Tag Archives: addictions

Empty People…

trying to fill themselves up – do much damage to self and others. To them the grass is always greener – because they have little to no ability to appreciate where they are, what they have and to water their own grass – they are always looking over the fence to another yard or to attain another shiny object.

They exploit others using sexuality – they lie – they cheat – trying to make themselves feel good about who they are and  to stave off and deny their internal self-lack. They are void of self worth continually trying  to fill themselves up.  Sex is one way, but there are many ways that the empty-vessel-people try to fulfill their desperate need to feel worthy and fulfilled.

They may gorge themselves on food. All those huge swollen bodies in this world stuffed themselves overly full to become that way. Sure, there are a few people with physical disorders that keep them heavy, but for most it’s because they stuff themselves to overly full – way too often. We all may do this occasionally, but it’s not what is done occasionally that does the harm. It’s what is done daily as a habit or obsession that creates the dysfunction of destruction. Then most sit on their butts in front of the TV or computer escaping into whatever it is  they can find.  Escape – escape-  escape is their goal – trying to escape themselves and their self loathing and fear, along with refusal to face self in any solid self-reflection.

Some use drugs or alcohol to escape their self-lack and emptiness.  They will do any and everything to avoid facing self and their core issues. They are empty to the core and they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel full – except to face self and to genuinely heal. They continually are trying to cover their internal wound with one band aid after another, when emotional surgery is what is needed. They have little or no regard for others because they have little to no regard for self.

Some buy or collect things. Some become hoarders – if one is good ten is better mentality. They may collect cars or other objects. But once one object has been purchased and owned – their intense internal lack leads them to immediately desire another. They are never satisfied as they roam about on the hunt for their next momentary high only to have it crash to the ground which stimulates  and forces them to search and acquire their next rush. They can’t be genuinely happy or feel fulfilled for long because they do not have the internal means to do so. Some where in their lives they have been fractured – and it’s seemingly easier for them to look  outward to things, objects, money, sex, drugs – any addiction rather than to stop and face  self – their demons – their inner issues.  The grass is always greener in their distorted mind’s view. Something around the next corner or curve they think may be their answer.  They may have a beautiful wife, kids and success but they have little to no ability to have appreciation or gratitude  for what they have. Their inner empty vessel  always desires more – better – younger -newer – the next best shiny thing.  If they have a brunette wife, they desire a blond mistress, etc.

They have little ability to be in the moment of thanks and gratitude. They have a restless soul – they are an empty vessel always looking – searching to be filled-up in some way or form. I am not referring to healthy ambition. I am talking a destructive, internal empty vessel self of nothingness that will eventually lead to destruction in some form or another.

It also  has to do with spirituality and a connection to God – when there is little to none – destruction of self and others doesn’t matter – because no real ability to feel love – contentment – goodness or joy exists in the individual at the deeper soul level. God – goodness values human life. Evil – satanic has no value for human life, but to capture and destroy… hence its attraction to addictions of all varieties.

The key to having a solid core is to face self straight on and in deep self-reflection.  Avoiding self will always lead to  a life with broken fragments – ultimately shards of nothingness.

My book – out now … has a process to assist with this kind of intense and inner self-reflection.




What inspires you to love?

TreeAnn6Is it beauty, fun, kindness? Is it sex, liking the samethings, or experiences shared? Is it commonalities, differences, or the energy you feel when you are with the person? Is it their actions, words, or that their words and actions match? Is it consistancy, compatiblity, tension or comfort?

Is it inconsistancy, uncertainty, excitement, thrill,  or danger?

Different things attract  the inspiration to love. Some of the attractions are healthy and some not. Sometimes, it’s a mixture of the good and the bad? Some people think they love someone when they feel like they felt with their parents or caregivers. They attract to the familiarity of whatever they experienced then, so it ‘feels’ like love, ‘like home’, when perhaps, it isn’t. It’s just familiar, like a habit, but  it’s what ‘feels’ comfortable, like an old shoe and so they think it’s love.

If the past was healthy and nurturing that is great, but if it was one of discord, addictions or dyfunction, not so great. Those imprinted patterns are difficult to break and they can guide either to goodness or destruction.

So, ponder what inspires you to love and attracts you to someone as it’s the basis of the relationship, its journey, its joys, its pain, its success, its harm, or failure.

“But does he who loves someone on account of beauty really love that person? No; for the small-pox, which will kill beauty without killing the person, will cause him to love her no more.

