Category Archives: Dating

Dating Mystery… Crazy…descent into hell… Part Three… Conclusion…

I feel sorry for this man and feel bad that I let loose on him. I have a conscience, sometimes, too much of one. I care about people. Besides, I have dated many and never met anyone quite like this…My curiosity is up.
What is it about this man that causes him to behave so strangely?

We communicate by email. He apologizes and tells me how much he likes me. I apologize.

I inquire about his behavior and actions towards me as it makes no sense. Why tell a woman that he’s interested in her then treat her like dirt? 

I am running errands and driving, while we are talking on the phone, and it is pouring down rain.

“So, you drive hours to play in a golf tournament, but can’t pick me up and take me home when it’s only 25 minutes each way?”

He responds. “Golf is a different parallel.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing, ” What?!”…

He then orders me to pull over and to stop the car because he wants to tell me something. And he is insistent that I be parked when he does.

I think, what a freak show, as I inquire, “So, are you a transvestite? Are you married? Are you a serial killer? Are you….?”

He responds through laughter, “No! No!”

We communicate better over the phone than in person. In person, this ‘communication is so important’ man, freaks out and freezes over.

I stop in a shopping center parking lot, “Okay so, what is it?” Thinking what could this ordinary, emotionally and directionally challenged, appears successful, older man, and God only knows whatelse, have to tell me that is so shocking that I must stop the car to hear it?

I have a venereal disease. I have had it for thirty years, but it is under control. I take daily medication.  I am not telling you because I assume that we will have se with me. I am telling you because I really like you awhole lot and it could head that way. If I wait too long and tell a woman and they have become emotionally attached to me then it is horrible. Everyone gets hurt. So, this is why I acted the way that I did. I knew that if we continued to date that I would have to tell you at some point. You can’t get it as long as I take my medication. Some women after I tell them won’t even touch me.”

I think, good freaking grief as I listen to him emotionally throw up. I am glad that he is revealing this, but what a project this man is. He has so many issues and having sex with him was never ever going to happen anyway, even before he revealed this, not a chance in hell, not if hell froze over, not if he was the only man on earth. He is about as sexy and attractive as a ‘venereal disease’. And the way that he treated me was as if he was punishing me for everything in his life that was bad.

“How did you get this?” I inquire as I recall his confession about how he used to sleep with so many and left many broken hearted in his wake…. difficult as that is to believe….

“From my wife, she had it and didn’t tell me. I got it on our honeymoon. I have been dealing with this for thirty years. It’s not that big of a deal. Many people have it. It’s called the ‘love bug’ in Europe because so many have it.”

I think GROSS! So he slept with all those women and had this… I wonder did they know? Is that the real reason that they got so upset with him?

And now, he’s trying to ‘sell’ me on a venereal disease that in Europe it’s even chic to have it. I laugh internally, as I start my car, continue my errands, and listen to him go on and on and on and on about his issue and its implications. That he likes me so much and would like to get to know me and spend time with me.

I feel sick to my stomach…

I feel sorry for him and well, I guess, he’s placing his vulnerability in me by telling me this. But it’s alll been so inappropriate. He treats me horribly and now dumps this on me.  He is just a person to me, nothing more… I don’t want him to feel worse about himself, but as a woman…!?!?!?!?!?!  Whoa! Perhaps, it was fortunate that he treated me so strangely so that any possibility of my ever caring about him became impossible.

After he emotes at length, I excuse myself from the phone call.

Snuggling in at home, with time to breathe, I have lasagna and wine and am so glad to be alone…

Okay, I found out one reason for his strange behavior. What a burden he carries and I give him points for being honest enough to reveal it…

But this man blew it on all levels. His distracted, insulting treatment of me made me not even think of him as a potential anything, so when he told me his deep dark secret, I was repulsed. This was not the time to tell me. Why would he tell me then… throwing up on me again, expecting what? Was he hoping, thinking, that I would accept him with all his problems, even after the rude way that he treated me? This was one of the strangest encounters I have ever had …CRAZY!

I have not dealt with this kind of an issue (venereal disease) before, so this brings me to… when is it appropriate to reveal this kind of an issue? And how do you do it?

And listen up! This is an older, appears conservative man, and he has a venereal disease, so, you can never be too careful. And my recommendation is before having sex  that you really get to know one another and have deep talks and prove each is clear of disease…

Out of all his strange behavior, I never would have thought this was the reason….
Okay… discuss… What would you have said or done? What would your reaction have been?

And do you think what he revealed explains his strange behavior on our dates?

Dating Mystery… Crazy… Part Two…

In several phone calls and phone messages, he slurs his words. I envision him sitting in a chair drinking and listening to music. He told me that he likes to listen to music. I thought, perhaps, just indulging a bit, since he’s retiring. Although, I can’t stand to be around those who regularly drink too much and realize this is a bad sign.
He calls more, instead of the ’emailing, texting gig’ … and we have some nice conversations, although, he comes across a bit contrived, tangential, and stilted, instead of relaxed and fun.  He invites me out for Thursday and then the following Saturday for a retirement celebration. He states that he is looking forward to seeing me and for more ‘continuity’ in our dating. I am interested in finding out who the heck this ‘man’ is…I ‘think’ that I am. Ummm, actually… I don’t know what I think… I am mostly curious…

Because…I have many questions and red flags are emerging…

He heads to my house late-afternoon, for a date to a movie then out to dinner. He texts me for my address and directions, even though, he should’ve had this info. I sent him a detailed email previously and he was at my house only a couple of weeks ago. But I send it to him again. He calls and texts, five, or more times, to find out more specific directions to my house. He exits incorrectly and I need to direct him. We live about 25 minutes apart and it is a straight shoot to get to where I live… easy as can be… so why so much drama and trauma concerning getting to my house?

