Tag Archives: narcissism

Boasting, bragging, nosy, controlling people…

Blowhard : someone who always brags or boasts about himself. He is also a braggart, bragger,  vaunter, etc. Blowhard is an informal word describing someone who can’t stop talking about themselves or their accomplishments either real or imagined.

Just recently, I interacted with one of the biggest braggers I have encountered. I met her online. She approached me – concerning my book.  She thinks she knows everything about everything. She asks intrusive, nosy and rude questions and if you don’t answer them , she gets offended that you don’t give her all the info she seeks. She talks about money all the time – what car she drives –  how big her house is – if you mention any topic, she knows more about it than you or anyone else does – and all her ‘friends’ or associates are ‘experts’ in their fields and according to her – ‘know more about anything than anyone else’. Her children are the most accomplished and her husband the best husband in the world – HA! As she continued her BS – I realized that she knows little to nothing about much. She refers to everyone as her ‘besties’ – including me and I just met her – never met her in person and have no desire to do so. She uses emoji’s like some child – like 10 of them with every post or text. Always trying to draw attention to herself. She hides behind the mantel of being a Christian – when her behavior is any and everything but. I tried to give her the benefit of my doubt but my first instincts were correct – so I cut my interaction off with her – but not fast enough. She is a people collector – a sucker of energy. A vampire – searching for prey. 

A person who brags, is a person who seeks external validation since the individual cannot self-validate. The individual doesn’t find or have the inner resources to validate himself. Bragging and boasting implies an inferiority complex.

Braggadocious people are usually also controlling – they want to control the conversation and make it and everything else all about them – what they own – what they do – who they know – what they know – how much money they have. They try to control the conversation in order to get information about you or others.  They ask intrusive nosy questions to find out where they can suck, take, or use against you. Nosy in order to glean information for them to use against you or to put you down when they need another boost for their fragile insecure ego. They will eventually use your vulnerabilities against you in some form or another – even if it’s only to feel better about themselves and to get  or for them to think that they have the upper hand. Many braggers have sociopathic and narcissistic traits.

They try to connect to people with success, money, accomplishment or  some sphere of influence – so they can add them to their arsenal of what ‘expert’ friends and associates they have – in order to have more to brag about – even if it’s only by association. They collect people as if they were things.  They ‘think’ that associating with others of accomplishment will rub off on them – they even take others accomplishments and try to make themselves part of it – trying to take the accolades from someone and trying to make themselves appear that they assisted in someone’s success. They many times exaggerate, if not actually lie and many live way above their means in order to keep up their fake image and facade of – ‘I am – oh so wonderful, happy and great – above all others!’These people are innately insecure and  severely lacking internally.

Wouldn’t it be absurd if Einstein tried to show off concerning his intelligence? We all know he is a genius. Einstein received external and internal validation. People with  accomplishment, be it wealth, accolades, intelligence, happiness, beauty, etc. – don’t need to brag or boast about it – it just is. They are who they are and others sense who they are by their actions, words, behavior and lifestyle –  no need to brag or boast – because who they are  emanates naturally from their pores.

Steer clear of those who are boastful, braggarts, nosy, controllers – who ‘think’ they know everything – who don’t listen, don’t self-reflect about how their rude, intrusive, arrogant, boasting affects others and can’t be shown or taught self-awareness or much else – they will usually take advantage of you,  if and when you don’t go along with their plans, do as they deem, or  they realize that you see through them – they may even try to take from you and do you harm when you don’t give them what they want or need from you.

Realize when you feel more than or less than others – you are not feeling equal to…

A book to assist  – read with self-reflection, honest comprehension and you will grow more  in awareness.

