Tag Archives: ego

Orchestrated opposition…

Created opposition for agenda with purpose of confusion to implement ultimate control – when behind the scenes both sides have ‘similar, even the same’ agenda. Creating an opposition serves the ability to guide and implement a deeper, fuller, all encompassing control of all and everyone.

As in Devil’s advocate – some may not even realize or be aware of how they have been sucked in – until they do. Some may be blackmailed, threatened, hooked in by their ego. Insecure – ego-driven, power  hungry men are the easiest to suck in and control because they are all about self – about their weak, insecure fragile self-ego, as they try to create value and importance, trying to negate, prop-up, do anything rather than deal with their internal insecurity – thinking that control over others on earth, and or, having wealth will give them power almost equal to God and for all to see. Everything they do is fear-based, fear-driven. As in Satan desires to enslave humanity in any and every way possible with the endgame being to takeover & steal souls. Fear is Satan’s biggest and most favored tool.

Orchestrated opposition creates cognitive dissonance in those held captive by it. ‘They’ do not/cannot believe that it’s true – that ‘the one’, they believe/believed was telling the ‘truth’  – ‘the one’ who is/was for them – fighting for freedom, was actually all the time part of the plan to implement control and enslavement. And was only coming from the opposing angle in order to capture more followers – and those not as easily led – being of two minds coming together for agenda.

It’s the internal moral adjuster in any human being that ultimately decides their proclivity and limit for engaging and doing evil. This internal adjuster decides when they must cease, in order to regain their internal moral balance.  And of course, some men have little to no internal moral adjuster. They are the ones without conscience – those without healthy ego-balance along with the ability to do any and everything to attain for the sole purpose to sooth their weak, insecure selves, which fuels their self-serving agenda.  Some men seduce and lie, but will not rape. Some men will steal, but will draw the line at murder. It all depends on their internal moral adjuster and level of internal desperation and need to feel powerful – to have the ability to overpower those whom they deem weaker or less than, even if it’s only for a moment.

Wasn’t it foretold that God’s most special/beautiful angel – didn’t have a secure enough internal moral adjuster to be satisfied with self – even while being God’s most special, he still felt less than and desired more – so he  desired to be equal to and have the same power as God? He therefore, had to defy and challenge God’s power – so that, he was able to ‘feel/ believe’ that he was equal to, or even more powerful than God, in order to satiate his envy and ego-driven insecurity.

Is perhaps, Satan versus God, the ultimate and most final orchestrated opposition?  This challenge for power over God’s greatest creation – ‘made in his image’ – that of the human being.

For Satan’s disobedience and challenging of God, God threw him out of  the heavenly realms down to earth to crawl on his belly for all of eternity. Oh, and how these snakes do crawl…

If you gain the whole world, but lose your soul – what do you actually gain?  All you have is the ‘temporary’ power of Satan. And for those not able to know God/Christ that is all that they ‘think’ there is.

Men-of-morality – men-of-God know intuitively, instinctively and internally that there is more – that they have a God-given soul – that magnificent spark that ignited their flesh to come alive. And that they take off their garment of flesh when they leave earth but that spark lives on.

Men-of-the-world – men of things – men of worldly power – men of money – men who are followers of Satan – followers of evil – of the ‘any-ends-justifies-the means’ – to which the end is always ego-driven, self-serving-biased – greed and envy, without empathy to, or for their fellowman. Unless, it is the ‘facade’ they use, behind which lies their ego-driven agenda of evil – of rule, dominate and control.

Evil is ego-driven, ‘pleasure & power-hungry by any and all means’.  It’s their arrogance which will do them in. In that, ‘they think’ they are so above all others – above all of God’s human beings’ & belief in goodness.  Evil ‘thinks’ it’s wiser, higher and more cunning than all.  When it’s driven by their feelings of deep-seated insecurity which results in envy – envy of God.

Another God-created opposition is that of emotions & intellect which drives the human experience.  Stuck in emotions, and intellect will be hampered – possibly dulled. Stuck in intellect, and feelings/emotions can be stunted, even done away with into complete blockage. When both flow in balanced opposition – there is wisdom.  Therefore, the opposition of emotions and intellect give the opportunity to further define the human being into a deeper awareness and understanding of their own humanity, of others, and their soul’s purpose.  Times of perfect balance – is to think through your heart.  Male traits being primarily of the head/intellect and female of the heart/emotions  – gives even more interest to the opposition/connection/attraction – as in God created male and female as the perfect complement.

Is this perhaps, from where the orchestrated opposition idea and theory arose? The battle – the opposition between good and evil – between emotions/heart, male/female, intellect/head orchestrated perfectly by God.

