Category Archives: Self-help

Dating, Self-help, Women In Real Life

The Insidious Evil of Energy Suckers…

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???????????????????????????????Okay! This is embarrassing, I am sharing it for awareness and as a warning…

When you are around someone, check in with yourself. How do you feel? Happy? Anxious? Insecure? Confident? Needy? Beautiful? Ugly?

It’s important to respect your feelings and to ask yourself WHY you’re having them. Are the feelings because of ‘your’ insecurity, sense of lack, jealousy, or dislike of self, being triggered around this person?

Or are you picking up on ‘how they feel about themselves’? Are they projecting their insecurity and unhappiness onto you. Is this person just bad for you? Is this person trying to drag you down to their level?

If you’re unsure, write down the pros and cons, doing this should reveal what you need to know.

Example: Years ago, I met a man who approached me about buying my car. On this premise, we interacted, but he soon dropped talking about my car and pursued me.

I really wasn’t interested, then he came on stronger. I still wasn’t attracted, but was in a lull in my life, so reasoned, he seemed pleasant enough (bad decision). I had parted from a man, after a four year relationship … five months earlier…so, was into myself and healing…

This man was obviously ‘after’ me, he kissed me one night which meant nothing to me. I was not into him and I told him so, yet he persisted (I continued seeing him, bad choice).

Even though he was pursuing me, I noticed, he never complimented me about anything. He never told me, I looked pretty, or what I was wearing was attractive. He said things like, “You’re ‘lucky’ to be thin. It must be your genetics.”  He gave me credit for nothing, attributing everything to ‘luck’.

He put me down, actually, made fun of me because I enjoy writing, and spiritual studies, that I workout regularly, that I like ballet, opera, art and the preforming arts, movies, etc. He didn’t understand why I had different kinds of art hung on one wall. He didn’t appreciate my eclectic decorating style. His tiny apartment looked like it was decorated by his mother, or grandmother and I learned that it was. It was horrible with granny curtains, etc.

He whined continually about his bad luck. He was turning out to be pretty much a drag. When he first met me, he ‘claimed’ to have money, but soon began whining about not having any. He dreamed about winning the lottery. I have never bought a lottery ticket.

He had lost his job as a pilot. So, ‘buy my car’…. yeah right! A friend, I’d known for 25 years, at my request, introduced him to a well-connected pilot, to try, and assist him in getting a job. What I got for being kind, was this man telling me, that ‘my friend of 25 years’ really didn’t like me. Just as my friend of 25 years told me that this man was bad mouthing me to her and that she didn’t think he was good for me, or that he was a ‘good’ man.

No good deed goes unpunished, huh? Of course, I confronted him and suggested that we all three meet to sort things out (I like to confront things head on, to clear the air) which, of course, he refused to do. I think you get the picture… (he was trying to separate me from my friend, while trying to make me feel bad and himself better)

One night, I was dressed in black linen slacks and a white linen designer halter top that wrapped around my waist. I was tan and felt wonderful. Even by my own high standards, I felt like I looked fab. He looked me up and down, then said, “What is that you have on? I have never seen anything like that. Why does it wrap and tie like that?”

I was determined to have a good time… so…

That night we went to an upscale restaurant of my choice (we had done burger, pizza, chinese food ad nauseam). The atmosphere and food were excellent. His comment. “They sure serve small portions. I am still hungry.” He had no ability to appreciate a refined ambiance, or to make an evening elegant.

He was always about himself. He sucked the glow out of me and everything we did.. He complained, whined and criticized most everything and everyone. When we would do things, he liked, I enjoyed them, but when we did things, I liked, he would whine and complain. Being a writer and screenwriter, I encouraged interest and appreciation in seeing all kinds of movies… more sophisticated than his usual fare. I enriched his life, while he was sucking the life out of me.

This man and I were from totally different worlds. He had never been out with a woman who wore designer clothing. He didn’t appreciate, who I was, or what I was about. He wanted who I am, but had no idea how to care for and feed a woman like me. He did not have the background, or experience to appreciate, or to understand me. So, he put me and everything about me down. His insecurity triggered his criticism and served to make me feel unappreciated and not seen.

There was a two week period where I ‘thought’ we might be ‘something’, but I soon became more and more uncomfortable around him, and realized that he and I had no business being together. Here I was, ‘dating’ a man, I had no interest in, in the first place, and his behaviors and words were making me feel bad (stupid, I know, and one reason, I am sharing this). 

He would never be up to my standards, while he was trying to take me down to his… a place, I felt uncomfortable and don’t belong.

I also realized that he was ‘copying’ even ‘mirroring’ me. He would state something, I had said, claiming it as his own, as if he was trying to be me. He was even envious of my skin tone…(he has a crush on Selma Hayek)  I tan easily and he is pink and freckly. Except, when he gets a spray tan, then he is ‘some’ color of orange. (Thinking back, I am repulsed that I even knew this man. Yet, at the time, I kept interacting like a fool.)

Then I got the picture! He wanted to be me. He even wanted my skin tone. He wanted under my skin and to be in my skin. He was envious of everything about me. 

He was passive/aggressive. There are all kinds and ways of abuse and this is one…an insidious one.

He was sucking off my energy every chance he got. He felt insecure about himself and I could tell he enjoyed it when I felt off base. Because when I was, he felt better about himself.  And for ‘some’ reason, I was allowing it.

I even became embarrassed to be with him, but being a kind person and self-reflective, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, as I stated, I was in a lull and passing time. 