I sit on the steps of my staircase and ponder…too much tension over nothing. I feel stress coming from him…this isn’t fun…not sure, I even want to go out with him…

When he arrives, he is hot and sweaty with a red face. Out of pity and kindness, I hug him, “So, do you feel like you have been on a trip around the world?” I try to soothe him, while thinking how bizarre, I say, “No big deal.sometimes, we all get lost.”

We head for the movie theatre. I have to repeatedly give him directions and this is the same theatre that we went to a couple of weeks ago. He states that he is not good at directions… well, Duh! And that he has other redeeming qualities. I ponder, Really, umm… I’ll see…

At the theatre, I order a frappuccino and give the server specific instructions as to what I would like. The usual Starbucks order…light, half caffe.. etc.

He smirks in ‘a making fun of me kind of way’ as I exclaim, “What?” His response. “When I observe people being so specific and exact in what they want, I wonder, if can I make them happy. Like choosing a restaurant for Sat. night.”

“So, should I order what I want or not?” (realizing he makes everything about him, even my ordering what I want.)

I inquire, “Where were you thinking for Sat.?”

He tells me and I respond, “Good choices”, then state two of which I like the most.

We wait in the theatre. We are there 45 minutes early, even with his ‘get to my house drama’, because ‘Mr. Critical, No Continuity, Communicator’ got the time incorrect. He shovels popcorn down his throat and I sip my frap. I try to chat a bit, but when he turns to reply, his eyes look over my head, or past me. No eye contact. I feel like I am in some ‘surreal and strange war-like situation,’ and have no idea why. Why is he with me, if he can’t look me in the eye and barely talks, or responds?

His phone rings and he answers to confirm a golf tournament. He’s talkative enough on the phone call…

During the movie, he says loudly to the movie screen, “I love when things are black and white!”, referring to what is being said on screen.
I am startled by how loudly he speaks and why to the screen? He then refers to the woman character on the screen, commenting that he likes how strong she is, but he doesn’t look at me while talking…kind of talks out of the side of his mouthe. 

Ummm, he told me on our first date that he liked how sure and strong that I am and now he is making fun of me and putting me down.

After the movie, we head out to find a place to eat.

“Where do you want to go?” he asks.

I am tired of giving directions and tired of being criticized for picking places that he doesn’t like because they are too loud. I am tired of being ‘the man’ on the date. Why hasn’t he thought of places to go?  I’d rather just go on home, but I suggest a restaurant where I have gone for years. I know where to sit, so it isn’t loud, so that he can ‘hopefully’ communicate… Good grief! What am I dealing with here? I am catering to this ‘baby/man’ and he is ignoring me.
As we head down the street towards the restaurant, I continually need to keep directing him forward. I feel like I am with some inept child that I am having to guide all the way.

He valets the car and we enter. I request my table, which is available and is off to the side, so it won’t be too loud, so perhaps, the noise won’t distract ‘Mr. Fragile’.

He smirks as he kids about having my own table. By this time, I am so over him, that I am about to blow… but I remain polite. We order appetizers and he orders a drink.  I am not hungry. I feel tense and uncomfortable. While I talk, he looks to the side. While he talks, he looks to the side. 

I’ve had it!  I look him directly in the eyes and speak strongly, as I tell him about dating a doctor that had lots of money and didn’t understand why his wife left him. I tell him about another wealthy man that I dated that had a polo field in his front yard and a huge house that he built for his wife and kids and his wife left him and the kids never came to see him. I told him that these men had ‘things’, but didn’t know how to connect, engage, or communicate with a woman. That the few times, I went out with them that it was boring and I felt alone. They were all about themselves, their hobbies, and their things and they didn’t connect with me, while telling me how much they liked me.

He got red in the face as I talked. I had struck a nerve and he was outted.

I felt bad for being hard on him. So, as the evening continued, I told him that a few weeks earlier when it was storming outside. I felt alone and thought about calling him, but didn’t.

He said that he wished I had because, it would’ve made me seem ‘real’.

I think, ‘me’ … ‘real’? He’s the one who’s not real.  How could I call man for comfort who only cares about himself and doesn’t connect?

I told him that I didn’t call because I felt I would be ‘bothering him’.. he said that he wants to be the protector and I said that is what I would like to feel… that I can relax and be protected and cared for.

He said that he would like to cuddle during a storm. I said,  “Me, too.”

It seemed that we had a ‘nice moment’, but…

The rest of the evening was, well… I nibbled my dinner as we decide that Saturday, we would eat at his house and he would cook. That he would like that because he went out so often for business and didn’t eat at home much. That he would grill out because all he would need to do is to flip some meat on the grill. He asked what I like in my salad. Did I like cucumbers so on and so forth. His intense questions about salad ingredients and planning were tedious and over done. It was as if he had some need to plan every detail of what to have and what to do.

