Do many men of today understand what this means?
Share what this means to you….
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talk to a woman…
Okay… what would you think and do if a man solicited your attention repeatedly to offer his services in a business interaction. And finally, you respond because you ‘think’ that you ‘might’ have an interest in his service. It’s what he is offering you, you did not contact him. He sends you his resume and some samples of his work which appear fine.
The first conversation with him is informative and interesting. But in the next phone conversation, he makes continual references to your body as being voluptuous. It could ‘sort of’ be excused, in that, you are talking about a character in a book. But he says your body is ‘voluptuous’ about six times and he asks personal questions. (red flags) And then in the next email, he writes that for his ‘pay’, he asks only that you marry him and never leave him… he also writes that you are beautiful and have a certain glow about you…
He also writes in an email that he showed your photo to a kid that lives above him and this kid said that you are ‘hot’.
You write back that this is sweet, but you are only interested in the business project…besides, why would he show your photo to
His reply. “Dear, don’t nag.”
Your reply. “Excuse me?”
His reply. “Excuse you? Why, did you burp?”
Having experienced quite enough, you write back that you are not interested in any association with him and that you don’t appreciate him continually referring to your body.
Indignant, defensive and patronizingly, he replies that he was only being friendly. That you are being arrogant and you need to get over yourself because you are not all that attractive… and that ‘you’ need to apologize to ‘him’…because he was only sharing a ‘story’ about the kid, and that you are being too sensitive. And that you shouldn’t kick a ‘gift horse’ in the mouth.
HA!… soooo…Whew! Yes… this happened to me and this from a man who has commented repeatedly for months that he enjoys my writing, agrees with me and my site. So, he ‘should’ know what I am about, or he ‘thought’ he did, or he doesn’t know how to conduct business, or he is a stupid oaf, because, if this had occurred in an actual place of business, his words would be considered sexual harassment.
So, over the Internet in a ‘business’ interaction this man disrespects me, comes onto me and when I call him out on it, instead of apologizing… he ‘tries’ to point the finger at me, put me down and patronize me. And he was the one continually talking about my appearance not me…
Also, when he first talked about my body, of course, I was offended, but I let it slide to gather more info, since I am becoming more aware everyday that ‘many’ men are ‘completely ignorant’ about how to talk and interact with a woman. Some seem to think that saying things like this man said to me are ‘compliments’. But what it does is to make a woman feel objectified and this is insulting on every level. Was that his intention? To pull some kind of ‘male dominance.’
Do men these days, because of movies and the way, in some cases, we see women being portrayed and disrespected and the way many women disrespect themselves, ‘think’ that they can interact in this manner?
I have never seen anything like what I am seeing today…sure there have always been the jerks and always will be. But the lack of manners, juvenile behavior, low respect level, and ignorance of ‘some’ men these days, goes beyond the pale… and it blows me away in shame for them. Are they so insecure and needy that they will take any and every opportunity to objectify, try to stick it to and take a woman down to their lowly level?
What do you think? Do you agree or not? And what would you have thought and what would you have done?
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is EMOTION. Emotion that he can’t find in himself. Emotion that will make him feel like a whole man… a fulfilled man…a complete man…
A man may talk about what he ‘thinks’ of as “drama” in a woman — but emotion is something completely and entirely different than drama.
Emotion, ‘expressing emotion’, is the missing piece for a man. And many tie this craving and need to sex… because sex ‘temporarily’ helps ‘some’ men to ‘feel’. It’s allows him to lose himself…And sure some emotionally dead/damaged men and women can have sex without feelings, emotions, or much anything else… other than temporary escape.
But what they are really looking for is to feel … to feel emotion… to experience those intense feelings that fill you up with emotion…glorious emotion. But it isn’t sex that does it… it’s the feelings, the emotions connected to the heart through sex that ‘can’ do it… And when you are in love, it can be emotionally bonding, otherwise…not so much.