We all ultimately have a choice driven by our God-given, earthly defined internal-moral-adjuster, guided at each turn by our emotions and intellect into the choice between that of good and/or evil. 

God grants us choice. Satan/evil grants us nothing –  with evil there is no choice.  God/good is freedom. Evil/Satan is control. Evil/Satan captures souls. God/good sets souls free.

The friction created by and in the opposition might very well be what keeps this place rockin’ and rolling – what keeps human beings striving and evolving  – what keeps the earth revolving/evolving.

It’s up to each of us on the physical, mental, emotional and soul level to discern, use critical thinking, gut instinct and soul level discernment to become….  

The dark defines the light. Lucifer’s definition is ‘bringer of the light’.

EGO – Secure vs Insecure People…

Excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR…

Do you feel less than, more than, or equal to?

Most of us are a mix of our insecurities and our strengths…

When an emotionally aware person feels insecure, they have learned to self-reflect concerning why it is that they do.  Insecure people are either afraid of looking at self or have no awareness that this is what their feelings in the circumstance are telling them to do. When feeling insecure – ask yourself – Why am I feeling that I am not ‘equal to’  – equal to others – equal to the challenge – equal to being in this place, circumstance – even equal to being in the world?  People feeling insecure do not feel worthy and this can manifest in their bodies, lives and into the world in many different ways.

Some of the ways are :

They don’t feel good enough or equal to – so they may criticize others to make themselves feel better and so that  in their distorted head they think they will bring others down to their insecure level as they try to one-up others.

They don’t feel good enough – so they have much negative-self talk.  and this projects into everything in their life. The view the world through their lens of their insecurity which translates into seeing most everything and everyone as negative.

They may be ill often – one aliment after another. This is caused by their low energy and internal stress  which affects their immune system

Often times – insecure people live behind or in a facade of their own making. They have fear of being found out for who and what they truly are.  They treat people as if they don’t matter because only they matter. It’s all about them. They have an inflated ego – which is a defense for how insecure they feel.

Definition of EGO: a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance – the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.

Our ego level and valuation may change drastically when we are fractured and out of balance. Ego may go from one extreme to the other from feeling down and weak to overly confident triggered by external circumstances or internal self-talk.

There is a syndrome – where you go from feeling less than, to more than, but not equal to.  Which is – you feel insecure and less than others – that you are not good enough – you don’t matter – everyone is better than you – have more – are more attractive – more intelligent, etc. Then you flip into thinking and feeling that you are better than – smarter than -everyone else is a fool even stupid and you know more, are special and are way above and better than they are. You go from feeling below everyone in the world to higher than everyone in the world. Which means that you don’t feel equal to, equal to the challenge, equal to living life in the way you desire, equal to developing your talents and skills, equal to taking care of and grooming your body so that you are the best you can be – equal to being on earth along with everyone else.

When you are feeling less than, you will fall into envy, jealousy, denial and defensiveness. You may criticize and blame others to make self feel better. You beat yourself up with negative self-talk and dark thoughts. You fall into fear of the future. Fear, insecurity and negativity take you over. You fear dealing with tasks and dealing with others.  You don’t like people and think they don’t like you. You are insecure and devalue yourself and everyone else.

When you are feeling more than, you will bloat up with arrogance – will treat others with disrespect, like you are much better than they are – you will boast and brag – you will talk down to people – criticize them to show them that you are better than they are, etc. You over value yourself to the extent that you become unbearable.

Either way, you are not at balance and don’t feel equal. You go from feeling like you are nothing to feeling like you are above all others. Continually and repeatedly doing this will wear you out as you beat yourself up in insecurity then bloat yourself up in self-importance. Genuine self-confidence is feeling equal to the challenge. That you self-reflect, learn, evaluate self before pointing the finger outward. Ego and confidence are two different things.

Definition of CONFIDENCE – feeling or consciousness of one’s ability or reliance of one’s circumstances – faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper or effective way – to have confidence is to have trust in self-reliance and ability.

Sure, there are days we all feel like a bitch, are grumpy and out of sorts then there are days when we feel on top of the world, can do no wrong and are king of all we survey – simplistically, like the difference between a good hair day and a bad one.  When you are at balance, the extremes won’t take you down as low as to fall into depression or so high that you become reckless into self-destruction. You will not be blown about by the external winds of change – up so high then down low controlled by every turn and twist. You will remain, more often than not, at confidence and equal to the challenge. Being in internal confidence, you will/can more easily adapt to others and circumstances staying more in balance without the highs and lows. You will be able to focus on issues and solutions, instead of allowing your emotions and the feelings connected to them take you over.

