Tag Archives: worth

Memories of my Dad that fill me with his love and…

A2AC1define my worth and character forever, no matter what happens in my life. In my early twenties,  I was getting ready for a formal evening out, designer dress, the works. While getting out my attire, I realized that my satin evening purse had a busted chain… not only that, but it was broken in a way that… Oh my gosh!  I thought could never be repaired and certainly not in time for  my date. It was the only  purse I had that would work with my dress and I just had to wear that dress with that particular evening purse!

Because I had chosen this particular dress just to go with the evening purse my Dad had given me for Christmas which had been his perfectly selected  gift wrapping for his generous Christmas check.  My Dad had shopped for and selected this elegant designer purse just for me and I liked it so very much for just that reason.

I rushed into the library where Dad was watching TV and in the brokenhearted frustration drama only a twenty year old preparing for a black tie affair with her beau could create,  held up the purse that was destined to  ruin the whole evening.

“Daddy can you fix it? Please can you?! I got my dress just to go with the purse you gave me. Please Daddy, I have to take it tonight. I just have to! But I think it’s broken for good … Daddy, what do you think?”

He turned from the TV with a slightly  amused but concerned smile as he took my purse from me and said. “Go on and get ready. I will see what I can do.”

Feeling better that my Dad was on it, I showered then rushed into  the kitchen to see my Dad at the breakfast counter with his tools out working on the chain of my purse.  There was also a needle and thread involved.

I observed Dad’s work table as I thought, Daddy can sew?… “Daddy, how’s it coming along? Do you think it can it be fixed?”

Dad glanced up at me and said. “Don’t you need to be getting ready. Your date will be here soon.”

Okay… Daddy, okay … I am. I will.” As I rushed back to my dressing area and proceeded to do my hair, make up, etc. I was frantic. I had no other purse that would work with the dress that I so wanted to wear.

I walked into my bedroom to get my dress and there on my bed sat my purse.  I held it up and I couldn’t even tell it had been broken. I quickly put on my dress and finished  getting ready, putting my lipstick, hairbrush, etc, into my treasured Dad given, Dad repaired purse.

Then, the doorbell rang.  I hurried down the hallway to the entry hall to find Dad talking with my date. Dad smiled in pride when I entered…. his eyes lit up as they always did when I entered a room. “Dad, you did it, you fixed my purse.” I gave my Daddy a big hug. “Thank you Daddy! I love you.”

Dad’s reply. “You’re welcome honey. You look beautiful. Have a good time.”

On the arm of my date, as I stepped out the front door wearing my poofy black satin dress with my treasured Dad given and repaired evening purse over my shoulder, I turned back to smile at Daddy, our eyes met in our special love,  my knowing of his pride in me and my respect  for and trust in him.

My Dad has been gone four years, memories often come to me of all theDadandmemahog special ways that he treated me that instilled his pride, love and created my self-worth as a woman. That imprinted, taught and showed me how I want, need, must be treated by any man and most certainly ‘the special man’ in my life.

Those moments of love, respect and pride that my Dad instilled in me created my worth. My Father,  a master engineer and builder who built the Valdez terminal in Alaska, refineries and nuclear power plants around the world, this former Navy man, pro-baseball player, pilot, yachtsman, golfer, intellectual giant, leader in his industry, accomplished masculine towering man, sat in his kitchen late on a Saturday afternoon foregoing sports on TV,  with tools and a needle and thread Daddy at pooland worked on my purse, until it was fixed perfectly for me, his precious blessed to be his daughter, because this man of so many worldly accomplishments knew his most prized and devout duty was that of being a Father.

Recently, I reconnected in friendship with my first college boyfriend and he told me how the talks with my Dad and the way in which he observed my Father treating me, molded him as a man throughout his whole life. That he observed a man protective of his daughter and that he knew, that I knew, my Dad, while being tough on me in order to stretch and to build my character, at the same time, would always protect me.  He recalled that even as immature as he was at nineteen, that when I took hold of his arm, even though I was strong, independent, out going and capable, that I expected him to protect me. And I do recall, this young man did protect me. He also told me after knowing me at eighteen, nineteen and not having seen me since I was twenty… and us now meeting up again decades later… that my Dad would be impressed and proud of the woman I have become. That I have femininity filled with my Dad’s strength of character and intelligence. And that he knew in a relationship that I  must feel safe with a man because I felt safe with my Dad because that is the world he created for me.  What a compliment and a blessing to have him share this with me.

On the flip side of this…My Dad wasn’t perfect and he also left negative imprints for me to see clearly, to break against, understand and to grow past. Because of his perfectionism and great accomplishments, while feeling loved,  I also had the imprint on me that if I wasn’t perfect, I was not worthy of love. Dad was tough on me, and held me accountable and would turn cold even harsh and withholding, when I displeased him and when those times occurred, I felt rejected, ugly, dumb, and unloved. So all my life I have been dealing with this imprint. Interesting, huh? As much as my Father’s imprint on me was that I was protected and loved…there was also the imprint that if I wasn’t perfect, I was not worthy of love.  Part of the duality on this planet and my growth to  recognize  and overcome to achieve wholeness.

As I have grown into life and full awareness, everything my Dad was as a Father, role model and teacher continues to incorporate fully in me and my psyche… both the positive and the negative. And I am fortunate that the tough way he dealt with me, at times,  and the way that he held me accountable, created  strength in me enough to have the tools to grow past his negative imprints. When you recognize the humanity in your parents is when you heal your wounds. What a blessed gift.

A Dad leaves his mark on the world by the love he gives his children along with many others as this gift floods out into the world.

A Father creates self-worth or not, in his children in everything that he does; by example, by actions, by words, and by unspoken looks.

