Dating Mystery… Crazy… Part Two…


In several phone calls and phone messages, he slurs his words. I envision him sitting in a chair drinking and listening to music. He told me that he likes to listen to music. I thought, perhaps, just indulging a bit, since he’s retiring. Although, I can’t stand to be around those who regularly drink too much and realize this is a bad sign.
 
He calls more, instead of the ’emailing, texting gig’ … and we have some nice conversations, although, he comes across a bit contrived, tangential, and stilted, instead of relaxed and fun.  He invites me out for Thursday and then the following Saturday for a retirement celebration. He states that he is looking forward to seeing me and for more ‘continuity’ in our dating. I am interested in finding out who the heck this ‘man’ is…I ‘think’ that I am. Ummm, actually… I don’t know what I think… I am mostly curious…

Because…I have many questions and red flags are emerging…

He heads to my house late-afternoon, for a date to a movie then out to dinner. He texts me for my address and directions, even though, he should’ve had this info. I sent him a detailed email previously and he was at my house only a couple of weeks ago. But I send it to him again. He calls and texts, five, or more times, to find out more specific directions to my house. He exits incorrectly and I need to direct him. We live about 25 minutes apart and it is a straight shoot to get to where I live… easy as can be… so why so much drama and trauma concerning getting to my house?

I sit on the steps of my staircase and ponder…too much tension over nothing. I feel stress coming from him…this isn’t fun…not sure, I even want to go out with him…

When he arrives, he is hot and sweaty with a red face. Out of pity and kindness, I hug him, “So, do you feel like you have been on a trip around the world?” I try to soothe him, while thinking how bizarre, I say, “No big deal.sometimes, we all get lost.”

We head for the movie theatre. I have to repeatedly give him directions and this is the same theatre that we went to a couple of weeks ago. He states that he is not good at directions… well, Duh! And that he has other redeeming qualities. I ponder, Really, umm… I’ll see…

At the theatre, I order a frappuccino and give the server specific instructions as to what I would like. The usual Starbucks order…light, half caffe.. etc.

He smirks in ‘a making fun of me kind of way’ as I exclaim, “What?” His response. “When I observe people being so specific and exact in what they want, I wonder, if can I make them happy. Like choosing a restaurant for Sat. night.”

“So, should I order what I want or not?” (realizing he makes everything about him, even my ordering what I want.)

I inquire, “Where were you thinking for Sat.?”

He tells me and I respond, “Good choices”, then state two of which I like the most.

We wait in the theatre. We are there 45 minutes early, even with his ‘get to my house drama’, because ‘Mr. Critical, No Continuity, Communicator’ got the time incorrect. He shovels popcorn down his throat and I sip my frap. I try to chat a bit, but when he turns to reply, his eyes look over my head, or past me. No eye contact. I feel like I am in some ‘surreal and strange war-like situation,’ and have no idea why. Why is he with me, if he can’t look me in the eye and barely talks, or responds?

His phone rings and he answers to confirm a golf tournament. He’s talkative enough on the phone call…

During the movie, he says loudly to the movie screen, “I love when things are black and white!”, referring to what is being said on screen.
 
I am startled by how loudly he speaks and why to the screen? He then refers to the woman character on the screen, commenting that he likes how strong she is, but he doesn’t look at me while talking…kind of talks out of the side of his mouthe. 

Ummm, he told me on our first date that he liked how sure and strong that I am and now he is making fun of me and putting me down.

After the movie, we head out to find a place to eat.

“Where do you want to go?” he asks.

I am tired of giving directions and tired of being criticized for picking places that he doesn’t like because they are too loud. I am tired of being ‘the man’ on the date. Why hasn’t he thought of places to go?  I’d rather just go on home, but I suggest a restaurant where I have gone for years. I know where to sit, so it isn’t loud, so that he can ‘hopefully’ communicate… Good grief! What am I dealing with here? I am catering to this ‘baby/man’ and he is ignoring me.
  
As we head down the street towards the restaurant, I continually need to keep directing him forward. I feel like I am with some inept child that I am having to guide all the way.

He valets the car and we enter. I request my table, which is available and is off to the side, so it won’t be too loud, so perhaps, the noise won’t distract ‘Mr. Fragile’.

He smirks as he kids about having my own table. By this time, I am so over him, that I am about to blow… but I remain polite. We order appetizers and he orders a drink.  I am not hungry. I feel tense and uncomfortable. While I talk, he looks to the side. While he talks, he looks to the side. 