This man was uninteresting to me in all ways and this was one reason that he slipped under ‘my jerk alert radar’. I was not paying close enough attention to my feelings when I was around him, because I was using interacting with him as a diversion.

I wrote down why I liked him and why I didn’t. There were, maybe, two things I liked and fifty that I didn’t. Pretty much says it all!

But most of all, I didn’t like the way I felt around him. I began not being myself around him, to make him feel better, diminishing myself, and to continually explain and endure him continually asking, ‘why’, and his snide remarks putting me down and general negativity began to wear on my self-esteem. The man was a total energy suck and I was was his place to feed.

We went our separate ways, but…

Through time, this man would try to re-enter my life (like gum stuck to my shoe) and occasionally when I was in a lull, I would interact with him. (I know, stupid!)

Five years later, he contacted me to ask that I stage a house that he had remodeled and had up for sale, for my monetary compensation, but he never paid me. He used me. (Remember, he put me down for my decorating style, but now, wanted my services.) During this time frame, I gave him a script that I had written, that had done well in awards and was at several prodcos and studios under consideration. He told me that he didn’t like to read, so probably wouldn’t read it. (Remember nothing about me was worthy according to him).

I met a real man that I fell in love with and got engaged and didn’t interact with this man any longer. Got him out of my life… I thought.  But he continued contacting me. I told him that I was not interested, but when I wouldn’t respond, he verbally attacked me… calling me old and wrinkly.

About three years later, he begged me to have lunch with him and like a fool, I felt sorry for him and did. BIG MISTAKE! My lack of responsibility was, that if, I was bored, or there was a lull in my life, I would interact with this sucker. I became a sucker for him to lick, take from, suck on and insidiously abuse. He craved my energy.  He even told me that he did. I needed him like I need a hole in my head.

I liked almost nothing about him.  One night at my house, he was drinking wine like it was water, and he blurted out that he always loved me, would always love me and that he always knew that we would get back together. He had gained a ton of weight, was almost 300 pounds. His face was fat and his body swollen as if filled up with air. I felt disgusted watching him drink as he inventoried my frig. I said jokingly to change the subject, “You will need to replace all that wine you drank.”

He wrote me a lengthy and pathetic email stating how much he cared for me (yes, I have it in my file) and inquiring, if I was seeing anyone else. Was the man I was engaged to out of my life, etc? All which was none of his business.(I was still angry at him for using my time and never paying me, regarding the decorating and when I inquired. He told me he didn’t have any money.)  He wrote in his whiny email that my remark, that he replace the wine ‘made him feel cheap,’ like I didn’t care enough for him to let me drink some wine. (Are you hearing this whiny BS?)

Good grief was all I thought. I told him that I had no interest in him, but friendship and that the wine remark was an off the cuff remark because he was drinking so much and so fast. Then I ended all communication…

But he continually emailed and called me. I would look out my window and see his car in front of my house. (The same car, he drove when I first met him….it had been years and he was still in the same place.) He put sweet cards at my door… and called emailed and texted over and over.

Finally, I answered and told him to leave me alone, but as we talked, I felt sorry for him and he convinced me that we could have some fun, I was in a lull in my life, so…(Don’t even say it! I know! STUPID!)

We hung out a few more times… and I don’t know why because I hated being around him. And every time, I was around him. I was bored and began to feel down. He stole something off my neighbor’s house. He thought it was funny. I thought it was appalling.

He began asking me all sorts of questions about my writing, like if the script that I gave him to read was ‘copyrighted’. All of a sudden, he was overly interested in my writing. He told me he had written a story, since we had last seen each other. I found this unbelievable, since, he told me that he didn’t like to read. He wanted me to put him on my website. He was sucking, sucking, sucking… 

So, after making fun of me for writing, now he’s written a book, and guess what? The leads and storyline are similar to the script that I gave him. He is also claiming to be ‘an inspirational writer’, after putting me down for my inspirational/spiritual writing, which I have done for over 20 years.

I finally really got it! And I got this man out of my life for good, but, in order, to do it, I had to be cruel. He kept whining that we belong together. That we have magic. That he only feels at home with me. He compared us to the movie, THE NOTEBOOK. Listening to him, was making me sick.

And I could not get rid of him. He would email me. I blocked him, then he would text me that he wanted to start over. I asked, ‘start what’ over? We were never anything.

He is a chameleon. He was dating a woman who remodeled houses, so, in that time frame, this is what he did. He smoozes up to women and they will ‘think’ he is a nice man, until they realize, he is an energy sucker… a USER…He asks ‘why and ‘how’ all the time. Why? Why? Why do you do this? How do you do that?

Oh and the ‘pilot thing’, he has never flown for a large airline and in all his years flying, he isn’t a Captain. He is a co-pilot and flies cargo. I have friends who are pilots and I have dated airline Captains and an Air Force Pilot, and not a one ‘goes on about it’ like this man. I have been around pilots all my life. My Father had a plane and  was a pilot and also my ex-husband and neither one went on about it, like this ‘fly boy’ who just has to be up in the air…

This man tries to give an image of being this ‘dashing airline pilot’. HAHA! No way! He claims to have been places, but he has no photos or memorabilia. He is on layovers flying freight, not any real traveling. This man claimed, for example, to have been in Saudi Arabia.. I asked him what he did while he was there… he said, “I stayed in my hotel room.” Get the picture?

