realized this, he stood up in an explosion, practically lifting up the table, shouting angrily, I guess in Arabic. The younger Prince stood up in preparation to leave.

That President’s mis-step concerning ‘custom’ was about to blow up the whole deal…Quickly my womanly instincts took over. I reached up, patted the Prince’s arm, pulling him down to his seat and said. “How about the next time, we are in Saudi Arabia, you can pick up the check. Deal?” Then I smiled really big.

He chuckled. “You won’t come to Saudi Arabia.”

“Don’t be too sure about that.” I smiled.

The Prince paused in contemplation, (I could see the wheels turning in his head) as I continued. “We’ve had such a nice time. I have enjoyed talking with you so much. He didn’t mean to offend you. Now, why would he do that? He wanted to create a lovely evening for you and he did.”

With that, tension begin to leave the Prince.

“And we will be in Saudia Arabia to collect. Really, we will. You can count on it.”

The Prince chuckled, the tension was released, as he sat down and all was well…. (It was all about his ego.)

After dinner, we ended up at a Disco (remember those?) because the Princes wanted to party… My husband informed me on the drive over that the Princes wanted to meet some girls. “But I thought they were engaged to marry?” I inquired.

HIs reply. “Yes, and one reason they are in America is to party. Their wives ‘to be’ must be virgins, but the men sleep with everything in sight.  A non-Muslim woman is nothing to them. Saudi women cover themselves from head to toe, while in their own country, but when they go to France or England, they wear the finest designer clothing. Their women are meticulously groomed, in the Royal family, that is. I heard that they take their robes off as soon as they get on their jets and look like well-dressed socialites.”

I replied. “How disgusting and what hypocrites.”

At the Disco, we were dancing and having ‘fun’. I danced lots with the younger Prince who was a wiry little freak show unto himself. But, oh well! I was just getting through this business evening.

When I sat down at our table, I began to sneeze and the older Prince gave the waitress a hundred dollar bill to get me a box of kleenex. The hundred dollar bills were flying around as fast as the waitresses could pick them up.(and this was when $100 was $100, remember those days?)

After getting our car and as we were leaving, my husband pulled back around to the front of the Disco then got out. He walked over to the Prince’s Limo, as I noticed several waitresses walk out of the club. My husband spoke to the waitresses then they got into Princes’ Limo.

When my husband got back into the car, he said, “Don’t even ask.”

But of course, I did…

So, these ego-driven, arrogant, braggadocios Saudi Princes were going through America buying women such as these waitresses… then going back to marry their virgins.

I hadn’t thought about this experience in years… but the other night while out with some friends, we were talking about how Muslims treat women and I recalled it…

Later the President of the company doing the joint venture told my Dad that I had saved the day…by my calming down of the Prince.

Info:

“Women in our (Islamic) culture are nothing. They are equal to the goat or the rug. Her purpose is to be married to her husband to give him pleasure. When a husband marries a wife, he purchases her sexual organs,”
Kamal Saleem, When Allah Doesn’t Answer

“when I want a sex-slave, I go to the market and pick whichever female I desire and buy her
Abu Ishaq al-Huwaini from Raped and Ransacked in the Muslim World

I could not remain a Muslim because Islam hates women. I think I always knew this, but as I got older that knowledge became more acute, Islam wants women to cover themselves, to stay indoors, to obey men, however stupid those men are. Islam says that women are inferior in every way. Islam distorted my father’s feelings. He did not want us, his own daughters, to be happy or fulfilled. He only wanted us to be good Muslims and for daughters this means to be suffering Muslims. What sort of religion forces fathers to make their daughters suffer? What sort of father thinks that his daughter’s hair is shameful? What sort of father tells her she cannot sing and dance when she is happy? A Muslim father.

This is why I am not a Muslim. My children, boys and girls, will be able to feel the wind in their hair. They will not be ashamed. They can sing and dance as much as they like. Nothing they do will shame me, as long as it is done with life and joy. Islam has no joy. Islam is a cult of tears and death.
Testimony submitted to the web site of the Institute for the Secularization of Islamic Society

A man is never alone with a woman without Satan also being present.
Hadith Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 1, p. 234.]

A woman’s rape is frequently the last act that precedes her execution.
This is explained by the rule in Iranian political prisons that the
sentence of execution cannot be carried out if the woman is a virgin.
Since there is a theological belief that if a woman dies a virgin she will go to heaven, the politically active virgin is forced to “marry” before her execution and thus to insure she will go to hell.
She is forced to “marry” the hangman who will carry out her execution.
Le Nouvel Homme Islamiste: La Prison Politique en Iran
(The New Islamist Man: The Political Prison in Iran)
By Chahla Chafiq

…. And we are allowing ‘this’ into America and being told that we can’t talk badly about Muslims…because they are so peaceful.. blah blah, blah!

