Category Archives: Women In Real Life

Psychology and physiology of a smile…

ann-smile-5Smiling… not only lifts your spirits but  that of those around you. A smile uses muscles that stimulate us to feel better. When you smile you feel better, even when you are feeling down.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Our faces have muscles with the ability to animate our faces to smileface1express and to show how we feel, think and emote at any given time. Our feelings and emotions direct that animation of the muscles either naturally or they can be forced and faked. Take an actor for example: While acting they can use their body as an instrument to express feelings and emotions that will illicit feelings and emotions in those watching. We all have that ability in every moment and every day of our lives that will affect not only us but those around us.

???????????????????????????????I love to smile. I once had a surgery where my cheeks were swollen for a few weeks and I couldn’t smile. It was a horrible feeling not to be able to smile. It made me feel so down inside not to be able to smile. I so wanted to smile but couldn’t and my smile was distorted when I tried. I was amazed how not being able to smile affected my mood, my feelings and everything about me. Then when my face became less swollen, and I could smile a bit, I felt better.  When I could fully smile again, I felt great! Smiling affected my whole body, my mood, my spirit… everything about me.

A smile affects your physiology and that of those around you.

The Psychological Study of Smiling

ann-smile5That experience made me realize how wonderfully good smiling made me feel. It lifts me up and makes me feel so good inside.  Think of people with bad teeth that don’t smile and children with cleft palates who can’t smile… when these things are corrected and they are able to smile… their whole face lights up. Their mood changes along with that of everyone around them. A smile affects the energy in your eyes, in your body, in everything about you. Smiling affects health and well-being.

You can smile with your eyes, your lips and with your whole face. There are all kinds of smiles.  But a genuine smile lights  up your eyes, your whole face and affects your whole body along with the energy it carries and emits.

The muscles of expression located around the mouth are the depressor anguli oris, therisorius, the zygomaticus major, the zygomaticus minor, and the levator labii superioris (see above image, highlighted in blue). All of these muscles, specifically the zygomaticus muscles, are involved with smiling; they pull the orbicularis oris (the circular muscle of your mouth) upwards. These muscles are innervated by the various branches of the facial nerve (VII), which — when the muscles are activated — send signals to the brain that you are smiling.

From there, endorphins are released into the bloodstream from the pituitary gland and the brain and spinal cord from the hypothalamus. Endorphins are opiod (chemicals that bind to opiate receptors) peptides that act as neurotransmitters. Think of endorphins as the body’s natural painkillers, or opiates; they are released in times of stress (good and bad), exercise, excitement, pain, love, and other emotional states, and you feel awesome because of them

http://info.visiblebody.com/bid/216820/learn-the-science-behind-a-smile-visualized-with-visible-body

???????????????????????????????Smile more. Smile lots. Smile at others.  Smiling is contagious.  When you smile it lifts the energy. A smile creates openness… a channel for positive communication.

Smile at yourself in your mirror. Lift your spirits along with those around you.

waterhead2SMILE!

 

Denial of vulnerability leads to needless, non-productive worry…

annface48My father was a worrier. Mother used to say, “If there isn’t anything to worry about, your Dad will find something.”  So, I come by my ‘worrying’ naturally… HA!

When bad things happen in life that turn your world upside down, or create a sense of vulnerability, or devastate you at the time, you become aware that negative things can happen out of the blue and unexpectedly or that the choices you made, hurt you and others.  This can create fear, PTSD, excessive worrying, panic attacks, anxiety, set in your ways, fear of change, fear of making a mistake, etc.

Reality is, as humans we are vulnerable to many and a variety of things, some in our control and many not. It’s the lack of control, the need to live in the denial of our vulnerability that leads to our worrying.

Acceptance of vulnerability releases worry. Once you prepare for the worst case scenario then stop worrying and replace it with faith. But sometimes, when you think you have covered all your bases, you still get hurt and have harm. Then at other times, when you fly by the seat of your pants, everything turns out great. So actually, you can’t always be prepared … because negative, unpleasant, harmful things just happen. We are all vulnerable. To be human is to be vulnerable.