He told me during the time that I was engaged that he was getting married to an attorney and moving to Florida… but guess what? The truth is, she was a legal assistant, cheating on him and dumped him for another man. This man lies, cons and spins as bad as Obama does… and oh yeah, he was for Obama!

He now lives in a crummy, filthy apartment, full of what is now, ‘beat up’,(he takes care of nothing) masculine (instead of granny) furniture that I selected, but was never paid for.

He hates his mother and sister (How do I know? He has told me on many occasions. He has even screamed it out at the top of his lungs). He sucks up to women who will feel sorry for and be kind to him. He is looking for a ‘Mama’, a woman to care for him that he can suck from. He is a gold-digger. He has never been married.

He is always the ‘poor victim’… According to him, women cheat on him…Whine! Whine! Blah, blah blah! And I understand why. He is a complete con, bore and a whine baby. I have seen him throw tantrums like a two year old and he is close to fifty. So, get the picture?…

Energy suckers are insidious abusers… they may ‘appear’ mild-mannered, ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ and may even put on a front to the world that is in complete opposition of who they really are. They have ‘learned’ and practiced saying the ‘right things’ to get what they need. So, it can feel confusing. But, if you feel bad about yourself around someone and it seems a bit confusing…you may be with this type of an abuser…a passive/aggressive/energy sucker…

Energy suckers are emotionally stunted, kids who never grew up…they are vapid, empty, needy and insecure and will suck you dry, to try and fill their void with all you have as their nourishment, if you allow them to.

Insecure people are threatened and jealous of confidence, happiness, inner peace and things that they know not of, or things that they want to claim as their own. Many like this man, will steal ideas, thoughts, and even identities… and may commit plagiarism and worse. I have tried to confront him, concerning ‘his book’, but now he is avoiding me. He is now living the persona of a ‘writer’with a hype and con award ‘nomination’ that he paid a fee for, in order, to put a sticker on his ‘self-published’ e-book. 

So, the purposes and moral of this tale….

We all feel insecure, at times, and to have the self-awareness of why you are feeling a certain way is the key to growth and healthy relationships.

And when there is a lull in your life, it’s better to let there be a lull, than to fill it with an energy sucker because each time, they will suck more. You are only a place for them to feed. Each time, this man entered my life, he took more….I allowed him in, only because I was in a lull and bored, otherwise, I would never be around such a man.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important one. Listen to your gut and how you feel, don’t negate it, even if you are in a lull.

Had I listened to my gut, I would never have gone out, more than once, with this passive/aggressive/energy/sucker…

Being kind, or bored is not the reason to interact with someone, when your gut screams otherwise…

That which is attracted to you, will try to define you… so guard yourself well…

Have you ever had experiences such as this…?

Self-help

How many of these traits do you possess?

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???????????????????????????????Integrity

The true definition of integrity comes from the Latin word integritas, which means “whole” or “intact.” It encumbers all the traits that make a truly “good” person, such as honesty, being incorruptible, straight and morally upright. A person with integrity won’t lie. They will keep their word and won’t screw you over. They won’t go behind your back, badmouth you, go after another person’s partner or cheat on you. they adhere to a code of ethics that may make them predictable, but safe to the heart and one’s sanity. No unpleasant surprises come from someone with a high sense of integrity. They follow a code of ethics that tends to be, as the word suggests, incorruptible, and they adhere to principles of common decency.

Courageousness

Who wants to be with a coward? Someone who can’t and won’t stand up for their own beliefs will definitely not stand up for you or anyone else. Courageousness may not seem like such a big deal to some, but upon examining history, one notices that cowards are not too different from criminals. Why? Because most atrocious crimes to mankind would not have succeeded had it not been for the silent bystanders and those who looked the other way. No courage usually also means no principles, which will make you expendable for the simple reason that a coward will only do the least effort required and will tug tail and run when true work is required.

Sense of Humor

There will be good times, bad times, hard times and easy times. And everything is easier if one keeps a sense of humor, or at least surrounds oneself with those who have one. There is a reason that poll after poll shows that most people desire a sense of humor in their partners.

 Intelligence, Education and Common Sense

Plenty of people have high IQs and no common sense. Common sense, social intelligence and “street smarts” are pretty much the same. Being able to solve the most difficult mathematical problems won’t make anyone a great partner or friend, if they cannot hold a conversation, relate to other people and have zero social skills. Social skills or relating to others are abilities required to use common sense, which dictates what or what not to do or say in every day settings.

Emotionally Open

If you have ever tried to be friends or have a relationship with someone who has the emotional depth of a rock, you’ll know what I mean. How would someone who has a hard time feeling, or showing feelings, relate to you? There is a difference between someone who is so closed off that they just look at you blankly, or worse, scold you, or put you down when you’re feeling sad or miserable, and then there are those who break down as soon as someone looks at them the wrong way. Being able to share one’s heart doesn’t mean that one has to be a weakling or whiner. Someone who can’t feel is usually damaged goods, and lack of depth in emotional matters usually translates into lack of depth in other matters.

Kindness

Kindness is like integrity. A person who possesses kindness will usually keep your heart safe and your best interests in mind. Their willingness to help others also translates into someone who knows how to put another’s needs ahead of their own when needed. A kind person carries a light, and that light tends to attract other “good” people too.

