Violation of First Amendment Rights…

Facebook – and others are censoring conservatives at their whim and at rapid pace for doing little to nothing. Some in social media do not want the truth out or any differing opinions that do not support their communist/progressive, NWO agenda. Therefore, ‘FB jail time’, blocking and banning are happening more and more often.

FB put me in jail for 30 days for a post that I wrote years ago and it was not anything but my opinion about how ‘some’ homosexuals behave which is my right to have and to express. So now, FB is going back in time to find anything that they can to shut  up conservatives, Christians, white people  and heterosexuals.  Anything  against DACA, Muslims, Sharia Law, illegals – post anything about an aspect concerning gun control, homosexuals, transexuals, women’s march – women who wear vaginas on their heads – being in support of President Trump – anything against Hillary, Dems, progressives, NWO are deemed as going against ‘FB community standards’. While FB allows verbal abuse of conservatives from terrorists,  gays, dems, muslims, lib/dem/ progressives, etc.  and allows them to post horrible even threatening things and not be censored. FB allows all sorts of perversions to be displayed and if you are against them – you are thrown into FB jail and ‘punished’ – censored – as if you are some school child.

Censorship for agenda must be stopped. It is against our First Amendment Rights and is why our forefathers stated it as such – in order to curtail censorship for agenda before it begins and to allow freedom of speech for all – not just a few.  When people are not allowed to express differing opinions then we are under a communistic rule and dictatorship coming from some in the social media, etc. 

Political correctness is nothing but Censorship.  ‘PC and so-deemed hate speech’ are being taken way too far and being used as control of free expression and free speech.   It’s for the evil agenda of perversion and control of the masses.  FB  even wants an app for children – so their agenda can be imprinted as early as possible – so addiction to technology and  that brainwashing can begins earlier and earlier – the sick twisted desire of rule, dominate and control to implement their agenda over the masses.

FB should be cited, sued, fined, etc. for curtailing freedom of speech and expression.  According to Zuckerberg, FB was started as a place for people to communicate and share expression. Now, it’s become a place to promote Zuckerberg’s agenda as he censors anyone against it –  curtailing FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS for those ‘they deem’ going against ‘their agenda’. FB is un-American, about control and about ‘their’ agenda while they make money off ‘everyone’ who uses their communistic-run site. People are punished at FB’s whim without due recourse or way to communicate. Those in protest are not even listened to – I have contacted FB hundreds of times, after I have been thrown in ‘their FB censorship jail’ and no one  ever responds.  zuckerberg resolution 2017 mark 5 1500x1000Being on FB is like North Korea –  being on there, we are under the dictates of a  wimpy little dick-ta-tor of control, arrogance and agenda. Zuckerberg is now creating a household computer- ‘butler’- like robot and he has made it so that it only listens to his voice and not his wife’s. This man is an out-of-control dick-ta-tor and needs to be thrown in jail for being a traitor to American freedoms.

Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg are a menace to a free society. He curtails freedom of speech and freedom of expression and uses his site to promote progressive communism  to try to weaken America, flood her with illegals, muslims  and refugees who hate our country, in order to created chaos – thus enabling  the progressive agenda of control to insert a weakened America into the NWO under the rule of the UN – where all rights will come through them and they have control over all earth’s resources, land, property and people.   Completely against freedom – all about the evil of control. 

Boasting, bragging, nosy, controlling people…

Blowhard : someone who always brags or boasts about himself. He is also a braggart, bragger,  vaunter, etc. Blowhard is an informal word describing someone who can’t stop talking about themselves or their accomplishments either real or imagined.

Just recently, I interacted with one of the biggest braggers I have encountered. I met her online. She approached me – concerning my book.  She thinks she knows everything about everything. She asks intrusive, nosy and rude questions and if you don’t answer them , she gets offended that you don’t give her all the info she seeks. She talks about money all the time – what car she drives –  how big her house is – if you mention any topic, she knows more about it than you or anyone else does – and all her ‘friends’ or associates are ‘experts’ in their fields and according to her – ‘know more about anything than anyone else’. Her children are the most accomplished and her husband the best husband in the world – HA! As she continued her BS – I realized that she knows little to nothing about much. She refers to everyone as her ‘besties’ – including me and I just met her – never met her in person and have no desire to do so. She uses emoji’s like some child – like 10 of them with every post or text. Always trying to draw attention to herself. She hides behind the mantel of being a Christian – when her behavior is any and everything but. I tried to give her the benefit of my doubt but my first instincts were correct – so I cut my interaction off with her – but not fast enough. She is a people collector – a sucker of energy. A vampire – searching for prey. 

A person who brags, is a person who seeks external validation since the individual cannot self-validate. The individual doesn’t find or have the inner resources to validate himself. Bragging and boasting implies an inferiority complex.

