Tag Archives: damaged

Weak – insecure – those of low self-esteem and low-value feel and have a need to dominate…

Strong competent, secure, confident men and women are leaders, they are strong and secure in their countenance.  Their word is their honor. They protect, provide and produce. ( I am focusing on males in this article. Are there women who fit this? Yes, of course.)
Only weak men feel and have the need to ‘dominate’. As in relationship, it is give and take; one leads at times and the other follows, as each have different talents, strengths and knowledge. That’s in business and all other of life’s endeavors also. Weak people can ‘dominate’ just by their being weak, Weak people use whatever, they can to ‘dominate’ because they are weak and have little ability to be secure and strong. So they ‘dominate’ anyway that they can, to ‘feel’ in control. Weakness, unhappiness, whining, feigning illness, fears are powerful ways to control others.  Therefore, it’s not only by the ‘appearance’ of strength and control  that can be the way to dominate . But ultimately, it is the weak, no matter how ‘strong’ they may first appear or growl in their roar, that have the need to dominate.  The need to dominate over others is a sign of weakness. Damaged people have the need to dominate.

When a man feels he is of low-value  then he might as well pull you down to match him. He could try to raise his value but that takes more effort and discipline. It’s easier to try and lower your value to match his own so that he  feels more comfortable.  This is what weak men with a need to dominate do. After all, it’s less risky and he gets to exert more of his “value extracting” dominance in the  relationship. Yes, that’s right, “value extracting” dominance. If he’s able to keep a woman small, then there’s a significantly smaller chance that she might leave him.

If he’s able to rip apart self esteem, then she will become more reliant upon him and his approval of her. But when or if she does, then he will rip her apart for doing so. Low value men and low esteemed men are very good at tearing apart someone else’s confidence. They try to dominant any way they can – by insults covert or otherwise,  withholding, lying, hidden agendas, even physical assault.

Low-value men have/feel a need to dominate. People don’t listen to low-value men when they speak, Others sense their feeling of low-value. Low-value men constantly yearn for the attention of many women to bolster their frail overblown ego. They will try to use a high-value woman to bolster their low-self-esteem. They won’t stay for long in a relationship when it becomes real because they know, they will need to man-up. Their low-self-esteem knows that they don’t have that ability and if they stay too long, they will be seen for what and who they really are – low-value. So they exit by putting the woman down or blaming her and go onto another woman to impress temporarily in whichever way he uses to get temporary energy from her. Then he will soon exit or she will see who he really is and dump him. Then off he goes to another.  A low-value man will take all they can from the people around him, especially women, mostly through a false facade and manipulation.  A low-value person is driven by envy. A low-value person feels a high-value partner will make them look bad if he stays too long. Then he will need to deal with himself and his low-value and low self-esteem.
A relationship is only as good as the weaker partner. A high-value relationship thrives on both parties bolstering and nurturing each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
 Secure men don’t have the need to dominate, they treat their woman as an equal. Women are subservient to their husbands but that does not mean weak nor does it mean for the man to ‘dominate’. It means that he leads, protects and provides.  He holds her as high or higher, as he does himself. No smart woman will follow a weak man because he will lead them off a cliff to destruction and hell.
 The female energy wants to feel that she can relax into the arms of the male and be nurtured and protected… that she can relax in safety and by her being able to feel this, she can honor him with love, respect and all the gifts of her femininity. Her radiance will be able to shine. A low-esteemed man feels threatened by a woman’s full radiance and will try to diminish her glow instead of enjoying it and continuing to  flame it. He misses out on an exciting part of her femininity because of his low-value.
As example – the  ‘Shades of Grey’ character,  he was weak, ‘fractured’ so he had the need  to dominate over women physically and sexually and hurt them to feel that he is in ‘control’. Because when he was a small child and had no power or control, he had been abused. His boundaries had been violated which created in him a need to dominate, rule and control others.  When, what he really is, is lost and hurting and afraid to become vulnerable as he had felt like as  a little child. Because he had been so abused, he was too fearful and wounded to allow himself to become vulnerable and to love. He  became physically sadistic to protect his soft inner core,  for his protection and to survive. When he was able to heal, submit and become vulnerable to love is when he became emotionally strong and a real man.  Submitting is at times the strongest place a person can become and be. Surrender and allowing vulnerability is how you can heal and  become able to love. Only the strong are capable of love and vulnerability
People can help one another overcome their fears and weaknesses. But it takes the person themselves to grow past them or not. By not healing , they not only limit themselves but that of  those around them. They damage and destroy self and others.  Fears,  depression, negativity, addictions  etc. control their life and anyone close to them.  They keep repeating the same pattern over again trying to keep them self ‘safe’.
The Fruits of the Holy Spirit sum up nine attributes of the true Christian life.. “Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self Control.” No where does it say dominate others.
Young men, stunted men, fractured – forever little boys are the ones who can’t deal with emotions, so they try to dominate others to ‘feel’ that they are in control and strong – that they are ‘big’ boys. It’s only a facade because  what they really are is weak and insecure,  of low-value and low-self-esteem.
Strong men don’t dominate… they lead, protect and provide.

