Tag Archives: controlling

Boasting, bragging, nosy, controlling people…

Blowhard : someone who always brags or boasts about himself. He is also a braggart, bragger,  vaunter, etc. Blowhard is an informal word describing someone who can’t stop talking about themselves or their accomplishments either real or imagined.

Just recently, I interacted with one of the biggest braggers I have encountered. I met her online. She approached me – concerning my book.  She thinks she knows everything about everything. She asks intrusive, nosy and rude questions and if you don’t answer them , she gets offended that you don’t give her all the info she seeks. She talks about money all the time – what car she drives –  how big her house is – if you mention any topic, she knows more about it than you or anyone else does – and all her ‘friends’ or associates are ‘experts’ in their fields and according to her – ‘know more about anything than anyone else’. Her children are the most accomplished and her husband the best husband in the world – HA! As she continued her BS – I realized that she knows little to nothing about much. She refers to everyone as her ‘besties’ – including me and I just met her – never met her in person and have no desire to do so. She uses emoji’s like some child – like 10 of them with every post or text. Always trying to draw attention to herself. She hides behind the mantel of being a Christian – when her behavior is any and everything but. I tried to give her the benefit of my doubt but my first instincts were correct – so I cut my interaction off with her – but not fast enough. She is a people collector – a sucker of energy. A vampire – searching for prey. 

A person who brags, is a person who seeks external validation since the individual cannot self-validate. The individual doesn’t find or have the inner resources to validate himself. Bragging and boasting implies an inferiority complex.

Braggadocious people are usually also controlling – they want to control the conversation and make it and everything else all about them – what they own – what they do – who they know – what they know – how much money they have. They try to control the conversation in order to get information about you or others.  They ask intrusive nosy questions to find out where they can suck, take, or use against you. Nosy in order to glean information for them to use against you or to put you down when they need another boost for their fragile insecure ego. They will eventually use your vulnerabilities against you in some form or another – even if it’s only to feel better about themselves and to get  or for them to think that they have the upper hand. Many braggers have sociopathic and narcissistic traits.

They try to connect to people with success, money, accomplishment or  some sphere of influence – so they can add them to their arsenal of what ‘expert’ friends and associates they have – in order to have more to brag about – even if it’s only by association. They collect people as if they were things.  They ‘think’ that associating with others of accomplishment will rub off on them – they even take others accomplishments and try to make themselves part of it – trying to take the accolades from someone and trying to make themselves appear that they assisted in someone’s success. They many times exaggerate, if not actually lie and many live way above their means in order to keep up their fake image and facade of – ‘I am – oh so wonderful, happy and great – above all others!’These people are innately insecure and  severely lacking internally.

Wouldn’t it be absurd if Einstein tried to show off concerning his intelligence? We all know he is a genius. Einstein received external and internal validation. People with  accomplishment, be it wealth, accolades, intelligence, happiness, beauty, etc. – don’t need to brag or boast about it – it just is. They are who they are and others sense who they are by their actions, words, behavior and lifestyle –  no need to brag or boast – because who they are  emanates naturally from their pores.

Steer clear of those who are boastful, braggarts, nosy, controllers – who ‘think’ they know everything – who don’t listen, don’t self-reflect about how their rude, intrusive, arrogant, boasting affects others and can’t be shown or taught self-awareness or much else – they will usually take advantage of you,  if and when you don’t go along with their plans, do as they deem, or  they realize that you see through them – they may even try to take from you and do you harm when you don’t give them what they want or need from you.

Realize when you feel more than or less than others – you are not feeling equal to…

A book to assist  – read with self-reflection, honest comprehension and you will grow more  in awareness.

Weak – insecure – those of low self-esteem and low-value feel and have a need to dominate…

Strong competent, secure, confident men and women are leaders, they are strong and secure in their countenance.  Their word is their honor. They protect, provide and produce. ( I am focusing on males in this article. Are there women who fit this? Yes, of course.)
Only weak men feel and have the need to ‘dominate’. As in relationship, it is give and take; one leads at times and the other follows, as each have different talents, strengths and knowledge. That’s in business and all other of life’s endeavors also. Weak people can ‘dominate’ just by their being weak, Weak people use whatever, they can to ‘dominate’ because they are weak and have little ability to be secure and strong. So they ‘dominate’ anyway that they can, to ‘feel’ in control. Weakness, unhappiness, whining, feigning illness, fears are powerful ways to control others.  Therefore, it’s not only by the ‘appearance’ of strength and control  that can be the way to dominate . But ultimately, it is the weak, no matter how ‘strong’ they may first appear or growl in their roar, that have the need to dominate.  The need to dominate over others is a sign of weakness. Damaged people have the need to dominate.

