(For the sake of anonymity, the MAN’S image has been distorted)
MAN – It’s a well-known fact that men think about sex every 15 seconds or something like that? So, a guy is thinking about it pretty much all the time.
ANN – Of course, I’ve heard that.
MAN – Therefore, some men say whatever comes to mind, fishing to see what it will take to make a woman take the bait. That’s why some say such stupid, even crass things. It’s just marketing tactics and some men are better at it than others, or might I say, smoother. But, we all do it in some form, say something, anything, or try to get close, go for a kiss to see how she will react.
ANN – Men are always and continually testing the water even before any affection has been established?
MAN – Men, as you know, can have sex without affection. And some will say or do anything to get to the sex, even, “I love you.” Myself, I would not be untruthful or manipulate. I have several daughters and told them that all boys are after is sex. I told them, no matter how sweet or nice the boys are to you, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but their goal is sex. I would make sure to demonstrate to the boys calling on my daughters how protective I am of them.
ANN – All women are someone’s daughters, ever think of that?
MAN – ummm…
ANN – So, other attributes of a woman are not seen and recognized as important…her kindness, insights or intellect?
MAN –They are seen, but the sex is what a man is after.
ANN – So, if a woman has sex with a man on the first few dates before any real connection is established, will the man care for her more than if she didn’t have sex?
MAN – Depends on if the sex is good or not. (laugh)
ANN – Geez! And if sex is bad, according to him that is. She has just given an intimate sampling of herself to someone that doesn’t care about her. Actually, she was used for his masturbation. It appears to me like some men and women are just using each other as masturbation tools. If there is no affection, little interaction, and respect and trust hasn’t been established before sex occurs, what is it other than mutual masturbation?
MAN – Some women can have sex with a man without attachment, the same as a man. In college, a friend told me that he was going to stop the wining and dining and just jump to the question. “Do you want to cut to the chase and ‘F…’?” He said that more than half the women took him up on it.
ANN – Sad commentary, as what was that other than mutual masturbation?
MAN –Okay. But it shows some women are like men in this area.
ANN – I have been deeply in love and when you have and know the incredible profound connection of what sex is, you don’t want or have the need to diminish it in this manner.
MAN – Well, agree. I said my friend did this, not me.
ANN – So what, is this deal with the third date being the charm? Many men seem to think that the third date is when sex is ‘supposed’ to happen.
MAN – I think some women believe that if they have sex on the first date that the men will think that she is a slut. And by the third date that it is okay.
ANN – Oh, I see. But in the first three dates, how well can people really know one another? I would think that having sex then, would be premature. How about the concept of having sex when it just feels right and in the timing for both….that after time spent together and affection grows that it feels right to get that close to another human being?
MAN – Agree. That is probably best.
ANN – Would you stop dating a woman that you liked if she wasn’t ready to have sex on or soon after the third date…that she wanted to wait until she got to know you and felt cared for and safe? And who knows when this will occur…
MAN – If I really liked her, it wouldn’t matter. But at some point, sex either occurs or you stop dating.
ANN – Well, sure. You need to feel that attraction and excitement. And when that excitement builds, it cannot only be fun, but great, in fact incredible!
MAN – Men are focused on the finishing line.
ANN – Like some deal that they are closing. Pursue her, have sex. Done! Goal Scored! Sex is as close as two people can get on the physical. It is a body, mind, spiritual connection. Why would you want to get that close to someone that you didn’t know well and didn’t share a great affection for?
Man – Agree. But most men are made differently and most don’t think this way. If they can get it, they will take it.
ANN – Sex isn’t something that you ‘get’. It’s something that you give. Look at the respective anatomy, a man gives to a woman and she receives. A man injects his emotions and who that he is into a woman. It is work for a woman to get into her feelings and to process all this. Unless, she can cut herself off from her emotions and be like a man. But why really would a woman want to do this – lose herself to become ‘manlike’?
MAN – Some do. But I can see what you are talking about.
ANN – It’s been documented that a man lives longer and happier with a woman in his life and a woman is happier and lives longer without a man. And this is much more to do with the many things that the feminine does for a man, not just the sex, don’t you think?
MAN – Definitely, a man likes the security of coming home or being at home with a woman and family that cares for him. Where he can be himself and relax.
ANN – And feel the woman’s nurturing spirit?
Of course, women have these needs also, but is usually doing most of the nurturing so it is more work on her part.
MAN – Yes, for sure.
ANN – If you met a woman that you liked and knew that she was promiscuious, had sex with many men and could operate in this area like a man. Would you be hesitant or want a relationship with her?
MAN – (long pause) I – I wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t want to think about it. It would make me wonder…I – I am not sure.
ANN – Do you think that most men would answer similarly to you?
MAN – (ponders) Some – most – not sure.
ANN – I have met so many men who complain that their ex-wives weren’t into sex. That they just didn’t like it. I always wonder, hearing this, if the man has something to do with her not liking it? I am very sexual and need that in a relationship. Yet, I have been in situations where a man turned me off so much that he probably ‘thought’ that I didn’t like sex when it was him, his words, or his behaviors that were the turn off.
MAN – There are women and some men, too, that aren’t that into sex.
ANN – Of course. But if a woman feels, safe, respected and valued, it gives her the space to bloom and when she does, she will shower the man with all that is her and that includes affection, sensuality and sexuality. And this doesn’t happen in one to three dates. It develops over time.
MAN – Sounds good to me.