Tag Archives: sensual

Shades of Grey = dysfunction, not sexy, damage, boring, bland, blah!

nightshirtpolkadots1I didn’t read the book, but saw the movie…

All it was is a depiction of a damaged child/man who can’t connect in love, therefore,  uses control and domination through sex  to make himself feel. He projects his damage and pain through punishment onto women in order to escape his own.

It was more sad than sexy. In fact, nothing about it was sensual or sexy. There are more and more people  today who are damaged as this man is depicted, who can’t look at self long enough to heal, who go from person to person focusing on sexuality for escape, thrill and the high and even when given the chance at connecting with a loving person is too emotionally damaged and fearful of becoming vulnerable to connect.

Love,  passion and commitment are what makes sex, sexy. Sure games can be fun and taking it to individual fantasies and edges can be exciting on occasion, but that in itself means nothing and lasts less than that.  Most mature adults recognize and understand this, immature, inexperienced youth won’t and don’t and some will see this movie as ‘cool’ showing things to try before they are emotionally and sexually developed which can then lead to distorting their perceptions of sex and love.

I found nothing sexy about this movie. I found it pretty boring and blah. The actors while attractive had no chemistry and that is another aspect that makes sex, sexy… chemistry along with personality.

To me, this was a psychological study of an emotionally damaged man.

At least, in the movie, she left him. I think so anyway. I exited to the ladies’ room several times, I was so bored.  But he soiled an inexperienced and pure person to his perversions.

Now, what would have made it interesting is, had love been able to break through his damage and pain, to break him open to real love. But he was too damaged, weak and fearful,  just like some in the world  who can’t commit and focus on sex, instead of  love, emotions and feelings.

I have no idea what all the ‘to do’ was about this story. I found it mundanely  dull. I know that’s redundant but so was the movie.

Why women like it, might it be that the thought, idea and fantasy of a ‘powerful/successful’ man taking control in the bedroom, and, or in their life, might be appealing because now days,  so many men  seem to have lost their manhood and are looking for a mother. And a man looking for a mother has no sex appeal. But in actuality,  the  sad, damaged man in the movie needed to be mothered, in orde,r to heal and possibly be able to love.

In a real enduring relationship, each person plays all the roles of male/female respectively…  as in intimacy, healing, growth, vulnerablity, empathy, strength, weakness, sex, sensuality, child, parent, teacher, student, lead, follower, depending on time, place and circumstance, etc..

Nothing is more sensual and sexy than an emotionally strong man who can take control in the bedroom, but ‘control’ is a shared two-way experience and a man who is too weak and insecure to let a woman take the lead to balance out the experiences is not sexy for long.

In my opinion, there were not many shades of grey in this movie, there was only one and it was blah!

Naked Sex…or…

Years ???????????????????????????????ago, I was in a relationship with a man who asked. “You don’t look at me when I am naked, do you find my body attractive?”

My reply. “I didn’t realize that I didn’t.” As I pondered, since, I hadn’t even thought about it, until he asked, ‘But now, that I think about it, I find your body not so attractive.’ I realized that I was probably unconsiously averting my eyes because physically he wasn’t attractive to me.

My being with this man wasn’t because of his looks and certainly wasn’t his body. We had fun ‘as a couple’. But after he asked me this question along with displaying other insecurities. Then when I did look at his nude body in the light of day with no sexual passion, as he exited the room, I felt a kind of repulsion. Mostly, I felt repulsion at his insecurity. The way that he carried himself was insecure. His walk was insecure. His question was insecure. It wasn’t his body. Because for most women, the way a man treats her, his character, his intelligence, his kindness and thoughtfulness, his humor, his confidence, among other things are what makes him attractive or not….

I have been with movie star handsome men and by the end of the evening… because of their behavior, I felt I was with a gargoyle.
I have been with not so attractive men and they were so fun, kind and attentive… that they became more attractive…So, physical appearance isn’t everything… sexy and sensual is innate… and in a person’s being or it isn’t…

annstairsbSooo.. as I ponder this with all of you…Just before, during and after sex, we can be in varying degrees of undress, or completely nude…depends on the mood…nightgown, tee shirt, robe, camisole…. right? Sometimes, I can be completely nude, tan and worked out and feel like a goddess, a woman amongst women. At other times, after eating, or just feeling a bit off… I’d rather be in ‘varying’ degrees of dress… but either way, I am still me, like me and feel good in my body.

Nude or covered a sexy person is a sexy, sensual person.

Sometimes, partial coverage is desirable and sexy…even more sensual and sexy then complete nudity…

I have never asked a man, why don’t you look at my body… because men always look, right? Men like to look… it’s what a man does… look…

But sure at times… we all feel insecure walking to the bathroom nude, as Meryl Streep did in the movie, ‘It’s Complicated’? But Alec Baldwin as big and out of shape as he was, stripped and pranced about… that’s how most men are… those I have known… but not the one I wrote about in the beginning of this…  that lack of confidence, whiny, not sexy man…

We all feel more attractive at one time or another. But to be close enough to have sex and to feel so insecure as this man did…was such a turn off…

Anyway, it’s the woman’s ‘right’ to ask… Do I look like I’ve gained weight? Are my hips getting big?, etc….” And the man’s place to comfort and compliment…

When a man acts like a woman, whiny and whimpering… ‘do you like my body.’ To me, it’s a real turn off… A REAL TURN OFF!

But if he says.. “Hey, look at me, I’ve lost a few and been working out”… now that’s fine… or if he should say…”I’m not looking so good, think I’ll lose some weight”… that’s fine also… it shows he is self-aware not a whine boy.

The way something is expressed verbally shows an innate confidence or not…

I like a man to be a man… Preferably one that takes care of his body to some extent and feels good in it…confidence is sexy…don’t you agree?

So, do you like to strut your stuff…? Make love in the nude with the lights on? Or in the dark under the covers, or a bit of everything depending on your mood…?

Let’s talk…