A fractured ego – goes from one extreme to the other, from over valuation of self to devaluation of self. Emotions, feelings and behaviors are unbalanced both internally and externally. When you arrive at balance, ego will remain internally confident more of the time. Confident that you are equal to others, not more than, not less than, but equal to the challenge; when you arrive at this place, there is a big internal sigh of release – like a balloon full of hot air deflating.  Because you realize that you are just fine. You are okay, all you need to do is to be yourself, learn about self, develop yourself, accept self, challenge self, be open to learn from others, listen to others, listen to self, respect yourself and respect others.  Your competition is first within self then reflected outward. Living in this way, you will respect yourself and others. Everyone has their worth, their talents, their value. Everyone is/can be equal to and so can you.

Remember, when you are feeling less than or better than, you are not feeling equal to…

To become more self-aware…

Empath or narcissist?…

Ann June 18, 2016 -3The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist, the sooner they will spot one with less chance they will have of developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already underway,  they can  dig deep into their soul and recognize their strengths and capabilities then do everything they can to build the courage and confidence to see it for what it is and walk away.

Because a narcissist lives in their creation of  facade, illusion, delusion and idealization, through deception, projection, control and delusion, narcissists are skilled at twisting reality. They leave you anxious, confused and questioning your own sanity. Learn how to ignore the crazy-making and stand firm in your truth.

Some in the pop psychology culture deem that someone who takes selfies is a narcissist and that is false.  Because some narcissists hate photos of themselves because they hate themselves, when self is really all they have the capability to care about.  They may have illusions and delusions of how they ‘image’ themselves and when a photo doesn’t match that image they can’t stand it.

Narcissism  is a pattern of thinking and behaving which involves infatuation and obsession with ones self to the exclusion of others. It is very different from healthy narcissism which we all possess. The actual meaning of the depiction of Narcissus in Greek mythology looking into the lake and falling in love with his reflection, is that he only has the ability to care about wants and needs of self. He cares for no one, but self. It’s all about him and no one else and actually that comes from the inability to have genuine self-love with authenticity of self on the soul level. Narcissus fell in love with ‘image’ of self, not who he actually is…because he either hates who he is or doesn’t know who he is. Therefore, he tries to create the image that he wants others to see to cover up who he really is. ‘Image’ is all a narcissist has.

Authentic self-love is very different from a narcissistic obsession with self. It takes a person who loves self in the authenticity of who they are, that can truly look into a mirror, see  who they are, their flaws and all, and still accept and  love themselves. And, therefore,  be able to love another selflessly and authentically, able to accept flaws in another, give to and to understand the responsibility of another’s heart. Doesn’t mean that when you look into your mirror that you don’t want to change some things, but you authentically accept and love yourself, until you do.  It’s a type of unconditional self love… it’s what the narcissist craves, but can’t feel or give. So they seek to suck the energy of love and acceptance from others, but when they get it, they eventually turn to criticize, diminish and abuse those giving it.  Partly to  create distance,  partly to have no responsibility for another, partly to feed their own ego, so they can temporarily feel better about their self-lack, and partly because they don’t think they are worthy of the love and acceptance they are being given, and they so desire. So they devalue and destroy it along with the person giving it. This temporarily gives the narcissist the upper hand and a sense of power, of feeling important, and unattainable. But, they always did have the upper hand because most knew they were  disingenuous from the beginning. They can’t live in the reality of  love, harmony, peace and joy because they don’t have these things inside themselves. Our inner world creates the outer.

Add to that, narcissists are threatened by genuine self-confidence and anyone who has authentic self-love, peace and joy, because the narcissist does not have that ability. So they seek out people who can fill them up with what they are lacking, if only temporarily and, of course, it is temporary as the narcissist sooner or later always crashes into reality of self and will try to tear the other person down and keep them off kilter. Giving the narcissist a rush of power in their fragile ego as they control the emotions of another.

Narcissists only care about what they can get from others, be it an  emotional, high, ‘such as falling in love’, excitement, sex, power by association, money, distraction, or just that they feel something, anything to take them out of their non-feeling and self-loathing emptiness.  Narcissists are about what they can ‘get’ instead of what they can ‘give’.

Some narcissists appear to enjoy sex in the beginning; but what they enjoy is the excitement, seduction, and the rush of newness; as the relationship progresses, they may shut down or pull away from their partner sexually. Doing this, serves to give them another sense of power, by withholding what their partner desires. Many narcissists have no authentic connection to their bodies, when it comes to genuinely connecting to another, so sex soon becomes a chore or non-existent or meaningless as they go from one partner to another.

