Many Christmases and New Year’s Eves…

by Ann
All are different…Some full of abundance others not so much. Some spent with friends or loved ones and others spent in solitude.

Some too busy, even hectic, and others quiet and peaceful. Some with too much to eat and others with little. 
Some full of happiness, joy and expectation. Some full of melancholia and sadness. Some spent helping others and some where I ‘could’ve’ used some help…
Some spent in love. Others spent in loss.
Christmas Eve of Irony after kicking my alcoholic husband, whom I loved dearly, out of the house months previously, to save myself, I spent Christmas Eve alone drinking almost a whole bottle of wine…when rarely I drank at all.
Christmases with a large tree that Santa surrounded with everything a little girl could ever want with family around and a large breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs, biscuits and jam. Fireplace roars duplicating the soothing warmth in the home.
A huge tree filling the space where the Grande piano used to be… so glad ‘he’ was gone.. took two days to decorate it. Prettiest tree ever. It was my Christmas… no more yelling or sarcasm, it was gone with him. Peace was in my house. Lying under it looking up at the lights, I felt like a child full of joy and expectation again. 
Working out. A hot shower, my gift was washing everything on my bed to make it fresh for Christmas Eve. A small apartment, sliding into my clean sheets, warm and cozy, alone, but safe and warm, giving thanks to God for abundance and peace in my life.

Too much Christmas, his parents at noon, to eat and celebrate and mine that evening. Over stuffed, over everything. If only we could celebrate alone…

Many Christmases of beautiful church services…

The only celebration one year was a hot bath, some Christmas music and wine, munching cheese, crackers and fruit, watching Christmas movies on TV, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ and ‘Miracle on 34th Street.’

Playing Secret Santa with a group of friends. We had most everything, so were giving to others that had little to nothing.
A well-decorated tree, making Christmas cookies and playing Santa, Barbies, American Dolls, roller skates, bicycles, everything a little girl could want. Going to bed tired then getting up very early to the excitement of a child.

Serving meals to the homeless, while wondering could this happen to me?

Shaking a Christmas snow globe and winding it up repeatedly to play, ‘I wish you a Merry Christmas! I wish you a Merry Christmas’ as I sat in the dark crying.

New Year’s Eve wearing designer clothing at a Country Club, full of decorations,  an orchestra, champagne, friends and dancing.
Sitting on the sofa alone watching the ball drop in New York pondering my desire to cut some off…
In bed surrounded by candlelight, sipping champagne with my husband, New Year’s Eve shows on TV.
Sitting in bed alone, sipping champagne watching New Year’s Eve TV.
In front of a fireplace, eating a dinner prepared by him, so in love and so content. At mid-night, making love in front of the fireplace, who cares what time it is.

Black tie celebration, the best of everything tied up in love and romance.

Whooping it up, country and western, jeans, boots and a cowboy hat, line dancing, two stepping, swigging champagne right out of the bottle.

New Year’s Eve movie marathon
at a theatre with a neighbor and her young daughter. Eating popcorn, watching ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’, then ‘King Kong’ and laughing and laughing as the little girl jumped up and down the stairs like a monkey.

Dancing to music slow, dizzy with love and champagne, my head on his shoulder, feeling so loved, content and at peacekissing at midnight.

All different, but really all the same and, of course, there are many more, as they all swirl in my head in fond memory.. All ultimately good, even when seemingly bad and all make up the fabric of me and the experiences of my life.

Where ever you are in the timeframe of your life and most especially during the holidays when you most reflect and feel nostalgia, know that it’s only a reflection of a moment in your life. So be there fully in whatever the experience turns out to be. Enjoy and appreciate every ounce of it, no matter what it is, or seems to be.

Feel, experince it all, the happiness as well as the sadness, the love as well as the loss, the joy as well as the pain. Because what seems like the worst, might become the best and what seems like the best, may very well be the best of the best, or it may be topped by even better the very next year. Who knows!!?? 

In time, circumstances change, but is it all good because it’s all you… all that you are culminating in that moment in time. So, don’t wish it gone, or past, or wish it to be something else. Just feel it. Imprint it in your being…as it will too soon become a memory like all others…all woven together to become the wonder of your life. And if you are lucky and truly blessed, you will experience it all, the highs and the lows…the ups and the downs, the abundance and the loss…

Cheers to them all!
And God bless you. May your heart be filled with the joy of the real reason for the season and much peace and happiness in the New Year! 

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