Sure, being prepared, aware and using common sense is wise.  But worrying destroys happiness, fun, joy, adventure,  experiences, health, spontaneity…

My Dad wanted to be in control of his life, and to protect those whom he loved. It’s a male trait. not wanting to feel vulnerable.  It’s a kind of trait that has one looking for the ‘what if’s’… to try and combat them or to cut them off before they do hurt and harm. That can be a good thing…. but too much of it wears the person out , those around them and can stop living in its tracks. Worrying never stopped my Dad from living life large with many accomplishments and adventures. He just went ahead and faced his fears… but he did worry. But he also had much faith that balanced out the worry and allowed him to go forth.. He told me he had an angel on his shoulder. He would loan his angel to me when I was going through a rough time. So just that knowing, showed his faith was more powerful than his worry.

I can be a worrier. I admit it. But I also have tremendous faith that pulls me out of it. I have had many traumatic, out of the blue occurrences in my life that tested my faith and sunk me into worry, fret and depression. Some, perhaps, predictable others not.  My worry and fear have caused me loss and to miss out, and this I regret. I don’t regret what and when I tried and lost because, at least, I tried. But I do regret when fear and worry stopped me in my tracks or caused me to make decisions out of fear instead of faith. But usually and most always I keep on in faith, otherwise, I would die inside with worry and that is no way to live.

While on earth, God wants us to live in faith and to have experiences, adventures, feelings, emotions… but for certain acknowledge all feelings… as warnings of fear can prevent harm, after all we are sentient beings in physical body on earth. Here to experience it all.

As humans on earth we are vulnerable… so accept it and choose faith…

The Christmas season is based on and founded in faith…

What you get in discussion with a lib/progressive…

Pullinghair2if it can even be called a discussion…

Lib/progressives are self-righteously angry now that ‘their candidate’, which actually should have been in prison, instead of running for President, lost.  Any exchange with a lib/progressive always succumbs to them calling names such as racist, homophobic, bigot, etc. when this is not even close to subject, in fact, their comments are way off topic.  Because they can’t comprehend enough to stay on topic. They deflect, lie and circle-talk to avoid dealing with facts, common sense, accountability and reality…rebellious  teenager-like in response and behavior… no reality, self -delusional, illusions of whatever fantasy occupies their brain. They continually ‘judge’ others while screeching that they are being ‘judged.’ So child-like they are, that’s it pathetically  humorous were it not so harmful.

I began this site with a ‘friend’ who is a liberal. I didn’t realize her political leanings at the time because eight years ago, politics was not as up in your face as it became when the lowly traitor to America, Obama, ran for President. Barack But as the election got heated, her ignorance and delusions were made clear. She could never be on time. She wasn’t true to her word. Her brain full of ‘I don’t know what?’ …High heels, designer clothes, fairy tales ??? Her voice began to sound like finger nails on a chalk board… as she rambled on about nothing. She is the reason, I got on Facebook, in fact, she put me on it, for benefit of ‘our’ blog. She had been an intern on the Hill for some liberal and she had been well indoctrinated. She had no common sense and the fact that she could be up to an hour late meeting me for lunch didn’t bother her at all and she didn’t understand why it should bother me. She only thought about herself while trying to ‘appear’ that she thought about everyone in the world. HA!

Another interesting example of our innate and inherent respective conservative, liberal differences could be seen even as children when we tried out to attend the same ballet school. It was a highly thought of, exclusive, with acceptance limited to ability, school led by two professional dancers that were once with  Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo. I auditioned and became the youngest member of the corps de  ballet.  Her acceptance was declined since she treated the ballet practice barre as if it was a jungle gym. She and her mother were asked to leave.

She was full of the typical lib/progressive delusional BS even as a child.  Of course, we soon parted company. With her driving off in her pink Barbie car… her exact words and her calling me Cruella Deville… the usual lib/progressive name calling child-like tactic. She referred to the girls that cleaned her house as ‘Cinderellas’ … so perhaps, her head really was  stuck in a world of fairy tales… like most all Lib/progressives.

