Playboys, Never Married Men and Committment…

???????????????????????????????A playboy is a philanderer who devotes himself to a life of “play”. The term typically refers to a man who has numerous brief sexual relations with women… some have serial ‘marriage-like-play-like’ encounters that never result in a real commitment.   

Some people ‘think’ the term ‘playboy’ is glamorous and some men even ‘think’ it’s a compliment to be called a ‘playboy’… I think it’s one of the lowest things that a man can be. A playboy is a man that is still a ‘boy’… he ‘plays’ at being a man. He ‘plays’ house and  ‘plays’ at manly things… What could be more unattractive in a man?…

What makes a man attractive is maturity, responsibility and the ability to have an enduring lasting relationship with the ability to care and really love. A man who is in touch with his emotions in honesty is sexy… not a man that walks around trying to see how many women he can have sex with… this kind of a man is a joke unto himself and a blight to woman-kind.

A playboy is attracted just as far as the conquest goes, when he feels that he succeeds, or even partially succeeds, he becomes less attracted. This behavior is nothing, but empty, immature and can even become ‘cocky’. And this is not attractive, sexy, glamorous, or manly. It’s weak and childlike, grabbing for one toy, after getting it, tiring of it, then reaching for another.
Gigolo : 40 something executive with tuxedo flirting with young girls.
Men, I have met, and gone out with, who are over forty and have ‘never been married’, usually are very lacking. They can’t see it in themselves, but they are self-centered, even arrogant (a coverup for their innate insecurity) and I find them emotionally immature on many levels. Truth be known, many have sexual issues, even if they have had many sexual partners.  Having a need for many sexual partners is a sign of immaturity and an emotional lack. A person who has had, or can have emotionally satisfying sex, doesn’t desire random meaningless sex, unless, they are emotionally stunted and trying to cover-up deep seated issues.

‘Playboys’, or ‘the never married male’ often state that they just haven’t met the ‘right’ woman, but to me it appears more like they aren’t the ‘right’ manThey aren’t ‘right’ with themselves or who they are inside.

When they observe their friends getting divorced, they are ‘proud’ that they haven’t had to endure this. Yeah right! They haven’t experienced, or endured much of anything where ‘real commitment’ is concerned. They are so afraid of divorce that they never marry. They are so fearful  that they are afraid of losing what they never have had, or experienced. How pathetic is that?

The real deal with the ‘never married man’, forty and up, is that they can’t commit, are afraid of failure and real intimacy. So, they objectify women and diminish marriage and commitment to make themselves feel better about their inability to commit, to choose, and to make long term relationship decisions.

They need that ‘easy’ satisfaction, that ‘rush’ of something new, an escape, a change and they may not really like women, may even fear women, and certainly have a fear of knowing themselves in relation to a female. That’s why they pull away when it begins to get ‘real’.

So, quick seduction, or even slow seduction with all the words that ‘play’ like love with some ‘play-like’ actions and they may even enjoy ‘playing house for awhile’, of course,  without the ‘unnecessary  (very necessary) commitment’.  They always side step, or exit, then blame the woman as ‘she just wasn’t the right’ one’, as their MO.

It’s much easier to pursue and run away when it gets to real or close, than to really commit and get to know themselves in relation to another. In a committed relationship, is when, and only how you get to know yourself. It’s called ‘relationship… in relationship with another. Playboys and the never married, usually don’t have much of a relationship with themselves.

Commitment
is when love really begins then grows. Marriage is a beginning, not an ending. Without commitment, love definitely will fade, with commitment, there is the opportunity for love to grow deeper.

It’s the endurance of commitment that allows for the possibility of true love and growth in both the man and the woman.

Many men these days are so immature and emotionally disconnected, unattractive and unavailable that the possibility of real love will always evade them.
They want the sex and fun, but with none of the responsibility or commitment…
so it’s superficial, empty and soon becomes meaningless…

40 something executive with tuxedo flirting with young girls. Stock Photo - 5185220I know a man who is over 50 and never married. He ‘thinks’, he knows about relationships, even marriage, when he is clueless.  Knowing him as long as I have, this makes me laugh, as he’s delusional. He doesn’t love. He gets ‘enamored’ for a bit then shuts down, or exits. He states that women cheat on him. I understand why because he is never really connected or emotionally available.  He has aged dramatically over the years, is overweight, his body and face appear unloved and unlovable and everything about him is less attractive, even the way that he walks and moves, but he still has that internal ‘playboy’ facade of ‘I am so desirable’… and that he is ‘holding out his commitment and marriage for the one.’  It is really sad, he has lost it, if he ever even had it, and he can’t see it, or who he is, or how he really comes across… he has little to nothing to offer a woman because he has nothing to give.

So, I wondered, does he think that the age of 60, ‘Ms. Perfect’ is going to appear and want him so badly that she will put up with his immature antics and BS that only a mother would, or could deal with? Doubt it! (Is that what these ‘playboys’ think is going to happen?) I told him 15 years ago that he will never marry, and as of yet he hasn’t and I bet, he never will.