He also stated that he didn’t want to drive to my house to get me then have to take me back to my house. I am stunned hearing this ‘man’ say this… but…

For some reason? I respond, (while thinking what a lazy creep), that I wouldn’t mind driving to his house Sat. (I was curious to see where and how he lived. He told me that his house wasn’t all that organized, since, he had only lived there for ’39’ days in the past year. He often mentioned boxes that he needed to go through and unpack. I wondered, was he one of those hoarders like they show on TV? This man had become a mystery to solve, instead of a date.)

I asked him why didn’t he look at me when I was talking? Did he find me unattractive? He told me that he thinks I am gorgeous, intelligent and other positive things.

“Gorgeous?! You don’t even look at me. I felt like I was alone. In the theatre, when I was just making small talk you barely responded.”

“We were in a movie and I was distracted.”

My response. “The movie hadn’t even started.”

“But things were on the screen.”

Talking to this man is so frustrating. He is defensive, claims to always be distracted and blames everything on others, instead of looking at himself. There is always something wrong with the restaurant, or something else… What is really up with this man? I can’t talk in a restaurant, before a movie begins, or while he is driving…This is insanity!

While waiting for the valet, he stands there with a pouting expression. His face is red and he has this nasty, but abstract look on his face. I hook my arm through his and try to lighten the mood, (I feel sorry for him.) but, of course, it doesn’t work. All he offers is complete silence. This man that claimed on our first date that communication was so important, can’t communicate at all.

His car is brought around and we get in. There is a car blocking us. So, we can’t leave. Finally, a man gets out of the car and the ‘man’ I am with, yells out of the window. “Why don’t you move?! Other people want to drive out?!!”

Then he says to me, while, of course, not looking at me. “This is another bad thing about me.”

Driving down the street, he almost hits an older couple walking across the street.
He brakes, exclaiming. “I didn’t even seen them!”

I ask. “Why not? The lights? What? Are you ADD? You tease about it often enough. So, are you? What’s wrong with you?”

“Aren’t all successful men a bit ADD?”

We ride to my house in almost silence.

Except for my comment, “Well, I communicated honestly and you seem not to like that I did.”

At my front door, I walk in and he stands at the threshold like some pouting kid.

“So, are we eating at your house on Sat.or what?” ( while I think, this man is an idiot, why am I trying to be nice to him?)

“Let me think about it.”

I respond, “Think about it? Let’s forget it. If you think, I am gorgeous and are interested in me, yet don’t look me in the eyes and treat me with such disregard, I don’t know how you will connect with any woman.”

Then he pulls me to him and ties to kiss me. I push him away and close the door.

I feel beaten up by some guy that told me that he wanted to get to ‘know me’ and to ‘date me’….

Okay! So, what’s your take?
I have, of course, reviewed and reflected.. but let’s discuss…

The full mystery in the crazy will be revealed in a third part…

Side note: Even if you plan on being late to your own funeral, lateness to a date signifies indolence, disrespect, immaturity, and downright lameness! If you’re going to be ten or fifteen minutes late, it’s polite to let your date know. This could mean the difference between a warm welcome and a cold shoulder. If it’s convenient, talk in person, rather than relying on lazy communication… texting and emailing.

Dating Mystery…Crazy…

Awhile back, I had a first date with a man in a quiet restaurant of my choice… we chatted, had great food and a bit of wine. He was retiring in a couple of months and moving to his house in the town where I live.

He told me that he had been married once for 20 years and that she left him for another man, and he didn’t understand why. That she didn’t communicate well, and didn’t tell him that she was unhappy, and to him communication is everything. He had been focusing on his career and ‘planning’ their financial security. And in the divorce, she got a hefty amount of money. He seemed bitter about the money and that she married the man with whom she was having the affair. 

After that, he dated lots, had many sexual encounters that meant nothing. He stated that he left many dead bodies in his wake, but that was in those days. (I pondered, he’s not all that attractive, so umm, why were ‘all’ these women ‘sleeping’ with him? I’d think it’d be more like he was the dead body left in their wake.) Then more recently, he had a four year relationship, that ended months ago. She, too, had another man. She lived in his house in one town, while he lived in another for his business. I asked why he hadn’t married her. He claimed, “I suspected that she was after me for my money and didn’t really love me.”

He said that ‘continuity’ and ‘communication’ were the issues in both relationships and it was because of his work. I asked why this last woman didn’t move to where he lived and he said she had kids, was working, and in her business she worked primarily on the weekends.

As we talked, I noticed that his eyes became glassy. He had a drink, while he was waiting for me, and as I stated, we had wine with dinner. He had played golf that day and in my experience with golfers (was married to two and dated many), I knew that with some, the 19th hole is often too much a part of the game. 

I pretty much enjoyed talking with him. He was attentive, complimentary, liked my looks, my dark hair, and said that when I walked in his heart skipped a beat. He stated that he likes my take charge attitude, intelligence, obvious strength, and the fact, that I know what I want and what I like. He told me that he was tired of dating and would like to see if we can make a go of it. 