Negative People….

negative5Remaining positive in a tough situation can be difficult, but the outlook you choose can affect every aspect of life. Positive and negative people have very different attitudes, thoughts and ways of dealing with their circumstances.

To keep negative energy out of your life, be aware of these common traits of negative people… not all negative people will have all these traits but they will have many of them.  You will see a trend in their way of looking at and dealing with the world.

Negative people kill the souls of others, destroy the happiness in life, and definitely ruin fun times. Destroyers of  hope and joy… they are full of fear, insecurity  and become defensive when called out on their behavior. They will tend to project it back onto the one calling them out. They dodge responsibility. They have been damaged in their past and refuse either out of denial, fear or ignorance to look at themselves, their mind set, and from where it derives.

Block their negativity from your life. Block their trying to kill your happiness and joy. Some of these people seep into your life unnoticed, under the guise of ‘caring’ and ‘friendship’ … but what their motives are is to suck off your life energy for as long as you will allow them to… then when you need some energy from them, they either give it half-baked, while even making you feel worse in their subtle way of negativity, are not there for you at all or you will end up feeling worse than you would have were they not there at all.

If allowed they can and will bring you into  the abynegative4ss of their negativity.  Misery loves company. They are not genuinely happy so they can’t be supportive or genuinely happy for others. They may utter supportive words, at times, but if you listen with your gut, instead of your ears, their words will not feel sincere.  Even the words ‘ I love you’ will feel empty and some can utter that phrase as easily as saying thank you… which is a sure sign of insincerity.

Negative People are Afraid of Change –  Negative people tend to fear change. Even if they aren’t happy with their current circumstances, instead of thinking “things could get better,” they believe that change is always for the worst. They are too afraid of losing what they have to let it go so that they can gain more. So they may stay in stagnant or  bad situations because they are afraid of change while they complain all the time about their situation.

A positive person welcomes change and is always open to new experiences.

Negative People Aren’t Grateful – Negative people are so focused on the negative that they are blinded to the positive things that surround them. They don’t show gratitude toward their friends or family members, and they take their blessings —  like their job, home and health — for granted.

Positive people recognize their blessings and show gratitude for what they have.

Negative People Don’t Sincerely or Genuinely Care About Others – Negative people aren’t concerned with hurting anyone’s feelings. They are too focused on themselves to worry about someone else, even the people that care about them. If the conversation isn’t focused on them, there’s no real interest. negative

A positive person is always open to making new friends, and they enjoy making others happy.

 Negative People Blame Others for Their Mistakes – A negative person doesn’t like to admit when they’re wrong. Even when it’s clear that they’ve made a mistake, a negative person will blame others for something that is really their fault. They will not apologize, or if they do it will feel insincere. Some cry at the drop of a hat to get them out of responsibility or to make others feel sorry for them. Negative people enjoy playing the martyr.

A positive person takes responsibility for mistakes and failures.

negative3Negative People Believe the World Revolves Around Them – A negative person believes that the world owes them something. They think that if they’re having a bad day, which is more often than not, everyone else should cater to them. They let their negative feelings and poor attitude drive them on a daily basis. They are self-absorbed.

