I was having lunch awhile back with a girlfriend and after we ate we joined two of her ‘friends’ (acquaintances) at another table for dessert. One lady was so obsessed about her weight that she would not eat the gram cracker crust on the key lime pie that we all shared, which balanced out to two bites a piece. And this woman was as thin as thin could be… too thin… But she sure guzzled the wine…not worried about the empty calories there…Okay! …
So … the topic is selling out… The other woman who had a dry wit started talking about sex, that she only ever has it, so her husband will continue paying her bills. She went on about how the more she has sex with her husband, the more she can spend, and he won’t complain. The overly thin woman concurred as they shared ‘their sex for goods’ trials and exploits with bitterness and an underlying sadness in their voices…
As I chuckled with the group, internally, I felt sick and sorry for these women. Were they ‘joking’, blowing off steam, or what? Umm… but usually, what you joke about is what is true, what you are hiding, or what is bothering you…
My friend and I locked eyes and knowingly smiled at one another … we didn’t fit with these women .. but for some reason, my friend endured it… I was ready to exit…
To break it up, I excused myself to the ladies’ room. When I stood up, the overly thin woman, looked me up and down… as I chuckled internally… ummm…trying to intimidate me, jealous much, or what? It was too immature and stupid for words…
I felt so out of their loop… I can’t imagine feeling, or joking like these women were doing… the more that they carried on about it, as they laughed about their husbands and their deeds of doing … “Oh baby, baby! Baby you’re so good! Oh Baby!” … well, I won’t get too graphic…
If I ever felt like that, where I needed to fake it, in that manner, I got out of the relationship fast…Lies built on lies, built on lies, just produces more lies. I felt so sorry for these particular ladies who lunch, with their overly thin bodies, wine glasses in hand, designer dudes and purses.
Driving away, I felt so glad to be me… I have never settled, or used a man, or anyone for that matter for money, or goods. I have never sold myself on any level. I respect myself and others too much to do so. And I eat the crust on my desserts… in fact… YUM!
I am free to be me. I have gone hungry in my life. I have been broke. I have been scared to death being alone. I have gotten out of, and ended marriages, and relationships that were unhealthy for my soul, that were untrue on some level, and that tried to diminish my spirit. But in being always so true to myself, I have been hurt to my core, and taken down to my knees, but I got up again and always felt proud of me. And very glad to be out and away from the insidious situation.
How many women are selling out on some level? Maybe, not for goodies, but to keep the peace, for a place to live, because they are afraid, or too insecure to be alone, or they need the title of being married to give them an identity, etc.?
How many unhappily married women are there? And how many are envious of women with freedom … freedom in their spirit. Those who don’t need something ‘designer’ to define them, or some man to pay them, or give them their identity, or the over need to police every bite of food to be, and feel a certain weight, in order, to feel worthy, or the need to gossip, in order, to make themselves feel better than, or the need to look someone up and down like they were in a high school corridor, so unsure of themselves that they create cliques, rumors and bully.
Do you think that many women compromise themselves in some manner or form? Starving themselves to look what ‘they think’ makes them look good when they look gauntly awful. And having sex so that they can carry some over-priced designer purse? Just two examples…do you have more?…
Do you, can you see, or tell, if you are you selling out, or compromising yourself on some level?