When a man exclaims, ‘I had the most incredible evening with a woman’. He is ‘usually’ talking about having what ‘he considers’ great sex… and, or that the woman ‘touched his emotions’ That place in him that feels… and transcends himself… that makes him feel like more of a man… more whole and complete and in touch with his heart and soul…
Sex is a part of it, can be a part … but it is ‘only’ a part…
Some men, think it’s all sex and so do some women, especially, these days, when ‘some’ women are ‘acting’ and ‘behaving’ like men…and it’s allowing for no one being really ‘connected’ to anyone…including a connection to themselves… so the emotional connection to self and others is being further diminished… and there are more lost and desperate people roaming around looking for a place to connect. Hence all the ‘sexual promiscuity’ and ridiculous emphasis on sex when it is premature to the nature of the relationship or interaction. The needy and emotionally stunted put sex first before any connection because they are unable to make a deep, real connection…They can’t connect through real emotion so they connect by sex.
Males are looking to get out of their heads, into their hearts, bodies and into the emotion that they crave…
Emotion is what connects… the sharing of emotion and most women have it innately, unless they ignore, deny it, or have been damaged in some way.
The emotional connection is what a man craves…
Do you agree?…
Sexuality is precious. It is a gift. It is part of the essence of an individual. It is a magnificent connection. But today, by many, it is being taken down to the level of a hand shake, or a blow job. Immorality, regarding sexuality, is promoted almost everywhere.
If some woman will spread her legs, some man will stick it in. Not to be gross, but anyone doing this, in this casual manner, is gross. The women who are like this, as well, as the men, are lowly and disgusting and they are diminishing themselves along with society…
You can’t separate yourself, your body, mind, heart and spirit, from the sexual act… as you exchange bodily fluids and energy with another. If you think that you can, you are dead inside, or so cut off from yourself that you are a walking needy zombie, or possibly addicted.
Some think that when you exchange sexual energy with another that it makes an imprint on you that you carry in your energy…and this may very well be true.
Playboys, playgirls, those never married, or committed, but who have sex one after another, are nothing, but lost, promiscuous, searching and many are down and out immoral. Most have little to no connection to body, mind, heart, and spirit… They are only looking to ‘escape’ and to feel some ‘momentary’ pleasure that takes them out of their loneliness, torment, or lack in self. And if anything feels too real, in that, it’s time to commit, be responsible, or in tune with who they really are, being that, they ‘grow’, they are off to their next prey and escape. Their denial and escape of emotional growth pushes them along their sexually demented path.
If a person does this too often, they may very well lose all capability to love, if they even had it in the first place. They don’t love, or respect themselves as reflected in their behavior, so of course, don’t have the ability to love, respect and commit to another.
We are rearing a large part of society in this manner today and it is going to destroy our country. The family unit, the commitment, the responsibility are the foundation of a strong, healthy, moral and prosperous society.
Good and responsible men are often propelled to higher level of success as they are compelled to care and provide for their wife and children….
Married or committed people who cheat on their partner are breaking the integrity of the unit and betraying all concerned, even the children, who they ‘think’ don’t know… well, they do know. The cheater is breaking down the morality of all involved. A cheater carries their duplicity with them in all that they do until they admit and recognize their frailty and lack.
Dictators, socialists, communists, marxists, know that to destroy the morality of a society will break it down. Tear down the family unit and people will be more easily led and controlled. Selfish, single, non-attached people usually care little about the needs of others. They just wanna screw and screw themselves and others they do…
Marriage is being promoted and diminished as to be too bothersome to do. Children ar
e born out of wedlock and it is accepted as the norm. “Baby Daddy” is replacing “Father”… and this I find disgusting…
How did we sink so low and why?
It’s better that a child be brought into this world with a married Mother and Father. This gives the child the basis for strength and security, a unit, an identity to grow and to learn from. Now sure, not all parents are ‘great’… but, at least, a child born into a marriage has a foundation, a sense of security and belonging.
These kids with a ‘Baby Daddy’ and a Mother who have had several children by other ‘Baby Daddies’… well, what is this BS? How lost and convoluted will these children become? We can see the effects of this casual, ill-responsible lifestyle in society, daily.
