Tag Archives: value

The best things in life are not things…

The best things in life are moments filled with feelings, emotions, sensations of being alive, the touch, the smile of someone you love, the embrace, the kiss, the hug. the warmth of someone you love.  The feel of the sun on your face. The cool wind on your skin. The sun glistening in the trees. The sound of music. The taste of your favorite food. The best things in life are feelings and emotions triggered by people and experiences that create wonderful memories. The best thing in life is to feel and experience our senses. God’s gift of being on earth is to experience love and joy… the real connection to self, to others and to the source… our maker.

Sure ‘things’ are part of living on earth, but they are not the reason… they are only to enhance, to give to others, and to make our life easier, and perhaps fun. Things are tools. Things are sofas to sit on, utensils to eat with.

I once went on a date with a man who loved expensive cars and owned many. On our first date, we had fun, he was attentive. We had a great conversation and dinner at a nice restaurant. I think he was driving a Mercedes that evening, but I didn’t care. I thought him a nice man. On our second date, he arrived in a Ferrari. It was pretty… but I have ridden and owned many great cars. A car is a car. A car is fun to drive. A car gets you from place to place, but it is a thing.  I was chatting as he drove down the tollway to our destination. He did not respond to me, but instead, stared straight at the rode.  I thought …’Umm this is bizarre’. He was not the friendly talkative man of our first date.

Turning into the parking lot of the restaurant,  another car turned too close to him and he sparked into anger with a comment to match. He parked his Ferrari  in a distant parking place to make certain no one could ding it.  At dinner, he kept looking out at his car, since we were by the window with a view of it.

After dinner, on our way to the movie, he was overly focused on his driving and was not talkative. So, I inquired. “Are you okay?  You seem preoccupied?” To which he snapped, when I drive this car, I focus on my driving. It’s my baby. It’s worth thus and so. It’s an investment. I only take it out occasionally.

I responded. “So, why did you drive it tonight, to impress me?”

He, “Sure, did. And I did, didn’t I?  I knew you would look great in this car.”

Me, “Actually no. It’s a nice car. But it’s our second date and your focus is on the car and not me. I would rather your attention have been on me, on our getting to know one another, instead of a car,or how I look in your car.”

He, ” Well, well, well…I thought you would like riding in a Ferrari.”

Me, “We had a great first date. I thought you nice and interesting. I have been in a Ferrari before, in fact, several times.. They are nice cars, but your attention is on it, not me, or us getting to know one another. So, why don’t you and your car continue the date and take me home.”

He, “But I like you. I really like you. You are beautiful, smart and fun.”

Me, “But your attention tonight is on your car. So please take me home and be with your car.”

He asked me out several times after that evening and I declined. This self-centered materialistic man was shocked by my response concerning his ‘car’. He had no idea how to impress much less connect with a woman like me, or really any woman, unless she’s a gold digger and as materialistic a woman as he is a man. And did this fool think so little of women that he thought he could ‘buy’ or ‘lure’ me into liking him with his ‘things’.  How little he must think of himself.

As I stated previously, cars are fun, but people are what matter most.  When people put things before people, they have a distortion in their spirit, soul and, of course, their life. This man showed me early on that ‘his things’ matter more than interacting with me and in his distorted mind, he thought I would like him, or be impressed with a car so much that I would, what? Like him for and because of his car… Ha! His things defined him. He’s fractured with no real inner core. It’s like people such as this are anchored to a reality defined by their ‘things’… instead of their internal core. People such as this often view people as things and treat them as such… as in the trophy wife… and that is how I felt with him. He liked me because he liked the way I looked in his car. He gave no value to who I am inside only that my exterior fit with his  false and fake ‘image’ of self. His concern wasn’t with me, my feelings, my emotions, or getting to really know me… but to show his car off to me. And therefore, show his car and me, off to others… as in ‘his image’ was what was important to him. His image as it related to ‘things’.

It’s one ‘thing’ to enjoy things…quite another to place them where people ought be in  your life.

His placement of value was seriously misplaced.  I never saw him again and he didn’t understand why. Later, I interacted with some people who knew him, actually who had worked for him. (Funny how that happens.) I learned that even though successful,  he was the worst boss they had ever had and one man quit his job because of him. This man of ‘things’ lives in a house worth millions, gated and well-guarded. Has a garage full of expensive, collectible cars and lives alone. He was married once years ago. She had an affair and left him. (He told me this on our first date and poor him, he was so hurt when she did that and he didn’t understand why she did.) He is a hard-hearted money grubbing executive, no one could stand working with, or, for him. He retired early and is alone with his things.  Who knows what happened to make this man so inhuman, fractured, unfeeling and cold. What happened to him that he has no self worth, unless it is connected to money and things? And he’s so far gone now, no one could/would care, except a woman just like him or a gold-digger. But he wouldn’t really share his things with her. He’s too selfish  and self-centered. 