Well, that was my first up-close and personal interaction with someone so off in their head that it was impossible to communicate in reality and with logic and truth with their expectation of full entitlement with no consideration to others.

Pullinghair3Lib/progressive idiocy only grew as ‘Obama world’ took over. Those who follow Oprah like everything this woman spews is worthy… the ‘those’ who can’t think for themselves. Oprah fat1 Booing God at the DNC convention. Their God is apparently’ earth’. Their cry, save the earth, save the earth. Which is where Satan rules. While God tells us in the Bible that the earth will always regenerate and be able to self-cleanse.

Idiotic destructive protests and looting with no regard for human life and other’s property as they express their out of control emotions about injustices that they can’t even articulate.

In exchanges with lib/progressives, I have been called old as dirt, a transvestite, etc. and these are the kinder names.

Obama-Lies-SCOne only need listen for a few minutes to Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, or Obama, etc. to realize the dysfunction of the lib/progressive brain… as they spew idiocy, call for others to treat everyone ‘right and fairly’ while, they, just like Hillary, call everyone that disagrees with them things such as “deplorables” as they suck money and power for their own benefit and use.

The mind set of lib/progressives is full of  hypocrisy, illogical conclusions, immaturity, illusions, circle-talking, deflecting, name-calling ignorance. They are followers of ‘whomever’ like the wind, with no internal core of ethics, morality or standards. They respect no one, including themselves but expect to be treated with kid gloves and high regard for doing and saying nothing of any consequence. They spew and project their inner conflict outward calling names, devaluing those who don’t perceive in their distorted way… deeming them uneducated… when most those voting for Trump are the higher educated, those with real-life world experience and common sense.

Lib/progressives are a blight and disease on a society. sorosAnd those like Soros, (Soros is a war criminal that should have be imprisoned decades ago and he backs Obama, Clinton and the likes while instigating and bank rolling the lowly lib/progressives to riot and destroy) Obama, Clintons and others behind the scenes who are pillaging, manipulating and riling these fools up for their personal and NWO agenda to control, reap power and wealth from America and to weaken us and eventually take us down to insert us into the NWO under the rule of the UN… where there will be no rights but those deemed by the Godless ‘elites’ on earth. With their agenda of no property rights and they will have control of all earth’s resources.

While the destruction of our way of life, rights and freedoms are slowly and more quickly under the traitor Obama taken from us, loony Lib/progressives are more concerned with their pets, saving the animals, unisex bathrooms and climate change. HA!

Therefore, dim-witted lib/progressives are literally rioting, and protesting for their own loss and demise. Truly a level of ignorance that is unfathomable.

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What you do is more important than what you say…

ann-smile4Words are meaningless without intent and follow-through.

All talk and no action is empty rhetoric.

“I never worry about action, but only about inaction.” Winston Churchill

Most politicians are all talk and no action…

In the real world only sociopaths, psychopaths, scammers, liars, cons etc. are all talk with no action.  All talk and no action is the first sign of a con.

In the real world, people must follow their words with action, they must follow through or they will  lose face, people won’t trust them and, in general, they just plain eventually lose.  They get found out for what the are and others turn from them.
The government is one of the places where people that are all talk and no action are rewarded.
When the government is supposed to be by the people and for the people, what it’s become is for the government, for the benefit of the government and screw the people. People don’t matter as long as, we,  the government, can keep sucking from and off them to keep us in their money. So why do we keep electing politicians that don’t put action with their words? Or who even do the opposite of what their words convey.
In the real world, all trust is lost in someone who lies, or talks with no action. For some in the government, it appears the people keep on trusting and that is what the government is counting on, that the people keep on trusting their words with no action or their opposite action and the stupid, unaware, ill-informed people do. Look at the c Clinton and Obama cons.
Hopefully President Trump will change all that…

The energy of love…

pearlsandrosesheadshot6Woman is God’s gift to man. Genesis 2:18,20,23,24 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; …

“There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved: It is God’s finger on man’s shoulder.” Charles Morgan

gods-gift

Love is energy flowing. It’s action.  The real reason you love someone, if the love is genuine is because of their energy… the energy of their soul. You may be attracted by appearance or something else.  But genuine love is not about a great body, a bank account, a car, or anything else but energy… the spirit of the energy from the heart and soul is what really attracts those to one another graced with the God given ability to know genuine love… “z

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In love, two opposites can come together to create perfection.

