Monthly Archives: January 2014

Self-help, Women In Real Life

Eyes can betray and eyes can reveal…

???????????????????????????????What are the reasons that you won’t, don’t, will, or do look someone in the eye?

 
I usually look people in the eyes. I think the eyes are the windows to the soul. I like to look into a person’s eyes to see who they really are… instead of focusing on the image they create, or words that they want you to hear…
 
Eyes can betray and eyes can reveal…
 
Do they have cold eyes while trying to present a caring image?
 
I avoid looking into the eyes of Muslim women with their head covered, wearing a burka, or the men with them…. the reason being, what they stand for I find repulsive… as it’s of oppression and control. Also, if I am walking in an area that I do not like, or feel unsafe in, such as a Walmart, I walk quickly, get what I need and make little if any eye contact.
 
To make eye contact with a stranger is to engage… and those with whom I have no interest in engaging, I don’t look in the eyes.
 
If a person thinks they are better than another, or that someone is beneath them, they may not look them in the eyes… as in teenagers snobbing someone off. 
 
Therefore, it may be a put down if someone won’t look another in the eyes… as if the message is, you aren’t worthy of my acknowledgement, or my attention.
 
There is a person who has betrayed me, lied, and tried to harm me all my life and she will not look me in the eyes… while I choose to look her directly in the eyes, even though, I know she is of evil intent. Her not looking at me in the eyes, makes it clear she ‘thinks’ that she is better than me as she continually tries to and does me harm. 
 
At times, it’s interesting and helpful to look someone in the eyes that you know is of evil intent and soul, so that you can better discern their maladaptive manipulation as they conjure it up… observing their eyes can be for your self protection. 
 
But, I also notice that when around another person who has shown themselves to be a liar, I won’t look them in the face and certainly not their eyes because what they stand for repulses me….I know they lie and their eyes reveal it.
 
Predators and cons, sexual and otherwise, will use eye contact as one way to control. Holding a gaze and appearing to be so interested in someone can be a way to manipulate and to have power over. Most people like to be seen and given undivided attention and predators and sociopaths know this and use it as part of their manipulation. 
 
Someone not interested looks away. Someone interested looks in your eyes… but what is the motive and interest concerning?
 
I usually don’t trust someone who will not make eye contact. As it appears as if they are lying, hiding something, up to no good, or are ashamed of something, maybe, even themselves… or more innocently they might be shy… 
 
But on the flip side, I don’t trust someone who watches me too closely, or intently and tries to meet my eyes for too long… especially someone I have just met, because it feels intrusive and controlling.
 
Eye contact is a way to increase intimacy. Psychologist Dr. James Laird conducted extensive experimentation into what they called “mutual gazing,” where complete strangers were paired off and instructed to look into each other’s eyes for an extended period of time. When questioned on their feelings for each other, the subjects who had made eye contact said they had stronger feelings of affection and attraction than those who looked at hands or other body parts. 
 
The general belief is that eye contact is a signal of dominance in the animal kingdom, so being able to meet a gaze without flinching sends an instinctual message that the gazer is an alpha breeder.
 
Then there’s giving someone the evil eye.
 
Looking into someone’s eyes can show you who they really are… is that why some avoid eye contact? 
 
Eye contact reveals feelings, emotions and inner thoughts. 
 
Eye contact is intimate. Lovers enjoy gazing into one another’s eyes…
 
This eye contact thing is complex, interesting and confusing…
 
When do you make eye contact or not?
 
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Women In Real Life

‘Old’ friends…

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???????????????????????????????I commented to an ‘old’ friend that I love flowers… and when it comes to roses, I like peach, white, yellow, or pink.. any color, but red.

A week later he shows up at my door with red roses…
I thank him while thinking… ‘red’?
 
He says, “You said you especially like red roses…”
Getting a vase, I think strange then chuckle to myself as I ask… “Do you remember what I said last week?”
“Yes. That you love flowers and especially red roses.”
“Do you have a bit of a problem with your hearing?”
Self concsiously, “Yes. I do. Yes, at times…. why?”
“I really appreciate the flowers and I love all flowers,  but red .. .well..”
“You don’t like red roses? I thought your expression strange when I walked in.”
“All flowers are beautiful and I appreciate the gift… but, I prefer white, yellow, peach, pink…”
He adds. “Any color, but red?”
We laugh…
“Darn.. next time, I’ll bring white.”
I reflect, perhaps, other misunderstandings with this man have been because of his loss of hearing… or is it that he doesn’t really listen…?
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Self-help

Would you take dating advice from…

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???????????????????????????????….someone who has never been married or had a successful enduring relationship? Would you take financial advice from someone broke, or who has financial issues, as in lived above their means and was deeply in debt? Would you take diet advice from a fat person? (Oprah) Would you take child rearing advice from someone who never had children, or ever worked and engaged with them in a real enduring and meaningful way? (Oprah)  Would you take marriage advice from someone who had never been married? Would you want to be guided spiritually by someone who lived a life displaying low standards and morals, as in affairs, addictions, etc.? (Clergy, etc. who cheat on their wives, lie, commit all sorts of perversions.) Would you take life advice from someone whose life is a mess? (Psycologists, with out of control children, addictions,who have affairs with married people, or their clients.)