These Saudi Princes were beyond arrogant and it was apparent that they could easily snap to do real harm to someone… hot-tempered – ego-controlled and impressed with themselves and their wealth and they want  everyone to know it and to bow down.

It is interesting that, ‘I’, a ‘mere woman’, was able to soothe the situation…

Which goes to show, even as these men want total control over a woman that her attention and allure can ‘guide’ or ‘manipulate’ them. Is this their real fear?

Their culture has this angel/whore thing going on, as many men do, not just Muslim… but in the Muslim practice this ignorance plays out in the most extreme ways…

There are so many complex insights in and to this experience…

What are your thoughts…?

And stay tuned… there’s a second part to this story..

Sex, Women In Real Life

Morality is Sexy…

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???????????????????????????????Sexual corruption, exploitation and promiscuity are rampant today and about as un-sexy and un-sensual as anything can be.

What’s sexy is responsibility, commitment, selectivity and people who know who they are enough to be able to appreciate the sharing of another human being’s body as being a precious gift…

If a person doesn’t respect their body, expressed clearly in how they behave sexually, including the way they take care of themselves, then why or, how would they be able to respect anothers?

Why would anyone allow another to touch their body intimately, heaven forbid to enter it, to invade their personal space and boundaries, if they didn’t have a caring, a commitment, a love, a connection… something meaningful occurring…?

Today sexual corruption is being encouraged on all levels… on TV, movies, by examples in the media, Hollywood, and now, in our educational system. This sexual exploitation is one way that allows for the breaking down of morality, values and standards of an individual that translates into the breaking down of the foundation of a society.

Evil knows that to infiltrate through the sexuality and sensualness of an individual, makes it possible to control and corrupt them for life. Sexual addiction and choices can be groomed and developed. And self-hate and self-devaluation can and will occur relating to the extent and degree of the corruption and what was experienced can and will impact their whole life and everything in it…in most cases, weakening their spirit, skewing their boundaries and making them more easily influenced and to be led.

Human sexuality is what creates life. It is the highest form of creation that there is… another human being with a soul can be created through this act as this is its divine intention… not its only intention, but the outcome and primary reason for it…. Sex is a ‘drive’ and it feels good, so that human race will continue.

Sex is also the closest that two people can get in the physical and is one path of expression of affection towards another. That you care for and love someone with your heart and mind and that expression becomes physical through sexuality.

That a male woos a woman, is attracted, goes after her attention and affection. She observes him, to see if he is worthy of her attention and if he will make a worthy partner for her and if she should grant him her affections that might result in the creation of a life. Will he be a good provider and protector of their young, their home and of herself?  And herself most importantly, includes her emotions, her physicality and the ‘totality’ of her well-being. So that she will be able to glow and to bloom. When these requirements are met… the traditional family can be created with the opportunity for fulfillment on many levels.

Morality offers a solid base that creates the basis for a solid society. It is the strength of a society… solid morals, values and standards and a place for the youth to grow-up in a safe and secure environment. It displays the role of the male and the female…the balance to be played out and demonstrated and it is sensual and sexy … there is nothing else like it, all that it is in the height of its standards and values…

Men and women are different… that difference is to be valued and cherished, not exploited, or made the same…

It’s in its imbalance that works hard to find itself and creates such strength in its quest. And when that balance is found, even if momentarily, is that which makes it so precious and valuable… and today that balance is being continually distorted and diminished…

There is a wonderful movie, FIREPROOF produced and acted in by Kirk Cameron…  it shows a wonderful example and message of what man is in relation to woman and to God…it is a Christian depiction.

A woman is a rose and if she is not treated right, she will either wilt or never bloom….therefore, the male will never experience all the gifts and glory of the feminine.

The ‘Muslim practice’… ‘claims’ to ‘protect’ women… when in actuality it objectifies and oppresses women in both its fear and desire of her feminine allure and power…men’s desire and behaviors are blamed on the women… therefore, the men have no responsibility for their actions or behaviors. This is a fear-based practice, practiced by weak men and a weak corrupted people and one that annihilates the feminine. They look to diminish and to even destroy that which they desire so greatly. And look at how violent and cruel they are….When the allure and power of the feminine is objectified, or oppressed out of fear…it creates an over sexuality as we are experiencing now, or an oppressive backwards one as in Islam. Both are out of balance.