Men with deep seated insecurities are too fearful to be really and deeply intimate with a woman. While at the same time, they are very needy even desperate for feminine energy.  Immediate and momentary sexual closeness temporarily satisfies this need and their appetite as they think of their self and their needs and not what they are doing to the woman in emotional harm. They can suck a woman dry then run off to suck the energy from another. The real loser types have several women going at once. They are so fearful of being left without a woman to suck energy from that they keep many on the string.

They put their innate insecurity onto the women in their lives…. and no woman can handle it for long, they wear her down, and the woman that can, they don’t want. Because she sees through him and forces him to look at himself.

The man that I spoke of previously, I can barely spend a lunch with any longer… he is so needy and depressing. But he can’t say… ‘I am unhappy, I need this, or that, I feel lost.’ No, he will say that he is happy and fine. That he is so together, when everything about him appears lost. He is usually deeply depressed. He has no ability to see himself and not only that, he is after a woman with money.  He wants to be taken care of…  so from ‘playboy’ to ‘gigolo’…he, now, complains when he spends money on a woman… GEEZ! Loser much! Like any woman would want him.

Nothing is more pathetic than an aging playboy! Insecurity reeks from every pore.  Playboys are superficial, weak and needy. And the older ones that drive around in their flashy cars trying to appear so ‘with it’ are so not…

Men who can commit, have emotional depth and want to be held accountable to the woman that they love. They aren’t fearful of being known for who they are and the experience of growing in love. They want to care for their woman and make her feel safe and nurtured as a mature and emotionally healthy male does. They want to give and provide … that is what a man is and does, that is the true nature of the male.. a real man in relation to a female.

Beach lovers.Nothing is more attractive than a man who can love deeply and having experienced marriage, this kind of man, wants to experience it again, because he knows that this is a remarkable way to interact and to live, to have a witness to your life of who you are and who you become while living and sharing it together.

It takes a secure man to commit. It’s the weak ones that can’t and who focus on sex and are ‘playboys’…The male/female connection is bliss at it’s finest ….
but with a ‘playboy’ it’s empty, as they are empty vessels… looking to be filled up, instead of filling up another…

How do I know this? My first husband was a ‘playboy’. Yes, some do marry, but they continue their ‘playboy’ ways while married (as in Arnold, Edwards, Wiener, to name a few). My ex was an emotional phony and terrible in bed. I was the wife he wanted for his ‘image’. I am a ‘playboy’ magnet. I have observed and studied them for years.  I can now spot them at a glance. They are the needy penises that I refer to and that is exactly what they are…they are everywhere and the Internet is a playground for them…

Of course, I have had relationships with men who were and are not ‘playboys’… there are good men.. so don’t you guys get all in a huff. Only these days… Wow! From what I observe and what other women tell me, they are few and far between…

(Okay, I am talking about men, but I know there are ‘playgirls’ and the same applies to them.)

19 thoughts on “Playboys, Never Married Men and Committment…”

  1. To find the right woman you got to be the right man. To find the right man you got to be the right woman. True love would not fit in any of these scenarios, because…true love, accepts imperfection, is patient, long suffering, ….you get the picture. Better a true love ( and I am talking about a normal relationship between a man and a woman) where your faults are overlooks, and who will love you more as you age like fine wine! To be a playboy is to play russian roulette with your emotion, your health, and your future. Not worth it!

  2. I’ve seen it. Men who played around with women their whole lives but when their youth and health are fading there is no one there to care for them. It is sad to see.

  3. Hola! I’ve been reading your website for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Austin Texas! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent job!

  4. This is it. Some men act like this and think they are so great.
    Until they realize other men have lives and they don’t. As you stated when a man gets older and is still a playboy he is gross and pathetic. I have known several. They still think they have it when they never had it and sure don’t have it now. Again I love this site, Ayn. Keep it up!

  5. Child/men is what I call them. I love your article the Needy penis. I have been reading on here for hours. Love your take on things and wisdom.

  6. Excellent article. I am home sick with a cold and have been reading on here all day. I admire you, Ayn. You express and write very well.

  7. Very personal and touching and spot on real. Thank you for sharing Ayn.

    Commitment is paramount … which are one the foundations in any love relationship.

  8. Simply put, they never grew up. They remain ‘boys’ their entire lives. Real men respect women, and want a long term relationship. They love their wives and their family.

  9. Asteroth poles from OT, where both male & female prostitution was practiced… problems haven’t changed, just locations…

  10. Another lens….
    It’s about the hunt & conquest …. not a search for that eternal partner. Someone to give your heart to and cherish just being around them.

    Such isn’t so much about insecurity, or fear of rejection from “the conquered” … but can also be narcissism and/or sociopathic tendencies (no thought or context of “the conquered”‘s emotions).

  11. Thank you, Ayn! I’m so tired of hearing “boys will be boys” as though I want a boy with no sense of responsibility, respect and self-control. Only a grown man with principles will do or I remain independent forever.

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