We communicate by email. He apologizes and tells me how much he likes me. I apologize.

I inquire about his behavior and actions towards me as it makes no sense. Why tell a woman that he’s interested in her then treat her like dirt? 

I am running errands and driving, while we are talking on the phone, and it is pouring down rain.

“So, you drive hours to play in a golf tournament, but can’t pick me up and take me home when it’s only 25 minutes each way?”

He responds. “Golf is a different parallel.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing, ” What?!”…

He then orders me to pull over and to stop the car because he wants to tell me something. And he is insistent that I be parked when he does.

I think, what a freak show, as I inquire, “So, are you a transvestite? Are you married? Are you a serial killer? Are you….?”

He responds through laughter, “No! No!”

We communicate better over the phone than in person. In person, this ‘communication is so important’ man, freaks out and freezes over.

I stop in a shopping center parking lot, “Okay so, what is it?” Thinking what could this ordinary, emotionally and directionally challenged, appears successful, older man, and God only knows whatelse, have to tell me that is so shocking that I must stop the car to hear it?

“I have a venereal disease. I have had it for thirty years, but it is under control. I take daily medication.  I am not telling you because I assume that we will have se with me. I am telling you because I really like you awhole lot and it could head that way. If I wait too long and tell a woman and they have become emotionally attached to me then it is horrible. Everyone gets hurt. So, this is why I acted the way that I did. I knew that if we continued to date that I would have to tell you at some point. You can’t get it as long as I take my medication. Some women after I tell them won’t even touch me.”

I think, good freaking grief as I listen to him emotionally throw up. I am glad that he is revealing this, but what a project this man is. He has so many issues and having sex with him was never ever going to happen anyway, even before he revealed this, not a chance in hell, not if hell froze over, not if he was the only man on earth. He is about as sexy and attractive as a ‘venereal disease’. And the way that he treated me was as if he was punishing me for everything in his life that was bad.

“How did you get this?” I inquire as I recall his confession about how he used to sleep with so many and left many broken hearted in his wake…. difficult as that is to believe….

“From my wife, she had it and didn’t tell me. I got it on our honeymoon. I have been dealing with this for thirty years. It’s not that big of a deal. Many people have it. It’s called the ‘love bug’ in Europe because so many have it.”

I think GROSS! So he slept with all those women and had this… I wonder did they know? Is that the real reason that they got so upset with him?

And now, he’s trying to ‘sell’ me on a venereal disease that in Europe it’s even chic to have it. I laugh internally, as I start my car, continue my errands, and listen to him go on and on and on and on about his issue and its implications. That he likes me so much and would like to get to know me and spend time with me.

I feel sick to my stomach…

I feel sorry for him and well, I guess, he’s placing his vulnerability in me by telling me this. But it’s alll been so inappropriate. He treats me horribly and now dumps this on me.  He is just a person to me, nothing more… I don’t want him to feel worse about himself, but as a woman…!?!?!?!?!?!  Whoa! Perhaps, it was fortunate that he treated me so strangely so that any possibility of my ever caring about him became impossible.

After he emotes at length, I excuse myself from the phone call.

Snuggling in at home, with time to breathe, I have lasagna and wine and am so glad to be alone…

But this man blew it on all levels. His distracted, insulting treatment of me made me not even think of him as a potential anything, so when he told me his deep dark secret, I was repulsed. This was not the time to tell me. Why would he tell me then… throwing up on me again, expecting what? Was he hoping, thinking, that I would accept him with all his problems, even after the rude way that he treated me? This was one of the strangest encounters I have ever had …CRAZY!

I have not dealt with this kind of an issue (venereal disease) before, so this brings me to… when is it appropriate to reveal this kind of an issue? And how do you do it?

And listen up! This is an older, appears conservative man, and he has a venereal disease, so, you can never be too careful. And my recommendation is before having sex  that you really get to know one another and have deep talks and prove each is clear of disease…

Out of all his strange behavior, I never would have thought this was the reason….
 
Okay… discuss… What would you have said or done? What would your reaction have been?