An individual who is balanced in their morality is sexy and wholesome as is a society that achieves this balance…

A sexually needy, graspy, oppressive, objectifying person or society is neither sexy or sexual. It’s a blight unto themselves and a blight on society.

Morality is Sexy…

Sex, Women In Real Life

Naked Sex…or…

Years ???????????????????????????????ago, I was in a relationship with a man who asked. “You don’t look at me when I am naked, do you find my body attractive?”

My reply. “I didn’t realize that I didn’t.” As I pondered, since, I hadn’t even thought about it, until he asked, ‘But now, that I think about it, I find your body not so attractive.’ I realized that I was probably unconsiously averting my eyes because physically he wasn’t attractive to me.

My being with this man wasn’t because of his looks and certainly wasn’t his body. We had fun ‘as a couple’. But after he asked me this question along with displaying other insecurities. Then when I did look at his nude body in the light of day with no sexual passion, as he exited the room, I felt a kind of repulsion. Mostly, I felt repulsion at his insecurity. The way that he carried himself was insecure. His walk was insecure. His question was insecure. It wasn’t his body. Because for most women, the way a man treats her, his character, his intelligence, his kindness and thoughtfulness, his humor, his confidence, among other things are what makes him attractive or not….

I have been with movie star handsome men and by the end of the evening… because of their behavior, I felt I was with a gargoyle.
I have been with not so attractive men and they were so fun, kind and attentive… that they became more attractive…So, physical appearance isn’t everything… sexy and sensual is innate… and in a person’s being or it isn’t…

annstairsbSooo.. as I ponder this with all of you…Just before, during and after sex, we can be in varying degrees of undress, or completely nude…depends on the mood…nightgown, tee shirt, robe, camisole…. right? Sometimes, I can be completely nude, tan and worked out and feel like a goddess, a woman amongst women. At other times, after eating, or just feeling a bit off… I’d rather be in ‘varying’ degrees of dress… but either way, I am still me, like me and feel good in my body.

Nude or covered a sexy person is a sexy, sensual person.

Sometimes, partial coverage is desirable and sexy…even more sensual and sexy then complete nudity…

I have never asked a man, why don’t you look at my body… because men always look, right? Men like to look… it’s what a man does… look…

But sure at times… we all feel insecure walking to the bathroom nude, as Meryl Streep did in the movie, ‘It’s Complicated’? But Alec Baldwin as big and out of shape as he was, stripped and pranced about… that’s how most men are… those I have known… but not the one I wrote about in the beginning of this…  that lack of confidence, whiny, not sexy man…

We all feel more attractive at one time or another. But to be close enough to have sex and to feel so insecure as this man did…was such a turn off…

Anyway, it’s the woman’s ‘right’ to ask… Do I look like I’ve gained weight? Are my hips getting big?, etc….” And the man’s place to comfort and compliment…

When a man acts like a woman, whiny and whimpering… ‘do you like my body.’ To me, it’s a real turn off… A REAL TURN OFF!

But if he says.. “Hey, look at me, I’ve lost a few and been working out”… now that’s fine… or if he should say…”I’m not looking so good, think I’ll lose some weight”… that’s fine also… it shows he is self-aware not a whine boy.

The way something is expressed verbally shows an innate confidence or not…

I like a man to be a man… Preferably one that takes care of his body to some extent and feels good in it…confidence is sexy…don’t you agree?

So, do you like to strut your stuff…? Make love in the nude with the lights on? Or in the dark under the covers, or a bit of everything depending on your mood…?

Let’s talk…

Women In Real Life

What are your favorite Christmas things?…

Mine are the lights… decorated Christmas trees… Christmas carols… Handel’s Messiah, the Hallelujha chorus, O’ Come All Ye Faithful…
Hark the Herald Angels sing… Glory to the New Born King!

Fall on your knees!!! Oh hear the Angels singing!!! 

The Nutcracker…

Christmas movies with uplifting morals and happy endings…depicting the magic of Christmas…

The story of Jesus’s birth…

The birth of Jesus was the greatest gift of all. The beginning of hope for all those who believe in him… the light of the world and life every lasting…

Our Lord’s message was Himself. He did not come merely to preach a Gospel; He himself is that Gospel. He did not come merely to give bread; He said, “I am the bread.” He did not come merely to shed light; He said, “I am the light.” He did not come merely to show the door; He said, “I am the door.” He did not come merely to name a shepherd; He said, “I am the shepherd.” He did not come merely to point the way; He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.

