Tag Archives: image

Family, Health/Beauty, Relationships, Romance, Self-help, Women In Real Life

The story of Echo and Narcissus…. What is narcissism actually?

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Do you use this much over-used word of the day to accuse/insult even categorize others  whom you view as having certain traits? In Greek Mythology –  which is where this personality disorder of Narcissism derives. The story goes – that there was a wood nymph named Echo who loved to talk. For some reason, she displeased the gods, so they put a curse on her  which was she was only  able to repeat  what she heard – repeat that which others said to her, back to them.

Echo was in love with a young warrior named Narcissus – who also displeased the gods – so they put a curse on him –   which was – that when he was looking into a lake, he would fall in love with his own reflection – and be able to love no one else but his image.   Who knows what these two did to displease the gods- but the gods back then seemed to be easily displeased and also curse happy.

Hence the personality ‘disorder’ of Narcissism began and was created. BUT did you notice and realize that Narcissus fell in love with his ‘image’ – not who he really was – BIG DIFFERENCE! Then as the story goes, Echo who loved Narcissus couldn’t let him know that she loved him because she could only repeat what he said back to her. Therefore, Narcissus never knew how much Echo loved him. Therefore, Narcissist was doomed to love only the image that the world saw of him – he couldn’t really love himself or Echo or feel love from others. He lived a life obsessed with his ‘image.’   Not the way he actually looked or was, but the ‘image’ that he created and was seen by the world. His image was everything to him because he could not genuinely see, understand or love self.  Narcissus means numbness in Greek. He was empty/numb inside  with no true feelings and only about his image. He had no ability to genuinely feel – internally he was void – so he ‘acted’ what he thought was appropriate by observing others.

Echo loved him, but had no way to let him know – therefore, Narcissus could feel no love or emotion  from her. Two truly cursed people. Since relationships are our biggest teachers – these two were stuck in being alone and unable to relate. They were emotionally numb and void.

Narcissism is not about taking selfies or focusing on looks, but that could be one  minor trait. Narcissists more often than not do not like their looks or their self – especially their inner self –  they are all about ‘image’. They are emotionally numb, empty and lost souls.

Narcissism is an inability to feel empathy –  being all about the wants needs of self for their self-image – the image that they create for the world to see –  not caring, giving to, or thinking much about anyone else, unless they can enhance or add to their image. It’s an empty internal existence. It’s an existence all about ‘me, myself & I’ – full of emptiness and, or pain – they often fall into narcissistic depression.

The Narcissistic Relationship

It’s easy to fall in love with narcissists. Don’t judge yourself for succumbing because research shows that strangers’ initial impressions of narcissists for the first seven meetings are positive. They’re seen as charming, agreeable, confident, open, well-adjusted and entertaining. Their alluring performance is designed to win trust and love, implicitly promising that their attentiveness will continue. Only later, did the research subjects see through the narcissists’ likable façade. Covert narcissists are even more disarming – because their outward image is that of kind, caring, helpful and without the usual grandiose narcissist displays – they are more subtle and obviously ‘covert’. They can quickly pull on their target’s heart strings of caring for, and protection of.

Difficulties and conflict arise in longer narcissistic relationships. At home, narcissists may privately denigrate the person they were just publicly entertaining, and after a romantic prelude, they act totally different. Once you’re hooked, they lack the motivation to maintain a charismatic façade. As the excitement of romance wanes, narcissists become disappointed in their partner. Their criticisms escalate and they may act distant and dismissive. The relationship revolves around the narcissist, while others are viewed merely as objects to use in order to manage the narcissist’s needs and fragile even empty self-esteem. Embarrassed partners watch their mate flirt with a cashier, cut to the front of the line, or castigate a clerk or waitress. They must contend with demands, judgments, and self-centeredness. They’re expected to appreciate the narcissist’s specialness, meet his or her needs for admiration, service, love, or purchases when needed — and are dismissed when they don’t.

Narcissists put themselves first, and their codependent partners concur. Both agree that the narcissist is great and that his or her mate isn’t as great and should sacrifice! This makes their relationship work … in the beginning that is. Eventually, the partner feels drained, hurt, resentful, disrespected, and lonely.

The children and partners of narcissists share Echo’s experience of feeling rejected, invisible and unheard. They long to be seen, to have their needs met, and their love returned. Many partners of narcissists sadly pine away for years longing to feel respected, important, appreciated, and cared about. Their self-esteem suffers over time. They risk turning into empty shells of their former selves. Narcissists suffer, too, because they’re never satisfied. Even though Narcissus and Echo both long for love, Narcissus can neither give love, nor receive the love Echo offers.