Braggadocious people are usually also controlling – they want to control the conversation and make it and everything else all about them – what they own – what they do – who they know – what they know – how much money they have. They try to control the conversation in order to get information about you or others.  They ask intrusive nosy questions to find out where they can suck, take, or use against you. Nosy in order to glean information for them to use against you or to put you down when they need another boost for their fragile insecure ego. They will eventually use your vulnerabilities against you in some form or another – even if it’s only to feel better about themselves and to get  or for them to think that they have the upper hand. Many braggers have sociopathic and narcissistic traits.

They try to connect to people with success, money, accomplishment or  some sphere of influence – so they can add them to their arsenal of what ‘expert’ friends and associates they have – in order to have more to brag about – even if it’s only by association. They collect people as if they were things.  They ‘think’ that associating with others of accomplishment will rub off on them – they even take others accomplishments and try to make themselves part of it – trying to take the accolades from someone and trying to make themselves appear that they assisted in someone’s success. They many times exaggerate, if not actually lie and many live way above their means in order to keep up their fake image and facade of – ‘I am – oh so wonderful, happy and great – above all others!’These people are innately insecure and  severely lacking internally.

Wouldn’t it be absurd if Einstein tried to show off concerning his intelligence? We all know he is a genius. Einstein received external and internal validation. People with  accomplishment, be it wealth, accolades, intelligence, happiness, beauty, etc. – don’t need to brag or boast about it – it just is. They are who they are and others sense who they are by their actions, words, behavior and lifestyle –  no need to brag or boast – because who they are  emanates naturally from their pores.

Steer clear of those who are boastful, braggarts, nosy, controllers – who ‘think’ they know everything – who don’t listen, don’t self-reflect about how their rude, intrusive, arrogant, boasting affects others and can’t be shown or taught self-awareness or much else – they will usually take advantage of you,  if and when you don’t go along with their plans, do as they deem, or  they realize that you see through them – they may even try to take from you and do you harm when you don’t give them what they want or need from you.

Realize when you feel more than or less than others – you are not feeling equal to…

A book to assist  – read with self-reflection, honest comprehension and you will grow more  in awareness.

Those who genuinely believe in Jesus Christ…

Have less stress – less mental and emotional issues – more peace – more joy – have more faith – love – contentment. Why? Because they know who they are and where they are going when they leave earth. Talking to Christ and listening with their heart through their mind’s eye, they also understand why they are on earth and their placement and mission and they go for it and live it fully. They are guided. They have more love – respect – kindness – generosity – acceptance – understanding – forgiveness of their fellowman.

They strive for ‘right’ living and following the ten commandments.

When they are in pain and going through the storms of life on earth, they hold quick and fast to the hand of Jesus Christ as their comfort and guide. There will always be trials and pain on earth – it is the planet of dualities – good and evil – that is what keeps this place rockin’ and rollin’.

I am not talking those who ‘pretend’ to believe because they think it’s the ‘thing’ to do or to make people think they are good, in order that they put one over on others. I am writing about those who really and genuinely believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.  

They are not overly concerned with material things, their position or power on earth because they know all this is temporary. Sure, things of earth are fun and meaningful and for us to enjoy. Achievement and acquirement are meaningful here, but they are temporary and of earth. What is important and matters the most to the Christian is their soul.  

They will kindly give to others if they are able and even when it is difficult for them to do so. They respect themselves and others as Christ taught them to do.

Christ died for our sins so that we may have life everlasting, if we only believe in him.

May God bless you, America,  and may the world all come to know Christ.  It  is a peace that surpasses earth.

May you take Christ into your heart.  Live joyfully!

Download- upload – how about we upgrade to God?

We have all these technological upgrades that we are continually being prompted to make on our computer  and our phones. ‘Technology’ – what is it really? It’s one way to communicate through machines – it can be convenient and it can also be a pain to deal with. While it’s making communication faster with ability to reach more, it is also taking away the humanness in it. It’s taking us over and it’s separating human beings from others with focus on machines that transmit communication with no real human interaction.  Used too often, it can become, instead of an aid, a menace to society and to the psychological well-being of human beings.  It’s distancing us from one another – distancing us from  genuine human interaction as it ‘pretends’ to bring us closer. Used as a tool and in perspective, it’s great – out of hand it becomes a distancing evil.

Machines  and things are of this earth.  Human beings are of God. Human beings are the importance  and the blessings  on this planet. Things are tools for human use – not to be used for control, to manipulate,  or to distance us from one another. And certainly not to be made or to become more importance than human beings.

Guns are things ‘machines’ – they can’t do anything without human control over them. Those who use them to harm  and kill are Godless- faithless- lost people.  Guns used by the right people are to be for protection.  All things and machines can be used for either ill or for good. 