Would you trust someone who lies repeatedly? 

Would you take business advice, listen to, or follow a man who has never run a company, built anything, managed a profitable enterprize, or did anything on his own, but just talked about it as if he knew about it and how to do it? (Obama)
Would you listen to someone who told you to share what you have, while they squander money on themselves and share little to nothing of theirs?
Would you elect a president to run a country who has never run anything? Would you elect a president who is immoral, allowed Americans to be killed, lied, cheated, was of questionable sexual orientation and that you knew little about because facts about them are hidden and covered-up?
How a person lives and what they actually do is who they really are… not what they say, or tell you they are….
A talking head is a talking head… they just talk and don’t do..
As a country, it appears this is what many are doing…listening to so-called, self-proclaimed ‘experts’ who really know little, but talk continually with so very much telling everyone else how it’s done, or how it ‘should’ be, while they accomplish little to nothing themselves… living a lie.
We are in a world of sales-hype, self-prompting, conning, BS and Leviathan spin. Truth is lie. Lie is truth.. up is down and down is up…
Sometimes, you just have to laugh about it because it’s all so pathetically lame, not to mention sad.
So little is of truth, reality, honor and actuality…  it’s mostly all a cheap, empty, facade… Even reality shows are scripted for effect and to attract viewers in order to get advertizing… it’s all about advertizment.
What happened to our country and its standards of honor, morality, integrity, sound values?
Has the advertising imagery, media con of what it ‘looks’ or ‘appears’ like must make it real and true, and if it’s said, it must be true, taken over all reality, common sense, virtue and honesty?
The self-promotion of this is who I say I am, never mind who, or what I really am, or how I really live my life…  has the lie, con  and cover-up become more important than what is true and real? 
Many don’t seem to be able to discern truth or even want to hear or know it… they say it’s too harsh. But it’s my opinion that the reality of what is happening with the cover-up, corruption and lies are and will  eventually create a harsher reality than anyone will be able to bear…
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Self-help, Women In Real Life

People of the ‘why’?

Beige4Have you ever been around someone who continually asks why, or how, or asks questions continually? 

 
Why are your plants so green? Why are you so happy? Why did you do this or that? What are you doing? Where are you going? Are you having a diet coke? (When they could clearly see that I was.)
 
Continual and inane questioning…

 
Recently, I was around a person who did this concerning the most mundane and obvious. It was like being with a toddler or a young child. I recall my mother stating that children who always ask why, are usually not given enough attention by their parents. 

In an adult, in my opinion, it comes across as being nosey, pushy, or someone who doesn’t have adequate conversational skills… the uneducated, low-information, non-thinkers. the lazy who just babble on asking inane things rather than thinking for themselves. 
 
Being asked why and how continually makes me feel as if am being interrogated and it’s exhausting, not to mention irritating. And the person with all the ‘whys’ appears as dumb as a box of rocks and it serves to make me not want to respond and to not want to be around them. They appear needy and it comes across as childlike and is a real turn off.  So, I stop responding, turn off and steer clear.


I have had this phenomenon of the ‘why’ people brought to me  intensely on three occasions where it irritated me off the charts. Once with a housekeeper, then with a younger boyfriend and recently with a person I interacted with which prompted me to write this article. I perceived them all to be dense, unable to think on their own, or to figure out the most easy and mundane tasks, or subjects, with an inability to converse as an adult. And also nosey… people will usually share and reveal what they want to and when they want to without being interrogated. It’s the mature, and considerate who wait to be told and to have someone share, rather than to continually prod and question.

I have an inquisitive mind and I love to learn, but I don’t feel the need to ask ‘why’ continually. I converse in a different manner and I find out most of my answers on my own or let things unfold in a natural and comfortable manner and time frame with friends or acquaintances.
 
There’s the declaratory sentence.. that need be used more often than all that questioning in a conversation… this is how confident mannerly and respectful people communicate most of the time. There is a time and place for questions, but not all the time, at rapid fire, or before you even really have been around a person much. 

Asking why too often is a sign of immaturity and immature thought processes…as in “Mommy, why is the sky blue?”

While, at the sametime, in my opinion, questioning is a positive thing, but most answers can be found on your own or will be revealed in time.

Ever experienced people of the ‘why’, and what is your opinion on those who inquire and question too much and too often?

 
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