Church on Christmas Eve…

The Santa Claus magic of belief…

The night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse… 

The Christmas tree lights illuminate the room, cookies are baking, ‘Gingerbread’, sipping cognac, eating dark chocolate and fresh orange slices…. Ummm! Ah! The smells, the glow, the tastes, the coziness…

These are some my favorite things of Christmas.
 
What are yours?…

Merry Christmas! May God Bless each and everyone…

Peace on Earth! Goodwill Towards Men! May God Bless America!

Sex, Women In Real Life

A Lesbian Experience…

???????????????????????????????When I was around 13, a girlfriend invited me for a sleep over. I had known her for a couple of years at school and she lived in the same neighborhood, a few streets over, in a lovely house with everything a family could want and more. We talked about school, boys, clothes and hair… the usual topics for girls of our age in that day. We munched on pizza, popcorn and drank soda pop.

We got ready for bed and snuggled in together in one bed (there were two full size beds in the large room) and read teen magazines, Seventeen, Cosmo, and movie star rags….

We turned off the lights and watched TV…scary movies. It was fun being in the same bed and snuggling in watching horror movies. My sisters and I did this often and slept together as I had with other girlfriends. But she kept getting closer and closer and I began to feel uncomfortable. I would move away, but she would move close again. After we turned the TV off to go to sleep, she put her arms around me and tried to move her hands over my body. I wiggled away and told her to stop it. She stopped, but then tried again. “Let’s pretend, I am the boy and you are the girl?”, she suggested.

“No. You are a girl and so am I. I don’t want to pretend. I want to go to sleep.” I answered. (my instincts were on alert and I wanted to go home. At that age, I think I had been kissed ‘once’ by a boy, in a game of spin the bottle. Her pressing her body to mine felt sickening and not right.) I scooted away, but she came closer. Finally, I sat up and said. “I am sleepy. Go to the other bed, or I will call my Dad to come get me.”

“Oh alright.”, she grumbled as she went to the other bed.

The next day, we played at her house for a bit, but I never felt she was my friend again. I looked at her differently. I didn’t stay at her house again and would avoid being around her at school. I knew what she was did was wrong because all my instincts told me so. I never told anyone about what happened. I thought it too weird to talk about.

Later in high school, I heard this girl was ‘wild as a buck’ (as my mother would say) She drank allot and did drugs and no one else I knew did the things that I heard that she was doing. I heard that she got pregnant as a teenager and had the child. Then I never heard anything more about this girl again.

I cringe when I think back to that night…. that night this girl tried to infringe upon my boundaries and tried to entice me to do something that was not me.

I don’t think I even knew what a Lesbian was at that time … these kind of things weren’t discussed and much was not known about this kind of behavior in my world in those days and I am glad. It felt wrong, was wrong and when I look back it still gives me the creeps. I was an innocent young girl and the exposure to that was disgustingly gross.

Today the sexualization of our children and all that they are exposed to and is displayed before them and discussed makes me wonder. How many try and experience things just to do so because they ‘think’ it’s the thing to try, or to do, because it’s shown in such abundance and in an ‘okay’ light? How many try this ‘stuff’, when it is not in their true nature? How many get messed up in their heads and emotions because of what is shown to them and what they might try because of this, then have their sexual expression distorted because so much is exposed and talked about so openly.

Is there over exposure of alternate sexual lifestyles? Are we over sexualizing our children and our society? Are the media, movies, TV shows, talk shows, ‘movie stars’, etc. assisting in messing up our kids up in this area?

Are our young people being encouraged to try things that they never would try if they had not been exposed to these possibilities?

Politics, Women In Real Life

Overly sensitive, fragile, whiny, easily offended, weak…

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Whitesummer5bullies. Why is it, if you mention fat, or obese, then overweight people come out to call you a hater or that you are judging them? If you talk about races, or cultures being different, or that you prefer one over another, or don’t like one at all, then someone comes out to point out that you are a racist, a hater, a bigot, judgmental, or unfair?

If a white person dislikes ‘any’ black person, by ‘some’ they are deemed a racist…

Years ago, I was on a first date with a man who told me that he was only attracted to tall blonds and that even though he thought I was pretty that he wasn’t attracted. I shrugged it off. I am a petite brunette and I like who I am. So if he wasn’t attracted to me, so what?!

Should I have called him a brunette hater, or perhaps, a petite person hater? Should I have been offended and tell him that he was ‘judging’ me based on my hair color? HAHA!