Self-Confidence

Everyone is low on confidence now and then. But stay clear of those with literally no self-esteem. A person without self-confidence/self-esteem spells disaster, because they will fail on numerous other “must-haves.” They are usually driven by self-preservation, and will do almost anything to overcome their feelings of inadequacy. This can make them psychotic and distrusting, and possibly even make them into stalkers. Which, in return, almost always ensures dishonesty, a closed heart/inability to truly feel and experience love and joy, a lack of integrity and definitely no courage. They’re usually a bucket with a huge hole in the bottom. No matter how much love and care one will pour into them, it will never be enough to make them feel safe, loved or good enough. It’s impossible to love and care for someone who doesn’t love and care for themselves.

Discipline

Best to avoid those who have absolutely no discipline. It requires discipline to succeed in life. Anyone who throws in the towel at the first sign of difficulty or opposition will not make a great long-term companion. This is because discipline translates into stamina, i.e. staying power. A person who can’t stick with anything for a longer period of time because it’s uncomfortable, or means work, is someone who is either not confident or is lazy. If they can’t stick with their own goals, they won’t stick with you either.

Generosity

Those who constantly complain about the money they don’t have, especially while spending it on things that don’t serve them, are not only annoying, but are also no fun to have around. The opposite of generous is selfish, and who wants to be with a selfish person? Being miserly also tends to show individuals who are very preoccupied with material, i.e. superficial things. Combine that with the constant complaint about not having enough, and you’ll get a good picture of how life with someone who can’t be generous looks like.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the fine middle ground of truly knowing your strengths and weaknesses without being either completely weak and self-loathing, or arrogant and narcissistic. Self-awareness allows us to know when we are way off our rocker. It allows us to see when we are wrong/screwed up and need to possibly adjust or change certain behaviors and patterns. Self-awareness allows us to look in the mirror and see who we really are; not who we think, or hope we are. People without self-awareness cannot grow, because they will never learn from past mistakes. They are literally blind and lost souls, stumbling after what looks and sounds the most appealing. Without self-awareness there is no truth, just illusion; and a perpetual cycle of trying to find what they think will make them happy.

If you don’t know who you are, you sure as hell won’t know what makes you happy. 

Okay! Do you possess most of these, all of these, or very few?

EXPLOSIONS, Politics, Self-help, Women In Real Life

Do You know Truth When You Hear It?

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 ???????????????????????????????Leviathan is a three-headed devil deriving from the ocean and rules over twisting the meanings of words, so that nothing can be clearly understood in order to create fog and confusion in the world.

 Do you know truth when you hear it? With all the spin going on in our world today, it is making it more and more difficult to discern the truth. Twisting and spinning in the media, changing meaning, slanting outcomes, not reporting what actually occurs, but instead reporting what furthers ‘their’ agenda, seems to be the action of most in today’s world. It hits us from all sides, the TV, computer, radio and the Internet. Daily, we are bombarded with the fog of continual spin.

Obama and his administration are even trying to tell us how to speak, ‘changing’ the meaning of words, as in, what means what… as he tries to ‘change’ how we refer to, for example: ‘terrorists’.  Who are the ‘terrorists’? Obama and his administration are trying to rename patriots as ‘terrorists’ … Anyone that doesn’t buy, or is against the Obama spin is deemed a ‘terrorist’, instead of the ‘real terrorists’ being deemed as such. Obama and his administration are proving by actions and words to be the real terrorists.

 

We are being told not to refer to things as they really are and to not hear and see what we really see hear, or feel. We’re to believe what ‘they’ tell us to believe, instead of, what we know to be true. Just forget what’s true and believe ‘them’ instead. But they can tell you anything, and until you believe it, it’s not true.

Obama used the word ‘hope’ when he campaigned to get where he is. Hope?! Obama is taking away hope and in its place he is putting control over every aspect of your life.
It’s like a playboy trying to seduce his prey. He will compliment and tell her any and everything to get her, even “I love you.”
But once seduced by his spin, she is screwed, and he is on his way. That’s what is being done to America. We are being seduced and spinned. So, we can be screwed.Bill Clinton

 

Speaking of playboys…Clinton for example: Remember the Monica Lewinsky scandal? And Clinton pointing his finger at us through the TV screen as he said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” When obviously, he did. And most all of us knew that he did and knew that he was lying. But lied, he did, and he lied as easily as he opened his mouth. Then impeachment hearings were started and that’s when Clinton stated. “It depends on what the word ‘is’ means?” A Leviathan master at work.

Now, Clinton is caught up in another scandal. That he told a man to step out of a political race to let another win in order to suit ‘their’ agenda. Clinton, of course, ‘denies’ doing this. And others deny it to protect themselves from the light of the truth. Liars always deny. How can anyone ever believe Clinton? He has  proven to be a blatant liar. Yet, he is still supporting candidates and blabbing spin in the media. It’s Leviathan at its finest.

 Look at Obama and Pelosi… they contradict themselves even in the same speech. Truth seems not to matter to these people and they must think that the masses can’t see through their lies, Leviathan spin, and self-serving agenda.

 

Anyone with a brain knows that we can’t give better healthcare to everyone at a lesser cost. It’s impossible. It’s a lie. It’s Leviathan. It’s twisted logic. It’s twisting words to lead astray. This bill is to enslave the people to the government and it is of pure evil.

Oh, it’s a lovely idea and hooks fools into ‘believing’  that’s it possible, but it can’t be done and it won’t be done. It’s only a ruse to take more of your rights and freedoms away and to give more control to the government.

Anyone with a brain knows that you don’t pass bills and sign them without reading them. Anyone with a brain knows that you don’t continue going into more and more debt to balance the budget. Anyone with a brain knows that what works is a smaller government that serves the people not the other way around.