I am having men complain that women are promiscuous and it is turning them off. Then I have women complain that all men are interested in is sex and that men email and text them photos of their penises… Now how insecure, needy and gross can some men get?
Rape can be also telling a woman you love her just to have sex with her… it’s not by physical force alone and behind lying, manipulative words can be the same aggression and violence against women.
We are having a major male/female/sexual disconnect… I say be true to yourself, your morality and your body, mind, heart, spirit connection…or you will be lost. Listen to your connection to yourself, not society, others and certainly not the media and entertainment field… they have a stake and benefit in your corruption.
Some people show no respect for the sexual act, or what comes from it … So how will these children grow up to be secure and responsible to self and others when no one was, or is responsible to, or for them? Most will be worse off than their parents with little direction and few, if any morals… a burden on society… a burden to themselves… lost searching and easily led astray.
The break down of society can be based on the break down of the importance placed on the sexual act…whether it be held in value, or no different than relieving yourself. The respect that women are held in and the respect that women show and give to themselves is a reflection of the quality of a society.
The sex act is an act of creation and an expression of love and caring between two people. It’s isn’t just an orgasm, getting off, seduction, or notches on a belt.
Sure, it’s muscles and nerves being stimulated… but without the intellect, the emotional connection, it is nothing, but mutual masturbation.
You will find that the more exclusive and selective people are regarding sexual partners, the more sensual and sexual they are. Because they know and understand what ‘really great sex’ is, so they ‘value’ it…they have and understand the body, mind, heart, spiritual connection… Where a promiscuous person just screws…an ordinary, banal, common and empty act…
An emotionally healthy woman becomes attached to man when she has sex. Her hormones create this attachment. So, she should be VERY CAREFUL whom she has sex with. And men who toy and exploit these emotions with ill-intent are the lowest of the low.
Men who go around sticking their neediness in women are nothing, but NEEDY.
Not a man, but a lost little animal, who can’t connect past his penis. He has no respect for himself, or the women. Women who allow themselves to be used in this manner
are ignorant fools who are betraying the very nature of their being.
We are creating an immoral society that values little. Sexuality is a person’s motor and someone who abuses their self, and others have little, if nothing to offer.
There are ‘basic rules’ that work to create a healthy society and a responsible, respectful sexuality is its basis…
I am certainly no prude as I have lived long enough to have made mistakes and to know what I share here is the truth of my living wisdom.
I have made the mistake of sex with someone I cared little for and it made me feel sick inside. I have had the deep connection with a man I loved dearly and never felt more fulfilled, or cared for. I have had a ‘Hollywood star’, playboy type come onto me and and turned him down flat with no regret…
With experience, living, and age comes wisdom… and that wisdom leads us back to the basic truths that love and sex go together… Marriage first – children after marriage…playboys are lost boys and nothing is glamorous about them.
As a society, we can strive to lift ourselves up to morality, love, commitment, respect, sexual exclusivity, or we can let Hollywood, the media, the rock and rappers, ‘popular’ opinion, etc. tear us down to promiscuity, perversions, anything goes, into a totally demented hell.
Immorality is just that…Immoral…
Too many women put up with things that they should not… Remember, you teach someone how to treat you…
At the first sign of disrespect, mistreatment, discounting, lying, or abuse, address it immediately. Don’t let it slide… thinking that he didn’t mean it, or that you are being too ‘sensitive,’ or ‘demanding’, or that it will get ‘better’, or ‘change’, once you are committed, or married, or if you do ‘this’, or ‘that’ to make him happy. Thinking this way is delusional….
When someone shows you who they are, believe them…
Many men want you to ‘think’ that it is ‘you’ being too sensitive, demanding, or picky. That’s part of their gig… to get away with being lazy, abusive, disrespectful or slovenly…
There is many an abuser who will say…”Look at what ‘you’ made me do!” And that’s only their BS propaganda!