And if one loves me for my judgment, memory, he does not love me, for I can lose these qualities without losing myself. Where, then, is this Ego, if it be neither in the body nor in the soul? And how love the body or the soul, except for these qualities which do not constitute me, since they are perishable? … We never, then, love a person, but only qualities.”  Blaise Pascal’s “Pensees”

The above is an example of shallow love…

We all lose our ‘qualities’ eventually  and when we do, is when we will know if we are loved and if we love.

The awareness, blessing and grace to love without the distraction of qualities and traits is  a genuine gift and if we love sincerely love  will  eventually evolve into this.

What attracts you to love someone? Ever really thought about it deeply, beyond the face, figure, abs, smile, etc?

“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”

Oscar Wilde

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“The gift from God for the ability…

to love is its own reward – nothing else is required.” Ann Dillard ???????????????????????????????

Love is not about recieving, getting, or taking, it’s about giving.  I am a giver. I was born that way and I have had much pain in my life for being so and I didn’t/couldn’t understand why? Why was I hurt, betrayed and taken advantage of by those I loved and who professed to love me? Would a time ever arrive where I felt loved, nurtured and given to?

In the past,  felt I needed love, so I loved the wrong people. I loved those without the ability to love me in return. I loved people that took from me, used me and took advantage of the naivete of my pure heart.

Then I had the realization… that my ability to love was a gift from God and nothing else was needed or required as that gift of the ability to love was the greatest gift that anyone could ever have and I became grateful, thankful and full and without the need to be loved by others. I feel love and know what love is and what love isn’t and that is a blessed gift.

I have a full heart… and even as many have tried to take it from me and to destroy my heart because of my gift of love from God and my ability to love, my heart has stayed pure, whole becoming stronger and wiser. Sure, there were times, I didn’t think I could live throught it and felt so devastated that I thought I would die baring the pain of it all, but I always turned to God and by so doing my heart came back to the fullness of love. I love me now fully and completely so the desire to be loved by others is not there. If I am fine, and if I am not fine. It’s about them, not me because I know me. I know my heart and I love them both.

Love is not sex. Love is not getting. Love is not taking. Love is giving. People walk around looking for love, wanting to be loved, needing love wanting someone to fill them up.  Why don’t people, instead desire, think and say, I want to love, I want to give love, I want to love someone? They don’t because they are lost and seeking… instead of found and giving. 

I have never really been or felt loved in my life except from my father and God. I never felt loved by my mother. She didn’t have that ability. She was a good mother in ways and a horrible one in others. I never felt loved by my siblings ever, even as I gave them love, they would hurt me time and again. I knew one of my grandmothers loved me and a grandfather loved me. Another grandmother claimed to love me and did in ways, but she was actually too selfish for me to feel that love fully.  All human beings are flawed in varying degrees… only God’s love is pure. And the closer a person is to God the more that they know what real love is…

Men were after me for sex, that they found me attractive, or that my Father was successful so they wanted that association. But I never felt truly loved only that I made them feel good about themselves. It always felt shallow to me on levels and soon proved to be that.

Sex comes after love… and sex is not love. Sex is one expression of love.

As I have lived and aged, I realize that none of that mattered. What mattered is that I loved. Iloved my mother, even though I never had a real conversation with her. I loved my sisters and helped them even though all they did was harm to me. They never helped me even once in my life. I loved other relatives and they loved me when it was convenient for them, and that is key. People can only love as much as that which they have inside. If they have no love inside, they look to get and take instead of to give.

But love derives from self love. I am not talking selfish love because love is selfless. I am talking love of self …  genuine love from God… that gives a person the realization to care for themselves, their body, mind and spirit, to stay connected to God. Addictions distort and interrupt that connection even completely breaking it and that is what I see today, addictions replacing God’s love.  The focus is on sex, escape, greed, material things, envy, immorality, etc. Love has been/is distorted on earth and becomes more so it seems each time I look. Men focus on sex like I have never seen before. It’s pathetic. Women have sex like men…and that is not in the innate nature of the feminine. Love has been propagandized into being something it isn’t.

When you know the love of God and stand strong in that love, you are quick to recognize that which is counterfeit.

I know I am blessed. I am loved by God and I realize now that I know love… real love because I have the ability to love and in that love I can discern truth from lie, good from bad…   I have grown in that love to know, it matters not that I have not been or felt loved, what matters is that I have the ability to love.

So when I die, it matters not that I never felt loved on earth. What matters is that I die knowing, I leave earth in love and go back to the love of God.

And this knowing comes from awhole lot of living and  the love in my heart.. .

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