Peace is not the absence of conflict, it’s the ability to cope living with it.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”  Paulo Coelho

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” Bruce Lee

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“If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.” Kristin Chenoweth

“There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld

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Sexual pursuit, harassment, assault …

ann-smile4About twenty years ago, I was visiting a friend in Manhattan Beach and he was invited to a party at an actresses’ house in the Hollywood area because of his business association with her. So, we  attended. I knew no one there, but apparently, I resembled some wife of a studio head so I was greeted as if many knew me or thought that they did.  I was outside admiring the lagoon when a world famous, Hollywood elite, actually acting royalty as in from a  family acting dynasty, actor approached me. I had seen him in many movies and on TV and liked his acting.  He was friendly, talkative and began flirting with me. I knew that he was not divorced from his first wife, although they had been separated for years. He was seen dating and was known to be a womanizer. He was in the tabloids often. His flirtations to me were flattering … I guess… But I disengaged from him.  No way was I interested in dating a womanizer still married actor. Yet, everywhere I went, he was close by watching me. Men, such as this, when they set their eyes on a target and are not successful, just keep at it. He approached me again. Gave me flattering compliments. Asked if he could take me to dinner. To which, I responded, you are still married. I don’t date married men. To which, he stated, But the divorce will be final soon. I said call me when it is… then laughed and walked away. Clearly, being the top actor that he is, he was not used to being rejected. He touched my arms, tried to hold my hand, put his hand at my waist, like he was trying to appear like we were a couple. And leaned in as if to try and kiss me and I turned my head. He tried to corner me, by moving forward forcing me to step back against a wall, so he could have my full attention and be in control of where I was. I stepped away and disengaged.

My friend  and I left the party, going onto another. The next day, this actor called my friend inquiring about me. Asking if he and I were a couple, asking all sort of questions about me. My friend told me that this actor was smitten with me and would fly to Dallas to take me out. To which I responded, “I do not date married men, no matter who they are!”

Get it ladies? You set the boundaries. You know when a man is leaning into kiss and you can easily step back or turn your head or talk loudly to embarrass him or even scream, NO! So that others hear.

These stories I am hearing about Trump sound like bogus lies to me. All coming forth at this time, for Hillary’s agenda. That one woman’s story of being on an airplane and saying Trump was all over her. I call BS! At his first attempt, all she needed do was say I am not interested and get up. Yet, she says something like if his hands had stayed above the waist, well, then she wouldn’t have been so upset. Really?  If any of this is true, it shows that she allowed him to touch her so he kept on… But I think this whole thing is a made up lie to correlate  with the leaked Billy Bush tape.  It’s a set up!

So what if Trump likes beautiful women and approaches them?!  It doesn’t mean he disrespects women but admires their beauty. And as far as him forcing a woman to do something she is not interested in… I doubt that very much.  

The above actor, I mentioned is an ambassador to some humanitarian political organization or some such. He is high profile. He is married again and has children in the home. How stupid and idiotic would it be if I came out and said what he did to me at a party? It would be incredibly inane.  He is a good actor and a fine person in most regards… he just pursues women that he finds attractive… SO WHAT!?

