The needy self-absorbed man…

self-absorbedI have a male/acquaintance/friend who is in his 50’s and very ill. He has spent his life as a playboy being obsessed with how a woman looks and sex. He’s never married, laughed at it and put it down. He is  now alone and lonely. Parents are gone and friends off with their lives. He’s pathetic. I feel sorry for him, always have. He called me last night whining that he has no one to talk to. He is alone and can barely take care of his own needs. He needs assistance to shower, etc. 
He has only cared about himself and his needs and wants. He doesn’t even listen when you talk with him. I have talked about God.. but he laughs at me. He doesn’t think there is a God.
Men need women for much more than sex and how she looks. A man who objectifies  women usually turns out like this one … alone. I have seen it happen many times. When they get old or sick, can’t rockin’ roll and their resources dwindle… they are left alone with nothing. The women that he chose for her looks, only wanted him for what he gave her as in excitement or gifts while he only wanted her for her body and how it temporarily made him feel.
Men if you are fortunate enough to have a woman love you, you might want to cherish her for all her gifts. It’s been proven that a man needs a woman more than she needs a man.
Women alone live longer than men alone. Why is this? A woman assists a man in processing his emotions. She cares for and nurtures his needs. When he provides, commits and protects this creates a great balance. But when he doesn’t… it falls apart… the balance never occurs.
When a man is so needy that he is driven to suck off many women with no commitment, he is really cutting himself off from what he really needs, but this kind of man is too insecure, can’t allow vulnerability or be real within himself, so he distances emotions and feelings for the temporary charge and escape of sex and being in control and in the end he loses big time!  
Women can do this for themselves. They process their emotions more easily, so why would any sane woman want to take on the neediness of a man without his full commitment to her and respect of her whole self? Women who share their bodies with a man without the wholeness of commitment are fools. They are fools looking to temporarily escape who they are in reality and wholeness and it is a big fail in the end for both. 
The real deal with the ‘never married man’, forty and up, is they can’t commit, are afraid of failure and real intimacy. So, they objectify women and diminish marriage and commitment to make themselves feel better about their inability to commit, to choose, and to make long term relationship decisions.

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”

Oscar Wilde

8 thoughts on “The needy self-absorbed man…”

  1. Brilliant as usual. Those dumb ass don’t get this until they are older and no good looking woman wants them but they still keep chasing. I hear stories from my wife’s friends. You nailed it again Ayn.

  2. Roy Clarke’s. song Yesterday when I was Young portrays this story accurately.

  3. I am one of the men you describe and you are correct. I was a playboy and never settled down. I thought I was being smart and laughed when my friends got married but they were the smart ones and I was dumb. I am old now and feel like I did when I was young but no woman wants me and for sure no young one. I am lost and a loser now when I always thought I was what every women wanted. I watched a movie with Nicholson about this. He met a great woman later in life and married. That is a fairy tale. Women I meet don’t want men and sure don’t want me.

  4. Ayn, I so agree. I have gone out with a couple of never married men in their 50’s and they are empty and dead and all about themselves. I couldn’t wait to get away from them. One looked at every woman who passed our table and he was nothing to write home about or anyone at woman would even notice. I think men like this are messing the link that is about love and caring. They are like predators looking for a woman to make them feel something. One guy talked about how women look. I say if a man is 40’s and 50’s and never been married .. RUN! He never will marry and he probably is very weird or even mentally ill.

  5. Dead on. They are missing the commitment gene. Make great buddies for guys but no partner to a woman

  6. It is interesting that I came upon your Blogs through facebook posts and comments. Concerning this subject, I have seen men always making it with much younger women & then brag about it. When they suddenly realize they were older and alone and out of the loop, they said they should have committed to a woman near their age as they were alone and died alone. I was married for 17 yrs. It was not a happy marriage and thank god no children because I would have to be with my children. I was alone dating different women for 22yrs. I now have been with my former grade school & High School classmate for 9 yrs.. She was alone, after having lost her only son years earlier. We are same age but her health and memory is beginning to slip.

  7. or they become atheists,.. also many of them become rapists, stalkers.. at least in the movies 🙂

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