People who think everything is only and all about them…

Some call these people Narcissists  – and they may be in varying degrees – displaying Narcissist traits on different levels. Bottom line – in their world no one has value or matters but them. They have no genuine compassion or empathy for others, unless they can put it to use to benefit them in some way, be it excitement, seduction, sex,  monetary profit, or for even the sadistic pleasure they feel while harming another. – because at least then they can ‘feel’.  Many live a life of depression with little to no genuine fulfillment. They are empty. They may own things and ‘appear’ to  have some kind of earthly power, talent or position, or they may not. 
Nothing feels worse for a Narcissist then when they realize that things are not going as  they direct – that others in their life aren’t going to be as they want them to be – that they aren’t the king of all they survey – that things, power and money aren’t enough even after attaining them, their emptiness returns. They  may fall into narcissist depression. They dance and internal dance of – inflated ego – thinking they are more than, to complete deflation – thinking they are less than and are full of self-loathing.  Think Hillary Clinton – a public display example of this affliction –  self-serving and really only about self gratification. She will not – apparently cannot,  let go that she lost the Presidency –  because she feels and thinks it’s all about her.
People such as this can’t see past self because they have been deeply wounded  with no capacity to genuinely self-reflect and to heal. They  try to fill their wounds with things –  addictions – money – power – control over others and when it doesn’t work or doesn’t pan out – they are still left with their wounds. This is when they may become desperate,  anxiety ridden , fall into  deep self-loathing and depression.
They have no ability or are in fear about self-reflection concerning their behaviors or to  have genuine empathy, caring or concern for another or others, because everything is always about them.  They give only in order to get. 
There is  a seemingly flip side to this, in that some care so much about themselves and carry such emptiness that they  even may take into self the pain of others to fill themselves up.  Feeling something even if it’s pain is better than nothing. If someone else is hurting, having issues or even dies, they make it about self.  They may even suffer as if it were happening to them.   They may ‘appear’ to  care even overly so about others and the world at large, but actually,  it’s that whatever happened/happens to someone else, they make it about themselves  and this is because  they are empty. Even another’s death becomes about them and they may carry this for years – if not their whole life.  Mourning the death of someone at length because they make it  ALL about self. It gives them an excuse  not to self-reflect,  heal or to genuinely live . They wallow in pain as their excuse. Depression becomes their excuse – playing victim, so that others who can genuinely feel will feel sorry for them. – thus manipulating others for self attention, once again. 
They will take in and make everything  and anything as being about self – in order to fill up their emptiness and lack.  Pain and depression become their best friends.   People such as this may get overly emotionally dramatic and be unable to let go of events that happen in the world. They may ‘appear’ to be caring bleeding hearts when in actuality they are selfish and make everything all about self.
They may worry, criticize, may be cheap, miserly and isolate themselves. They isolate themselves so that they won’t have to meet anyone else’s  needs or expectations. It’s  mine – mine – is their motto.  To give to another in genuine generosity  makes them have the feeling that it is taking something from them.  ‘I don’t need or want to care about or to  give to another because- it’s all about me. Just giving gives no value back to me.’
Meeting another’s needs drains them because they  are so focused on self that they have nothing to give.  They only have the ability to suck off others. They want no accountability or responsibility because that would mean they would need to think of another in genuine consideration , to compromise, or to put another first, at times.  Unable to do this – because all they can think of is what value someone gives to them  – what they can take, steal or what they can extract.    They need more and more to fill them up.   If they  do  give help for  a short amount of time,  it’s to have the temp high  of doing so  which makes the giving about them. Nothing is genuine.  Because they aren’t genuine to self  – they are walking  facades of being human.  Selfish to their core. 
Narcissists do not genuinely love or have empathy for others. Because not one has value to them unless that can take or get from them and love is not about taking it’s about giving. Narcissists cannot/ do not feel joy nor do they genuinely love.
They are people without hope, faith, joy and love. They are fractured. And rather than process their deep seated insecurity and emotions to come to healing, fulfillment and joy, – they are more comfortable staying where they are. They may even wallow in it. They may  overly attach to animals, things or places. They may isolate themselves and feel sorry for themselves. They are overly critical of self and others – nothing is right. Nothing is wonderful for long. They have no joy in their soul for just being. They are not grateful for what they have or have been given. They are constantly on the quest for more, different or  what they think is better.They may go from buying one thing to another –  to be satisfied  only for a bit – because they are never satisfied.  So off to the next shiny thing with it’s momentary high, intrigue and distraction.  They are stuck, blocked and they make everything about self. They destroy their own happiness and that of others. Once they attain what they thought they wanted – it doesn’t satisfy them because they have no ability to feel  satisfied – wanting more, different or what they ‘think’ will make them happy.
One romantic conquest after another, stuffing their face with food, buying – buying -buying.
They roam this earth in a depressed state of being – searching for something to fill them up. 
To feel and be fully alive, you must process your emotions and the feelings connected to them.  Along with this comes faith, hope, love, forgiveness and joy! God means for us to live in joy. Satan means for us to live in depression, loss, pain, worry  and unhappiness. Satan rejoices when we live in feelings of lack and torment. God rejoices when we live in feelings of abundance and peace.
To have and feel genuine empathy for others, to care, to put others before self is why we are on earth.   But it takes the ability to love self to be able to do so – not in the Narcissist self-love of me -me- me( flipping from the mentality and emotions from a toddler to an adolescent) – those whom are never fulfilled unless, it’s momentarily then always needing/wanting more . But to be in the genuine love of self as seen through the eyes of God – as a mature, caring, feeling adult.  Most of us emotionally and mentally grow out of the ‘toddler – adolescent mind’ into maturity –  these lost souls – do not.  Like a selfish child nothing matters to them – unless, it provides them stimulation and value.
When it gets real – time to become an adult- be accountable – put others first or equal to – they run away or fall into depression. ‘Oh poor me’ is their internal mantra.
Victims are the greatest stealers of other’s energy. They suck. They destroy. They criticize. They blame. They whine. They wallow in self pity. They take. They are depressed – angry – sullen – unhappy – unfulfilled. They are a weight on everyone’s world where they enter and stay.  They suck the joy out of the world.
Those who make everything about themselves are lost and never find fulfillment in their heart and soul. Nothing matters to them until it happens to them.
I saw the movie LET THERE BE LIGHT  – it’s a story of a man  doing just this. He  makes everything about himself. His pain, loss and mourning are only about himself. He doesn’t recognize the pain in those he loved.  He doesn’t  see beyond self. He has no faith.  So he fills himself up with liquor, things, sexual pursuits, distractions and by turning against and trying to negate God.  Then God reveals the light.
May God reveal his light guiding you to the way of internal peace.
Becoming aware is our path to healing our wounds…

Books by Ayn