When a man feels he is of low-value  then he might as well pull you down to match him. He could try to raise his value but that takes more effort and discipline. It’s easier to try and lower your value to match his own so that he  feels more comfortable.  This is what weak men with a need to dominate do. After all, it’s less risky and he gets to exert more of his “value extracting” dominance in the  relationship. Yes, that’s right, “value extracting” dominance. If he’s able to keep a woman small, then there’s a significantly smaller chance that she might leave him.

If he’s able to rip apart self esteem, then she will become more reliant upon him and his approval of her. But when or if she does, then he will rip her apart for doing so. Low value men and low esteemed men are very good at tearing apart someone else’s confidence. They try to dominant any way they can – by insults covert or otherwise,  withholding, lying, hidden agendas, even physical assault.

Low-value men have/feel a need to dominate. People don’t listen to low-value men when they speak, Others sense their feeling of low-value. Low-value men constantly yearn for the attention of many women to bolster their frail overblown ego. They will try to use a high-value woman to bolster their low-self-esteem. They won’t stay for long in a relationship when it becomes real because they know, they will need to man-up. Their low-self-esteem knows that they don’t have that ability and if they stay too long, they will be seen for what and who they really are – low-value. So they exit by putting the woman down or blaming her and go onto another woman to impress temporarily in whichever way he uses to get temporary energy from her. Then he will soon exit or she will see who he really is and dump him. Then off he goes to another.  A low-value man will take all they can from the people around him, especially women, mostly through a false facade and manipulation.  A low-value person is driven by envy. A low-value person feels a high-value partner will make them look bad if he stays too long. Then he will need to deal with himself and his low-value and low self-esteem.
A relationship is only as good as the weaker partner. A high-value relationship thrives on both parties bolstering and nurturing each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
 Secure men don’t have the need to dominate, they treat their woman as an equal. Women are subservient to their husbands but that does not mean weak nor does it mean for the man to ‘dominate’. It means that he leads, protects and provides.  He holds her as high or higher, as he does himself. No smart woman will follow a weak man because he will lead them off a cliff to destruction and hell.
 The female energy wants to feel that she can relax into the arms of the male and be nurtured and protected… that she can relax in safety and by her being able to feel this, she can honor him with love, respect and all the gifts of her femininity. Her radiance will be able to shine. A low-esteemed man feels threatened by a woman’s full radiance and will try to diminish her glow instead of enjoying it and continuing to  flame it. He misses out on an exciting part of her femininity because of his low-value.
As example – the  ‘Shades of Grey’ character,  he was weak, ‘fractured’ so he had the need  to dominate over women physically and sexually and hurt them to feel that he is in ‘control’. Because when he was a small child and had no power or control, he had been abused. His boundaries had been violated which created in him a need to dominate, rule and control others.  When, what he really is, is lost and hurting and afraid to become vulnerable as he had felt like as  a little child. Because he had been so abused, he was too fearful and wounded to allow himself to become vulnerable and to love. He  became physically sadistic to protect his soft inner core,  for his protection and to survive. When he was able to heal, submit and become vulnerable to love is when he became emotionally strong and a real man.  Submitting is at times the strongest place a person can become and be. Surrender and allowing vulnerability is how you can heal and  become able to love. Only the strong are capable of love and vulnerability
People can help one another overcome their fears and weaknesses. But it takes the person themselves to grow past them or not. By not healing , they not only limit themselves but that of  those around them. They damage and destroy self and others.  Fears,  depression, negativity, addictions  etc. control their life and anyone close to them.  They keep repeating the same pattern over again trying to keep them self ‘safe’.
The Fruits of the Holy Spirit sum up nine attributes of the true Christian life.. “Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self Control.” No where does it say dominate others.
Young men, stunted men, fractured – forever little boys are the ones who can’t deal with emotions, so they try to dominate others to ‘feel’ that they are in control and strong – that they are ‘big’ boys. It’s only a facade because  what they really are is weak and insecure,  of low-value and low-self-esteem.
Strong men don’t dominate… they lead, protect and provide.