A positive person is able to put the needs of others before his or her own.

 Negative People Don’t Apologize – “I’m sorry” is a phrase that negative people avoid even dread. They see apologizing as a weakness. It means admitting that they were wrong. While a positive person is quick to apologize for hurting others, a negative person will do almost anything to avoid an apology even cry to illicit pity for themselves… oh poor pitiful them.

A positive person is able to admit when they’re wrong and apologize sincerely.

 Negative People Focus on Personal Gain – Negative people are willing to step on everyone around them if it boosts their success. They are concerned with their own personal gain and will do anything that benefits them, despite who it hurts in the process.

A positive person would never put someone else down in order to get ahead.

Negative People Enjoy Seeing Others Fail – Negative people don’t root for anyone, even if it’s a family member or a friend. When someone else experiences success, a negative person becomes jealous and bitter. They may give lip service to another’s good but they really don’t feel it… what they feel is envy.

A positive person is sincerely happy to see others succeed.

Negative People Can’t Accept Constructive Criticism – Constructive criticism can be hard to take, but it’s often necessary in order to learn and grow. A negative person hates to be criticized. Even if someone is trying to help them, they become closed off and they see criticism as a threat.

A positive person welcomes constructive criticism, seeing it as a learning opportunity.

Negative People Think They Know Everything – A negative person sees learning something new as a sign of weakness. They like to act like they are already an expert in every subject, instead of taking the time to truly expand their knowledge.

A positive person always strives to learn something new.

negative2Negative People Aren’t Compassionate – A negative person will never be a shoulder to cry on. If friends or family members ask for help, a negative person won’t be able to cheer them up. They’ll likely point out even more negatives in a situation or start talking about their own sorry life and issues.  A negative person will never be a soft place to fall.

A positive person is able and willing to cheer someone up when they’re feeling down.

Negative People Aren’t Willing to Work for Change – Negative people aren’t happy with their situation, but they also aren’t willing to work to change anything. A positive person knows they have to work for what they want, while a negative person would rather sit around and mope than put in any effort.

A positive person sets goals and works hard to achieve them.

Negative people are usually immature and insecure.

I have a ‘friend’ that would often comment to me that just being around me makes them feel happier and that I calm them.  That they like my energy.  They would also say that they don’t have any friends.  I usually felt drained and stressed after being around them. I tried to be a good friend… I would invite them to dinner, cook a nice meal because according to them they have such a stressful busy life with job and family. They whined all the time about all the stress in their life.

Then it was my time to need some extra attention. And when it was, they were an hour late, came in stressed and dithered. I immediately felt the usual stress energy around and coming from them  and it made me feel worse and this was when I needed to feel nurtured and calm. They talked about themselves, how stressed and  hurried they were to get to my house. They drank almost a whole bottle of wine while yammering on and did things I did not want nor ask them to do.  What they decided to do what more important than what I needed. Their concern was that they take a bath… while I was feeling neglected and that they were being put upon. I detested being around them so I came into myself and calmed myself down that night.

negative6The next day, I addressed how their behaviors made me feel… and they whined that they went out of their way for me even saying that I made them cry. It was a pathetic display… but showed me clearly what needed to be revealed.

My eyes were opened. This person is too negative and consumed with self to  clearly see me, help, me, genuinely care for me, be a shoulder for me,  because when I asked for and  needed nurturing and solid energy, they had none to give… they made it all about their self.

I, therefore, honored myself and my ability to stay centered and to calm and nurture myself… with God’s grace and help. I pulled forever away from this person,  keeping them at arm’s length as an acquaintance, never to have expectations of reciprocation…  nor need of it… as they have not the ability.  Lesson learned…

There are positive and negative energies on this planet. It’s what keeps it afloat, rocking and rolling along… all of us will have negative people, things and experiences in our lifetime. It’s how we address them that either brings us back to center and to be mostly positive or keeps us captured in the evil throes of negativity.  It’s our choice which energy that drives us. I choose the positive … the positive light of God. I choose joy!

“In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing.”
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