Of course not. He was entitled to like what he liked and to state it.  It didn’t bother me at all. There are others that are attracted to petite brunettes…

I have been called all sorts of names in my life… I have been called old, fat, snobby,  a hag, a skinny white bitch, so on and so forth and have been made fun of and have been hated by the very people who call everyone haters..the love love love liberals…HAHA!

So, get my point? Why is it today that we can’t state what we like, or don’t like without being called a hater, or that we are judgmental… and the list goes on…bigot, racist…Blah Blah! Whine! Whine!  Why are we expected to like everyone… even those that we don’t?…

Some white people I like, some I don’t… some black people I like and others not so much…some people I find attractive and others not so much and on and on…. AND SO WHAT?

What has turned so many into easily offended, whine babies…so insecure in themselves and who they are that they can’t handle anything that doesn’t agree with them, or who they are?

It’s almost as if we can’t talk, state our thoughts, have opinions, even have our individual likes, or dislikes around some… and these ‘some’ are ‘usually’ liberals…America’s professional victims…

But Obama the liberal, progressive, marxist, socialist, communist, Muslim, bully-in-chief, bullies the rich and anyone who doesn’t agree with his warped ideas. He puts America, our whole country, down in the blink of an eye, or his radical, socialist ideology… then if someone doesn’t like this traitorous man… they are often called racist. Obama is American’s first victim president. What a loser he is. What an obvious manipulative, double-talking, circle-talking slime…

And do you ‘really think’ this lying, traitor to America cares what I call him? Nope! He is too busy with his agenda of destroying America…and turning everyone into whiny victims like he is. This is the only way this loser knows how to be a ‘success’. Although all he really is, is a puppet to those who know how to pull his strings… they manipulate this victim/bully of a man teaching and encouraging him to manipulate the masses for their gain…

The very ones who claim some as bullies and who they call names are actually the ones doing most of the bullying and name calling…they are pulling the strings of America… and it is time for it to stop!

It is a manipulative,  victim tool… and I am sick of it! SICK OF IT!

Grow up and accept who you are and stop being so easily offended… you fat, black, tall, Mexican, short, whiny, obese, foreign, overly thin, illegal, blond, brunette, retard, blond, creepy, stupid, rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, immature, uneducated, old, too young, snobby, red-headed, druggie, alcoholic, bald, fag, hairy, stupid, ignorant, etc. bully people…

And if you are offended by this article. It’s your issue and problem. Get over yourself! Make peace with yourself and who you are. See who you are, accept who you are, or change who you are and when you do, you won’t be offended by what others like, or don’t like. Stop using this weak manipulative tool…

STOP blaming others for who you are or who you aren’t … you weak, sniveling, whiny baby!

All this politically correct BS is being used to control and to manipulate everyone and it’s the weak who are falling for it.

Like who you are or SHUT UP about it!!! Because no one likes everyone … and not everyone likes you, or me…GET IT! And so what!!!

(and I am not advocating bullying, but some of it is just a part of life, some of it just makes you stronger and some of it should just roll off your back)
Also, to take the N word out of classic literature, that is a part of our history… is just plain ignorant…

Okay now, call me what you want for writing this….

Self-help, Women In Real Life

Whatever your focus, it is what’s bothering you…

???????????????????????????????If something is weighing on your mind, you can’t stop thinking about it and it rears its head in your focus…it’s what you need to look at, fix, repair, take care of, do, or learn about, or from… in order, for it to not be your focus…

If something doesn’t bother you, it’s not on your radar …and probably is pretty much working in your life just fine…

Example: If you have a pain in your neck, all you do is think of the pain and your neck…When the pain is gone, your neck doesn’t even cross your mind…

So, think about where, and what your focus is on…because that’s your issue or focus…. look at it, examine it, analyze it, if need be, and try your best to work on it, or to correct it..

HAHAHA!… then you can be open to go onto another issue that is bothering you… That’s life! Huh?

Example: My closet was bugging me. Each time, I walked in it… I thought, I need to clean it and clean it out. I need to. I need to get this done. Finally, yesterday, I spent hours doing just that…  and I felt so good having done it. But now, my drawers are bothering me and are on my mind… I need to clean them all out…

Make sense or not?… Ever felt this way, or had this happen?