An empath is connected to body, mind and spirit, so sex to them is another expression of love. With a narcissist, sex is a means to an end, a way to control, or a rush to a high that they lose interest in, soon to be on the prowl for another conquest.

Narcissists don’t have the desire or energy to genuinely love anyone but themselves, unless when it serves them to, because suppressing their anger (narcissistic rage) and other emotions that can easily turn into depression (depression is anger turned inward) is all they have the energy for. They remain focused on self on every level. While they long to be fulfilled, they have no understanding that what genuinely fulfills, is to give and to care for another or others. 

Narcissists focus on escape, illusion of perfection, power, great wealth, that the whole world loves and revolves around them, winning the lottery and all sorts of objects and things, etc.  They idealize relationships and their dreams of pleasure and escape can change often and rapidly. They are never satisfied because it’s impossible for them to be, because they aren’t internally satisfied  with self. I am not speaking of ordinary adventures, dreams and ambition that most all of us have.  Because a narcissist is different, in that, they are never satisfied or happy even when they achieve or attain that which they are after,  and  with that realization, they can fall into an even deeper depression.

Their lives can be a roller coaster, a series of being seemingly happy then depression and they have no idea why. Since they idealize relationships, they will devalue what they have, always looking for more, the next shiny thing … on a constant quest, but never finding fulfillment, like a hamster on a treadmill. The grass is always greener in their world, but when reality hits hard, when they realize that it isn’t, they may fall into deeper depression. Remember, they have no ability to accept flaws in others because they can’t accept flaws in self.

Narcissists cannot/do not feel joy,  have flat or shallow  emotions, cannot genuinely love because love takes the ability to give, to be unselfish, compromise and narcissists do not have these abilities, because everything is about them.  In the beginning, when they are trying to achieve their narcissist supply, they can ‘act’ unselfish and giving, but this is only an ‘act’…   nothing is genuine or authentic with them and will not last for long.

 Narcissists are soul sick.

They  may appear controlled in their expressions and words, like an empty  kind of politeness… as if they have to think hard before they speak, so they can phase words just right for their orchestrated-agenda-filled effect – their self-created image. This is because, they aren’t authentic and don’t have genuine intention.  While the rest of us are just being who we are when we talk and move through life. That doesn’t mean that we don’t think about what we say and do, but most of the time it’s effortless. We can error, accept it, correct ourselves, genuinely apologize and continue on. A  narcissist’s apology is the most shallow words you will ever hear.

A narcissist’s  image is overly important to them since they have little to no internal core structure. They freak when their image is threatened as that touches to the base core of their fragile ego.

They, more often than not,  mimic emotions, behaviors, even dialogue and scenes in movies to be able to fit in, move though the world, seduce and to attain their narcissist supply. They may have dead eyes, even when they smile. Their lips smile, their face and eyes don’t. They study people to learn how to respond appropriately and practice how to act, in order, to appear a certain way when they want to be accepted.

Often times, they fall into a deep depression with no ability to feel, until their next shiny thing comes along with which they can pursue their narcissist supply… the rush of pursuit with goal to suck off of another’s emotions.

Narcissistic supply is easily seen in the romantic pursuit of relationships… but the same dance occurs, of course, in all levels, and activities in society.They fall in love as fast as they fall out of love. Since they cannot genuinely love,  they soon lose interest when the first rush of falling in love with all its emotional excitement settles down to reality.  Love is enduring, not just a rush of excitement, shallow, superficial or fake. Narcissists can’t handle the quiet security,  peaceful joy and genuinely getting to know another person, becoming vulnerable to another and living with the everyday challenges, disappointments and joys of life.  This feels mundane to them, while it’s what most all of us strive for. This is because they do not have this internally, so they have no ability to create, express, or experience it externally. Therefore,  they begin relationships again and again for the rush of the challenge and excitement.  Some prefer short monogamous, marriage-like connections, (so they can feel temporarily connected like others) until the relationship  get too real and the other person has needs and requirements that must be met in order to create the balance that sustains a real relationship. When this occurs the narcissist shuts down, rages, abuses, criticizes, falls into depression or someone ends it, because when it isn’t all about them, they are not in control and pulling the strings, they get no rush.

The chance of a narcissist changing is highly unlikely, so we shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, then great, but it should never happen at the expense of anyone else. They  can even  keep up their false image to mental health providers when seeking help .

