is it because of?
Desperation…
All people, regardless of gender, can “smell” desperation—and trust me, they’ll run from it. If you get into a relationship quickly with a desperate type, they may turn on you as quickly as they came after you, when they feel like they ‘have’ you.
Low or No Self-Confidence…
Again, most people pick up on it and don’t want it in their life. Healthy people want a partner, not a project, and having to constantly give approval, or reassurance to someone who has no self-respect, or confidence becomes draining fast. We all have low self-confidence, at times, I am talking about an innate lack that permeates relationships.
Commitment Phobia
Oddly enough, it tends to be this type that can’t hold a relationship and who seem to have no idea why. They blame the other person but…When we don’t trust others, and we’re afraid of committing, we’ll not only attract the same in return, but we’ll sabotage good things, usually by nitpicking, or setting unattainable and completely unreasonable standards. Examples: I don’t like the way they dress, they like different things than I do, so we aren’t a match, etc.) These people can’t accept the normal ups and downs in getting to know one another and the normalcy of the times when you don’t feel as connected. It takes an internally secure person to connect with another.
Being able to love and be loved requires first that you love yourself. Otherwise, you’ll become a black hole; no matter how much attention, or care someone pours into you, it’s either never enough, or never from the “right person, or not done right, good enough, or long enough.” I think you get the picture…
If you tear yourself into shreds, I can only imagine how harshly you criticize others. Picky people may criticize and ask lots of probing questions, when it’s themselves that they aren’t sure of and don’t know. When you learn to love and accept yourself, you also start seeing the world and other people through different eyes.
Anyone who “needs” to be with someone tends to be in only one of two modes: namely mourning the loss of a relationship, or chasing after one. Neither is the reason to be in a relationship. Plus, you give away all your power, either to those who don’t deserve it, or by creating walls so high that no one can overcome them. The truth is that if you expect the worst, you’ll get it.
Be cautious around those who obviously seem to “need” relationships.
Those who are going person to person and/or move on, or cheat as soon as things become difficult. These people are internally insecure and very well maybe co-dependent. They just appear to be more independent by constantly being with someone new. Either way, the vibe they give off is the same, and a functional, healthy relationship will not come from behaving in any of these ways.
My suggestion would be to surround yourself with honest and caring people, who are preferably drama and mostly baggage free. You can learn from observing them and how they interact with others.
Ask about how you are perceived and suggestions as to what you can do to overcome the obstacles. Be open to their advice, even though it might sting. Hopefully, you don’t choose friends who want to deliberately hurt you, or don’t care. Good friends and genuine people will be honest. But consider the source for any type of feedback, before you discard a friend, simply because they may have told you something, you didn’t want to hear.
Craving is what an addict does…
NEED is what an addict feels… and this is what drives them..
The more clearly that you see yourself, the more able you will be to love another and more able to create a lasting, enduring relationship.