If you can’t feel emotions, you are the walking dead, trying to fit in as a human, but actually are a walking zombie.

Learn how to identify and process your feelings, emotions, imprints and beliefs. DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other usual places.

Inspirational/Spiritual, Self-help, Women In Real Life

Punished for speaking the truth! Rewarded for lying…

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In our world today – many individuals do not want to know the truth. They are afraid of the truth of themselves and to face the truth in and about the world. They want to live in a la la land of their own making – avoiding reality. – avoiding the truth of who they are and the reality of the world – as in it’s impossible for  a country to invite everyone in – even those who hate the country and oppose their way of life – give them everything and survive as a country.

A human being can’t do drugs, have other addictions, do perverted sexual activities, lie, cheat, steal, etc. and be a solid emotionally and physically healthy person.

What has made us accepting of behaviors and things that we once considered banal and wrong? What has made up accepting of lies, facades, falsehoods, duplicity, perversions, immorality – with focus on money, power and things? 
Is it because we have lowered standards, in order, to make those who made bad choices not feel badly about themselves? Doing this is stupid as it lowers the standards for everyone.   Everyone lives by some sort of standards and values. So why are we lowering them to the easy and slovenly way, instead of raising them up?
Morals – integrity – honor – cleanliness – right living-  do not change…
Truth does not change. Right living does not change. Wrong is wrong and right is right. Truth is truth. Lie is lie.  Everything is not shades of grey – most things actually are black and white.  Trying to make things shades of grey ends up destroying what is right, true, moral and good.
What this is – is evil. Evil is corruption- distortion- lies- misrepresentation – focus on material things, instead of human beings – focus on perversion, instead of that which is wholesome.
Example the Clintons – they are only facade – their ‘family’ image – their lying words are trying to hide what and who they really are – which is a man who has had sexual affairs his whole married life – and lied looking directly into the eyes of the American people – deaths all around them – an unnatural gain of wealth through self promotion and more lies.  Hillary talks about women’s rights – when her husband has been sexually abusing women all through their marriage. Was Chelsea even conceived between them? They want you to think so – as to give the image of a happy family. Many media outlets and rumors reveal that Chelsea is not Bill Clinton’s child.
Everything has become about the ‘image’ that is presented to the public – ‘promotion and advertising’ – being sold an ‘facade’ – instead of the TRUTH of what really is.
Are you afraid of the truth of yourself? Because until you really become aware, know and understand self – you will be. There is a higher self and a lower self – which side of yourself do you lean to more often? Lower self strives for easy pleasures and rewards no matter how attained. The lower self can also destroy everything good – as that is its nature.
When the pain of lies gets too much to bear, if you are fortunate, you will stop and have deep-self-reflection – a dark night of the soul-when you will try,  even through pain to be forced to look at self in truth. When you do – as you dig through your facade – you will come into awareness and growth into releasing the facade… Otherwise, you will spin in pain, addictions, lies, quest for money, power, things, etc. to keep up your facade and continue living in duplicity – pain – sin – addiction, etc.
Are you a child of God – good? Or are you a child of Satan – evil? Some think God – their conscience – their internal moral adjuster does not exist. They may get away with doing this for awhile – but sooner or later it will slam into self – a time when beliefs – imprints – duplicity – facades – that you have been hiding in and ‘you think’ is your worth, don’t work any longer – and all you are left with is self. Some people live a life so full of evil that it shows on their faces and in their physical body, Their eyes are dead, their skin is lifeless – their energy is fragmented and frenetic. They live in internal torment  – full of addictions and disease. They may realize this – they may not.
This is what dying unto self means – when you come to meet your soul in complete honesty then decide to address your issues, torment, imprints, beliefs… and change. When you leave this world – all you exit with is your soul – nothing you have acquired on earth matters any longer – you take none of it with you – what you are at this time,  is what you are in your soul.
How will you feel when this moment occurs? Will you feel satisfied with who  you genuinely are – your authentic self or will you be crushed  when you realize that – your car does not define you – your job does not define you –  your house does not define you – your designer purse does not define you – your money does not define you. The only thing that matters and defines you is who you genuinely are – what you carry in your soul. Is it truth or is it lie?
Until you face the truth of yourself and who you are – you will live in illusions, delusions, self-lies and an altered universe full of distortion – and that is what I am seeing  so much of in our world today. A world filled with much corruption  lies, illusions, facades of good which are covering up much evil.
You may be seemingly rewarded at times for lying to self and others in the material world, but in the world of God, you will be rewarded for seeing, revealing, telling and living in truth…
A book to assist in awareness… DADDY THROW ME IN THE AIR….