I enjoy things, pretty furniture, antiques, art, jewelry, clothes and yes, cars, too. But nothing comes before people and certainly not before someone I love.

Things are to enhance life not to replace people or to become a life.

 

 

Can you tell the quality of a person by looking at them?

???????????????????????????????Can you tell the stock  from where they derive, how they were reared, the values, morals and qualities that were instilled from their family and its lineage? Is it solid or not? Can you tell their health, their intelligence, their morality, their standards or lack of,  by their external appearance and how they present themelves? Can you tell by their eyes, their smile, their demeanor, their grrooming,  and the words they use,  whether or not they are a quality human being? Well, can you tell a good cook by sampling their food?… of course, you can!

It matters not the clothes that a person of real internal quality and worth wears because they will wear their clothes, their clothes won’t wear them.  Character trumps clothing everytime. You will notice a person i with quality of character before their clothing,  who they are  is clear and their clothing is only a part of it. Their clothes are secondary to who they are because who they are precedes everything else. Their clothing may or may not further define them in any given time. But in a person of low quality, you see what they are wearing before you even notice them or who they are. They may even wear things that glitter and shine to attract attention or to deflect from who they really are, so they can’t be seen clearly for what and who they really are. relying on their clothing to shout their existance and presence. You know the flashy types who always wear  the latest,  in the moment style, or the ones who put tatoos on their body, piercings, and do other things that mar and distort their natural body  beauty as in pink or green hair, etc.

Haven’t you seen a person of quality wearing a plain tee and jeans workout clothing, or oversized casual clothing as they mow their yard or do some other activity,  and their quality is seen, no matter what they have on or how momentarily grubby becasue their inner quality emanates even glows  from their being. It’s in the energy they emit and it’s one of sincere, internal quality. And haven’t you seen a person of no-quality wearing the finest of clothing and all you  could see is their clothes because there clothes were all there was to see? It’s as if the clothes are walking down the street on their own creating and carrying the image and existence of this empty being.

Now, of course, there are some people who have learned to mimic  quality and can fool the world or certain individuals  for awhile. But if you will really look and learn to discern, people of quality, internal value and worth have a certain look in their eyes, on their faces and in their walk no matter where they are, what they have on, or in what circumstances they may fine themselves. Although, there’s an old adage that you can’t see in another that which you don’t have in yourself.  I don’t know, is that always accurate or not?

A person of real quality, style and class is rarely appreciated by the masses because of their subtlety and refinement.  Often times, they move about with little notice. Quality doesn’t draw attention… it just is.

It’s internal confidence with no need for fakery. Sure, they may enjoy the latest fashion and have fun with it, but it’s not what defines them. What defines them is their internal moral adjuster, their conscience, their internal peace and knowing who they are in their being. It’s a heart, mind, body connection along with how they were reared, in what environment, along what they chose and allowed to have imprinted upon themselves.

We all tend to become a bit like those whom we associate with… so careful who you are around. My Dad used to tell me, “If you run with ducks, people will think you are a duck, and you are a swan.”

People of quality live in the pride of who they are and value themselves, their health, their well-being as well as that of others…

They wear clean, well-fitted garments, not too tight and not too loose and choose appropriate clothing and behavior for each situation and  circumstance. They are comfortable in their skin and selective about what they put on that skin and what and how they adorn themselves and their life.

Being appropriate in dress and behavior defines and separates the gentlemen from the clods, the ladies from the average and the ‘wanna be’s’ from the real.

The way a person presents themselves to the world, their dress and style, their voice tone,  their language use, the way they move, their grooming habits and if they will look you in the eye or not state who they are internally displayed externally.  Clear speech is one of the hallmarks of class. Class doen’t mumble and rarely uses slang except as appropriate to occasion.   Appropriateness or not, time and place  is key.

My opinion, one of the rudest, most lowly, classless activities, I see these days is that of being glued to cell phones, etc. Those who walk, drive and even interact with others  with their eyes on their phone… no person of quality does this.

Think about it… we create our appearance, it comes from the deep-seatedness of  who we are and is expressed outwardly in everything we do, wear, say, eat, walk, talk, and with whom  we associate. Quality was at one time valued … we knew what it was when we saw it, appreaciated it and many more had it.

It’s quality. It’s class. It’s the best. It’s the rarity. It’s something to strive for. People and parents who don’t have it can’t teach and model it.

Quality… seems these days, it’s on its way to being lost and a thing of the past.

Quality is innate and rare . It’s a reflection of breeding through the generations.  It’s a value that we need not only bring back but to learn to recognize and appreciate. Quality of character seeps through one’s pores…

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