We are on this planet to interact with one another – person to person – voice to voice – eye to eye. – flesh to flesh – instead of texting on a phone or emailing on a computer. Technology is man- made. Human beings are created by God. Texting does not replace a real conversation and much can be misconstrued in a text as our phones self- correct spelling sending the wrong word.  It can be difficult enough to communicate in person – so texting, emailing etc, can many times add more difficulty – as it can be too fast – too easy – too unfeeling. And that is what is happening to some people in this world – too fast – too easy –  too unfeeling.

A text is not a hug!  A text is not a voice!

What this world needs is to upload and upgrade to God. We will be much better served and it’s free – no app to buy or new machine to purchase or anything to upgrade or download  in order to keep up with it and not be left behind or to become ‘out- of-date’.

Government is not your father or your god and certainly not the father to your children. Communication through a machine is not genuine human interaction. Real communication is eye to eye, voice to voice, person to person. How about cease texting and pick up your phone to hear a voice – better yet, have a real face to face in person communication. All this technology is creating isolation in our people especially our youth and for some it’s detrimental to their psychological development, mental health and emotional well- being.  People need to feel connected to one another. Babies will not thrive and develop healthfully and normally, unless they are held, feel human touch, voice and energy – daily and often.

We need God back even stronger than ever before in our country – our schools – our families – our businesses – with a strong presence  in all  areas of our lives. We need to bring God back into our hearts! It’s the family – a father – a mother – and children with God at the helm that will create a solid, stable, healthy environment for living a ‘right’ life. Sure, it can be done in many ways, but the ‘right’ way is, for the most part – the easiest with usually a better outcome for those involved and society in general.

There is right living and there is wrong. ‘Right’ promotes health and goodness. ‘Wrong’ promotes decay, harm and evil ways – addictions, perversions, unhappiness in mind, body and spirit – distancing from self and from others.

There will always be good and evil. Isn’t it better and more productive for an individual and society to strive for good?

Let’s download the Ten Commandments. The closer we live by and to them – the better our lives and that of others will be.

 

 

The Ten Commandments –  also known as the Decalogue, found in the Ark of the Covenant are:

 

  1. You shall have no other Gods but Me.
  2. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything. (Gov is not your god or your lord and savior – it’s a false idol- giving a false sense of security – it’s man- made- therefore out for self and not to be trusted.)
  3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.
  4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it Holy.
  5. Honor your father and your mother.
  6. You shall not murder.
  7. You shall not commit adultery.
  8. You shall not steal.
  9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
  10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, wife, or property.

When you  strive to live as close to the Ten Commandments as you are  able , there will be less chance for murder, adultery, immorality, perversion and evil, etc. to be in our world.

God protect and bless America and all God’s people on this earth!

(Yes, I am aware that I am able to transmit this message to many quickly because of technology – that is one good thing about it.)

Censorship – curtailing freedom of speech and the right of free expression…

   Christian, heterosexual, white Conservatives  are continually being censored while progressives – libs –  dems – terrorists – shooters – muslims – people of color – perverts – etc. are allowed to post and say whatever they want to  –  including threats – even to our President.  This is especially true in the entertainment arena, the main stream propaganda media and on FB.

I was put in FB jail for 30 days for the following blog article:

https://blog.womenexplode.com/2018/01/feminism/

It’s only opinion commentary about what I think about those who march wearing pink hats and vaginas on their heads – nothing to be put in FB jail for- but I was.  No threats – nothing but my opinion and that of many others and I am put in FB jail for 30 days for it. At the same time, I am in FB jail, I am being sent emails from FB asking me if I would like to boost this same blog article it is getting so many hits.  The duplicity and unfairness of FB is deplorable.  They are pro-their agenda and against anyone who doesn’t go along with  it – which is completely un-American and against freedom of speech and freedom of expression.

FB is as bad as the fake lying media and something should be done about their unfairness – their censorship – their  focus on ‘their’ agenda – their allowing terrorists and those who hate America to promote their lowly agenda while they censor those who are Christian, conservative and love America.

Anxiety – depression – mental illness – addictions in our world today…

I have been noticing even more lately than ever before the level of anxiety and mental illness in people. It might be that some are addicted to drugs or alcohol and this is why they behave off balance – I don’t know? But so many appear and act depressed – bipolar – anxiety ridden – narcissistic – lost – hateful – like they don’t give a da-m about themselves or anyone else.

Some have been  diagnosed with ADHD and ADD –  children and adults – lots of hyperactivity – little to no attention span – little to no ability to focus – attachment disorders and avoidant personality traits. All this was not occurring often when I was growing up or in earlier times.  Depression – it seems to be everywhere.  Continual ads about what drug to take if you are depressed, even as they admit the drugs, they are promoting may not work and may even make a person more depressed even suicidal. Perhaps, too many are taking too many drugs of all sorts in the first place! How can bodies process all the junk that some are putting into theirs? It’s certainly not natural to the body,  just as too much alcohol – recreational drugs and other addictions are not natural to be ingested into our bodies or partaken in. Our bodies are natural miracles – perfectly engineered working machines created and orchestrated by God.