 Leviathan seems to be getting stronger and stronger. This word spin devil causes confusion, twisting, spinning words and meanings, so that little truth is heard, and confusion abounds. The more confusion, the easier it is for people to be led to distraction then destruction. Many politicians and much of the media are in collusion with the devil Leviathan. 


Especially this current administration is counting on the inability of the people to discern truth as their Leviathanian tactics get stronger and stronger. ‘They’ think that if they say it often enough, spin it enough that the people will believe it.  This exact statement has come out of Leviathan-controlled Obama’s mouth.

Obama denies that he knew what was being preached at Rev. Wright’s church and those caught in the Leviathan spin spell, believe him.

 

There are liars everywhere these days. Truth is the rarity. And when the truth is spoken, or revealed the Leviathan spinners come out to try and make the truth appear the lie. It’s spin, twist, deny and confuse.

 

We must get back to the truth of the constitution. Our founding fathers created checks and balances to curtail a take-over by liars. The founding principles are sound and have made America and its people the finest and greatest in the world.
 

One of the most important issues is that we be governed by natural born citizens. There sure is alot of smoke about this issue, even more than around the Clinton-Lewinsky cover-up. Where there is smoke, there is fire. So, ummm… is Leviathan spinning or what?

We are being led astray by many in the international field that want to weaken America for ‘their’ benefit and Obama’s backers are leading the way to the biggest push ever to this goal.

 America is founded on Judeo-Christian principles and there is a reason for this and this is the reason that America is what it is. THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE BRAVE!

 

The Seven Deadly Sins are running rampant in our country and it is time to reveal them to the light of  TRUTH!  Instead of the Leviathan spin, that it’s okay to live this way.We’ve been led astray by the  evil Leviathan spin to believe that morals, standards, truth and honor don’t matter, when they are all that really does matter.

 

How do you discern the truth from all the lies? I say listen through the words, watch the actions and agenda, and how it feels to you deep down in your spirit.  If your spirit is true and you are true to your spirit, you will be able to discern theTRUTH!


And when someone shows you what a Leviathan they are BELIEVE THEM as in CLINTON!

Come back to your innate God given instinct of discernment.  We must hear through the evil of the Leviathan twist and spin to bring our country back to the truth.

‘They’ are afraid that we will see the truth. That is why they twist, churn and spin.

Wake up people! Hear through the spin and lies!  Hear the TRUTH!

Self-help, Women In Real Life

Doing things that you really don’t want to do…

Beige bench 4And that make you feel bad even when, or after doing them… ever done it?

Have you ever continued to do something that you don’t want to do? And there is really no real reason that you are doing it, except that it is your choice? And it makes you feel bad, but you do it anyway.

Like hanging out with certain friends and after you do, you feel bad about yourself. Because they are not all that nice. They talk and behave in ways that have under currents of jealousy and dislike for who you are, what you believe and stand for, or they over indulge in alcohol, etc., but you try to overlook this and be tolerant, but it harms you by doing so. So, why do you do it?

Like eating too much and later your stomach hurts. You realize that you are gaining weight and don’t like the feeling, but you do it anyway again the next day.

Like continuing to date someone that you really don’t have fun with. They drag you down with their negativity and lack of fun. You are even glad when the date is over. But the next time, they call, you go out again with them and feel all the worse for doing so…

Like calling someone to talk just to be nice and out of duty and while on the phone you start to feel irritated and upset because you realize that you do not want to talk to this person ever.

Sure, we all have things in our life that we must do that we don’t like, or want to do and certain things that you force yourself to do, like working out and after you do, you feel better for doing so.

But when we don’t have to do things, or be around certain people and don’t feel better afterwards, in fact, feel worse, even terrible, why sometimes do we continue to do them?

Why do we continue to do things and be around people that are unpleasant and only give us bad results? Any ideas?

Dating, Self-help

I asked for black olives, but I got…

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???????????????????????????????While cooking dinner for a man that I had gone out with a few times, but had known for years, I  called and asked that on his way over, he pick up a can of small black ‘pitted’ olives…

What he got was a jar of Greek olives…

“These are not what I asked for.”

He cons. “But see, they’re black.”

“These are Greek olives and I am making an Italian dinner…remember, I said Italian?”

He inquires, “What does ‘pitted’ mean anyway?”, with a blank look on his face.

Exasperated… “Without pits.” Thinking this man is educated, not some backroad hillbilly, or is he? “Like what you have on a pizza, you know, black olives?”
Black_olives : Pizza
He gets his usual pouty look on his face, plops down on the sofa and stares blankly at the TV.

I continue preparing dinner, as I state… “Okay, I’ll run out and get a can of black olives.” The store is minutes from my house… to which he replies. “Why do you even want some?”

Of course, I am thinking, ‘Whoa, I ask for something. He brings me something entirely different then asks why I want what I want.’

I guess, he senses my displeasure. He motions me over and informs through pouting and tension. “I am not good at picking up things at the store. I dated a woman that was always sending me to the store when she was cooking and I could never please her, or get the right thing and she would get really angry. So how about in ‘our relationship’, if you don’t ask me to pick things up for ‘you’? You went to the store today, right, so why didn’t ‘you’ get the olives?”