At times, during dessert, he would hold my hand and it felt ‘kind of nice’, but also a bit ‘strange’. When a person touches me, I usually know instantly, if I am attracted or not, but I didn’t know, or felt pretty much nothing with this man…

He went onto explain that he had plenty of money and wanted to travel and enjoy life. That sounded good, in that, I am done with men who have so much baggage, ex-wives, children with issues, etc, that they can’t focus on me, our relationship, and just have fun…

To which I nodded, “Okay fine, let’s get to know one another.” He walked me to my car and as a matter of conversation, I asked what kind of car he drives. His reply, “I have a fleet.”

Umm.. I thought pretentious and braggadocios… 

We hugged good night with plans to get together two weeks from then, on a Saturday night.

For a man that expressed such interest in me, I ‘think’ he called me ‘once or twice’ and emailed a couple of times and texted. (I can’t stand texting with someone I barely know. I think texting is impersonal) So, in an email, I expressed that I prefer talking on the phone.(Sure this is an age of technology, but texting and emailing are lazy communication to ask someone out, cancel, or even to announce you’re going to be late. Anyone who is reliant on texts, or emails to keep in touch is a red flag as someone who might be lazy in relationships as well as in the bedroom.)

But I rationalized, he’s retiring, tieing up loose ends… so whatever…

I went out of town and he did communicate by email and phone.

Our next date, I picked a Mexican restaurant. He picked me up in an ‘upscale’ sports car, Maserati or Ferrari, I don’t recall which. He informed me that he wasn’t going through a ‘mid-life’ crisis (reference to the car, I’m guessing), that he had done that years ago, and he only drove ‘this car’ on occasion. I like cars and have dated guys with the best of the best. A car is not relevant to whether I connect with someone. The character of and connection with the man is what matters.

On the drive to the restaurant, he didn’t talk. I tried to make small talk, but he didn’t respond. When he asked, if he should turn, and I responded that I wasn’t sure. When he realized that it was the way. He snipped. “You should’ve said, yes turn.” To which I replied. “But, I wasn’t sure.”  while I thought, what a grumpy jerk. Were I not hungry and were we not in front of the restaurant, I would’ve said. ‘How about take me home, Bucko?’

At the restaurant, we sat off to the side. I suggested the table, since the restaurant was loud and we agreed that we liked it quieter.  As I was trying to communicate, I realized he wasn’t looking me in the face. He was detached and distracted.

We would connect for a moment then it would swing back to his being aloof. So, I enjoyed the food, thinking, well, he must’ve met someone else, or isn’t that interested, and so what…because I am not having much fun and after he snapped at me in the car… well…

Walking out of the restaurant, he took my hand as we walked to the car.. ummm…
Mixed signals…

In the car, I asked, if he had ever been in love (knowing this is a self-absorbed man. Then I thought that he might have a lot on his mind ‘retiring’, and he had also informed me that he was remodeling his house.)

He got a strange, abstract look on his face and hemmed, hawed and didn’t answer. 

I prodded. “This is not a difficult question. Don’t you know if you have ever been in love? I could answer this question immediately.”

Again, no eye contact, as he told me that he needed to focus on driving. Chuckling, that this was his ADD and he could only do one thing at a time. That he didn’t drive this car often and needed to be careful and focus. So, on our second date, he is more concerned with some car than talking to and getting to know me. I felt so cared for (sarcasm). Was he trying to impress me with the car, or why even drive it?
He can’t talk and drive? ADD? Um really? Many use this overused term humorously, when they can’t be emotionally available, or communicate. It seems the whole world is ADD or ADHD. He ‘appears’ a successful man, therefore, he can control himself enough to function in business.

Before the movie started, I attempted conversation as he wolfed down popcorn. He barely responded and again didn’t look me in the eyes when he did. From his energy, I felt stress. I felt alone on this ‘date’ … ‘to get to know one another’. Ummm… is this how, perhaps, all the women in his life felt? Because on the second date, I am pondering, ‘affair’. I need another man…HAHAHAHA!… I have never had an affair in my life and never would… but being with man was like being alone…

Movie over, we ran to the car holding hands as it was windy and cold. I suggested going to a wine bar that I like (thinking it might be relaxing, as I was feeling strange and was not enjoying the evening thus far. So, I was giving an effort to have some fun.) 

His response. “I’m tired.”

At my house. I exited the car fast, ran up to my front door and opened it. I was done with this guy and glad to be home.

But he stepped in the door and told me that he would like to talk with me. I felt like I was being called into the principle’s office, but was polite and invited him in.

He emotionally threw up concerning a recent dating experience with a woman who apparently liked him, but he didn’t like her. He went on and on about the details of it. That he broke up with her and she cried and cried. I asked him what he did to encourage her and he said nothing. He didn’t know why she reacted the way that she did. Except, that her husband had died and he didn’t want to be some rebound guy. But that she had asked him if he had ever been loved.

So, when I asked him, if he had ever been in love, this is why he didn’t answer in the car because it triggered what she had asked.

I could tell that this man has issues and that relationships with women are not his best suit even though he considers himself such a ‘good communicator’.  And he never knows ‘why’ the women leave him, or react like they do.

I inquired. “So, have you ever loved, or been loved?”

With a pouty child-like expression, “Not unconditionally.”

My response, “Only parents love you unconditionally.”

Angrily, “Well, mine didn’t”. 