So think about it, where’s your focus? What do you need to do, take care of, correct, work on… fix, etc?… Do it … so you can be open for more, to going on, going forward…

Dating, Self-help, Women In Real Life

The Insidious Evil of Energy Suckers…

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???????????????????????????????Okay! This is embarrassing, I am sharing it for awareness and as a warning…

When you are around someone, check in with yourself. How do you feel? Happy? Anxious? Insecure? Confident? Needy? Beautiful? Ugly?

It’s important to respect your feelings and to ask yourself WHY you’re having them. Are the feelings because of ‘your’ insecurity, sense of lack, jealousy, or dislike of self, being triggered around this person?

Or are you picking up on ‘how they feel about themselves’? Are they projecting their insecurity and unhappiness onto you. Is this person just bad for you? Is this person trying to drag you down to their level?

If you’re unsure, write down the pros and cons, doing this should reveal what you need to know.

Example: Years ago, I met a man who approached me about buying my car. On this premise, we interacted, but he soon dropped talking about my car and pursued me.

I really wasn’t interested, then he came on stronger. I still wasn’t attracted, but was in a lull in my life, so reasoned, he seemed pleasant enough (bad decision). I had parted from a man, after a four year relationship … five months earlier…so, was into myself and healing…

This man was obviously ‘after’ me, he kissed me one night which meant nothing to me. I was not into him and I told him so, yet he persisted (I continued seeing him, bad choice).

Even though he was pursuing me, I noticed, he never complimented me about anything. He never told me, I looked pretty, or what I was wearing was attractive. He said things like, “You’re ‘lucky’ to be thin. It must be your genetics.”  He gave me credit for nothing, attributing everything to ‘luck’.

He put me down, actually, made fun of me because I enjoy writing, and spiritual studies, that I workout regularly, that I like ballet, opera, art and the preforming arts, movies, etc. He didn’t understand why I had different kinds of art hung on one wall. He didn’t appreciate my eclectic decorating style. His tiny apartment looked like it was decorated by his mother, or grandmother and I learned that it was. It was horrible with granny curtains, etc.

He whined continually about his bad luck. He was turning out to be pretty much a drag. When he first met me, he ‘claimed’ to have money, but soon began whining about not having any. He dreamed about winning the lottery. I have never bought a lottery ticket.

He had lost his job as a pilot. So, ‘buy my car’…. yeah right! A friend, I’d known for 25 years, at my request, introduced him to a well-connected pilot, to try, and assist him in getting a job. What I got for being kind, was this man telling me, that ‘my friend of 25 years’ really didn’t like me. Just as my friend of 25 years told me that this man was bad mouthing me to her and that she didn’t think he was good for me, or that he was a ‘good’ man.

No good deed goes unpunished, huh? Of course, I confronted him and suggested that we all three meet to sort things out (I like to confront things head on, to clear the air) which, of course, he refused to do. I think you get the picture… (he was trying to separate me from my friend, while trying to make me feel bad and himself better)

One night, I was dressed in black linen slacks and a white linen designer halter top that wrapped around my waist. I was tan and felt wonderful. Even by my own high standards, I felt like I looked fab. He looked me up and down, then said, “What is that you have on? I have never seen anything like that. Why does it wrap and tie like that?”

I was determined to have a good time… so…

That night we went to an upscale restaurant of my choice (we had done burger, pizza, chinese food ad nauseam). The atmosphere and food were excellent. His comment. “They sure serve small portions. I am still hungry.” He had no ability to appreciate a refined ambiance, or to make an evening elegant.

He was always about himself. He sucked the glow out of me and everything we did.. He complained, whined and criticized most everything and everyone. When we would do things, he liked, I enjoyed them, but when we did things, I liked, he would whine and complain. Being a writer and screenwriter, I encouraged interest and appreciation in seeing all kinds of movies… more sophisticated than his usual fare. I enriched his life, while he was sucking the life out of me.

This man and I were from totally different worlds. He had never been out with a woman who wore designer clothing. He didn’t appreciate, who I was, or what I was about. He wanted who I am, but had no idea how to care for and feed a woman like me. He did not have the background, or experience to appreciate, or to understand me. So, he put me and everything about me down. His insecurity triggered his criticism and served to make me feel unappreciated and not seen.

There was a two week period where I ‘thought’ we might be ‘something’, but I soon became more and more uncomfortable around him, and realized that he and I had no business being together. Here I was, ‘dating’ a man, I had no interest in, in the first place, and his behaviors and words were making me feel bad (stupid, I know, and one reason, I am sharing this). 

He would never be up to my standards, while he was trying to take me down to his… a place, I felt uncomfortable and don’t belong.