They may or may not be consciously aware of their behavior and the damage it causes to others because in their fake game, they will sacrifice anyone and anything for the gain of their narcissist supply, then escape and not feel pain, except for themselves…. they are the eternal victims. Because they are above all selfish, all about themselves and no one else really matters. They do not have the ability to feel or express empathy, except in a fake, learned mannerly way .

An empath is authentic, genuine and is desperate to live true to their soul’s purpose and will very likely find a relationship with a narcissist a huge lesson, a dodged bullet with a painful awakening.

An empath feels love deeply and genuinely. They feel and honor all their emotions with no need to negate or to fake them. If negative experiences happen, they hurt and may get unhappy or depressed, but it’s situational and they will lift out of it as they work to improve the situation and to heal. An empath wants to heal and to heal others. An empath feels the joy of living and being alive. An empath is genuine to themselves able to have empathy and to love another in authenticity. An empath accepts all emotions and allows them to flow through them in awareness  as they  try to gain growth and a deeper insight into self on their quest to becoming more authentic. This is why narcissists attract to empaths.

Empaths need to be careful of not becoming co-dependent. They can’t ‘fix’ the narcissist. When an empath states, I love you, it is genuine and means the beginning of a life together. When a narcissist says, I love you, it means I love the way I feel when I am with you, or they have claimed their shiny object, can get monetary, or other needs met, or that the chase is over and their narcissist mission has been temporarily accomplished…soon after, the love stops. 

A narcissist struggles to have any connection to their authentic self and will likely walk away from any relationship or situation, once they realize that they have lost their ability to control the empath, or the empath will not accept the narcissist’s behavior and  forces them to become self-aware and to heal. When the narcissist’s fake  game no longer works, is pleasurable, or they can’t suck narcissist supply from their victim, if the narcissist is not able to be in control with ego constantly stroked, feel in charge, they will seek out their next victim, ‘the next shiny thing’, or escape.

Narcissists are full of ego and selfishness, but it’s a fragile ego built on nothing. They flip from feeling less than to feeling more than, instead of just being equal to all others. They are always trying to outsmart others to gain the upper hand. When reality is, they are outsmarting themselves, damaging others and ultimately destroying their chance at authentic fulfillment. Reality is, their ego is so fragile, that they always need fresh pursuits or withdrawal to recharge.

The final act on the stage of life seems to be a pulling back of the curtain to the soul.

As a narcissist ages, they may realize something is wrong with them and fall into an even deeper depression. They can’t genuinely connect to people and certainly not in a love relationship… they may prefer being alone, only coming out of their darkness for their narcissist fix, then going right back in. They may realize how alone they really are, alone inside their distorted mind,  stuck  in their heads only connected to their empty self and their selfish wants and needs.

Narcissism and Depression

Narcissism and depression are believed to oftentimes occur together, probably because the narcissistic personality is incapable of developing true feelings of self-worth or intimacy with others. Genuine relationships with others are what enrich and sustain the lives of empaths because they have a genuine relationship with self, so they value people.

Depression brings with it many physical ailments, aches, pains, headaches, back aches, high blood pressure, heart issues, etc. addictions, and is all about self-absorption… the very thing the narcissist loves… self.

A narcissist has been fractured somewhere in their childhood, and split off from their authentic self to survive, or they were born disconnected from self with their life’s journey  being to reconnect. But it’s a deep soul searching journey to fulfillment and wholeness and most will not attempt or do so. They will just keep playing the game, using the tactics that they know. Some are diabolical, sociopathic monsters and others are wounded souls with little genuine self knowledge. It’s nature versus nurture and there can be a fine line between the two. There may be an inherited disposition to mental illness, or something could have occurred in childhood to trigger it, or both. Genetics  can influence the absence of various brain chemicals that influence how little or much empathy a person has. Personality disordered people struggle with not experiencing, or not having empathy.

Narcissistic need can be compared to that of a toddler. To a toddler everything is mine, mine mine. It’s a normal developmental stage that is usually soon grown out of, as they learn to share, care, and interact with others. But some children at any age can have experiences that fracture them and they stay frozen in that developmental stage. As in a child or teenager who is fearful of growing up and separating from parents and when triggered as an adult, the person digresses back to the developmental age in which they were frozen.  I have literally seen persons with suppressed  emotions, digress right in front of me to somewhere in childhood… as they scream “‘I’ won’t! ‘I’ don’t! ‘I’ll’ do it when ‘I’ am ready!” Their faces and voices becoming child-like, as if they are talking to a parental or authority  figure. A temper tantrum passes for cute in a toddler, but is shockingly and monstrously detestable done by an adult.  Observing one can make you want to gauge your eyes out. It’s hideous.