Is it because of the nutritionally lacking food with all the chemical additives nowadays? Is it the chemicals in the air? Of course, many who over-indulge in alcohol and who do drugs are trying to self- medicate to alleviate their pain, anxiety, depression, etc.

Is it that many families today do not have a mother and father – so our youth have little grounding? Children have a need to enter this world and to grow up in a place of dependability and safety – this way they can grow and mature mentally, emotionally and physically easily and more naturally. Is it that parents are trying to be ‘friends’ with their children instead of authority figures who guide and set boundaries? Many people who should never have children are having them at rapid rate. They seem to think their children will make them feel loved and successful – give them an identity, when it’s they who should be caring for their children – it’s all gotten turned around in distortion.

It appears so many people – adults and otherwise are stuck somewhere between toddler and teenager… ME ME ME – I want –  I want – I want. I am rebelling – rebelling – rebelling! Where can I find my next high – my stimulus – my rush – my excitement?

Where  has maturity, responsibility, respect, honor, respect for self – respect for others, manners, morals, kindness, thoughtfulness, intelligence, common sense –  gone? It’s not being displayed by more and more adults. Therefore children are mirroring many things negative to self and others with little to no awareness or ability of the positive and good. Some children these days appear not to know or understand right living. 

Is is technology? Everything is faster and faster and that everything is expected to happen quickly – happen NOW – or much frustration occurs. It is the messages in the media and in the entertainment field of perversion,  some people who don’t even know what gender they are, some who are even marrying their animals or a tree in some forest? So many seem to be pushing the envelope to a kind of bizarre distortion even into insanity – where there is no truth, peace, honor, integrity, morality, grounding or belief in the honoring of God.

So many seem to be searching – searching – searching for what?  And trying to escape – escape what? Anywhere you go – there you will still be. Money – things – notoriety – celebrity – searching for something outside themselves to help them feel ‘better’ or ‘okay’ – as if they belong to something – even if it’s something bizarre, perverted, and inane. Such as a herd of woman wearing vagina costumes – that they think will make them  feel better or even just ‘okay’ as they attach to this goofy group of nothingness.

People who are hurting  and lost inside are the ones who do the most hurt and harm to others and damage and evil in our world.  They try to attach to anyone and anything to find some kind of meaning in their life. They try to harm even destroy others because of their internal pain – searching for continual stimulation, a place to suck off of, something to heighten their feelings or to numb them.

There also seems to be also a new level of ignorance – actually stupidity – little to no common sense – many brain-dead people – who do not listen or think, but instead are spinning in their brain about what they will say next – how they will try and top someone else – even if they are lying about what they are saying or bragging about. It’s all about me – me – me – no matter how distorted. While they ‘pretend’ to care about others – the world – animals – the earth – people in other countries somewhere across the world. When they are lost, searching, empty in their soul and living a life of distortion, denial and addictions. Some appear to be locked into a brain cloud of fogginess.

Peace and happiness begin and end in self and nothing else really matters. Unless you have this,  nothing can make you happy and content for long.

It begins and ends with awareness, self-reflection,  evaluation, introspection, honesty about self and to do and be this, takes recognizing what you are feeling and why are are feeling it. Then processing through those feelings and emotions in awareness, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness. Armed with the ability and tools to do this, you will arrive at a place where you are able to fill yourself with peace, happiness, love and joy!  You will be kind to yourself and therefore kinder to others. Then everything else on earth will be an extra plus to be enjoyed.

Purchase through my website…




OR…

A book to assist you  in becoming aware – to find out why you are feeling what you do and to release limiting imprints and negative beliefs.

Punished for speaking the truth! Rewarded for lying…

In our world today – many individuals do not want to know the truth. They are afraid of the truth of themselves and to face the truth in and about the world. They want to live in a la la land of their own making – avoiding reality. – avoiding the truth of who they are and the reality of the world – as in it’s impossible for  a country to invite everyone in – even those who hate the country and oppose their way of life – give them everything and survive as a country.

A human being can’t do drugs, have other addictions, do perverted sexual activities, lie, cheat, steal, etc. and be a solid emotionally and physically healthy person.

