… is not good for her friends, her husband, her children, or herself… and I am not talking about that occasional insecurity that we all feel at certain times.
I am talking about the blatantly insecure woman. She comes in many forms, but some of the ways to spot her are… her lack of insight towards self and others. Her insecurity makes most everything all about her… either she is a victim, or she is the one victimizing…
But no matter what occurs, she will view herself as a victim most all the time.
Her insecurity makes her emotions unstable…ups and downs are the norm, but she will probably deny it if you confront her about it. Deny, deny is part of her game.
She is quick to anger and holds grudges. And she may be bossy in her attempt to cover-up her insecurity.
Because she is jealous of her friends, she is catty, many times sarcastic, gossips and is usually talking behind others’ backs. She doesn’t have the confidence or security to say it to the person’s face. So she back bites, while she might be smiling innocently and sweetly when she is around the people that she is scandalizing.
She is usually the one complaining about others. That ‘they’ didn’t notice ‘her’. That she is not being treated correctly. That they are ‘mean’ and she is sooo nice. Well, she isn’t nice… she is an insecure disease.
It’s usually someone else’s fault, instead of hers, when things fall apart, or go wrong. Blaming others is one of her activities.
She doesn’t enjoy being alone. So, she may wrap herself in a group of less accomplished, or less attractive friends, whom she arranges just so, so that she recieves their praise. Her friends feel lacking in the friendship, but don’t quite comprehend why. They may even be tied together by their ‘in common’ insecurity.
Insecure women don’t like secure women. And will try to bring the secure woman down to their level. If they can’t, they will try to alienate or attack her her in some manner. The attack will be covert because these women can’t do things overtly. Many times, an insecure woman is sneaky, plotting and planning in her mind and actions about how to make sure she ‘gets’ others, or to make certain that she is continually ‘praised’ in some manner or form.
The insecure woman either blames her life on her children, hides behind them, or promotes and pushes them to live out the dreams that she is, or was too insecure to pursue herself. Or she may sabatoge them out of her innate insecurity. She does similar things with her husband. She is proud of him, but doesn’t like his success or happiness, while at the same time, she will brag about his accomplishments as if they were her own. She must identify with someone and live through them or she feels even more insecure.
She may stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship way too long because she is too insecure to get out of it and make it on her own.
She is the one that is glued to shows like the ‘reality housewives’. She may even find her complete identity in public personas. She dreams of being a sought after ‘star’ herself.
Husbands and children feel lacking, but don’t understand exactly why? They also feel stressed and drained because the insecure woman sucks their energy without them even being aware.
She can’t take constructive criticism. She looks at it as insulting. She is too insecure to work on herself. She can’t see who she is because she is too insecure in herself to see herself. She needs to feel ‘right’, on top of things, and will rarely admit that she is wrong.
She doesn’t give compliments easily, but she must have them for herself. She isn’t truly generous or caring, unless she can brag about it to others.
She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. She runs from confrontation. (drives off in her pink Barbie car)
Many times, she uses her sexuality for attention and to ‘get’ men. Her over focus on sexuality is a cover-up for her feelings of unworthiness. She may be addicted to liguor, the must have a glass of wine while cooking. Concerning working out, she must be thin and trim or she gets depressed. She is obsessive about her appearance, her weight and clothing and little is done for fun, while she is always looking to have fun!
She must stay distracted from herself. Given too long to think and she will become depressed and may turn to alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex to lift herself up.
She may at times, even act arrogantly or boastful, as this is part of her cover. But she isn’t secure enough to talk and to confront to resolve any conflict.
She is easily offended, overly sensitive and fragile. She takes things incorrectly as to intent and misunderstands conversation and intentions. (think Camille Grammer on the Beverly Hills Housewives. I watched that show in total about 30 minutes and Camille’s behavior was obviously that of blatant insecurity.)
If you remark to her, “Don’t be insecure?” She will anger up and slam back, “I am not insecure!” She might even say… “It’s you who’s insecure, not me!”
Projection is her best friend because she can’t and won’t look at herself honestly.
You see, an insecure person needs to think of themselves as secure. And this is one key sign of deep insecurity.
She may be beautiful, accomplished and appear to have it all, but something innately deep inside herself makes her feel insecure. She lives a distortion.
A secure person can admit when they feel insecure and will usually readily cop to it and examine it when called out, because they are secure enough to see self clearly in most aspects. Nothing is wrong with feeling insecure at times, we all do… it is part of being human.
And when you have two insecure people in a marriage… oh my gosh! The Insecure Man
Do you have insecure people and friends in your life and how does this affect you and manifest in your relationship with them?