Parents and the family play a large roll in our psychological development and no ones parents or siblings are perfect. Be alerted if anyone states their mother, father and family were perfect and without flaws. Many times, this kind of denial is part of their fake existence as they try to keep anything negative suppressed to keep their facade intact. Denial is a prominent tool of the narcissist’s existence and assists to keep their fragile self intact. They develop certain beliefs because those beliefs allow them to maintain their  so-called ‘psychological stability’. So any  threat to their beliefs is considered a direct threat to the person’s fragile psychological stability.

Therefore, if they are awakened and acknowledge their parent/family’s flaws then it can make the narcissist feel even more fragile and lost because some  narcissists have an unhealthy connection to one or both parents and hold onto it as if it’s their life line that creates their existence… going from love to hate and back again but never just genuine acceptance.

The most narcissistic people I have known fall into this category. They have created a facade that their family is perfection, when it’s quite the opposite and they have much buried emotional pain, etc. that they have endured as they fragmented themselves trying  to fit in where they didn’t. Therefore, forever or until and if, they decide to dig really deep to heal, they will use much energy suppressing these buried memories and the emotions connected to them which causes depression. 

After all, the issue with narcissism, depression and other mental disorders is an inability to genuinely and authentically process, feel and express emotions.  To be and live in the authentic genuine self, you must have the ability to see things as they really were/are and not as you want them to be. By so doing, you are free to create and live an authentic life, to be loved and to love another, etc.

The romantic relationship is where these deep seated wounds are more easily seen and exposed with have the possibility of being healed because being that close to another is as close as we come to being truly vulnerable, but it takes courage to do this. It’s as close as we get to the child, mother, father connection. Those deep and profound imprints that drive us our whole life in both negative and positive ways, either to our destruction or onto our healing and authentic wholeness.

To love another genuinely, one must become/be the authentic self, or the love will be shallow.

Empaths are giving. They put others before themselves.  A narcissist will only put another before themselves when they are trying to hook the person in to get their narcissist supply.

Narcissists seek me out because of my empathic nature. Many times, I knew I was dealing with coldness and strangeness, with shallow, self-serving emotions, other times, I didn’t know until I did.  Some were overtly abusive and cruel, escaped into alcoholism, gambling, affairs,  others covertly,  fell into depression and excuses for no apparent reason, except for the pursuit of escape, in their fear of being really seen, and known, or when reality became too real and they either had to change to have any semblance of being a genuine feeling human being or escape….

While interacting with them, I began to have stomach aches, or feel ill in some way that was not my usual way of feeling and when I called them on their issues, they tried to project them onto me. Even projecting so much as to call me, for example: a narcissist because I take selfies.  Projection is a key tool of the narcissist and others who are disordered.  They can’t look at self in any authentic way, so have to make it about the other person, when it’s really about them.

Empaths being self-aware with the desire to be caring, empathetic and authentic to self may take on the narcissist’s projections until they wake up and realize that none of it is about them. A narcissist can devastate an empath’s self-esteem, even making them feel mentally and physically ill. Being around pathology can make healthy people ill. 

Recently,  I reconnected with a psychologist, I had gone to years ago after a divorce. She is retired now and we spent much time talking about narcissists and empaths. At my request,  I took some personality tests to affirm what I already knew, that I am predominantly an empath. On one of the empathic/narcissist tests, I scored 90 percent empathic.

A psychologist once said to me : “He USED you! He wanted from you what he didn’t have–you were a challenge. He wanted your high energy, your enthusiasm for life, your kindness towards others, your class, your good-looks–he wanted it all…and then….once he had it, and the challenge was no longer there, it wasn’t fun for him anymore,  and he either had to anti-up or destroy it all to escape and slide right back into his comfortable depressive state where he’s spent most of his miserable life. After all the romance and ‘l love yous’, then to say, “All I am capable of is friendship.” What fucking bullshit to treat you so shabbily and say that shit to you!”

The above  paragraph is the exact and perfect example of the way a narcissist behaves.

A narcissist’s primary goal is to manipulate for self-serving agenda. An empath’s primary goal is to love and to heal.  So a relationship with a narcissist is toxic for an empath.

We all have varying traits that hit on every aspect of the psychological spectrum. It’s when very many are in one, that  a person is deemed to have a personality disorder.