Sexual harassment and assault – I  have had this occur when I was asked to write a book with a man in the financial industry. He was married and lived in my neighborhood. I knew his family and was acquaintance-like friends with his wife. He came onto me verbally  during our book collaboration. I would ignore his stupid comments then finally it was too much when he grabbed my pearls   around my neck and pulled me to him. I pushed him away and left. Then I called him on the phone telling him that I would not do this project and to leave me alone. And at the time, I needed the money, he was paying me because I was going through a divorce. I found out that he had raped a woman in his office and that he had a history of this kind of behavior.  As in other financial institutions that he worked for in his past had settled  with several who had made sexual harassment accusations against him.  I filed a lawsuit to break the contract between us and I did it immediately. I didn’t wait. I did it the very next day. He was very well known in our area as was I. So it made the paper big time. It went to trial. He settled with me.  And during that time, they tried to say I was crazy and everything else to disparage me and it did not work. I was telling the truth and I prevailed.

I have been though enough things such as this to know what is real and what is BS. Men come onto women they find attractive and this is very different then sexual harassment or assault. Women set the boundaries. They say, no! Disengage or file a lawsuit immediately, if it really is sexual harassment or assault.  They do not wait 30 years and come out just before an election to whine and say he groped me or he looked at me or whatever these bought and paid for accusers are doing.

About Trump looking at the women in the beauty pageants. At one time, Trump went on Howard Stern and he put it out there as he beat his male ego-driven chest about sex and women. At the time, he was not running for President … he was a novelty kind of reality show guy. Many years have passed. So again, I say so what?!

Do I like the way Howard Stern and others talk about women? No! It’s lame, immature and rank. Men like this have the need to beat their chest and say these things. It’s males being idiots!  Most men talk this way about women to one another, at times, bragging,  beating their chests as if to claim… ”  I am man hear me roar!” I say … who cares?! Be an idiot.

Wise women see right through what this is and disengage.  And men can grow up and change. SoTrump and Melania 2me don’t like Bill Clinton did not, but I believe Trump has. And also that most the women coming out with their stories and accusations just weeks before the election are bought and paid for to do so. Otherwise, were it true and so traumatic, they would have dealt with it at the time as Clinton’s victims did to which Hillary further victimized them. 

Trump is my choice for President. I believe he, his knowledge and expertise are what America needs. Hillary’s agenda is to lead us into the NWO under the rule of the UN. With Hillary, America will be no more.

I write about women respecting themselves and setting their boundaries.  Hillary Clinton respects no one and especially women, blacks, minorities, etc. she uses them for her cause and benefit which is for more power and wealth for her, her backers and those who will benefit from America’s destruction.

Trump is going against their agenda so they are against him. Making America great is the exact opposite of what they want, no matter what they say. They are liars, crooks, progressive communists.

Trump2

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Damaged, disordered, wounded people can damage and cause you to become so…

???????????????????????????????Ever heard the saying you become like who you marry?

Those we associate with often change us. If we are around negative people, we will become more negative. If we are around happy positive people we will become more positive.  Confident people instill confidence in others.

Ever notice how around certain people you feel happy and uplifted and around others you feel down and like the energy has been sucked out of you?  You feel that way because it has been. I have noticed that I  even can  begin to feel nervous around some people. When I feel negative emotions coming at me, I have learned to become aware, to limit exposure and  even  to exit completely.  Listen to your gut and how you feel… don’t negate or discard your gut instincts. They are a gift from God for your protection.

If and when you point out to others how you feel around them and if they can’t look at themselves, apologize for dumping onto you, then  you need to cut them loose from your life … until they can.

Being emotionally thrown up  on by someone for things that have nothing to do with you is damaging to self… unless, you set and have clear boundaries. 

I am not saying let friends down when they are in need. We all have needs at time and need extra caring but only the strong of heart are the ones capable to give this to you. The wounded, damaged and disordered will suck your energy even when you are in need  and will most likely make you feel worse whether you realize it in that moment or not. These are people to limit your association with. They are energy vampires.

Misery loves company and subconsciously  that is their agenda, to take you down to their level.  I have had people tell me that they love me and love to be around me because ‘I’ make ‘them’ feel good and calm them, then when I need their energy and help they suck the life out of me. These are the people I have learned to limit my exposure to.