Some men level the title of ‘high maintenance’ on a woman… I say HA! Why would any self-respecting man want a woman who isn’t high maintenance? The answer is that they don’t… only the men, not worth having, do…
Address abusive behaviors upfront and immediately… and if they lose interest, because you have self-respect and that you will call them out on their issues, misbehavior and BS… they aren’t for you and it’s better that you find out upfront rather than years later…
Difficult, abusive, distancing, neglectful men can become, seem, or be like a ‘job’ to women who put up with it. A relationship should be fun, happy, fulfilling even joyful ‘most’ of the time. Love feels good and if you aren’t feeling good most of the time… then ‘something’ is wrong, off, and just not right…
Sure, we all have difficulties, adjustments and issues to deal with and to be discussed. That is part of relationship. But someone not willing to discuss, communicate and look at themselves is not worth your time.
Men who can’t or won’t connect are damaged goods and why would any woman want them…?
They are tedious children and not worth the effort, they need to grow up, get over themselves, be responsible or be without you…
Many women have lowered their standards and it is hurting all of society…
If more women held to high standards for themselves… more men would become better men….Agree or not?
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Soooo… no wonder their wife or girlfriend isn’t interested in sex….
Men! Just having a penis, or an erection doesn’t make you desirable…Just being a male, doesn’t make you desirable….
Many men who ‘talk’ about sex, aren’t that good at doing it… is what so many women tell me…
Men who jump from sexual partner to sexual partner looking for that ‘sexual high’ aren’t sexy, or sensual… they are immature and irresponsible. Immaturity and irresponsible are not sexy…
Commitment, responsiblity, maturity and an emotional connection are what is sexy and sensual…
If you had it once, that sexual chemistry, that connection with your lady and it’s gone… then maybe, ‘you’, the man did something wrong… ever think of that, ‘your maleness’…? Ever think that it is about ‘you’ and not her??? So, how about blaming yourself and looking at yourself, instead of her…?
Women thrive on attention, communication, knowing that she is appreciated, cared for and protected. Women thrive on romance…
Now, I understand that some women are cold, or can grow cold for other reasons than what a man may, or may not do… but…
Men… there are excellent videos that you can get, to learn how to really make love to a woman… so that you can satisfy her. (I am not talking porn, I am talking about instructional videos… but they are also sexy. Porn can be a good thing, or a bad… depending…)
The more a woman is satisfied and fulfilled, the more sex she will want. It’s not all about you, ‘men’. Women have told me that they ‘fake’ orgasms just to get it over with and to make the man ‘feel’ good about ‘his’ performance. And the women finally get tired of faking it… and want no more of it…
There is a great movie called, FIREPROOF, that I recommend… it shows how turned off a man can make his wife without realizing what he is doing. That a male being so obsessed with self will turn the best, most committed woman off…
Guys, if you want great sex…. realize it is about the woman… put her first…
and forget about your ego and your penis needs…
If the sexual chemistry is there in the beginning.. it will always be there, if it is nurtured and developed… learn together about each others’ bodies. Women have a more complex sexual make-up than men.
Most women are very sexual beings and as they get older most get even more so…
I have a beautiful friend married for years to a great looking guy and she lies in bed and has sex with herself with him asleep beside her… so hey… what is this saying….?
Men you need to wake up… stop complaining and talking about sex and learn how to do it and how to really please your lady outside of the bedroom…cuddle with her, hold her hand, buy her gifts, flowers, etc… whatever she enjoys… start all over with the romance, every so often… make it fun and exciting… to break-up the pattern of everyday life…
It’s not about your car, football, fishing, your job, how much money you make or anything else. It is about how she feels when she is around you… it’s about how ‘you’ make her feel when she interacts with you… if she feels cared for, appreciated seen and heard….
There is so much written about how to please a man and it all centers on his ego. Men’s ego needs can weigh heavily on a woman.. a man’s ego and keeping him feeling ‘good’ as a man can exhaust a woman…
feeding that ‘fragile male ego’ can be a real turn off….
Women get tired of catering to a man’s ego…. so they shut down….
and men, if she doesn’t want you… she is shut down to you… she is turned off by and to you…. and it very well may be your fault….