I brought up his detachment behavior in the restaurant and he told me that it was the noise that distracted him. That our first date was perfect, but this restaurant that I had chosen was loud. (As if  his behavior was my fault.)

He apologized and revealed that his retirement was weighing on him. He had lots of loose ends to tie up. 

I stated. “Anyone can have a bad day, so let’s chalk it up to that.” I was so ready to have this man leave.

We ended the evening and planned to see each other in a couple of weeks when he moved back.He kissed me lightly, barely touching. (while I pondered, if I even wanted to go out with him again.) As I felt exhausted after the evening. 

We communicated by email, and, maybe, one phone call. I again told him that the detachment dinner was worrisome and his sharing all that he did concerning some woman tedious. He over-explained, apologized and stated that he was just trying to explain his ‘distracted’ behavior. Communication on the phone was better than in person. Although, he said that he liked to talk in person rather than on the phone.

In about a week, he emailed that he would be in town and would like to take me to brunch and for a drive around the lake.

I was insulted being asked out by email. As the day went on… I thought whatever…I don’t have plans and it might be interesting to check him out again. So, I emailed back, sure, and suggested that he call me when he was on his way to town.

No call. The next morning, the morning that we were ‘supposed’ to have brunch… I got a TEXT! Stating that he was ill with food poisoning, or something, and that he was very sorry, but would need to cancel and that he would try to call me later…TRY?!  

The next day, he passed through my mind, so, I gave him a call to see if he was feeling better.

He sounded ill, but was dealing with repair people at his house. I offered to bring him food, or whatever. He thanked me and declined, but stated it was lonely being sick and all alone. He said he was leaving town the next day to go back to work and was looking forward to seeing me again when he was back for good, so that we could have ‘continuity’ in our relationship.

I pondered… umm… doesn’t call me, but has repair people at his house. He’s obviously ill, I could tell by his voice… but whatever… I don’t even know the man…
Share your thoughts thus far….
And stay tuned… more to come…

If you or someone you meet seems to crave a relationship…

is it because of? 


All people, regardless of gender, can “smell” desperation—and trust me, they’ll run from it. If you get into a relationship quickly with a desperate type, they may turn on you as quickly as they came after you, when they feel like they ‘have’ you.

 Low or No Self-Confidence…

Again, most people pick up on it and don’t want it in their life. Healthy people want a partner, not a project, and having to constantly give approval, or reassurance to someone who has no self-respect, or confidence becomes draining fast. We all have low self-confidence, at times, I am talking about an innate lack that permeates relationships.
Commitment Phobia

Oddly enough, it tends to be this type that can’t hold a relationship and who seem to have no idea why. They blame the other person but…When we don’t trust others, and we’re afraid of committing, we’ll not only attract the same in return, but we’ll sabotage good things, usually by nitpicking, or setting unattainable and completely unreasonable standards. Examples: I don’t like the way they dress, they like different things than I do, so we aren’t a match, etc.) These people can’t accept the normal ups and downs in getting to know one another and the normalcy of the times when you don’t feel as connected. It takes an internally secure person to connect with another.

Being able to love and be loved requires first that you love yourself. Otherwise, you’ll become a black hole; no matter how much attention, or care someone pours into you, it’s either never enough, or never from the “right person, or not done right, good enough, or long enough.” I think you get the picture…
If you tear yourself into shreds, I can only imagine how harshly you criticize others. Picky people may criticize and ask lots of probing questions, when it’s themselves that they aren’t sure of and don’t know. When you learn to love and accept yourself, you also start seeing the world and other people through different eyes.

Anyone who “needs” to be with someone tends to be in only one of two modes: namely mourning the loss of a relationship, or chasing after one. Neither is the reason to be in a relationship. Plus, you give away all your power, either to those who don’t deserve it, or by creating walls so high that no one can overcome them. The truth is that if you expect the worst, you’ll get it.

Be cautious around those who obviously seem to “need” relationships.

Those who are going person to person and/or move on, or cheat as soon as things become difficult. These people are internally insecure and very well maybe co-dependent. They just appear to be more independent by constantly being with someone new. Either way, the vibe they give off is the same, and a functional, healthy relationship will not come from behaving in any of these ways.

My suggestion would be to surround yourself with honest and caring people, who are preferably drama and mostly baggage free. You can learn from observing them and how they interact with others. 

Ask about how you are perceived and suggestions as to what you can do to overcome the obstacles. Be open to their advice, even though it might sting. Hopefully, you don’t choose friends who want to deliberately hurt you, or don’t care. Good friends and genuine people will be honest. But consider the source for any type of feedback, before you discard a friend, simply because they may have told you something, you didn’t want to hear.

Craving is what an addict does…
NEED is what an addict feels… and this is what drives them..

The more clearly that you see yourself, the more able you will be to love another and more able to create a lasting, enduring relationship.

What are the ways that a man woos a woman…

how does he court her, romance her, connect to her heartand win her love and affection?

A woman and a man need intimacy to connect.. that means looking into each others eyes, talking from and through the heart, not ‘preaching’ about ‘plans’ and all that you ‘think’ that you know. It’s not boasting, showing off. It’s not a car, or things.
Sure, we, women, all know that a man likes to strut his stuff, or whatever he has, or it may be. But if he is too into strutting and not into her, she will look at him as a kind of buffoon. And she will never really care about him. Oh, she might care about his car, or his bank account, but if he doesn’t win her heart… it’s all for naught. 