A review of narcissist traits:  shallow emotions, flat or shallow affect, goes from high to low emotions, (range of degree can even be bi-polar), many short term romantic relationships, rarely commits,  cheats, boasts, lives dangerously or on the edge, suppresses anger and other emotions, rage and anger can come out of nowhere,  impatient, bouts of depression, only interested in self, selfish, can go from appearing loving and giving to cold and non-giving in a short span of time, and for no apparent reason,  and many would rather be alone than with people. They don’t actually like people, unless, it’s to get their ‘fix’ for their narcissist supply. They are cold and calculating, whether aware of what they are doing or not and most are aware … and all this has little to nothing to do with taking selfies…

Also, there can be mixed psychological issues, such as narcissist/borderline – narcissist/avoidant disorder, etc. But the bottom line is these people are psychologically disordered and can wreck havoc in the lives of those who live in authenticity with emotions in tact, able to give  and to receive love.  People who  are empaths.

Giving to another in love is the greatest blessing we have on earth. The greatest lesson we may all ever learn, is to love and be loved in return. This is especially true for the narcissistic personality type as they learn to give and for the empath to learn that love is received in return.

“There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations”.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Men who complain their wife, or girlfriend, isn’t into sex…

 ???????????????????????????????I hear this lots… as I wonder, if these men are even sexy. In fact, the men that I observe complaining and whining about the lack of sex aren’t sexy, sensual, attractive, or even interesting, or fun…

Soooo… no wonder their wife or girlfriend isn’t interested in sex….

Men! Just having a penis, or an erection doesn’t make you desirable…Just being a male, doesn’t make you desirable….

Many men who ‘talk’ about sex, aren’t that good at doing it… is what so many women tell me…

Men who jump from sexual partner to sexual partner looking for that ‘sexual high’ aren’t sexy, or sensual… they are immature and irresponsible. Immaturity and irresponsible are not sexy…

Commitment, responsiblity, maturity and an emotional connection are what is sexy and sensual…

If you had it once, that sexual chemistry, that connection with your lady and it’s gone… then maybe, ‘you’, the man did something wrong… ever think of that, ‘your maleness’…? Ever think that it is about ‘you’ and not her??? So, how about blaming yourself and looking at yourself, instead of her…?

Women thrive on attention, communication, knowing that she is appreciated, cared for and protected. Women thrive on romance…

Now, I understand that some women are cold, or can grow cold for other reasons than what a man may, or may not do… but…Lovers

Men… there are excellent videos that you can get, to learn how to really make love to a woman… so that you can satisfy her. (I am not talking porn, I am talking about instructional videos… but they are also sexy. Porn can be a good thing, or a bad… depending…)

The more a woman is satisfied and fulfilled, the more sex she will want. It’s not all about you, ‘men’. Women have told me that they ‘fake’ orgasms just to get it over with and to make the man ‘feel’ good about ‘his’ performance. And the women finally get tired of faking it… and want no more of it…

There is a great movie called, FIREPROOF, that I recommend… it shows how turned off a man can make his wife without realizing what he is doing. That a male being so obsessed with self will turn the best, most committed woman off…

Guys, if you want great sex…. realize it is about the woman… put her first…
and forget about your ego and your penis needs…

If the sexual chemistry is there in the beginning.. it will always be there, if it is nurtured and developed… learn together about each others’ bodies. Women have a more complex sexual make-up than men.

Most women are very sexual beings and as they get older most get even more so…

I have a beautiful friend married for years to a great looking guy and she lies in bed and has sex with herself with him asleep beside her… so hey… what is this saying….?

Men you need to wake up… stop complaining and talking about sex and learn how to do it and how to really please your lady outside of the bedroom…cuddle with her, hold her hand, buy her gifts, flowers, etc… whatever she enjoys… start all over with the romance, every so often… make it fun and exciting… to break-up the pattern of everyday life…

It’s not about your car, football, fishing, your job, how much money you make or anything else. It is about how she feels when she is around you… it’s about how ‘you’ make her feel when she interacts with you… if she feels cared for, appreciated seen and heard….

There is so much written about how to please a man and it all centers on his ego. Men’s ego needs can weigh heavily on a woman.. a man’s ego and keeping him feeling ‘good’ as a man can exhaust a woman…
feeding that ‘fragile male ego’ can be a real turn off….

Women get tired of catering to a man’s ego…. so they shut down….
and men, if she doesn’t want you… she is shut down to you… she is turned off by and to you…. and it very well may be your fault….

Men.. are you still in shape? Do you take care of your personal hygiene? Do you watch sports all day ignoring your lady, then expect her to ‘want’ you… well, good frigging luck…

It’s really not about ‘sex’ It’s about communication. It’s about the connection.

Men forget about your needs, your penis, your ego, yourself and focus on your lady…it just may get you all that you could ever desire. Can you even handle it?