Men.. are you still in shape? Do you take care of your personal hygiene? Do you watch sports all day ignoring your lady, then expect her to ‘want’ you… well, good frigging luck…
It’s really not about ‘sex’ It’s about communication. It’s about the connection.
Men forget about your needs, your penis, your ego, yourself and focus on your lady…it just may get you all that you could ever desire. Can you even handle it?
My husband and I were at a business dinner to entertain two Saudi Princes. My father was the owner of a construction and oil related company and in a joint venture.
There were eight other people besides myself and my husband then the Saudi Princes… One Prince, the older brother, sat at the end of the table, I sat to his left, with my husband to the left of me. The President of the company doing the joint venture was at the other end of the table and the younger Prince sat across the table.
This was an oxford-cloth-traditional group, except, for the Saudi Princes who wore multiple chains of gold around their necks, flashy bracelets and watches on their wrists, many rings on their fingers, silk shirts and shiny, slick suits…and, of course, with their dark skin and they both had mustaches, or some sort of facial hair… in other words, they looked like pimps…
It was the usual business dinner with a bit of personal conversation. It was obvious the Princes had no interest in talking with the wives.
But for some reason, the Prince sitting next to me, took an interest in me and asked what I like to do. I told him that I like to dance. His eyebrows raised. “I dance ballet.” From his reaction, I don’t think that he knew what ballet was, as I go on, “I am a ballet teacher. Ballet? France? The Bolshoi?”
He nodded acknowledgment then flashed a look at my husband and exclaimed. “You allow her to work!?”
“I like to work. Why wouldn’t I work?”
“A woman such as yourself should not work.”
“I like to teach and I have danced all my life.” I answer as I thought, what a jerk, ‘allow me’. Is he kidding or what?
I don’t recall the rest of the evening’s conversation, except, that the Prince took a liking to me. Maybe, it was my dark hair and olive skin…and my speaking up and challenging him at every turn.
These gold encrusted Princes were on a tour of America and to do some business and when they returned to Saudi Arabia, they were both to be married. I found them to be boastful and arrogant, but the one sitting next to me, not entirely unpleasant. I found him interesting to observe.
At the end of the dinner, the President, at the other end of the table, was given the check and paid it. When the Prince next to me realized this, he stood up in an explosion, practically lifting up the table, shouting angrily, I guess in Arabic. The younger Prince stood up in preparation to leave.
That President’s mis-step concerning ‘custom’ was about to blow up the whole deal…Quickly my womanly instincts took over. I reached up, patted the Prince’s arm, pulling him down to his seat and said. “How about the next time, we are in Saudi Arabia, you can pick up the check. Deal?” Then I smiled really big.
He chuckled. “You won’t come to Saudi Arabia.”
“Don’t be too sure about that.” I smiled.
The Prince paused in contemplation, (I could see the wheels turning in his head) as I continued. “We’ve had such a nice time. I have enjoyed talking with you so much. He didn’t mean to offend you. Now, why would he do that? He wanted to create a lovely evening for you and he did.”
With that, tension begin to leave the Prince.
“And we will be in Saudia Arabia to collect. Really, we will. You can count on it.”
The Prince chuckled, the tension was released, as he sat down and all was well…. (It was all about his ego.)
After dinner, we ended up at a Disco (remember those?) because the Princes wanted to party… My husband informed me on the drive over that the Princes wanted to meet some girls. “But I thought they were engaged to marry?” I inquired.
HIs reply. “Yes, and one reason they are in America is to party. Their wives ‘to be’ must be virgins, but the men sleep with everything in sight. A non-Muslim woman is nothing to them. Saudi women cover themselves from head to toe, while in their own country, but when they go to France or England, they wear the finest designer clothing. Their women are meticulously groomed, in the Royal family, that is. I heard that they take their robes off as soon as they get on their jets and look like well-dressed socialites.”
I replied. “How disgusting and what hypocrites.”
At the Disco, we were dancing and having ‘fun’. I danced lots with the younger Prince who was a wiry little freak show unto himself. But, oh well! I was just getting through this business evening.
