Tag Archives: connection

Empty People…

trying to fill themselves up – do much damage to self and others. To them the grass is always greener – because they have little to no ability to appreciate where they are, what they have and to water their own grass – they are always looking over the fence to another yard or to attain another shiny object.

They exploit others using sexuality – they lie – they cheat – trying to make themselves feel good about who they are and  to stave off and deny their internal self-lack. They are void of self worth continually trying  to fill themselves up.  Sex is one way, but there are many ways that the empty-vessel-people try to fulfill their desperate need to feel worthy and fulfilled.

They may gorge themselves on food. All those huge swollen bodies in this world stuffed themselves overly full to become that way. Sure, there are a few people with physical disorders that keep them heavy, but for most it’s because they stuff themselves to overly full – way too often. We all may do this occasionally, but it’s not what is done occasionally that does the harm. It’s what is done daily as a habit or obsession that creates the dysfunction of destruction. Then most sit on their butts in front of the TV or computer escaping into whatever it is  they can find.  Escape – escape-  escape is their goal – trying to escape themselves and their self loathing and fear, along with refusal to face self in any solid self-reflection.

Some use drugs or alcohol to escape their self-lack and emptiness.  They will do any and everything to avoid facing self and their core issues. They are empty to the core and they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel full – except to face self and to genuinely heal. They continually are trying to cover their internal wound with one band aid after another, when emotional surgery is what is needed. They have little or no regard for others because they have little to no regard for self.

Some buy or collect things. Some become hoarders – if one is good ten is better mentality. They may collect cars or other objects. But once one object has been purchased and owned – their intense internal lack leads them to immediately desire another. They are never satisfied as they roam about on the hunt for their next momentary high only to have it crash to the ground which stimulates  and forces them to search and acquire their next rush. They can’t be genuinely happy or feel fulfilled for long because they do not have the internal means to do so. Some where in their lives they have been fractured – and it’s seemingly easier for them to look  outward to things, objects, money, sex, drugs – any addiction rather than to stop and face  self – their demons – their inner issues.  The grass is always greener in their distorted mind’s view. Something around the next corner or curve they think may be their answer.  They may have a beautiful wife, kids and success but they have little to no ability to have appreciation or gratitude  for what they have. Their inner empty vessel  always desires more – better – younger -newer – the next best shiny thing.  If they have a brunette wife, they desire a blond mistress, etc.

They have little ability to be in the moment of thanks and gratitude. They have a restless soul – they are an empty vessel always looking – searching to be filled-up in some way or form. I am not referring to healthy ambition. I am talking a destructive, internal empty vessel self of nothingness that will eventually lead to destruction in some form or another.

It also  has to do with spirituality and a connection to God – when there is little to none – destruction of self and others doesn’t matter – because no real ability to feel love – contentment – goodness or joy exists in the individual at the deeper soul level. God – goodness values human life. Evil – satanic has no value for human life, but to capture and destroy… hence its attraction to addictions of all varieties.

The key to having a solid core is to face self straight on and in deep self-reflection.  Avoiding self will always lead to  a life with broken fragments – ultimately shards of nothingness.

My book – out now … has a process to assist with this kind of intense and inner self-reflection.




What inspires you to love?

TreeAnn6Is it beauty, fun, kindness? Is it sex, liking the samethings, or experiences shared? Is it commonalities, differences, or the energy you feel when you are with the person? Is it their actions, words, or that their words and actions match? Is it consistancy, compatiblity, tension or comfort?

Is it inconsistancy, uncertainty, excitement, thrill,  or danger?

Different things attract  the inspiration to love. Some of the attractions are healthy and some not. Sometimes, it’s a mixture of the good and the bad? Some people think they love someone when they feel like they felt with their parents or caregivers. They attract to the familiarity of whatever they experienced then, so it ‘feels’ like love, ‘like home’, when perhaps, it isn’t. It’s just familiar, like a habit, but  it’s what ‘feels’ comfortable, like an old shoe and so they think it’s love.

If the past was healthy and nurturing that is great, but if it was one of discord, addictions or dyfunction, not so great. Those imprinted patterns are difficult to break and they can guide either to goodness or destruction.

So, ponder what inspires you to love and attracts you to someone as it’s the basis of the relationship, its journey, its joys, its pain, its success, its harm, or failure.

“But does he who loves someone on account of beauty really love that person? No; for the small-pox, which will kill beauty without killing the person, will cause him to love her no more.

And if one loves me for my judgment, memory, he does not love me, for I can lose these qualities without losing myself. Where, then, is this Ego, if it be neither in the body nor in the soul? And how love the body or the soul, except for these qualities which do not constitute me, since they are perishable? … We never, then, love a person, but only qualities.”  Blaise Pascal’s “Pensees”

The above is an example of shallow love…

We all lose our ‘qualities’ eventually  and when we do, is when we will know if we are loved and if we love.

The awareness, blessing and grace to love without the distraction of qualities and traits is  a genuine gift and if we love sincerely love  will  eventually evolve into this.

What attracts you to love someone? Ever really thought about it deeply, beyond the face, figure, abs, smile, etc?