What has made us accepting of behaviors and things that we once considered banal and wrong? What has made up accepting of lies, facades, falsehoods, duplicity, perversions, immorality – with focus on money, power and things? 
Is it because we have lowered standards, in order, to make those who made bad choices not feel badly about themselves? Doing this is stupid as it lowers the standards for everyone.   Everyone lives by some sort of standards and values. So why are we lowering them to the easy and slovenly way, instead of raising them up?
Morals – integrity – honor – cleanliness – right living-  do not change…
Truth does not change. Right living does not change. Wrong is wrong and right is right. Truth is truth. Lie is lie.  Everything is not shades of grey – most things actually are black and white.  Trying to make things shades of grey ends up destroying what is right, true, moral and good.
What this is – is evil. Evil is corruption- distortion- lies- misrepresentation – focus on material things, instead of human beings – focus on perversion, instead of that which is wholesome.
Example the Clintons – they are only facade – their ‘family’ image – their lying words are trying to hide what and who they really are – which is a man who has had sexual affairs his whole married life – and lied looking directly into the eyes of the American people – deaths all around them – an unnatural gain of wealth through self promotion and more lies.  Hillary talks about women’s rights – when her husband has been sexually abusing women all through their marriage. Was Chelsea even conceived between them? They want you to think so – as to give the image of a happy family. Many media outlets and rumors reveal that Chelsea is not Bill Clinton’s child.
Everything has become about the ‘image’ that is presented to the public – ‘promotion and advertising’ – being sold an ‘facade’ – instead of the TRUTH of what really is.
Are you afraid of the truth of yourself? Because until you really become aware, know and understand self – you will be. There is a higher self and a lower self – which side of yourself do you lean to more often? Lower self strives for easy pleasures and rewards no matter how attained. The lower self can also destroy everything good – as that is its nature.
When the pain of lies gets too much to bear, if you are fortunate, you will stop and have deep-self-reflection – a dark night of the soul-when you will try,  even through pain to be forced to look at self in truth. When you do – as you dig through your facade – you will come into awareness and growth into releasing the facade… Otherwise, you will spin in pain, addictions, lies, quest for money, power, things, etc. to keep up your facade and continue living in duplicity – pain – sin – addiction, etc.
Are you a child of God – good? Or are you a child of Satan – evil? Some think God – their conscience – their internal moral adjuster does not exist. They may get away with doing this for awhile – but sooner or later it will slam into self – a time when beliefs – imprints – duplicity – facades – that you have been hiding in and ‘you think’ is your worth, don’t work any longer – and all you are left with is self. Some people live a life so full of evil that it shows on their faces and in their physical body, Their eyes are dead, their skin is lifeless – their energy is fragmented and frenetic. They live in internal torment  – full of addictions and disease. They may realize this – they may not.
This is what dying unto self means – when you come to meet your soul in complete honesty then decide to address your issues, torment, imprints, beliefs… and change. When you leave this world – all you exit with is your soul – nothing you have acquired on earth matters any longer – you take none of it with you – what you are at this time,  is what you are in your soul.
How will you feel when this moment occurs? Will you feel satisfied with who  you genuinely are – your authentic self or will you be crushed  when you realize that – your car does not define you – your job does not define you –  your house does not define you – your designer purse does not define you – your money does not define you. The only thing that matters and defines you is who you genuinely are – what you carry in your soul. Is it truth or is it lie?
Until you face the truth of yourself and who you are – you will live in illusions, delusions, self-lies and an altered universe full of distortion – and that is what I am seeing  so much of in our world today. A world filled with much corruption  lies, illusions, facades of good which are covering up much evil.
You may be seemingly rewarded at times for lying to self and others in the material world, but in the world of God, you will be rewarded for seeing, revealing, telling and living in truth…
A book to assist in awareness… DADDY THROW ME IN THE AIR….