Self-help, Women In Real Life

Dare At The Five And Dime – excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR

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  I am thirteen 

On Saturdays, my best friend, Renee, and I like going to the shopping center and hanging out. It’s the ‘in’ thing to do. All the really cool kids hang out at the shopping center on Saturday and we want to be cool. Then of course, we like to shop, too. Lots of kids will be walking around talking to each other. It’s great to be out of the house, away from our parents, and on our own for a few hours.

Renee and I take turns spending the night with each other on Friday night. Then one of our parents will take us to the shopping center. This Friday night, I’m staying at Renee’s house. So this Saturday, it’s Renee’s chauffeur, Leonard, who will take us to the shopping center. Renee’s mother is away somewhere in mental hospital. I have never met her mother and people talk in hushed tones whenever she is mentioned.   So her father hired a nice man to drive Renee around.   Leonard is cool. We like him. He doesn’t bug us all the time, like parents can do.

Leonard drops us off at noon on the corner by the ‘Five and Dime’. He says that he’ll be back to pick us up at four o’clock and for us to be at this corner and to be on time.

We have lunch at a department store tea room.   We have our usual – tea sandwiches, soup and shakes. Yummy!   Then we set out to be hanging out and cool.  We walk to the bowling alley. Lots of the really cool kids are there. We walk around the place and talk to our friends. There are some cute boys from another school. We talk to them. Then we go to purchase some items we want. I get a wallet and Renee gets some shoes. It’s fun to shop and get what we want without having parents around.

We head back to the ‘Five and Dime’. It’s getting close to four o’clock. We want to have time to look at some records before Leonard picks us up. We like the ‘45’s’ at the ‘Five and Dime’. We begin looking at the records. Bobby Vee and Paul Anka are two of our favorites.

Renee states, “Lots of the really cool kids steal records.”   I ask, “Who?” She tells me the names of some of the kids that she has heard steal records. I can’t believe they would steal because their families have lots of money. Renee states, “It has nothing to do with money.   It’s just cool to steal records to see if you can get away with it.” She says, “I dare you to steal that record!”

I’m nervous. I don’t know what to do? I want to take her dare. I want to be cool but I don’t want to steal. Stealing is wrong. Renee taunts, “I dare you.” I look around. No one is watching. So I slip the record into my sack.   Renee walks around to another aisle and puts a record into her sack.   We did it!

I’m freaking out scared inside. We walk to the checkout counter because we have some candy we’re going to pay for. We’re standing in the checkout line and a man comes up to me and asks, “Young lady, what do you have in that sack?”

Oh, no!   I’m caught! I’m so scared that I pull out the ‘45’ record and hand it to him.   I say, “I did it because of a dare. I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” The man turns to Renee and asks, “Do you have anything?” Renee answers, “No! I wouldn’t steal anything.” He turns back to me and orders. “Follow me!” I look at Renee. She says, “I’ve got to go out and meet Leonard. It’s four o’clock. Bye, see you later!”

She’s just leaving me and this whole thing was her idea. I’m terrified!

I follow the man as I do, I turn around and look up to see there’s an office that looks down over the whole store. That’s how, he saw me put the record into my sack. This man is the manager of the store.

I follow the manager up to his office.   Sitting here, I have a view of whole store.

The manager is really mean to me. He takes my purse and goes through it. He says, “Whatelse did you steal? You spoiled, little brat?”

I respond, “I did it on a dare. I’ll never do it again!”   He goes through my sacks. He comments, “You have money, so why are you stealing? You children are spoiled rotten. There are people that really don’t have any money. You steal and you have the money to pay for whatever you want.”

He’s yelling at me. I’m so scared! I’m thinking – I’m going to kill Renee when I see her again.

He says, “I’m tired of you children coming into my store and stealing. I’m going to call the police!” I ask, “Can I call my parents? Please! I need to have them pick me up. My friend has left me.” He says, “Sure she’s left you. She doesn’t want a thief for a friend!”

I’m trembling.   I’m so scared that he’ll call the police and I’ll be put in jail!