It’s in the heart where we truly connect.. it’s kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, empathy, and sincerity.

It’s taking the time to learn what she likes and cares about.

It’s caring and a sincere interest…and if you don’t look her into her eyes, she feels unseen and it all falls apart…  Playboy types know how to seduce and to woo… the regular fellow looking for a real love connection might want to be aware and learn the art of courtship.
It’s putting another first… it’s not what he can get, as in sex (as an immature, emotionally stunted playboy or con uses it for)… It’s what he can give…it’s not rushing her to his goal, plan, and agenda. It’s getting to know her and showing her that she is genuinely liked for her positive attributes as well as her quirks. That’s if a man is sincere in wanting a lasting heart connection…
It’s what he can give of himself, in time, and genuine communication in sharing experiences, helping her, laughing with her, and sharing with her. 

When he is with her, if the event, the movie, the car that he is driving is more important than she is, then why is she there? She will wonder…And will feel like an object herself…

When a couple connects at the heart and intimacy level… this is when real romance that leads to love, a true connection and what a man ultimately desires great sex… but the need for sex is really more a need to connect to the magnificent feminine energy.

It’s the man that woos the woman. If a man can’t be aware and learn these skills, he will find himself alone, or with an unhappy woman, and without the way to get his innate emotional needs met and satisfied by the allure, charms and abundance of a woman. And the woman will feel alone, cut off from her innate charms, beauty and desires.

It’s a man that woos and a woman responds… but there needs to be something to respond to…

A man gives. A woman receives… it’s plain and simple… it’s biology…

You can tell by observing a couple, how good a man is at fulfilling his lady by the look on her face.

A woman in love glows… and she bestows this glow and the magic and wonder of her femininity on her man… and this is where most men want to be and to be the benefit of…

Men… it is about the woman.. if you make it about her and are sincere, you will have everything and much more than you could ever ask for or dream of…
As a woman, what makes you feel cared for by a man? What are some of the wonderful ways that a man has and can do to woo, or court you, in order that you soften enough to open your heart to him?

Are you a Man Eater?

Signs You’re a Man-Eater  

Spotting a player is one thing, but knowing that you’re a player is an entirely different thing altogether. There are several levels of players, with the man-eater being the upper echelon for women. If you’re curious as to whether you’re a mini-player or full blown man-eater, read the seven descriptors below. If you’re guilty of one or two of these actions, you’ve probably played the field, but haven’t rocked the love boat too bad. If you identify with five or more of these descriptions, there’s a good chance that you’re a mom’s worst nightmare, and probably also your own!

1. You Use Sex as a Weapon Against Guys

Man-eaters use whatever they have to gain leverage against guys, and one of their most valuable assets… is free sex. Whether it’s holding the possibility of sex over a guy to get your way, or using your three greatest sexual assets (legs, midriff, and cleavage) to get attention, the man-eater knows what she’s got, and isn’t afraid to use it. You aren’t necessarily looking for sex, but using it as bait to lure your next victim (or ex) into your clutches.

2. You Have a String of Exes You Still Sleep With

Since the majority of your relationships are most likely non-committed (whether he knows it or not), when a relationship ends, you will be neither too upset or poised to do what’s right by him. This is why you’ll usually find yourself stuck among a long string of exes that continue to call long after the break-up. Considering you like the attention and convenience of having a built-in booty-call roster, you’ll usually let them hang around awhile as long as they know their place, and allow you to stay in control.

3. Your Life is One Big Secret

Nobody wants to be labeled a player, so in order to stay in the game it’s essential to keep as low profile as possible. To accomplish this, you may find yourself lying on a regular basis to cover up the fact that you’re dating several guys at once. You may avoid hook-ups in the broad daylight or public places to minimize the possibility of your guys running into each other. Man-eaters tell guys what they want to hear, rather than dealing with the truth, which would only cramp their style.

4. It’s Difficult to Nail You Down to Plans

The man-eater is difficult to pin down because you live life waiting for the next best thing. You prefer to make last minute plans. You do not offer commitment to anything, even if it’s only for one date. This roller coaster ride often works to your advantage, as while he may be disappointed when you stand him up (roller coaster low), he will be all the more happy when you do actually come through (roller coaster high).

5. You Avoid All Major Events

Family reunions, birthdays, and weddings are difficult for the man-eater, as it means being cast under the watchful eyes of relatives. Whether it’s showing up to your own functions or being slipped under the microscope of his, you avoid these major events, preferring to keep distance from anything that might label you a “couple.” If he’s always reaching out to you and you never reciprocate, you’re probably not into him, but are enjoying the attention too much to let him go.

6. You Avoid All Talks About the Relationship

The man-eater knows the best way to string multiple guys along, is to keep the relationship a mystery. While deep conversations are pertinent to building a solid relationship foundation, you are not concerned about a good relationship, but just having fun. After all, it is these very conversations that promote deep feelings and understanding, which is something you’ll want to avoid. Guys that get too attached, become more trouble than their worth once cast into ex-status.