I’ve had it!  I look him directly in the eyes and speak strongly, as I tell him about dating a doctor that had lots of money and didn’t understand why his wife left him. I tell him about another wealthy man that I dated that had a polo field in his front yard and a huge house that he built for his wife and kids and his wife left him and the kids never came to see him. I told him that these men had ‘things’, but didn’t know how to connect, engage, or communicate with a woman. That the few times, I went out with them that it was boring and I felt alone. They were all about themselves, their hobbies, and their things and they didn’t connect with me, while telling me how much they liked me.

He got red in the face as I talked. I had struck a nerve and he was outted.

I felt bad for being hard on him. So, as the evening continued, I told him that a few weeks earlier when it was storming outside. I felt alone and thought about calling him, but didn’t.

He said that he wished I had because, it would’ve made me seem ‘real’.

I think, ‘me’ … ‘real’? He’s the one who’s not real.  How could I call man for comfort who only cares about himself and doesn’t connect?

I told him that I didn’t call because I felt I would be ‘bothering him’.. he said that he wants to be the protector and I said that is what I would like to feel… that I can relax and be protected and cared for.

He said that he would like to cuddle during a storm. I said,  “Me, too.”

It seemed that we had a ‘nice moment’, but…

The rest of the evening was, well… I nibbled my dinner as we decide that Saturday, we would eat at his house and he would cook. That he would like that because he went out so often for business and didn’t eat at home much. That he would grill out because all he would need to do is to flip some meat on the grill. He asked what I like in my salad. Did I like cucumbers so on and so forth. His intense questions about salad ingredients and planning were tedious and over done. It was as if he had some need to plan every detail of what to have and what to do.

He also stated that he didn’t want to drive to my house to get me then have to take me back to my house. I am stunned hearing this ‘man’ say this… but…

For some reason? I respond, (while thinking what a lazy creep), that I wouldn’t mind driving to his house Sat. (I was curious to see where and how he lived. He told me that his house wasn’t all that organized, since, he had only lived there for ’39’ days in the past year. He often mentioned boxes that he needed to go through and unpack. I wondered, was he one of those hoarders like they show on TV? This man had become a mystery to solve, instead of a date.)

I asked him why didn’t he look at me when I was talking? Did he find me unattractive? He told me that he thinks I am gorgeous, intelligent and other positive things.

“Gorgeous?! You don’t even look at me. I felt like I was alone. In the theatre, when I was just making small talk you barely responded.”

“We were in a movie and I was distracted.”

My response. “The movie hadn’t even started.”

“But things were on the screen.”

Talking to this man is so frustrating. He is defensive, claims to always be distracted and blames everything on others, instead of looking at himself. There is always something wrong with the restaurant, or something else… What is really up with this man? I can’t talk in a restaurant, before a movie begins, or while he is driving…This is insanity!

While waiting for the valet, he stands there with a pouting expression. His face is red and he has this nasty, but abstract look on his face. I hook my arm through his and try to lighten the mood, (I feel sorry for him.) but, of course, it doesn’t work. All he offers is complete silence. This man that claimed on our first date that communication was so important, can’t communicate at all.

His car is brought around and we get in. There is a car blocking us. So, we can’t leave. Finally, a man gets out of the car and the ‘man’ I am with, yells out of the window. “Why don’t you move?! Other people want to drive out?!!”

Then he says to me, while, of course, not looking at me. “This is another bad thing about me.”

Driving down the street, he almost hits an older couple walking across the street.
He brakes, exclaiming. “I didn’t even seen them!”

I ask. “Why not? The lights? What? Are you ADD? You tease about it often enough. So, are you? What’s wrong with you?”

“Aren’t all successful men a bit ADD?”

We ride to my house in almost silence.

Except for my comment, “Well, I communicated honestly and you seem not to like that I did.”

At my front door, I walk in and he stands at the threshold like some pouting kid.

“So, are we eating at your house on Sat.or what?” ( while I think, this man is an idiot, why am I trying to be nice to him?)

“Let me think about it.”

I respond, “Think about it? Let’s forget it. If you think, I am gorgeous and are interested in me, yet don’t look me in the eyes and treat me with such disregard, I don’t know how you will connect with any woman.”

Then he pulls me to him and ties to kiss me. I push him away and close the door.

I feel beaten up by some guy that told me that he wanted to get to ‘know me’ and to ‘date me’….

Okay! So, what’s your take?
I have, of course, reviewed and reflected.. but let’s discuss…

The full mystery in the crazy will be revealed in a third part…

Side note: Even if you plan on being late to your own funeral, lateness to a date signifies indolence, disrespect, immaturity, and downright lameness! If you’re going to be ten or fifteen minutes late, it’s polite to let your date know. This could mean the difference between a warm welcome and a cold shoulder. If it’s convenient, talk in person, rather than relying on lazy communication… texting and emailing.