I also realized that he was ‘copying’ even ‘mirroring’ me. He would state something, I had said, claiming it as his own, as if he was trying to be me. He was even envious of my skin tone…(he has a crush on Selma Hayek)  I tan easily and he is pink and freckly. Except, when he gets a spray tan, then he is ‘some’ color of orange. (Thinking back, I am repulsed that I even knew this man. Yet, at the time, I kept interacting like a fool.)

Then I got the picture! He wanted to be me. He even wanted my skin tone. He wanted under my skin and to be in my skin. He was envious of everything about me. 

He was passive/aggressive. There are all kinds and ways of abuse and this is one…an insidious one.

He was sucking off my energy every chance he got. He felt insecure about himself and I could tell he enjoyed it when I felt off base. Because when I was, he felt better about himself.  And for ‘some’ reason, I was allowing it.

I even became embarrassed to be with him, but being a kind person and self-reflective, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, as I stated, I was in a lull and passing time. 

This man was uninteresting to me in all ways and this was one reason that he slipped under ‘my jerk alert radar’. I was not paying close enough attention to my feelings when I was around him, because I was using interacting with him as a diversion.

I wrote down why I liked him and why I didn’t. There were, maybe, two things I liked and fifty that I didn’t. Pretty much says it all!

But most of all, I didn’t like the way I felt around him. I began not being myself around him, to make him feel better, diminishing myself, and to continually explain and endure him continually asking, ‘why’, and his snide remarks putting me down and general negativity began to wear on my self-esteem. The man was a total energy suck and I was was his place to feed.

We went our separate ways, but…

Through time, this man would try to re-enter my life (like gum stuck to my shoe) and occasionally when I was in a lull, I would interact with him. (I know, stupid!)

Five years later, he contacted me to ask that I stage a house that he had remodeled and had up for sale, for my monetary compensation, but he never paid me. He used me. (Remember, he put me down for my decorating style, but now, wanted my services.) During this time frame, I gave him a script that I had written, that had done well in awards and was at several prodcos and studios under consideration. He told me that he didn’t like to read, so probably wouldn’t read it. (Remember nothing about me was worthy according to him).

I met a real man that I fell in love with and got engaged and didn’t interact with this man any longer. Got him out of my life… I thought.  But he continued contacting me. I told him that I was not interested, but when I wouldn’t respond, he verbally attacked me… calling me old and wrinkly.

About three years later, he begged me to have lunch with him and like a fool, I felt sorry for him and did. BIG MISTAKE! My lack of responsibility was, that if, I was bored, or there was a lull in my life, I would interact with this sucker. I became a sucker for him to lick, take from, suck on and insidiously abuse. He craved my energy.  He even told me that he did. I needed him like I need a hole in my head.

I liked almost nothing about him.  One night at my house, he was drinking wine like it was water, and he blurted out that he always loved me, would always love me and that he always knew that we would get back together. He had gained a ton of weight, was almost 300 pounds. His face was fat and his body swollen as if filled up with air. I felt disgusted watching him drink as he inventoried my frig. I said jokingly to change the subject, “You will need to replace all that wine you drank.”

He wrote me a lengthy and pathetic email stating how much he cared for me (yes, I have it in my file) and inquiring, if I was seeing anyone else. Was the man I was engaged to out of my life, etc? All which was none of his business.(I was still angry at him for using my time and never paying me, regarding the decorating and when I inquired. He told me he didn’t have any money.)  He wrote in his whiny email that my remark, that he replace the wine ‘made him feel cheap,’ like I didn’t care enough for him to let me drink some wine. (Are you hearing this whiny BS?)

Good grief was all I thought. I told him that I had no interest in him, but friendship and that the wine remark was an off the cuff remark because he was drinking so much and so fast. Then I ended all communication…

But he continually emailed and called me. I would look out my window and see his car in front of my house. (The same car, he drove when I first met him….it had been years and he was still in the same place.) He put sweet cards at my door… and called emailed and texted over and over.

Finally, I answered and told him to leave me alone, but as we talked, I felt sorry for him and he convinced me that we could have some fun, I was in a lull in my life, so…(Don’t even say it! I know! STUPID!)

We hung out a few more times… and I don’t know why because I hated being around him. And every time, I was around him. I was bored and began to feel down. He stole something off my neighbor’s house. He thought it was funny. I thought it was appalling.

