Tag Archives: secure

EGO – Secure vs Insecure People…


Do you feel less than, more than, or equal to?

Most of us are a mix of our insecurities and our strengths…

When an emotionally aware person feels insecure, they have learned to self-reflect concerning why it is that they do.  Insecure people are either afraid of looking at self or have no awareness that this is what their feelings in the circumstance are telling them to do. When feeling insecure – ask yourself – Why am I feeling that I am not ‘equal to’  – equal to others – equal to the challenge – equal to being in this place, circumstance – even equal to being in the world?  People feeling insecure do not feel worthy and this can manifest in their bodies, lives and into the world in many different ways.

Some of the ways are :

They don’t feel good enough or equal to – so they may criticize others to make themselves feel better and so that  in their distorted head they think they will bring others down to their insecure level as they try to one-up others.

They don’t feel good enough – so they have much negative-self talk.  and this projects into everything in their life. The view the world through their lens of their insecurity which translates into seeing most everything and everyone as negative.

They may be ill often – one aliment after another. This is caused by their low energy and internal stress  which affects their immune system

Often times – insecure people live behind or in a facade of their own making. They have fear of being found out for who and what they truly are.  They treat people as if they don’t matter because only they matter. It’s all about them. They have an inflated ego – which is a defense for how insecure they feel.

Definition of EGO: a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance – the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.

Our ego level and valuation may change drastically when we are fractured and out of balance. Ego may go from one extreme to the other from feeling down and weak to overly confident triggered by external circumstances or internal self-talk.

There is a syndrome – where you go from feeling less than, to more than, but not equal to.  Which is – you feel insecure and less than others – that you are not good enough – you don’t matter – everyone is better than you – have more – are more attractive – more intelligent, etc. Then you flip into thinking and feeling that you are better than – smarter than -everyone else is a fool even stupid and you know more, are special and are way above and better than they are. You go from feeling below everyone in the world to higher than everyone in the world. Which means that you don’t feel equal to, equal to the challenge, equal to living life in the way you desire, equal to developing your talents and skills, equal to taking care of and grooming your body so that you are the best you can be – equal to being on earth along with everyone else.

When you are feeling less than, you will fall into envy, jealousy, denial and defensiveness. You may criticize and blame others to make self feel better. You beat yourself up with negative self-talk and dark thoughts. You fall into fear of the future. Fear, insecurity and negativity take you over. You fear dealing with tasks and dealing with others.  You don’t like people and think they don’t like you. You are insecure and devalue yourself and everyone else.

When you are feeling more than, you will bloat up with arrogance – will treat others with disrespect, like you are much better than they are – you will boast and brag – you will talk down to people – criticize them to show them that you are better than they are, etc. You over value yourself to the extent that you become unbearable.

Either way, you are not at balance and don’t feel equal. You go from feeling like you are nothing to feeling like you are above all others. Continually and repeatedly doing this will wear you out as you beat yourself up in insecurity then bloat yourself up in self-importance. Genuine self-confidence is feeling equal to the challenge. That you self-reflect, learn, evaluate self before pointing the finger outward. Ego and confidence are two different things.

Definition of CONFIDENCE – feeling or consciousness of one’s ability or reliance of one’s circumstances – faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper or effective way – to have confidence is to have trust in self-reliance and ability.

Sure, there are days we all feel like a bitch, are grumpy and out of sorts then there are days when we feel on top of the world, can do no wrong and are king of all we survey – simplistically, like the difference between a good hair day and a bad one.  When you are at balance, the extremes won’t take you down as low as to fall into depression or so high that you become reckless into self-destruction. You will not be blown about by the external winds of change – up so high then down low controlled by every turn and twist. You will remain, more often than not, at confidence and equal to the challenge. Being in internal confidence, you will/can more easily adapt to others and circumstances staying more in balance without the highs and lows. You will be able to focus on issues and solutions, instead of allowing your emotions and the feelings connected to them take you over.

A fractured ego – goes from one extreme to the other, from over valuation of self to devaluation of self. Emotions, feelings and behaviors are unbalanced both internally and externally. When you arrive at balance, ego will remain internally confident more of the time. Confident that you are equal to others, not more than, not less than, but equal to the challenge; when you arrive at this place, there is a big internal sigh of release – like a balloon full of hot air deflating.  Because you realize that you are just fine. You are okay, all you need to do is to be yourself, learn about self, develop yourself, accept self, challenge self, be open to learn from others, listen to others, listen to self, respect yourself and respect others.  Your competition is first within self then reflected outward. Living in this way, you will respect yourself and others. Everyone has their worth, their talents, their value. Everyone is/can be equal to and so can you.