When it comes to anger, men are predictable…

 ???????????????????????????????A man gets angry when he feels bad about himself.

He may be feeling ineffectual – that he can’t make something happen. That he can’t change his circumstances, or help someone, or – most importantly – make you happy.

He may feel like he’s always disappointing you. Or…

He may feel guilty because he knows he’s done something bad, something that hurt you, something that makes him feel like less of a man. And so he goes right back to the place where he feels ineffectual to make you happy.

He may feel like he screws up all the time (and maybe he does – and I certainly don’t want any woman with a man who’s always hurting and disappointing her).

HOW ANGER COMING FROM GUILT OR FEELING INEFFECTUAL LOOKS ON A MAN:

He barks. He blames you for ANYTHING he can find, putts YOU down, attacks YOU, brings up stuff he KNOWS will push your buttons. He asks questions he KNOWS will start a fight, trying to provoke you to attack him. He withdraws. He gets sullen, quiet, depressed. He gets sick, tired, fatigued, listless, loses his interest in sex, starts watching TV, buries himself in work, hobbies or friends. Maybe, he starts up with other women.

Where and how these responses started has nothing to do with you. They’re habitual patterns, he discovered, and used as survival mechanisms when he was growing up. His mother, his teachers, his family, his childhood friends created this in him – you DIDN’T.

And yet – you’re walking into it!

You’ve now become a part of his web of behavior – and everything you do and say is likely to trigger him just like was triggered long ago.

ALL A MAN WANTS IS TO FEEL GOOD A man is 90% ego….

He wants to feel like he’s NOT disappointing you. That he’s NOT ineffectual. He wants to be your HERO.

Only – when he’s acting in the ways, I’ve described above – he doesn’t seem heroic.  So, it’s hard to treat him likehe is a hero…

So – we women make the mistake of trying to help, we ‘think’ that we did something ‘wrong’, when it is all about him.

We ‘think’ that telling him it’s “all alright” will help. When, actually – that just pushes him away…

It can push him further into the nightmare of feeling “mothered” and so it pushes him back into his old web, where he’ll get even more triggered. And who wants to feel like a mother to a man?  Disgusting!

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS TO RESPOND LIKE A WOMAN FROM HIS PRESENT – NOT A WOMAN FROM HIS PAST.

You don’t want to go INTO his web. You want to stay in YOUR emotional space!

Here are some words you can use when you know something isn’t going right:

1. I’m feeling weird, is there something I should know?

2. I’m feeling quiet. (And then say and do nothing.)

3. I’m feeling anger. I don’t know if it’s mine or yours.

4. I’m feeling all closed in, some air would feel good (then go out for a walk, or drive to the market and walk around, or to the nearest coffee house, or the gym.. and have some fun! You don’t need to let his ‘moods’ control yours and this is what, as women, we too often do).

5. I’m feeling many feelings inside all jumping around… I feel that you’re mad at me, and I feel angry at you, too.

6. Best solution: Get YOURSELF happy. Find out what you like and want to do for ‘you’ then go do it. And enjoy the feeling. Men can suck the life out of a woman when they are in their down mode. So get away from it…

Get silly, laugh… shift the energy…

If you choose to stay around him – find all the humor you can in everything. Just laugh – at things YOU forgot, or at things YOU saw during the day.

Practice enjoying your life, regardless of how he’s behaving. Lifting the mood can shift it…

A woman is not responsible for a man’s moods…. and sometimes, it’s good to distance yourself, even push him away…

If you aren’t yet married, or committed, observe clearly how he manages his anger… it might be that he’s too emotionally dysfunctional to be around or to sray with…

Moody, angry men are often insecure in themselves and no one can ‘fix’ that, but himself. And men who are moody, too often, make terrible mates. I say dump them… or at least, distance yourself…

Let them learn to deal with themselves…

As men mature, glean emotional insights about themselves, they ‘usually’ learn to become more aware of moody and anger behaviors, but some men get worse as they age… almost like pouty little boys, or they become abusive… These kind of men … need to be without you… so say BYE BYE!…

With the mulitiple stresses of the world these days, many men are showing angry behaviors more often… Seeing how a man handles stress, anger and moods shows you much about who he really is….

What do you say men, how does anger express itself in you?…

And what might your lady do, if anything…? Or should she even try…? Do you think that it is ultimately your responsibility to deal with your anger,  or do you dump it on her and everyone around you?

A man leads a relationship, or marriage.. and an often angry, pouty one, leads it off track, into chaos and ultimately into hell….

Honest communication can reveal, heal and release much…

(And men, I know there are angry women, but we are talking about male anger here.)