It doesn’t matter what the age, or the circumstances, many women are jealous, competitive, and betray other women….

Look at what happened to Maria Shriver. A maid working in her home had a lengthy affair and a child with her husband and reports tell us that this woman wanted to be Maria and would try on her clothes and jewelry. Why didn’t, or couldn’t this maid like herself and her life enough to stay out of, and respect the boundaries of someone else’s?

In my life, there were two secretaries that worked for my father’s company that had affairs with my husband at the time. Sure, we know the men who do this are thinking with their ego and penis… but what about the women? One of the secretaries told others that she was going to take my husband because she wanted my life.That, of course, didn’t occur. He got rid of her. I got rid of him.

What kind of a woman does this kind of a thing? They must be full of self- hate, jealousy, envy, betrayal and a ridiculous kind of competition. If more women refused to compromise themselves, their values, and self-worth, men wouldn’t be having as many affairs. There would be fewer women to have them with.

I have sisters. If I share about my life, some  of them will say that all I do is talk about myself. If I don’t talk much about myself, and only inquire about them, some of them will state that I am being nosey, not being friendly, and not sharing about my life. There is no way to win. They will be jealous and create competition where none need be… why is this?

At one time, I had a stepdaughter, 8 years-old. She and I were very close and got along well, but still she would show jealousy of my relationship with her father. It was ridiculous! She would flirt with him in front of me, taunting him to choose whom to give his attention and it was so silly to observe, but also irritable, hurtful and damaging. She would hug his neck and stick her tongue out at me at the same time.  Where does this come from…this competition among women?

One of my best friend’s husbands come onto me and I shut him down fast. Even if I had been attracted to him, I never would have gotten involved because it is against my nature to do this kind of a thing. I have never had an affair. I would consider it betraying not only the woman, but myself.
 
I honor myself and who I am too much to betray my soul.

Is all this jealousy, competition and betrayal because many women have no respect for themselves, so they sure don’t respect others? So, they will steal, lie, betray, and harm other women to ‘make’ themselves feel ‘important’ or ‘valued’ even if it’s only for a short while, when in actuality they are devaluing their self-worth. Does it all boil down to self-worth and if so, why do so many women have so little?

Men don’t have respect for the women who do this. How could they? You can’t respect someone that compromises their self and without any glimmer of honorable values. The men are just using them for their ego and penis needs. Sure, the men ‘may’ have ‘some’ affection for them, but usually the men turn against, or away from these women as soon as they are found out. Do you think if Maria divorces Arnold that he will marry his ‘ex-maid, mistress’? Laughable, isn’t it? 

Look at all of Tiger Wood’s mistresses… is he with any of them?

My first husband, whom I met in college, appeared a ‘nice’ and, at that time, a fairly attractive man… (kind of a young Newt Gingrich, big cheesy grin and big head) cheated on me with his plump, ordinary appearing secretary, while he was working for my father’s company.  Everyone knew, but me. I was teaching ballet and doing the ‘wifey’ thing. ‘I’ was a member of a country club and my husband used the membership to play golf. I watched our budget, while he gambled away money on football games…and ‘played’ at being a big shot.

I thought about divorce. I was not happy, but I kept trying to be the ‘good wife.’ I had many opportunities to cheat, but never did, or would. Cheating on someone you love, to me, is the lowest of low. I always wanted to be married and to have a family, but after observing my husband’s drinking, gambling and general behavior, I knew that I didn’t want to have children with him.

It reached critical mass one Saturday. I was sick and he was playing golf at the country club. He came home and I asked him to get me some 7Up and chicken soup from a restaurant that I liked.

While he was gone, the phone rang and a woman asked me, if I recalled who she is, and I didn’t, until she reminded me that she used to be my husband’s secretary.

“Your husband has a son and I am the mother.”

I laughed as I responded, “What?!”, thinking this plain Jane, plump girl … my husband wouldn’t have anything to do with you…

“It’s true.”, she said, “Ask him when he gets home.”

Of course, he denied it.

He told me that she was trying to extort money from him because of my family. He blamed everyone, but himself. But he never blamed me. He told his parents, “If Ann doesn’t get into heaven no one will.”

I tried to believe what he told me. I was in shock for months.

He paid off the secretary to drop her child support charges, and he signed away all rights to the child, to try and get me, to believe that it wasn’t his child, but it was.

During this ordeal, I lost tons of weight.. so stop saying that Maria looks like a scarecrow.. she can barely eat. She is grieving her dream because it has been shattered.

And this secretary was just the tip of the iceberg… as it played out, my husband had affairs, even while we were engaged, with everyone, and I mean everyone. And I never knew it, or even thought this could happen, even as bad as I was realizing he was, I never could’ve imagined how bad!

So, why did he cheat on me while professing to love me? The day I kicked him out of the house with his golf clubs, he was still professing his love for me, as he shouted it out from the front walkway, “I always loved you!”

Was it because I was ugly, not good in bed, my body wasn’t good enough, not a good wife, not a good enough housekeeper? What was it that was so bad about me that this poor guy had to stick his needy penis into everything with a skirt? 

While. the best thing, I can say about his love making is that he was inept and clumsy….And this is one of the reasons that it was difficult for me to believe that he had affairs. He had grown to have a fat belly and was not attractive physically.. while I was a physically fit ballet dancer…

So, why did he cheat, and if he wanted out, why didn’t he ask for a divorce?

The reasons, it was his nature. He is a gambler, a cheater and probably a sociopath. He was using me for his ambitions.  While my intentions in the marriage were honorable, his weren’t. My intellect was more than his, my morals and everything else. He was from the ‘wrong side of the tracks’, as they say, and he should’ve stayed there.
He liked being with women that he ‘felt’ better than.

I should’ve never married this man and I had second thoughts even the night of the rehearsal dinner. I should’ve listened to my instincts and cancelled it all.
 
I diminished myself in order to make him feel good about himself because that is what a ‘good wife’ does, right?

I found out that he told someone before he married me that he was going to marry a girl from a wealthy family. I made him look good. I helped bolster up his low self-esteem, while all he did was tear mine down…

He forced the divorce to court out of his greed and arrogance, but I was awarded the divorce on exteme mental cruelty in a no-fault divorce state. I was awarded all that was left of our property which meant I was left pretty much broke.

Men like my ex-husband are without a moral compass. They only care about their ego needs and satisfaction in the moment.

Also, a week after I kicked him out. I went to the mailbox and there was a card addressed to him. It was from a ‘flight attendant’ he was having an affair with… so even as he was telling me that he wanted to stay married and was telling me how much he loved me, he was having yet another affair…

So, was all this my fault? Is what happend in Maria’s situation her fault? She is attractive, accomplished, talented and from a prominent family.

No! It’s not our fault! It’s the cheater’s actions, lies and corrupt morals that create these situations.

These ego-driven, self-serving child-men are plain losers.  No matter what their accomplishments, if they destroy and hurt their loved ones because of their ego needs, they are plain selfish. There is no excuse. They are liars, sinners and their wives have no fault to bear.

And yes, I understand that there are women who cheat, but I am not one of them.