Feminism…

fem·i·nism – noun – advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
I agree concerning equal rights – in that, women should receive equal pay for equal work and that women should be treated with respect in the work place and not subjugated or overpowered by unwanted or unwarranted sexual advances and innuendoes  by some needy, insecure penis in the workplace, business world or anywhere else.
Other than that – what I see and hear that these radical men hating, vagina hat wearing foul-mouthed women are doing by their marches and protests is about as unfeminine and not woman-like as anything could be.  These women who are modeling for their daughters and youth that to dress and act like an idiot is womanly. It’s sad and disgusting. Imagine what these women hating men are doing to their sons as they raised them and model their sick not womanly behavior.
I am a feminine woman –  I like myself. I like men and I enjoy being admired as a woman and flirted with as appropriate to time and place. I am a strong secure woman.
The women donning these idiot costumes with their vile stoopid signs concerning their private parts are not strong, secure, intelligent or wise.  They are displaying neediness, insecurity , negative self-image and more. And their doing this has less to do with men and more to do with their internal lack of self-worth. It’s about them and no one else. They project their insecurity and hate of self into the world because they can’t stand who they are.
WASHINGTON, DC- JAN 21- Groups gather for the Women's March on Washington on Saturday, Jan. 21, 2017 in Washington, D.C. (For the Washington Post: Amanda Voisard)These women may think they are free thinkers but they are so brainwashed and controlled that they actually have no individual thoughts. They are following a group twisted in distortion, insecurity and fear. They are actually imprisoned.  They are easily manipulated by those who want to use them for their purposes – which is that of destroying their femininity and making them a  sick distortion of themselves. Insecure people like to connect with a group in order to help or make them feel validated to bolster their insecurity and cover-up for their lack of self-worth. Few of them could/can stand alone . They are a gang or a herd of loser/bullies feeding off one another’s frenzied energy.  Women who hate being women – hate men –  are lost and full of self-loathing. They are lowly and not women in my eyes with their foul words, idiotic hats and costumes.
It’s unfortunate that some men these days who are turning into ‘p—ies’. God made men and women differently for reasons. Men are to protect women.
Women such as these  are turning men into vaginas while they are acting like dicks. They are destroying the natural flow of things. they are losing their femininity while gaining  nothing but the right to act the fool – like some kind of jester to the world in a vagina hat.
As a woman,  I can match intelligence with most men, but it’s nothing I feel I have to prove. I just  want and need to be my wonderful feminine womanly self – be who I am. But you need to know who you are  in order to be who you are. That’s all any of us need… because when we do that – we are secure in self, can stand up for self and are equal to all.
I have been sexually harassed in the work environment. I exited,  addressed it immediately, sued and he settled.  And doing this, did not make me feel  less than a woman and that I needed to wear a vagina costume to prove I was a woman.
When you feel less than, you can flip into trying to feel better than and you do this because you don’t feel equal to.
A book for awareness and healing…
DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR…. on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc.
 
 

Staying Home With A Cold – excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR…

I am fifteen… 

Feeling ill makes me aware that as humans we are fragile.   I might have the flu. My stomach hurts and nose is running. I have a cough and am so tired.

I’m staying home from school to nurture myself.   I stay in bed, rest, read, watch TV and eat soup. I comfort and lovingly nurture my human body. I feel vulnerable being in my human body today.

I enjoy watching soap operas, ‘Another World’, is my favorite. I can watch it all summer long. Then go back to school until Thanksgiving, watch it again and have not missed a thing.   But it’s still fun to watch soap operas even if they move as slow as molasses. I like to look at what the actresses are wearing and see how they’re doing their hair.

It’s fun to be home from school even though I do not feel well. I can think, reflect, breathe and ponder all sorts of things about myself and the world.   I wonder, does my mind control my body or does my body control my mind? When my body does not feel good, it affects how my mind works. It affects the way I feel and think about everything.   Today even if I had a wonderful outfit like the girls on the soap opera and a make-up artist had done my face, I would still feel awful. If I had everything in the world that I wanted right now, I would still feel bad.

I ponder, does my body control me or do I control my body? It sure seems as if today, it’s controlling me. This cold, cough and flu will pass. This sick tired feeling will be gone in a few days. I’ll be feeling good again soon. I’ll be back in school, attending ballet class and seeing my friends. But these days of bed and cuddling are enjoyable. Perhaps, illness is God’s way of saying be still, slow down, think and come into self, while contemplating your humanness and the frailty of being human.

I’m getting extra attention from the housekeeper and even my mother and my father. Extra attention feels good. I look forward to the time when I’ll have a house of my own and can stay at home all day doing what I really want to do.

Snuggling down under my covers, pulling the comforter up around my chin, I am me and happily to myself. It feels so good.   Even though I’m not at school learning, I am accomplishing lots. Learning and figuring things out about myself and the world. I do lots of thinking when I’m home sick. Time to think on your own is just as important as going to school and learning whatever they’re teaching. I like to read books they don’t even talk about at school. I like to read books by John Steinbeck. None of my teachers have ever mentioned him and he’s one of my favorite authors. School doesn’t teach me many things that I want to learn. Perhaps at times, school can be an interruption to education. It feels great to be learning on my own. I love to learn on my own.

As a child I was ill much of the time. From the age of twelve until about the age of fifteen, I had an abundance of colds, respiratory problems and flu symptoms. Perhaps I became ill to avoid going to school. I withdrew to avoid facing more feelings of not being good enough while feeling bored.   This may not have been a conscious decision, but it is how it manifested itself in my body.

I stayed home from school lots, so I could be to myself and that time benefited me greatly. I spent much time thinking. I did not feel that I fit into school. I was bored and felt uncomfortable there.   My experiences with the school system were, for the majority of the time, negative. I was glad to be out of the school system. I feel that most of my learning, growth and awareness happened separate from what we call our ‘educational system’. My true talents and abilities were not discovered, developed or enhanced by this system. Actually, the schools and teachers that I experienced contributed to my insecurity and the feeling that I did not fit into the world. They also made me think learning was drudgery, when on my own I think learning is exciting.