He hands me the phone to call my parents. I call over and over again but there’s no answer.   They’re expecting Leonard to bring me home. I’m afraid that if I don’t get my parents on the phone soon. This man will have me taken to jail.

The manager says, “If you’ll tell your father about your stealing, I won’t call the police. Have your father call me first thing Monday morning. So, I can be sure that you told him. If I don’t hear from your father on Monday, I’ll call the police.   They’ll pick you up at your house.”   I promise him that I’ll tell my father.

Finally, my father answers the phone. I say, “I need for you to pick me up.”

The store closes and I go outside to wait on the corner for my father to pick me up. I’m all alone and I feel like a criminal.

When I get into the car my father asks, “What happened I thought Leonard was bringing you home?” “Renee had to leave early.” I respond. Then I bravely tell him the whole story.

He listens to what I tell him then responds. “There’s no reason for you to ever steal.” I answer, “I know, daddy. I’ll never do it again.” Then he says something that I’ll never forget. “What will your mother’s friends in her Bridge club say if they found out? Your mother will be so embarrassed.”

I say, “I promise I’ll never do it again. You’ll need to call the manager at the ‘Five and Dime’ and tell him that I told you what happened or he’s going to put me in jail.”   Daddy said that he would call him on Monday morning. He could see how scared I am.

I plead, “Please, don’t forget or I’ll go jail!”

Daddy says, “They don’t put children in jail. I’ll call him Monday.”

I was so glad to get home and to feel safe.

I called Renee, that little rat! She wanted to hear about everything. She apparently thought that she was super cool because she got away with stealing without being caught. She acted like she thought she was better and smarter than me just because she didn’t get caught.

All I know is that I never did steal anything again ever in my whole life. Some of those ‘cool’ kids did end up in real trouble with the police. Maybe I was lucky in a way for getting caught.

I sure never trusted my friend, Renee again or anything she said.

The obvious awareness is that it is wrong to steal.   Nothing is cool about it. Also, you need to be very careful when you take a dare. An additional awareness is my father along with his concern about my stealing was more concerned with what my mother’s friends would think, if they found out that I had got caught stealing.

As I remembered this incident, I thought it so strange that this would even occur to my father. It made me feel uncomfortable that this would even cross his mind. I thought he would be more concerned with me.   What I had done, why I had done it and my fear of going to jail. I wondered why he would even care what those ladies think.

Then I remember the reason that I took the dare to steal was to be like the others that I thought were ‘cool’. The whole reason I had stolen the record was because of my concern of what others would think of me. I was more concerned with the acceptance of those so-called ‘cool kids’, than I was concerned with what I knew was ‘right and wrong’. I gave up what I knew was the correct way to behave in order to be accepted by others that I felt were doing wrong. Therefore I gave up acceptance of myself to try and be accepted by others.

My awareness is, no one will accept me if I do not accept myself. When I live by my own standards and what I know is right for me is when I will be at peace with myself and able to totally accept myself.

Now I can forgive myself for stealing because I did not understand this yet. I can forgive my friend, Renee because she did not understand this either.

Why do we put so much emphasis on what others’ think when what really matters is what we think of ourselves?

Did you see how quickly my friend turned on me when I got caught and how she acted like she was better than me because she did not get caught?   She was the one that dared me! What others’ think about you can change rapidly.   What I think of myself can remain true.   I honor my mistakes and learn from them.

My awareness is to accept myself, trust myself and to do only what I know is right for me. I do not listen to others before I listen to what I know is right for me in my heart.

When I accept myself totally, I will care less if at all what others’ think. Others will accept me when I accept and honor myself. I will live by my own standards of what I know is right and wrong. No one else influences me nor can decide this for me. I accept myself and know who I am!

For awareness…

 

Inspirational/Spiritual, Love, Relationships, Romance, Self-help

The best things in life are not things…

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The best things in life are moments filled with feelings, emotions, sensations of being alive, the touch, the smile of someone you love, the embrace, the kiss, the hug. the warmth of someone you love.  The feel of the sun on your face. The cool wind on your skin. The sun glistening in the trees. The sound of music. The taste of your favorite food. The best things in life are feelings and emotions triggered by people and experiences that create wonderful memories. The best thing in life is to feel and experience our senses. The best thing in life is communication. God’s gift of being on earth is to experience love and joy… the real connection to self, to others and to the source… our maker.

Sure ‘things’ are part of living on earth, but they are not the reason… they are only to enhance, to give to others, and to make our life easier, and perhaps, fun. Things are tools. Things are sofas to sit on, utensils to eat with.