He began asking me all sorts of questions about my writing, like if the script that I gave him to read was ‘copyrighted’. All of a sudden, he was overly interested in my writing. He told me he had written a story, since we had last seen each other. I found this unbelievable, since, he told me that he didn’t like to read. He wanted me to put him on my website. He was sucking, sucking, sucking… 

So, after making fun of me for writing, now he’s written a book, and guess what? The leads and storyline are similar to the script that I gave him. He is also claiming to be ‘an inspirational writer’, after putting me down for my inspirational/spiritual writing, which I have done for over 20 years.

I finally really got it! And I got this man out of my life for good, but, in order, to do it, I had to be cruel. He kept whining that we belong together. That we have magic. That he only feels at home with me. He compared us to the movie, THE NOTEBOOK. Listening to him, was making me sick.

And I could not get rid of him. He would email me. I blocked him, then he would text me that he wanted to start over. I asked, ‘start what’ over? We were never anything.

He is a chameleon. He was dating a woman who remodeled houses, so, in that time frame, this is what he did. He smoozes up to women and they will ‘think’ he is a nice man, until they realize, he is an energy sucker… a USER…He asks ‘why and ‘how’ all the time. Why? Why? Why do you do this? How do you do that?

Oh and the ‘pilot thing’, he has never flown for a large airline and in all his years flying, he isn’t a Captain. He is a co-pilot and flies cargo. I have friends who are pilots and I have dated airline Captains and an Air Force Pilot, and not a one ‘goes on about it’ like this man. I have been around pilots all my life. My Father had a plane and  was a pilot and also my ex-husband and neither one went on about it, like this ‘fly boy’ who just has to be up in the air…

This man tries to give an image of being this ‘dashing airline pilot’. HAHA! No way! He claims to have been places, but he has no photos or memorabilia. He is on layovers flying freight, not any real traveling. This man claimed, for example, to have been in Saudi Arabia.. I asked him what he did while he was there… he said, “I stayed in my hotel room.” Get the picture?

He told me during the time that I was engaged that he was getting married to an attorney and moving to Florida… but guess what? The truth is, she was a legal assistant, cheating on him and dumped him for another man. This man lies, cons and spins as bad as Obama does… and oh yeah, he was for Obama!

He now lives in a crummy, filthy apartment, full of what is now, ‘beat up’,(he takes care of nothing) masculine (instead of granny) furniture that I selected, but was never paid for.

He hates his mother and sister (How do I know? He has told me on many occasions. He has even screamed it out at the top of his lungs). He sucks up to women who will feel sorry for and be kind to him. He is looking for a ‘Mama’, a woman to care for him that he can suck from. He is a gold-digger. He has never been married.

He is always the ‘poor victim’… According to him, women cheat on him…Whine! Whine! Blah, blah blah! And I understand why. He is a complete con, bore and a whine baby. I have seen him throw tantrums like a two year old and he is close to fifty. So, get the picture?…

Energy suckers are insidious abusers… they may ‘appear’ mild-mannered, ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ and may even put on a front to the world that is in complete opposition of who they really are. They have ‘learned’ and practiced saying the ‘right things’ to get what they need. So, it can feel confusing. But, if you feel bad about yourself around someone and it seems a bit confusing…you may be with this type of an abuser…a passive/aggressive/energy sucker…

Energy suckers are emotionally stunted, kids who never grew up…they are vapid, empty, needy and insecure and will suck you dry, to try and fill their void with all you have as their nourishment, if you allow them to.

Insecure people are threatened and jealous of confidence, happiness, inner peace and things that they know not of, or things that they want to claim as their own. Many like this man, will steal ideas, thoughts, and even identities… and may commit plagiarism and worse. I have tried to confront him, concerning ‘his book’, but now he is avoiding me. He is now living the persona of a ‘writer’with a hype and con award ‘nomination’ that he paid a fee for, in order, to put a sticker on his ‘self-published’ e-book. 

So, the purposes and moral of this tale….

We all feel insecure, at times, and to have the self-awareness of why you are feeling a certain way is the key to growth and healthy relationships.

And when there is a lull in your life, it’s better to let there be a lull, than to fill it with an energy sucker because each time, they will suck more. You are only a place for them to feed. Each time, this man entered my life, he took more….I allowed him in, only because I was in a lull and bored, otherwise, I would never be around such a man.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important one. Listen to your gut and how you feel, don’t negate it, even if you are in a lull.

Had I listened to my gut, I would never have gone out, more than once, with this passive/aggressive/energy/sucker…

Being kind, or bored is not the reason to interact with someone, when your gut screams otherwise…

That which is attracted to you, will try to define you… so guard yourself well…

Have you ever had experiences such as this…?