If mother mentioned that her decorator was going to be at our house the next day, the next morning, I woke up with a stomach ache. I loved to follow our interior designer around the house asking her question after question. She was interesting and taught me much. I eventually worked in the interior design field.

My creativity was not developed by the school system. I did not fit in and felt left out. I believe the purpose of education along with teaching the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic is to open up an individual to their unique gifts and talents – to teach them to think, reason and to be inquisitive. I felt stress while in the classrooms by the way the teachers interacted with me. Therefore my body and mind were in ‘shut down’ mode. I suffered different levels of trauma most every day that I was at school.   I was trying to survive, forget trying to enjoy the experience of learning. My brain was operating at half-mast most of the time I was there. When I was in school, I felt like I was in a kind of prison. Life and colors were dimmed. The world appeared gray. I most always hated being there.

When I was away from the school atmosphere and away from my parents, I could learn, think, read and enjoy doing so. When alone, I was out of stress and could explore and stretch my mind. I was able to read, ponder and work on my school projects more effectively. I read constantly. I loved to read and would have book after book beside my bed.

During a prolonged illness, a history teacher gave me homework on chapters with papers to write. I loved working at home. I put so much energy, effort and pleasure into this project. I was sincerely learning the information and excited about what I was learning. Sitting home alone in my room, I worked diligently on this project. Away from the school environment and able to be alone during the day, where it was quiet and peaceful, I could learn quickly and enjoy the process.

After I completed the project, handed it in and the teacher reviewed it, he was very pleased. He told my parents that I had done excellent work and that I was a very intelligent student. Now, if I would only apply myself at school. Therefore, for all my hard work, what I got was in trouble by my parents because I did not apply myself at school. I was blamed for not fitting in.

No one ever looked at themselves or the almighty educational system. It never occurred to anyone that the school was the problem and not me.   How did we get so in entrenched in the idea that people needed to fit into some system and then when they don’t, it is their fault and not the system created?

A person is more open and receptive when they are relaxed and comfortable in their environment. The educational system might want to focus on this concept. A happy and relaxed student will be open to learning and developing their talents and skills. It might be well advised to incorporate into the school curriculum ways to teach individuals how to relax, to enjoy learning and about real life. Learning is fun and should be experienced as such. Perhaps classes about tools to lead the individual to emotional peace are just as important as anything else they are taught.

Education is not just about making children fit into a ‘system’ or to obey ‘teacher’s rules’. It is for the development of the individual as unique. Each one of us has incredible talents and skills just waiting to be unleashed. I understand that learning discipline, arriving on time, and following rules are part of learning.

Freedom equals creativity – control stifles creativity. Much of the time, our most talented pupils have their uniqueness delayed or even thwarted all together by the system that we now have in place.

Many individuals who have created what has given the most to our world did not fit into our school system. Some of our most talented and brilliant – our inventors and artists were labeled ‘learning disabled’ by the standards of the system we have created.   So perhaps, it is time to truly recognize that our systems in the world need to be as ever changing as our own beliefs about ourselves need to be.

Being different is great. Individuality is what it’s all about.

Sometimes an illness is far more than just healing the body.   It is for healing and freeing the mind to create the time and space to relax, think, change and grow.

The educational system should be a place of honoring the individual for being individual. Individual creativity is what will heal the world.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” Albert Einstein

A book for awareness and healing…

 

I Am A Murderer! – excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR

In my thirties…

When I was in high school, I didn’t know what an abortion was. Only the sleaziest of girls went ‘all the way’. I didn’t know of, or ever even heard of a girl getting pregnant. If one did, it was hidden and taken care of by her family to an outcome that they alone reached and it was done in private.

I didn’t have my first ‘French Kiss’ until the night of my high school prom. The first man that I ‘went all the way’ with, we were engaged and got married. As an adult, I can look back and know that I missed nothing by not having sex at a young age. In that area, I was able to be a child, instead of pretending or playing at being grown-up.

When I was in college, one of my best girlfriends from high school got pregnant by her longtime boyfriend and I was appalled to hear it. No one that I knew of got pregnant before they got married. This couple quickly married because to have a child out of wedlock just wasn’t done. It was shameful to everyone concerned.

I dealt with the issues of sexuality as an adult and even then they were at times very difficult. In my thirties, I got pregnant. The man and I were in love, but I wasn’t out of my first marriage even though we had been separated for years. My ex-husband dragged it out and forced it to court. My first marriage had ended in complete embarrassment and scandal and the whole town knew about it. It would have added more shame for my family and me if I was pregnant, not being completely divorced and not married. The man I loved and I, couldn’t get married, until three months after my divorce was final and it was not even as of yet final. So for the sake of image, we killed our baby.