I once went on a date with a man who loved expensive cars and owned many. On our first date, we had fun, he was attentive. We had a great conversation and dinner at a nice restaurant. I think he was driving a Mercedes that evening, but I didn’t care. I thought him a nice man. On our second date, he arrived in a Ferrari. It was pretty… but I have ridden in and owned many great cars. A car is a car. A car is fun to drive. A car gets you from place to place, but it is a thing.  I was chatting as he drove down the tollway to our destination. He did not respond to me, but instead, stared straight at the rode.  I thought …’Umm this is bizarre’. He was not the friendly talkative man of our first date.

Turning into the parking lot of the restaurant,  another car turned too close to him and he sparked into anger with a comment to match. He parked his Ferrari  in a distant parking place to make certain no one could ding it.  At dinner, he kept looking out at his car, since we were by the window with view of it.

After dinner, on our way to the movie, he was overly focused on his driving and was not talkative. So, I inquired. “Are you okay?  You seem preoccupied?” To which he snapped, when I drive this car, I focus on my driving. It’s my baby. It’s worth thus and so. It’s an investment. I only take it out occasionally.

I responded. “So, why did you drive it tonight, to impress me?”

He, “Sure, did. And I did, didn’t I?  I knew you would look great in this car.”

Me, “Actually no. It’s a nice car. But it’s our second date and your focus is on the car and not me. I would rather your attention have been on me, on our getting to know one another, instead of a car,or how I look in your car.”

He, ” Well, well, well…ummm, I thought you would like riding in a Ferrari.”

Me, “We had a great first date. I thought you nice and interesting. I have been in a Ferrari before, in fact, several times.. They are nice cars, but your attention is on it, not me, or us getting to know one another. So, why don’t you and your car continue the date and take me home.”

He, “But I like you. I really like you. You are beautiful, smart and fun.”

Me, “But your attention tonight is on your car. So please take me home and be with your car.”

He asked me out several times after that evening and I declined. This self-centered materialistic man was shocked by my response concerning his ‘car’. He had no idea how to impress much less connect with a woman like me, or really any woman, unless she’s a gold digger and as materialistic a woman as he is a man. And did this fool think so little of women that he thought he could ‘buy’ or ‘lure’ me into liking him with his ‘things’.  How little he must think of himself.

As I stated previously, cars are fun, but people are what matter most.  When people put things before people, they have a distortion in their spirit, soul and, of course, their life. This man showed me early on that ‘his things’ matter more than interacting with me and in his distorted mind, he thought I would like him, or be impressed with a car so much that I would, what? Like him for and because of his car… Ha! His things defined him. He’s fractured with no real inner core. It’s like people such as this are anchored to a reality defined by their ‘things’… instead of their internal core. People such as this often view people as things and treat them as such… as in the trophy wife… and that is how I felt with him. He liked me because he liked the way I looked in his car. He gave no value to who I am inside only that my exterior fit with his  false and fake ‘image’ of self. His concern wasn’t with me, my feelings, my emotions, or getting to really know me… but to show his car off to me. And therefore, show his car and me, off to others… as in ‘his image’ was what was important to him. His image as it related to ‘things’.

It’s one ‘thing’ to enjoy things…quite another to place them where people ought be in  your life.

His placement of value was seriously misplaced.  I never saw him again and he didn’t understand why. Later, I interacted with some people who knew him, actually who had worked for him. (Funny how that happens.) I learned that even though successful,  he was the worst boss they had ever had and one man quit his job because of him. This man of ‘things’ lives in a house worth millions, gated and well-guarded. Has a garage full of expensive, collectible cars and lives alone. He was married once years ago. She had an affair and left him. (He told me this on our first date and poor him, he was so hurt when she did that and he didn’t understand why she did.) He is a hard-hearted money grubbing executive, no one could stand working with, or, for him. He retired early and is alone with his things.  Who knows what happened to make this man so inhuman, fractured, unfeeling and cold. What happened to him that he has no self worth, unless it is connected to money and things? And he’s so far gone now, no one could/would care, except a woman just like him or a gold-digger. But he wouldn’t really share his things with her. He’s too selfish  and self-centered. 

I enjoy things, pretty furniture, antiques, art, jewelry, clothes and yes, cars, too. But nothing comes before people and certainly not before someone I love.

Things are to enhance life, not to replace people, or to become a life.