Remember, when you are feeling less than or better than, you are not feeling equal to…

To become more self-aware…

Weak – insecure – those of low self-esteem and low-value feel and have a need to dominate…

Strong competent, secure, confident men and women are leaders, they are strong and secure in their countenance.  Their word is their honor. They protect, provide and produce. ( I am focusing on males in this article. Are there women who fit this? Yes, of course.)
Only weak men feel and have the need to ‘dominate’. As in relationship, it is give and take; one leads at times and the other follows, as each have different talents, strengths and knowledge. That’s in business and all other of life’s endeavors also. Weak people can ‘dominate’ just by their being weak, Weak people use whatever, they can to ‘dominate’ because they are weak and have little ability to be secure and strong. So they ‘dominate’ anyway that they can, to ‘feel’ in control. Weakness, unhappiness, whining, feigning illness, fears are powerful ways to control others.  Therefore, it’s not only by the ‘appearance’ of strength and control  that can be the way to dominate . But ultimately, it is the weak, no matter how ‘strong’ they may first appear or growl in their roar, that have the need to dominate.  The need to dominate over others is a sign of weakness. Damaged people have the need to dominate.

When a man feels he is of low-value  then he might as well pull you down to match him. He could try to raise his value but that takes more effort and discipline. It’s easier to try and lower your value to match his own so that he  feels more comfortable.  This is what weak men with a need to dominate do. After all, it’s less risky and he gets to exert more of his “value extracting” dominance in the  relationship. Yes, that’s right, “value extracting” dominance. If he’s able to keep a woman small, then there’s a significantly smaller chance that she might leave him.

If he’s able to rip apart self esteem, then she will become more reliant upon him and his approval of her. But when or if she does, then he will rip her apart for doing so. Low value men and low esteemed men are very good at tearing apart someone else’s confidence. They try to dominant any way they can – by insults covert or otherwise,  withholding, lying, hidden agendas, even physical assault.

Low-value men have/feel a need to dominate. People don’t listen to low-value men when they speak, Others sense their feeling of low-value. Low-value men constantly yearn for the attention of many women to bolster their frail overblown ego. They will try to use a high-value woman to bolster their low-self-esteem. They won’t stay for long in a relationship when it becomes real because they know, they will need to man-up. Their low-self-esteem knows that they don’t have that ability and if they stay too long, they will be seen for what and who they really are – low-value. So they exit by putting the woman down or blaming her and go onto another woman to impress temporarily in whichever way he uses to get temporary energy from her. Then he will soon exit or she will see who he really is and dump him. Then off he goes to another.  A low-value man will take all they can from the people around him, especially women, mostly through a false facade and manipulation.  A low-value person is driven by envy. A low-value person feels a high-value partner will make them look bad if he stays too long. Then he will need to deal with himself and his low-value and low self-esteem.
A relationship is only as good as the weaker partner. A high-value relationship thrives on both parties bolstering and nurturing each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
 Secure men don’t have the need to dominate, they treat their woman as an equal. Women are subservient to their husbands but that does not mean weak nor does it mean for the man to ‘dominate’. It means that he leads, protects and provides.  He holds her as high or higher, as he does himself. No smart woman will follow a weak man because he will lead them off a cliff to destruction and hell.
 The female energy wants to feel that she can relax into the arms of the male and be nurtured and protected… that she can relax in safety and by her being able to feel this, she can honor him with love, respect and all the gifts of her femininity. Her radiance will be able to shine. A low-esteemed man feels threatened by a woman’s full radiance and will try to diminish her glow instead of enjoying it and continuing to  flame it. He misses out on an exciting part of her femininity because of his low-value.
As example – the  ‘Shades of Grey’ character,  he was weak, ‘fractured’ so he had the need  to dominate over women physically and sexually and hurt them to feel that he is in ‘control’. Because when he was a small child and had no power or control, he had been abused. His boundaries had been violated which created in him a need to dominate, rule and control others.  When, what he really is, is lost and hurting and afraid to become vulnerable as he had felt like as  a little child. Because he had been so abused, he was too fearful and wounded to allow himself to become vulnerable and to love. He  became physically sadistic to protect his soft inner core,  for his protection and to survive. When he was able to heal, submit and become vulnerable to love is when he became emotionally strong and a real man.  Submitting is at times the strongest place a person can become and be. Surrender and allowing vulnerability is how you can heal and  become able to love. Only the strong are capable of love and vulnerability
People can help one another overcome their fears and weaknesses. But it takes the person themselves to grow past them or not. By not healing , they not only limit themselves but that of  those around them. They damage and destroy self and others.  Fears,  depression, negativity, addictions  etc. control their life and anyone close to them.  They keep repeating the same pattern over again trying to keep them self ‘safe’.
The Fruits of the Holy Spirit sum up nine attributes of the true Christian life.. “Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self Control.” No where does it say dominate others.
Young men, stunted men, fractured – forever little boys are the ones who can’t deal with emotions, so they try to dominate others to ‘feel’ that they are in control and strong – that they are ‘big’ boys. It’s only a facade because  what they really are is weak and insecure,  of low-value and low-self-esteem.
Strong men don’t dominate… they lead, protect and provide.