7. Can’t Remember the Last Time You Did Something Nice for a Guy

Man-eaters are selfish. You’ve become so accustomed to accepting gifts of kindness, you’ve forgot how to return them. If you do go out of your way to make a guy happy, there is most likely a motive. More times than not, he will fail to show his appreciation in the way you imagined, and he’ll be cast off the love boat. The guy who does reciprocate appropriately will grow boring, as it’s hard to respect a guy who’s a door mat. In other words, these guys will all fail no matter what they do.

If this sounds like you, stop, drop, and roll, as you are headed in the direction of a very burned and rocky life!

This must be a very empty existence.
And of course, all these behaviors can apply to Males and they might be called what?… Woman Haters?
by Ann

Conversation With A Man In The World Of Dating – Part Two

 This MAN made contact with me because he wanted to be interviewed for Women Explode.  I thought that this might be really interesting to have someone so eager to share information.

MAN: Marriage is the ultimate. There are more advantages.

ANN: What are the advantages of being married?

MAN: Financial partnership, setting goals together, like trips that we might want to take.

ANN: So, marriage is for finances?

MAN: Of course, a part of it. Anyone would say that?

ANN: What about the emotional connection?

MAN: Oh that, too. That goes without saying.

ANN : But you mentioned financial first. I would think the emotional connection is most important. That someone cares about you, is there for you.

MAN: Well, sure.

ANN:  Are you successful in your business?

MAN: Yes. I am an EXPERT in what I do.

ANN: Really, an expert. Why do you think that you have been single for 10 years, if you are desiring a committed relationship?

MAN: I just haven’t met the right woman.

ANN: What is the right woman? What attributes are important to you?

MAN: Attractive, intelligent, physically fit, good sense of humor, likes the out of doors, likes nice things, nice dinners…and be adventurous, good at setting goals.

ANN: Do you have these attributes?

MAN: Yes.

ANN: Adventurous, in what way?

MAN: Like, if I wanted to take a trip that she would be ready to go.

ANN: So, you want her to be spontaneous and do what you want to do when you want to do it?

MAN: Umm, yeah, to take trips when I want… and…well, sure when she wants.

ANN: How important is appearance to you?

MAN: Very. And she must be physically fit. I was 75 pounds overweight for five years and all I could meet was FAT women. I am not wanting to be with a FAT woman. Being fat is one reason that I haven’t met anyone.

ANN: Over-weight people meet and fall in love everyday and are happy.

MAN: But, I don’t want a FAT woman. So, I lost weight. I will never be fat again. I didn’t want to lose weight then be stuck with some FAT woman or have to motivate her to lose weight.  How old do you think I look?

ANN: 50ish.

MAN: Most people think I am MUCH younger than my age.

ANN: How about age in a woman?

MAN: I want someone around my age. So that, we have commonalities.  Being with an older woman, would make me feel old. She wouldn’t be able to keep up with me.
ANN: What if she was fit, attractive and adventuruous?

MAN: Like Sally Fields?

ANN: Do you know Sally Fields?

MAN: (shakes head)

ANN: There are a lot of ‘older’ women that are great looking, in great shape, and rock. That, perhaps, even you couldn’t keep up with and are more adventurous than you.

MAN: Doubt it.

ANN: Have you heard of this 3 date rule. That sex is expected to occur on or soon after the third date.

MAN: Ridiculous! Because it could occur on the first date.

ANN: The first date?

MAN: Yeah.

ANN: Isn’t that a bit soon? Why do you think these days that sex is expected so early?

MAN: Today, life is lived in sounds bites. If it doesn’t happen fast, it doesn’t happen.

ANN: Sound bites, really. Do you think that there is a spiritual component to sex?

MAN: (ponders) Funny, you should say that. Yeah, body, mind soul connection, sure.
ANN: And you think this could occur on a first date?

MAN: Well, not… well, it …

ANN: Do you meet women online??

MAN: Yeah, I call it, FLAKES DOT COM… they are all flakes.

ANN: So, why be on there?

MAN: (shrugs)

ANN: What’s chemistry mean to you?

MAN: Touching hands, wanting to touch the other person.  ( he reaches his hand towards mine)

ANN: (I pull back) When you look at your past relationships, what did you do that might have contributed to their demise?

MAN: I was impatient and I sweated the small stuff.

ANN : That was the cause of the endings?
MAN: Yes. And I was the ONE that ended them, NOT the women.

ANN: Do you have any regrets ending them? SInce, it’s so difficult to meet the ‘right’ one.


ANN: Have you ever really been in love?

MAN: Sure…about five or six times.

ANN: Really, that many. What is something that is a deal breaker for you in a relationship? What turns you off?

MAN: If the woman becomes distracted when I am talking to her.

ANN: So, you want her full attention on you?

MAN: (nods)

ANN: Do you feel that you have learned from your past relationships?

MAN: Like if we were dating. (reaches hand across table)

ANN: (pull back) I have enough information. 

MAN: You couldn’t have enough about me. There is much more.

ANN: Really, I do.

MAN: But if…

ANN: Excuse me. I’ll be back in a minute.

I get up to go the restroom. When I come back, he is gone.

Conversation With A Man In The World of Dating – Part One


(For the sake of anonymity, the MAN’S image has been distorted)

MAN – It’s a well-known fact that men think about sex every 15 seconds or something like that? So, a guy is thinking about it pretty much all the time.