Anger wells up, as I think to myself, we are not in a relationship, Bubba. I reply. “Why couldn’t you pick up what she asked for? What is wrong with you? Someone asks you to get something and you get it. I mean, big deal! People do this all the time. And yes, I went to the store, but I forgot the black olives. So what?! And what does, what another woman did, have to do with me? The store is two minutes away. Would you please exchange the Greek olives for what I asked for… a can of small, pitted, black olives…it’s an ordinary thing…

“I couldn’t find them. What I got is all I could find.”

He goes back to staring blankly at the TV.

I continue, “I am making the effort to make dinner and you can’t even pick up a can of black olives? What really is wrong with you?”

As I recall, most men and dinner guests usually have brought wine and flowers when I cook for them and are appreciative.

His reply with a shrug. “Cooking is no big deal.”

My mind flashes to all the great meals that I cooked for this Bluto over the years, and how he stuffed his face on my cooking. Then my mind flashes to earlier today and my shopping several places for just the right ingredients…then the chopping and preparing. I say, “Cooking is no big deal? Really? So then, how about you leaving.”

I kick him out of my house… as he stutters “But, but…duh…I was just…”

I was so happy to see him go. Then I run out and pick up a can of pitted, black olives… took about 10 minutes. And later, I enjoy eating the ‘no big deal’ delicious spaghetti sauce over spinach pasta accompanied by red wine… all by my happy self.

I have known this man for years, we ‘were’ friends, but always after a few ‘pleasant’ dates, he tries to push into my life, while criticizing, degrading and whining. I think, I mostly felt sorry for him.

Something as simple as this ‘black olive situation’  is indicative of a person’s character and tells you much about someone…

So, what does it say about this man?

(Clues, he has never been married. He is lazy. He doesn’t like, or respect women, while wanting one so badly. He wants one to wait on him and care for him, like a mother would, while he puts her down. So, I am busy cooking, while his butt sits on my sofa staring at the TV and he tells me that what I am doing is no big deal.)  

Okay, I don’t want to hear that this is no big deal from some of you men … because it is! His actions, disrespect and general disrgard for a woman is legend with this type of a ‘clueless’ man. Men that do not know how to interact with a woman in a respectful, caring and honorable way and when they can’t, and when she calls him on it, they either put her down, or say that what she wants, or does is no big deal…

What would you have done in a similar situation and, of course, I want to hear from both men and women…

Because, I asked for black olives, but what I got was insulted…

Self-help

There is nothing negative about Truth…

  ???????????????????????????????Truth is a blessed gift and those who are able to see it, reveal it and speak it out are of the good.

This ‘new age drivel’ that many are buying into these days … seem to think that anyone who says anything that they ‘perceive’ as ‘negative’ is bad. So, to them those who reveal and speak the truth are threatening to their delusional world. What a bunch of deception.  

Truth may reveal that which is negative, and if so, that’s a good thing. It reveals that which is not what you may ‘want’, or think something to be. Sure, we all want ‘good’ things and to think ‘good’ about others. But if you can’t see and speak about that which is real and honest, that which is true, then you will buy into delusions and can be easily deceived.

People of the lie… those who blame, side-step, deflect with their ‘words’ to sell their agenda… their whole purpose is to point away from the truth. They may even point to the truth as ‘negative’ to further promote their deception. And with this ‘new age spiritual’ propaganda, more people are buying into con, as if they are separated from reality… the reality of who they are and what is real and what is not. And this assists the deceivers, liars and cons to have an easier time in their art of the con…the art of evil…

Obama is a great deceiver… he continually lies, blames others, side steps and deflects. It is the Leviathan spin … confuse, lie, double-talk, circle-talk, fog it all over… do anything and everything to pull the ability to discern truth out of the equation. Playboys do this, thieves do this, cons do this, slick sales persons do this… and the ‘spiritual new age types’ buy into this and they encourage others to buy into it, also.

Liars craft their sentences and words carefully for affect and effect. Speakers of truth speak from their hearts. They think through their hearts…. it flows from them easily. Look at their eyes, hear their words, look at their mannerisms. Learn to see and discern who speaks truth and who doesn’t.

If a person is corrupt into themselves, they can easily buy into those that are not, those of the lie.

Believe it and you can make it true… yeah right!  This simple, but powerful and much abused statement can be used either for truth, or falsehood…

Being positive and uplifting in your thoughts is, of course, a nice place to be, but not seeing and avoiding the truth, in order, to be in that place is of evil. It’s living in la la land. And that is where the cons want you to be… as it makes their job easier.

When someone reveals and states the truth, it does not make them a hater, or ‘negative’. It means that they know and can see the truth and are not afraid to reveal it. It is a brave person that speaks the truth. 

When someone is honest with you and reveals what they see as true… it might be wise to listen…

To call someone out as a liar, who is a liar, is truth. It’s not hateful…. it’s brave and of the good…

To reveal that someone is a con, who is a con, is revealing truth.

To be able to see who someone really is and to call it out and to name it, is revealing the truth…

Revealing the truth is of good… not ‘negative’.  It may feel negative to those who can’t see truth and don’t want their delusional bubble burst… but to not reveal the truth is of evil…

Evil hates for the truth to be revealed. Those of the lie run from the truth and will do anything they can to hide from it, or to camouflage it.

Jesus was crucified because he was of, stood for and told the truth. And those who feared and hated him said he was lying because they couldn’t stand to hear the truth…

Reality can be harsh, but it is what is true. You can’t wish it away, ignore it, or hide from it for long and certainly not forever.