When I sat down at our table, I began to sneeze and the older Prince gave the waitress a hundred dollar bill to get me a box of kleenex. The hundred dollar bills were flying around as fast as the waitresses could pick them up.(and this was when $100 was $100, remember those days?)
After getting our car and as we were leaving, my husband pulled back around to the front of the Disco then got out. He walked over to the Prince’s Limo, as I noticed several waitresses walk out of the club. My husband spoke to the waitresses then they got into Princes’ Limo.
When my husband got back into the car, he said, “Don’t even ask.”
But of course, I did…
So, these ego-driven, arrogant, braggadocios Saudi Princes were going through America buying women such as these waitresses… then going back to marry their virgins.
I hadn’t thought about this experience in years… but the other night while out with some friends, we were talking about how Muslims treat women and I recalled it…
Later the President of the company doing the joint venture told my Dad that I had saved the day…by my calming down of the Prince.
“Women in our (Islamic) culture are nothing. They are equal to the goat or the rug. Her purpose is to be married to her husband to give him pleasure. When a husband marries a wife, he purchases her sexual organs,”
Kamal Saleem, When Allah Doesn’t Answer
“when I want a sex-slave, I go to the market and pick whichever female I desire and buy her
Abu Ishaq al-Huwaini from Raped and Ransacked in the Muslim World
I could not remain a Muslim because Islam hates women. I think I always knew this, but as I got older that knowledge became more acute, Islam wants women to cover themselves, to stay indoors, to obey men, however stupid those men are. Islam says that women are inferior in every way. Islam distorted my father’s feelings. He did not want us, his own daughters, to be happy or fulfilled. He only wanted us to be good Muslims and for daughters this means to be suffering Muslims. What sort of religion forces fathers to make their daughters suffer? What sort of father thinks that his daughter’s hair is shameful? What sort of father tells her she cannot sing and dance when she is happy? A Muslim father.
This is why I am not a Muslim. My children, boys and girls, will be able to feel the wind in their hair. They will not be ashamed. They can sing and dance as much as they like. Nothing they do will shame me, as long as it is done with life and joy. Islam has no joy. Islam is a cult of tears and death.
Testimony submitted to the web site of the Institute for the Secularization of Islamic Society
A man is never alone with a woman without Satan also being present.
Hadith Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 1, p. 234.]
A woman’s rape is frequently the last act that precedes her execution.
This is explained by the rule in Iranian political prisons that the
sentence of execution cannot be carried out if the woman is a virgin.
Since there is a theological belief that if a woman dies a virgin she will go to heaven, the politically active virgin is forced to “marry” before her execution and thus to insure she will go to hell.
She is forced to “marry” the hangman who will carry out her execution.
Le Nouvel Homme Islamiste: La Prison Politique en Iran
(The New Islamist Man: The Political Prison in Iran)
By Chahla Chafiq
…. And we are allowing ‘this’ into America and being told that we can’t talk badly about Muslims…because they are so peaceful.. blah blah, blah!
These Saudi Princes were beyond arrogant and it was apparent that they could easily snap to do real harm to someone… hot-tempered – ego-controlled and impressed with themselves and their wealth and they want everyone to know it and to bow down.
It is interesting that, ‘I’, a ‘mere woman’, was able to soothe the situation…
Which goes to show, even as these men want total control over a woman that her attention and allure can ‘guide’ or ‘manipulate’ them. Is this their real fear?
Their culture has this angel/whore thing going on, as many men do, not just Muslim… but in the Muslim practice this ignorance plays out in the most extreme ways…
There are so many complex insights in and to this experience…
What are your thoughts…?
And stay tuned… there’s a second part to this story..
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
Will pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand,
Oh, send a king to make me queen
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And will relish visits with my mother.
A MAN’S POEM: I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big tits who owns a bar on a golf course and loves to send me fishing and drinking. And if this doesn’t rhyme, I don’t give a shit.