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”

Oscar Wilde

Look to the left and click to follow…

Men who complain their wife, or girlfriend, isn’t into sex…

 ???????????????????????????????I hear this lots… as I wonder, if these men are even sexy. In fact, the men that I observe complaining and whining about the lack of sex aren’t sexy, sensual, attractive, or even interesting, or fun…

Soooo… no wonder their wife or girlfriend isn’t interested in sex….

Men! Just having a penis, or an erection doesn’t make you desirable…Just being a male, doesn’t make you desirable….

Many men who ‘talk’ about sex, aren’t that good at doing it… is what so many women tell me…

Men who jump from sexual partner to sexual partner looking for that ‘sexual high’ aren’t sexy, or sensual… they are immature and irresponsible. Immaturity and irresponsible are not sexy…

Commitment, responsiblity, maturity and an emotional connection are what is sexy and sensual…

If you had it once, that sexual chemistry, that connection with your lady and it’s gone… then maybe, ‘you’, the man did something wrong… ever think of that, ‘your maleness’…? Ever think that it is about ‘you’ and not her??? So, how about blaming yourself and looking at yourself, instead of her…?

Women thrive on attention, communication, knowing that she is appreciated, cared for and protected. Women thrive on romance…

Now, I understand that some women are cold, or can grow cold for other reasons than what a man may, or may not do… but…Lovers

Men… there are excellent videos that you can get, to learn how to really make love to a woman… so that you can satisfy her. (I am not talking porn, I am talking about instructional videos… but they are also sexy. Porn can be a good thing, or a bad… depending…)

The more a woman is satisfied and fulfilled, the more sex she will want. It’s not all about you, ‘men’. Women have told me that they ‘fake’ orgasms just to get it over with and to make the man ‘feel’ good about ‘his’ performance. And the women finally get tired of faking it… and want no more of it…

There is a great movie called, FIREPROOF, that I recommend… it shows how turned off a man can make his wife without realizing what he is doing. That a male being so obsessed with self will turn the best, most committed woman off…

Guys, if you want great sex…. realize it is about the woman… put her first…
and forget about your ego and your penis needs…

If the sexual chemistry is there in the beginning.. it will always be there, if it is nurtured and developed… learn together about each others’ bodies. Women have a more complex sexual make-up than men.

Most women are very sexual beings and as they get older most get even more so…

I have a beautiful friend married for years to a great looking guy and she lies in bed and has sex with herself with him asleep beside her… so hey… what is this saying….?

Men you need to wake up… stop complaining and talking about sex and learn how to do it and how to really please your lady outside of the bedroom…cuddle with her, hold her hand, buy her gifts, flowers, etc… whatever she enjoys… start all over with the romance, every so often… make it fun and exciting… to break-up the pattern of everyday life…

It’s not about your car, football, fishing, your job, how much money you make or anything else. It is about how she feels when she is around you… it’s about how ‘you’ make her feel when she interacts with you… if she feels cared for, appreciated seen and heard….

There is so much written about how to please a man and it all centers on his ego. Men’s ego needs can weigh heavily on a woman.. a man’s ego and keeping him feeling ‘good’ as a man can exhaust a woman…
feeding that ‘fragile male ego’ can be a real turn off….

Women get tired of catering to a man’s ego…. so they shut down….
and men, if she doesn’t want you… she is shut down to you… she is turned off by and to you…. and it very well may be your fault….

Men.. are you still in shape? Do you take care of your personal hygiene? Do you watch sports all day ignoring your lady, then expect her to ‘want’ you… well, good frigging luck…

It’s really not about ‘sex’ It’s about communication. It’s about the connection.

Men forget about your needs, your penis, your ego, yourself and focus on your lady…it just may get you all that you could ever desire. Can you even handle it?

A woman’s glow…

???????????????????????????????Years ago, I was very much in love with a man who had two sons, one 13 and one 11….
I was very close to these boys. The 13-year-old was just getting interested in girls and would talk about them and ask his Dad and I questions…

Before his first dance, I taught him how to hold a girl, while slow dancing. He was a kind sensitive, kind-of-a football playing young man…and the girls loved him…

Then he met a ‘special’ girl… He excitedly told his Dad, as his face lit up,  “When she looks at me Dad, she glows. Her eyes glow! Her whole face glows! The look in her eyes is so great. And Dad, it makes me feel so good inside. There’s nothing else like it as when a girl looks at you with that light in her eyes, is it?

It’s like Ann looks at you, Dad. Wow! I
don’t want to ever do anything to stop her from having that look in her eyes when she looks at me. I love that glow.”

Pure wisdom, out of the mouth of a young man experiencing his first love…

So men, if you are fortunate enough to have a woman look at you with the glow of love…admiration, respect and all that encompasses it…it’d be wise not to mess it up…

It may not come again and it is a very precious thing to be cherished nurtured and valued…

A woman enhances, teaches, offers and gives a man the ability to become more than he ever thought he could be. Her magic, ‘her glow’, can draw out the best in him, if he is open to it. If he destroys her glow, out of abuse, disregard, betrayal, or his own insecurity… he will destroy his chance of having real love…and experiencing the full magical essence of the feminine.
And the more he destructs the feminine, the more he destroys himself, and his chance at peace, happiness, and contentment,even magic…in love…
So guys, if you are fortunate enough to have the feminine glow directed at you… flame the fires… it’s a big part of what the male/female attraction is all about…Think about it…