Dad&Annbday2My Father was the example of a fine, great, generous, provider, a giver, a protector and even a fixer of chain woven with satin on a purse that created a memory in my heart that will last forever.

In the later years of my Father’s life, he shared  many deep feelings with me about his life, his choices, and about his love for me that revealed clearly his deep love for me, so that could release more of the pieces of that imprint that I am not worthy of love unless I am perfect.

Happy Father’s Day to my Father who is now in Heaven looking over me. Thank you for the gift of you in my life.

Ladies, don’t ever settle for less than your worth… Every woman, if  she was fortunate to have a good Father, deserves a man that treats her accordingly.  This is the blessed gift of a great man and Father, he knew in his soul the worth of women.

Also, the way a child observes the way their parents treat one another provides the standard with which they either will emulate or break against in their own relationships .

Ephesians 5:25-29 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

Ephesians 5:28 

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Genesis 2:24 

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

—The way a man treats women defines his character, his soul, and his life.

Jesus loved and respected women.

We are all perfect in God our Father’s eyes.  As our Fathers on earth  define and polish us, in some people’s eyes, their Father on earth defines how they think God deals with, or thinks of them, defining  spiritual connection of peace, worth and security in self.  And this is another reason the Fathers of this world are so important.

Happy Father’s Day to all you great men in the world!

Can you tell the quality of a person by looking at them?

???????????????????????????????Can you tell the stock  from where they derive, how they were reared, the values, morals and qualities that were instilled from their family and its lineage? Is it solid or not? Can you tell their health, their intelligence, their morality, their standards or lack of,  by their external appearance and how they present themelves? Can you tell by their eyes, their smile, their demeanor, their grrooming,  and the words they use,  whether or not they are a quality human being? Well, can you tell a good cook by sampling their food?… of course, you can!

It matters not the clothes that a person of real internal quality and worth wears because they will wear their clothes, their clothes won’t wear them.  Character trumps clothing everytime. You will notice a person i with quality of character before their clothing,  who they are  is clear and their clothing is only a part of it. Their clothes are secondary to who they are because who they are precedes everything else. Their clothing may or may not further define them in any given time. But in a person of low quality, you see what they are wearing before you even notice them or who they are. They may even wear things that glitter and shine to attract attention or to deflect from who they really are, so they can’t be seen clearly for what and who they really are. relying on their clothing to shout their existance and presence. You know the flashy types who always wear  the latest,  in the moment style, or the ones who put tatoos on their body, piercings, and do other things that mar and distort their natural body  beauty as in pink or green hair, etc.

Haven’t you seen a person of quality wearing a plain tee and jeans workout clothing, or oversized casual clothing as they mow their yard or do some other activity,  and their quality is seen, no matter what they have on or how momentarily grubby becasue their inner quality emanates even glows  from their being. It’s in the energy they emit and it’s one of sincere, internal quality. And haven’t you seen a person of no-quality wearing the finest of clothing and all you  could see is their clothes because there clothes were all there was to see? It’s as if the clothes are walking down the street on their own creating and carrying the image and existence of this empty being.

Now, of course, there are some people who have learned to mimic  quality and can fool the world or certain individuals  for awhile. But if you will really look and learn to discern, people of quality, internal value and worth have a certain look in their eyes, on their faces and in their walk no matter where they are, what they have on, or in what circumstances they may fine themselves. Although, there’s an old adage that you can’t see in another that which you don’t have in yourself.  I don’t know, is that always accurate or not?

A person of real quality, style and class is rarely appreciated by the masses because of their subtlety and refinement.  Often times, they move about with little notice. Quality doesn’t draw attention… it just is.

It’s internal confidence with no need for fakery. Sure, they may enjoy the latest fashion and have fun with it, but it’s not what defines them. What defines them is their internal moral adjuster, their conscience, their internal peace and knowing who they are in their being. It’s a heart, mind, body connection along with how they were reared, in what environment, along what they chose and allowed to have imprinted upon themselves.

We all tend to become a bit like those whom we associate with… so careful who you are around. My Dad used to tell me, “If you run with ducks, people will think you are a duck, and you are a swan.”

People of quality live in the pride of who they are and value themselves, their health, their well-being as well as that of others…

They wear clean, well-fitted garments, not too tight and not too loose and choose appropriate clothing and behavior for each situation and  circumstance. They are comfortable in their skin and selective about what they put on that skin and what and how they adorn themselves and their life.

Being appropriate in dress and behavior defines and separates the gentlemen from the clods, the ladies from the average and the ‘wanna be’s’ from the real.

The way a person presents themselves to the world, their dress and style, their voice tone,  their language use, the way they move, their grooming habits and if they will look you in the eye or not state who they are internally displayed externally.  Clear speech is one of the hallmarks of class. Class doen’t mumble and rarely uses slang except as appropriate to occasion.   Appropriateness or not, time and place  is key.

My opinion, one of the rudest, most lowly, classless activities, I see these days is that of being glued to cell phones, etc. Those who walk, drive and even interact with others  with their eyes on their phone… no person of quality does this.

Think about it… we create our appearance, it comes from the deep-seatedness of  who we are and is expressed outwardly in everything we do, wear, say, eat, walk, talk, and with whom  we associate. Quality was at one time valued … we knew what it was when we saw it, appreaciated it and many more had it.

It’s quality. It’s class. It’s the best. It’s the rarity. It’s something to strive for. People and parents who don’t have it can’t teach and model it.

Quality… seems these days, it’s on its way to being lost and a thing of the past.

Quality is innate and rare . It’s a reflection of breeding through the generations.  It’s a value that we need not only bring back but to learn to recognize and appreciate. Quality of character seeps through one’s pores…

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