He may be feeling ineffectual – that he can’t make something happen. That he can’t change his circumstances, or help someone, or – most importantly – make you happy.
He may feel like he’s always disappointing you. Or…
He may feel guilty because he knows he’s done something bad, something that hurt you, something that makes him feel like less of a man. And so he goes right back to the place where he feels ineffectual to make you happy.
He may feel like he screws up all the time (and maybe he does – and I certainly don’t want any woman with a man who’s always hurting and disappointing her).
HOW ANGER COMING FROM GUILT OR FEELING INEFFECTUAL LOOKS ON A MAN:
He barks. He blames you for ANYTHING he can find, putts YOU down, attacks YOU, brings up stuff he KNOWS will push your buttons. He asks questions he KNOWS will start a fight, trying to provoke you to attack him. He withdraws. He gets sullen, quiet, depressed. He gets sick, tired, fatigued, listless, loses his interest in sex, starts watching TV, buries himself in work, hobbies or friends. Maybe, he starts up with other women.
Where and how these responses started has nothing to do with you. They’re habitual patterns, he discovered, and used as survival mechanisms when he was growing up. His mother, his teachers, his family, his childhood friends created this in him – you DIDN’T.
And yet – you’re walking into it!
You’ve now become a part of his web of behavior – and everything you do and say is likely to trigger him just like was triggered long ago.
ALL A MAN WANTS IS TO FEEL GOOD. A man is 90% ego….
He wants to feel like he’s NOT disappointing you. That he’s NOT ineffectual. He wants to be your HERO.
Only – when he’s acting in the ways, I’ve described above – he doesn’t seem heroic. So, it’s hard to treat him likehe is a hero…
So – we women make the mistake of trying to help, we ‘think’ that we did something ‘wrong’, when it is all about him.
We ‘think’ that telling him it’s “all alright” will help. When, actually – that just pushes him away…
It can push him further into the nightmare of feeling “mothered” and so it pushes him back into his old web, where he’ll get even more triggered. And who wants to feel like a mother to a man? Disgusting!
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS TO RESPOND LIKE A WOMAN FROM HIS PRESENT – NOT A WOMAN FROM HIS PAST.
You don’t want to go INTO his web. You want to stay in YOUR emotional space!
Here are some words you can use when you know something isn’t going right:
1. I’m feeling weird, is there something I should know?
2. I’m feeling quiet. (And then say and do nothing.)
3. I’m feeling anger. I don’t know if it’s mine or yours.
4. I’m feeling all closed in, some air would feel good (then go out for a walk, or drive to the market and walk around, or to the nearest coffee house, or the gym.. and have some fun! You don’t need to let his ‘moods’ control yours and this is what, as women, we too often do).
5. I’m feeling many feelings inside all jumping around… I feel that you’re mad at me, and I feel angry at you, too.
6. Best solution: Get YOURSELF happy. Find out what you like and want to do for ‘you’ then go do it. And enjoy the feeling. Men can suck the life out of a woman when they are in their down mode. So get away from it…
Get silly, laugh… shift the energy…
If you choose to stay around him – find all the humor you can in everything. Just laugh – at things YOU forgot, or at things YOU saw during the day.
Practice enjoying your life, regardless of how he’s behaving. Lifting the mood can shift it…
A woman is not responsible for a man’s moods…. and sometimes, it’s good to distance yourself, even push him away…
If you aren’t yet married, or committed, observe clearly how he manages his anger… it might be that he’s too emotionally dysfunctional to be around or to sray with…
Moody, angry men are often insecure in themselves and no one can ‘fix’ that, but himself. And men who are moody, too often, make terrible mates. I say dump them… or at least, distance yourself…
Let them learn to deal with themselves…
As men mature, glean emotional insights about themselves, they ‘usually’ learn to become more aware of moody and anger behaviors, but some men get worse as they age… almost like pouty little boys, or they become abusive… These kind of men … need to be without you… so say BYE BYE!…
With the mulitiple stresses of the world these days, many men are showing angry behaviors more often… Seeing how a man handles stress, anger and moods shows you much about who he really is….
