Falling out of love gracefully is about as good as a failed relationship, or marriage can get. In this case, the fights and cursing are brought to a minimum, and the couple just seems to accept their fate as another break-up, or divorce statistic. As easy and painless as it may seem, if these people do not take the time to learn from what has happened to this relationship, there’s a good chance it will happen again in a later one.

It would seem that your chances of a successful marriage decline as you experience more failure, suggesting that we don’t actually learn from these experiences much at all. Why is that?

Besides the fact that break-ups and divorce bring greater tension to future relationships, many people just don’t take the time to think about what they’ve learned. Studying a failure can reveal the patterns that might be leading to the unwanted situations, you find yourself in, but it’s up to you to do the dirty work to get to that point.

A quote: “Most people do not fail in life because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit!”  This quote reminds us that one of the main reasons so many relationships and marriages fail, is because we let them. Or that the relationship or marriage should not have occurred in the first place.

What can failure teach us?

Don’t Rush

Do you rush into relationships heart first and fail to read the obvious red flags? Many relationships can be prevented by noting any particular attractions you have that seem to get you in trouble, such as overconfidence, attracting those with addictions, or abusive traits, mystery, or the highs (infatuation) and lows (depression) of rollercoaster relationships, or those whom are actually setting out to con you. 

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Sometimes, relationships and marriages fail from our own blindness to incompatibility, but other times, it’s because we fail to exhibit sensitivity and tenderness towards our own partners. Some people grow up thinking life owes them something, and that’s how they treat their relationships. What should matter most, isn’t what your partner can bring to the relationship, but what you can bring to them.  Love is a team effort.

Take Action

Many relationships fail because we keep our heads in the sand and refuse to accept the fact that trouble is brewing on the communication and intimacy front. If you were to learn anything from your previous failures, the most important would be that failure is never final, until you have completely given up. As written previously, one of the main reasons so many relationships and marriages fail, is because we let them. Most counselors advise to take action at the first sign of trouble.

Moderation in All

To live a well-rounded life, you’ll need to satisfy many goals. For instance, those who focus on only their buzzing careers often experience relationship problems. Those who focus only on their relationships end up feeling unfulfilled as an individual. It may take a while to figure out your perfect balance in life, but it will be well worth it. In other words, don’t invest all your time on one area in your life, or you might find that once you have it mastered, you’ve already lost more than you gained.

Who’s in Charge?

Many relationships and marriages get off track when they become defined as a boss and an employee. You may think, you’re guaranteeing success in your marriage by giving your partner everything they want, but in fact, you’re only succeeding in losing their respect and respect for yourself, your identity, and the chance of getting your own needs met. Remember, relatonships and marriage should be defined as a union of equal partners, not as one of a tyrant and servant. Different roles and talents reside in each person and they are equal. Respect and love go hand in hand.

Putting a Failing Relationship and Marriage into Perspective

Failure is inevitable on some level in any relationship. The issue is, what we do with the failures once they present themselves. Many great people have failed multiple times before succeeding.

The art to learning from failure is understanding that failing is a form of testing ideas until you get the desired results. With enough self-awareness, effort, and insight, we all stand a pretty good chance of getting things right eventually.

If we learn from our failures, we can go onto success.

What have you learned from failed relationships or marriages? Share, so that we all may learn and benefit.