The man I was dating told me that he would do whatever I wanted to do in this regard. We were planning on getting married anyway, but after much discussion, we opted for abortion.

It was the most difficult decision that I have ever made in my life. I changed my mind several times before actually having the abortion. Even as I was getting out of the car to enter the medical facility, he and I were still discussing it. One of my thought processes in deciding to have an abortion was that it must be okay because others were doing it. Then there was ‘Roe versus Wade’, a ruling that deemed it okay to abort a baby.  This created distorted thinking in me to think that if the government said it was okay then it must be okay. As if having an abortion and killing a child, had a government stamp of approval. Therefore even though in my heart and soul, I knew it was wrong. I made the difficult and horrendous decision to kill our baby. Even as they were putting me under anesthesia, I was protesting in my heart. The doctor feeling my angst said, “Relax, it will be over soon.”

I went to court to testify in my divorce on Monday of that week, which was eventually awarded to me on extreme mental cruelty in a no-fault divorce state. Then on Friday of that same week, I had an abortion.

That doctor performing the abortion was incorrect. It was never over. I suffered emotionally for years because of this decision. The man and I married the following year, but our having made the abortion decision, irreparably harmed our relationship. I couldn’t get past it and he wanted to forget it. He did suffer but he didn’t want to think, talk about it or to deal with his emotions. I needed to deal with mine. I would have intense crying spells concerning this decision. I felt tormented in my heart. I prayed and asked God repeatedly for forgiveness, until I was finally able to put it into some sort of perspective. But I will never get over it and when I think of it, still to this day, I feel like crying. Abortion is murder. On my death bed, I will still be asking for God’s forgiveness for this decision.

Many years later, I told my father about my having an abortion. I am not sure that he believed me or that it really sunk in. He just stared at me and said, “Of all my children, I wanted you to have grandchildren.” Hearing him say this, of course made me feel worse than I already did, in some regards, but not in others. In some ways, I was glad that I didn’t have children. I had such a horrible childhood in some ways that I didn’t want a child to be brought into this world to suffer as I had. I wanted a child to be born into a marriage with a loving couple. I never felt that I had that.

These were my beliefs based on the imprints that I took in from my family of origin.

Children are gifts from God no matter how or where they enter the world. I believe that whatever circumstances a child enters into is theirs to break against, to heal from and is their opportunity to become more of who they are meant to be.

I don’t want women that make the decision to have an abortion to have to sneak into some back alley and have it done by some hack or in less than sterile and safe circumstances. But at the same time, if having an abortion carried shame, it might curtail some from getting pregnant in the first place. That there is shame associated with getting pregnant out of wedlock.

Why is abortion a government issue? Shouldn’t this most serious decision be made between a woman, her doctor, her family, those in her life who understand her situation and her God?

I believe in a woman’s right to choose as there are circumstances in life and that of the unborn where an abortion might be the decision neede be made.  I am not stating that abortion is the right thing to do, as this is not my place, nor is it the place of the government. It is deeply personal and a decision of seriousness that matches few others, as is also the decision to bring a child into the world.

There is a right or better way to live, such as a couple of mature age,  fall in love, get engaged, marry, buy a house then when they are settled, financially responsible and secure in their relationship, have a child. This is actually the best/better/easier way.  Sure there are many other ways, but when you do things ‘right’ – they have a better chance to turn out positive for all concerned.

When and how did abortions become such an ordinary and easy decision to make? Was it ‘Roe versus Wade’ that did it? But the woman that forced the decision concerning this ruling being made into law, has since changed her mind.

How did we as a country become so lax and promiscuous? Was it when the government started paying for unwed mothers and their issue? Is this when many decided that having a ‘government baby’ was the thing to do or even a ‘lifestyle choice’ that was desirable – that the ‘government’ be a child’s father?

I was in my thirties when I had an abortion and even then I didn’t realize how deeply that I would be affected for the rest of my life by this decision. So how in the world can a young person in high school, or even younger understand or have any idea about the importance or how profoundly deep a decision it is to have sex, get pregnant, choose to have an abortion or to bring a life into this world? You need to be able to provide and care for yourself before you bring a life into the world to be under your care and supervision.

Sex creates life. Human life is the most valuable creation there is. Life is the most valuable, important, precious and profound thing on our planet. Abortion is killing a growing human being.  Abortion is killing a life.

My awareness is that I made the choices that I did, based on where I was at the time.  I made a choice guided by shame and image. I made a decision that instinctively I knew was wrong, but based on the fact that the government deemed it okay. I went with the government’s decision to kill an unborn child. Had I not had the government’s blessing, I may not have had the abortion.

I understand all sides, mine, the father of the baby’s, society and the governments. I accept the choice that I made and have lived with it ever since I made it. I forgive myself and all concerned and I turn it over to God.

A book for awareness and healing…

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