It’s the wise who can see and reveal the truth and the brave that stand up for it and state it.

It’s the weak of spirit, the ‘spiritual’ cons and the spiritually weak that call others names when they do state and reveal the truth. They have bought into the con and evil of the lies and the truth burns their ears and makes them feel insecure. They become a part of the lie and try to uphold it at all costs. They feel if the truth is revealed that they may disappear because they are so eaten up with the lie. Evil has then won.

America wake up to see and hear the truth. We have an evil liar in our White House, with evil agenda, cons and plans to destroy all that is good and true in our world…
Satan is the lie… God is the truth…

Politics, Self-help

Obama is no friend to America…

People tell us who they are by the things they say, the people they hang out with, and the way they treat others.  People’s actions show you who they are…

Look at the people in your life. Observe those on the public stage.

Observe Obama…  clearly observe what this man is saying, doing and who he associates with…

Do you think by Obama’s words and actions that he is a friend to America?
 
Would you continue giving a friend money who lived extravagantly, continued to spend, while you lived within your means?

Would you want a friend who lied to you continually, ‘changed’ their story, stammered, hemmed and hawed, while blaming others for their troubles?

Would you want a friend who hung out with radicals, a reverend of hate, thieves, and thugs that wanted to take you down?

Would you want a friend who punished their enemies and rewarded their friends? Because if you didn’t do what they wanted, you would eventually become their enemy and surely would be punished.  

Would you want a friend who wanted to control what you read and where you get your information?

Would you want a friend who pointed their finger at you, was always in your face telling you what you should do, while telling you that they know what is best for you because you are too stupid to know?

Would you want a friend that kept their past hidden?

Would you want a friend who continually talked down to you?

Would you want a friend who charged debt on all your credit cards, while knowing you had no way of paying it off and who spent all the money in your bank account? All the while telling you that you had to do this, or things would get really bad for you.

Would you want a friend who came into your life and talked about ‘changing’ it and you, only to make your life worse, while they sucked all your resources out of you?

Would you want a friend who invited strangers and foreigners into your home and life then gave them your money and property, while telling you, they did this because you have these things and these people don’t?

Would you want a friend who spied on everything that you do, told you what to eat, and if and when you could get health care?

Would you want a friend who told you what products to buy and what services to use?

Would you want a friend who wanted even demanded to control every aspect of your life and take away your rights and freedoms?

People who do these types of things are cons, sociopaths, psychopaths, liars, thieves, abusers, dictators and worse. As the abuse and behavior escalate, and if you don’t go along with them, they become more desperate. This kind of a ‘friend’ can become a murderer… a killer to get what they want and to push forth their agenda. If you don’t go along with them, their wishes and demands, you become their enemy and you could die at their hands, or by their command.

People show you who they are. Obama has shown us clearly and in all ways who he is…

Obama is not my, yours, or our friend. WAKE UP and see the truth before it’s too late!

Self-help

The Blame Game…who plays it and why?…

Almost everyone plays it occasionally because it is easier than looking at yourself.

“Blame.” The mere word suggests that something shady is going on. “Blame” hardly ever has a positive ring to it, because it usually implies trying to “pin” fault on another.
 
Many of us learn how to do it when we are little by watching our parents and peers. A whole lot of us never learn how to actually be accountable, or take responsibility for our own actions. After all, that would mean we’d have to look at our own stuff, and God forbid, do some work on ourselves.

Human beings generally resist change, and most, downright despise having to work for anything that doesn’t hail instant reward, or gratification. We live in a society that teaches us that we should have a sense of entitlement. So, looking the other way is not only acceptable, but makes life easier. We don’t like getting involved, not with others, and sure as hell not with ourselves. So, we do a lot of blaming, denying, avoiding and “existing”. Most of us would rather engage in the ‘status quo’ than question the system.

If we do this year after year, we end up with mediocre, miserable lives, which we blame on our surroundings, circumstances, upbringing, or on our lack of (beauty, wealth, health, etc.).

When we blame, it’s an implication that we are right. Being right is the number one reason we fight, or disagree, because ‘ego’ keeps us feeling alive and ‘okay’.

We also imply that we don’t need to adjust our own attitude. We do this by making the same points, with the same people with the same lack of success. This truly is the the best example of insanity. When we run out of excuses, we fall into the victim mode and look for those in agreement. We assemble; in other words, we find those who will agree with us. (interesting ‘community organizer’ types comes to mind) 

We keep building an opinion poll, until we have successfully drowned out any logic, or reason, and hence, continue on our path of craziness.

Why is it so easy to do this? Because one of the most feared traits with most human beings is conflict or confrontation. Therefore, it is much easier to find those who agree, even if it’s silently, than those who call us on our own crap. And of course, because the ‘majority’ consists of (excuse the harsh word) cowards, it is easier to get the buy-in from the majority.

Take a good look around you and tell me how many inspiring people you see? Now take a look and tell me how many followers you see? Those who fall into the blame game are usually followers. Inspiring people stand out, take the blame, state their beliefs, go against the grain and don’t mind conflict.  They enjoy the challenge and the subsequent growth.

We are, by design, herd animals and we function better when we feel validated by the herd.

We are so easily manipulated via our emotions that we follow all kinds of ‘crazy’ ideas, ideologies, statements and people. This is how religion and politics work. They appeal to our emotions, not our logic, and the fact remains that most of us are emotional creatures, even if we are totally unaware of it.
 