What do you say men, how does anger express itself in you?…
And what might your lady do, if anything…? Or should she even try…? Do you think that it is ultimately your responsibility to deal with your anger, or do you dump it on her and everyone around you?
A man leads a relationship, or marriage.. and an often angry, pouty one, leads it off track, into chaos and ultimately into hell….
Honest communication can reveal, heal and release much…
(And men, I know there are angry women, but we are talking about male anger here.)
What he got was a jar of Greek olives…
“These are not what I asked for.”
He cons. “But see, they’re black.”
“These are Greek olives and I am making an Italian dinner…remember, I said Italian?”
He inquires, “What does ‘pitted’ mean anyway?”, with a blank look on his face.
Exasperated… “Without pits.” Thinking this man is educated, not some backroad hillbilly, or is he? “Like what you have on a pizza, you know, black olives?”
He gets his usual pouty look on his face, plops down on the sofa and stares blankly at the TV.
I continue preparing dinner, as I state… “Okay, I’ll run out and get a can of black olives.” The store is minutes from my house… to which he replies. “Why do you even want some?”
Of course, I am thinking, ‘Whoa, I ask for something. He brings me something entirely different then asks why I want what I want.’
I guess, he senses my displeasure. He motions me over and informs through pouting and tension. “I am not good at picking up things at the store. I dated a woman that was always sending me to the store when she was cooking and I could never please her, or get the right thing and she would get really angry. So how about in ‘our relationship’, if you don’t ask me to pick things up for ‘you’? You went to the store today, right, so why didn’t ‘you’ get the olives?”
Anger wells up, as I think to myself, we are not in a relationship, Bubba. I reply. “Why couldn’t you pick up what she asked for? What is wrong with you? Someone asks you to get something and you get it. I mean, big deal! People do this all the time. And yes, I went to the store, but I forgot the black olives. So what?! And what does, what another woman did, have to do with me? The store is two minutes away. Would you please exchange the Greek olives for what I asked for… a can of small, pitted, black olives…it’s an ordinary thing…
“I couldn’t find them. What I got is all I could find.”
He goes back to staring blankly at the TV.
I continue, “I am making the effort to make dinner and you can’t even pick up a can of black olives? What really is wrong with you?”
As I recall, most men and dinner guests usually have brought wine and flowers when I cook for them and are appreciative.
His reply with a shrug. “Cooking is no big deal.”
My mind flashes to all the great meals that I cooked for this Bluto over the years, and how he stuffed his face on my cooking. Then my mind flashes to earlier today and my shopping several places for just the right ingredients…then the chopping and preparing. I say, “Cooking is no big deal? Really? So then, how about you leaving.”
I kick him out of my house… as he stutters “But, but…duh…I was just…”
I was so happy to see him go. Then I run out and pick up a can of pitted, black olives… took about 10 minutes. And later, I enjoy eating the ‘no big deal’ delicious spaghetti sauce over spinach pasta accompanied by red wine… all by my happy self.
I have known this man for years, we ‘were’ friends, but always after a few ‘pleasant’ dates, he tries to push into my life, while criticizing, degrading and whining. I think, I mostly felt sorry for him.
Something as simple as this ‘black olive situation’ is indicative of a person’s character and tells you much about someone…
So, what does it say about this man?
(Clues, he has never been married. He is lazy. He doesn’t like, or respect women, while wanting one so badly. He wants one to wait on him and care for him, like a mother would, while he puts her down. So, I am busy cooking, while his butt sits on my sofa staring at the TV and he tells me that what I am doing is no big deal.)
Okay, I don’t want to hear that this is no big deal from some of you men … because it is! His actions, disrespect and general disrgard for a woman is legend with this type of a ‘clueless’ man. Men that do not know how to interact with a woman in a respectful, caring and honorable way and when they can’t, and when she calls him on it, they either put her down, or say that what she wants, or does is no big deal…
What would you have done in a similar situation and, of course, I want to hear from both men and women…
Because, I asked for black olives, but what I got was insulted…