ANN – Of course, I’ve heard that.


MAN – Therefore, some men say whatever comes to mind, fishing to see what it will take to make a woman take the bait. That’s why some say such stupid, even crass things. It’s just marketing tactics and some men are better at it than others, or might I say, smoother. But, we all do it in some form, say something, anything, or try to get close, go for a kiss to see how she will react.


ANN – Men are always and continually testing the water even before any affection has been established?


MAN – Men, as you know, can have sex without affection.  And some will say or do anything to get to the sex, even, “I love you.” Myself, I would not be untruthful or manipulate. I have several daughters and told them that all boys are after is sex. I told them, no matter how sweet or nice the boys are to you, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but their goal is sex. I would make sure to demonstrate to the boys calling on my daughters how protective I am of them.

ANN – All women are  someone’s daughters, ever think of that?


MAN – ummm…

ANN – So, other attributes of a woman are not seen and recognized as important…her kindness, insights or intellect?


MAN –They are seen, but the sex is what a man is after.


ANN – So, if a woman has sex with a man on the first few dates before any real connection is established, will the man care for her more than if she didn’t have sex?


MAN – Depends on if the sex is good or not. (laugh)

ANN – Geez! And if sex is bad, according to him that is. She has just given an intimate sampling of herself to someone that doesn’t care about her. Actually, she was used for his masturbation. It appears to me like some men and women are just using each other as masturbation tools. If there is no affection, little interaction, and respect and trust hasn’t been established before sex occurs, what is it other than mutual masturbation?


MAN – Some women can have sex with a man without attachment, the same as a man. In college, a friend told me that he was going to stop the wining and dining and just jump to the question. “Do you want to cut to the chase and ‘F…’?” He said that more than half the women took him up on it.

ANN – Sad commentary, as what was that other than mutual masturbation?


MAN –Okay. But it shows some women are like men in this area.


ANN – I have been deeply in love and when you have and know the incredible profound connection of what sex is, you don’t want or have the need to diminish it in this manner.


MAN – Well, agree. I said my friend did this, not me.

ANN – So what, is this deal with the third date being the charm? Many men seem to think that the third date is when sex is ‘supposed’ to happen.


MAN – I think some women believe that if they have sex on the first date that the men will think that she is a slut. And by the third date that it is okay.


ANN – Oh, I see. But in the first three dates, how well can people really know one another? I would think that having sex then, would be premature. How about the concept of having sex when it just feels right and in the timing for both….that after time spent together and affection grows that it feels right to get that close to another human being?


MAN – Agree. That is probably best.


ANN – Would you stop dating a woman that you liked if she wasn’t ready to have sex on or soon after the third date…that she wanted to wait until she got to know you and felt cared for and safe? And who knows when this will occur…


MAN – If I really liked her, it wouldn’t matter. But at some point, sex either occurs or you stop dating.


ANN – Well, sure. You need to feel that attraction and excitement. And when that excitement builds, it cannot only be fun, but great, in fact incredible!


MAN – Men are focused on the finishing line. 

ANN – Like some deal that they are closing.  Pursue her, have sex. Done! Goal Scored! Sex is as close as two people can get on the physical. It is a body, mind, spiritual connection. Why would you want to get that close to someone that you didn’t know well and didn’t share a great affection for?


Man – Agree. But most men are made differently and most don’t think this way. If they can get it, they will take it.


ANN – Sex isn’t something that you ‘get’. It’s something that you give. Look at the respective anatomy, a man gives to a woman and she receives. A man injects his emotions and who that he is into a woman. It is work for a woman to get into her feelings and to process all this. Unless, she can cut herself off from her emotions and be like a man. But why really would a woman want to do this – lose herself to become ‘manlike’?


MAN – Some do. But I can see what you are talking about.

ANN – It’s been documented that a man lives longer and happier with a woman in his life and a woman is happier and lives longer without a man. And this is much more to do with the many things that the feminine does for a man, not just the sex, don’t you think?

MAN – Definitely, a man likes the security of coming home or being at home with a woman and family that cares for him. Where he can be himself and relax.
ANN – And feel the woman’s nurturing spirit?
Of course, women have these needs also, but is usually doing most of the nurturing so it is more work on her part.

MAN – Yes, for sure.

ANN – If you met a woman  that you liked and knew that she was promiscuious, had sex with many men and could operate in this area like a man. Would you be hesitant or want a relationship with her?

MAN – (long pause) I – I wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t want to think about it. It would make me wonder…I – I am not sure.

ANN – Do you think that most men would answer similarly to you?

MAN – (ponders) Some – most – not sure.

ANN –  I have met so many men who complain that their ex-wives weren’t into sex. That they just didn’t like it. I always wonder, hearing this, if the man has something to do with her not liking it?  I am very sexual and need that in a relationship. Yet, I have been in situations where a man turned me off so much that he probably ‘thought’ that I didn’t like sex when it was him, his words, or his behaviors that were the turn off.


MAN – There are women and some men, too, that aren’t that into sex.

ANN – Of course. But if a woman feels, safe, respected and valued, it gives her the space to bloom and when she does, she will shower the man with all that is her and that includes affection, sensuality and sexuality. And this doesn’t happen in one to three dates. It develops over time.

MAN – Sounds good to me.