If I tell you the things that feed and validate your fears, paranoia and insecurities, I will not only have an impact on you, but possibly a
follower, too. (dictators are great at this)
 
Weak people will do the most blaming and weak people are easily led. A strong, secure, self-aware person can accept blame and can look at self. In fact, they encourage this for their self-growth which is more important to them than getting away with something.

It ‘appears’ as if inspiring people have the most followers, but sadly, it only ‘appears’ that way. The ones who tell us what we want to hear and ask us for the least amount of effort will generally get our voice and devotion. (Obama)

In theory, we want to be challenged, but in practice we want not to move a finger and have things fall into our laps. Hence, the blame game. And most play it in some form almost every single day.

Do you play the blame game? Can you recognize it when you do? And how often do you play it? Ever thought about it? Huh? Have you?

Self-help

Stand naked before a mirror…

a three way full length mirror, or just in your bathroom, or somewhere in your house… but perhaps, avoid doing this in a Neiman Marcus’ dressing room because the lighting there is terrible, reveals every ounce of cellulite… oops! But that’s not the point…

The point is to stand naked before a mirror and look at yourself, really look… front, back, sides, and all around the turn back to the front and look clearly into your eyes. Do you smile, cry, laugh, or frown at what you see? Perhaps, you do all of these.

It’s fine to want to improve on what you see, but can you accept what you see today? Can you look at yourself as you stand this very day and smile at what is being relfected?

It’s doesn’t matter what you look like. What matters is, your perception of what you see, when you look at yourself without the clothing image that you project to the world? Because this is the real you. The you without adornment… so do you like yourself or what?…

I do this about three times a year… sometimes more… Sometimes, I hesitate, at first, but after after I do it. I like myself more. Sure, I may decide I need to workout a bit more, or I may think, ‘hey pretty darn good’, or ‘aren’t physicial bodies interesting’, or ‘umm, so this is me, the real me’ …  something along those lines … But I am always glad that I did it, because it makes me feel more in touch with myself.

Warning! Don’t do it after eating pizza and drinking beer… although this shouldn’t really matter… but for some it might send you into a depression that you never recover from…HAHAHAHA! It shouldn’t, but it might…

It’s nice to do it… in the morning before, or after your shower… or in the evening before you retire…

As a couple, I have done this with both of us in the bathroom… nude and it’s really a connecting experience… to feel fully accepted… But I have found those that can’t or won’t do this… those who can’t look at themselves fully nude in acceptance… have difficulty with self-esteem and are critical of others as well as themselve.

Years ago, I had surgery and the man I was in a relationship with helped changed my dressings. He saw me nude, smelly and not looking good at all. We had a special connection and to this day… he sees me clearly and I see him… and this bond is healing.

The point is that, many of us rarely, if ever, look at ourselves naked. Few of us love ourselves enough to look at ourself in all our humanity, in all our humanness.
 
Look at your skin, touch it. Examine your wrinkles and folds. Look at your shape, accept it and love it. See and accept who you really are without your clothes on. Look into your eyes and see who you really are.

Can you do this? Try it.. and see what you feel like then share with us…

You don’t need to use your real name… it’s our secret. Really it is!

After you do this, I bet you will feel a closeness to yourself that you haven’t felt in a long time… Love your body, love your soul and live the life that will allow you to do this without shame or repulsion. Children do this all the time…run around naked and look at themselves in the mirror…

When you really can and do see yourself, you feel better about everything. It’s when you hide who you are from yourself that you feel separate from self and from others, a bit rotten, and try to create illusions in your mind and that of others about who you are, or who you want people to think that you are.

After doing this, put on a great outfit, do your make-up (if you are a female) and meet the world with a refreshed confidence and air of inner knowing… an inner knowing that you really know who you are…

If you can’t really look at yourself, how can you truly see another?

Self-help

I have noticed that people who tell you up front…

and continually what and who they are… are usually not what they tell you. Or they are so insecure that they are trying to convince both you and themselves who and what they are…

And those that tell you continually what they are ‘trained’ to do usually aren’t that good at what they do…

As in… Obama continually telling us that he is the President. Like we don’t know that he is…

I tried a hair stylist once that told me repeatedly that she was a ‘stylist’ … she was the worst that I have ever been to…

A doctor that tells you repeatedly that they are the ‘doctor’ … watch out! (concerning medical issues, be your own advocate)

A person that constantly tells you that they always tell the truth … watch out! If this is true, why do they need to tell you that they do?

People who repeatedly tell you that they are spiritual or religious… watch out? Perhaps, they are telling you this, in order, that you ‘think’ them ‘good’, so that you will then trust them and they can come in for the kill.

Men who inform you that they are good in bed… watch out!

A woman that tells you that she is sexy… watch out!

In college, I dated a guy that on the first several dates talked about sex alot and told me repeatedly how sexy he was… I, of course, ignored what he was saying… then he kissed me… AND it was like kissing a wall… not sexy or sensual at all!

Sensual, sexy people usually don’t say a word about it… it is emitted through their very being and essence…

I have found that people who are good at what they do, don’t need to continually tell you who they are, or what they do … they just do it! They just are, and they know who they are, and it translates into their life in every way and all its forms…

It’s how a person behaves and their actions that tells you, who, and what they are, and what they can, or can’t do…

Those trying so hard to tell you who they are, what they can do for you, or about their character are usually all talk and no go…

As in Obama… sorry, had to say it!

As in talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words…
both true adages… I am seeing this more today than ever before.

Have you found this to be true?…