Have you ever been around someone that never if rarely smiles or someone that has a negative comment for every occasion? I have and tried to lift these people up for awhile, until their damaged, disordered, wounded soul began to affect me. Then I ended my association with them to protect myself.  All I  can do then is to pray for them but I limit even cut off our energies connecting.

We can all help one another, at times, but true healing begins with self.

Energy suckers of the world are damaged people and until they deal with their issues, they will not be able to give to another, instead, they will drain those around them.

You become more like those you associate with. If you associate with man haters, you will find yourself bashing men. If you associate with women haters, you will find yourself bashing women. If you think it’s okay to do drugs then those are the people you will associate with. If you workout and are physically fit, you will prefer being around those of like  body and mind.

Everyone in this world has been hurt, damaged, wounded, etc. It’s the energy of the strong and brave that works on healing self instead of going through life projecting, and throwing up their neediness on others. 

It’s your individual duty to set your boundaries.  Like kind attracts like kind… and opposites attract. Think of how profound these truisms are and on so many levels.

annface48“Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.” Clive Barker

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Negative People….

negative5Remaining positive in a tough situation can be difficult, but the outlook you choose can affect every aspect of life. Positive and negative people have very different attitudes, thoughts and ways of dealing with their circumstances.

To keep negative energy out of your life, be aware of these common traits of negative people… not all negative people will have all these traits but they will have many of them.  You will see a trend in their way of looking at and dealing with the world.

Negative people kill the souls of others, destroy the happiness in life, and definitely ruin fun times. Destroyers of  hope and joy… they are full of fear, insecurity  and become defensive when called out on their behavior. They will tend to project it back onto the one calling them out. They dodge responsibility. They have been damaged in their past and refuse either out of denial, fear or ignorance to look at themselves, their mind set, and from where it derives.

Block their negativity from your life. Block their trying to kill your happiness and joy. Some of these people seep into your life unnoticed, under the guise of ‘caring’ and ‘friendship’ … but what their motives are is to suck off your life energy for as long as you will allow them to… then when you need some energy from them, they either give it half-baked, while even making you feel worse in their subtle way of negativity, are not there for you at all or you will end up feeling worse than you would have were they not there at all.

If allowed they can and will bring you into  the abynegative4ss of their negativity.  Misery loves company. They are not genuinely happy so they can’t be supportive or genuinely happy for others. They may utter supportive words, at times, but if you listen with your gut, instead of your ears, their words will not feel sincere.  Even the words ‘ I love you’ will feel empty and some can utter that phrase as easily as saying thank you… which is a sure sign of insincerity.

Negative People are Afraid of Change –  Negative people tend to fear change. Even if they aren’t happy with their current circumstances, instead of thinking “things could get better,” they believe that change is always for the worst. They are too afraid of losing what they have to let it go so that they can gain more. So they may stay in stagnant or  bad situations because they are afraid of change while they complain all the time about their situation.

A positive person welcomes change and is always open to new experiences.

Negative People Aren’t Grateful – Negative people are so focused on the negative that they are blinded to the positive things that surround them. They don’t show gratitude toward their friends or family members, and they take their blessings —  like their job, home and health — for granted.

Positive people recognize their blessings and show gratitude for what they have.

Negative People Don’t Sincerely or Genuinely Care About Others – Negative people aren’t concerned with hurting anyone’s feelings. They are too focused on themselves to worry about someone else, even the people that care about them. If the conversation isn’t focused on them, there’s no real interest. negative

A positive person is always open to making new friends, and they enjoy making others happy.

 Negative People Blame Others for Their Mistakes – A negative person doesn’t like to admit when they’re wrong. Even when it’s clear that they’ve made a mistake, a negative person will blame others for something that is really their fault. They will not apologize, or if they do it will feel insincere. Some cry at the drop of a hat to get them out of responsibility or to make others feel sorry for them. Negative people enjoy playing the martyr.

A positive person takes responsibility for mistakes and failures.

negative3Negative People Believe the World Revolves Around Them – A negative person believes that the world owes them something. They think that if they’re having a bad day, which is more often than not, everyone else should cater to them. They let their negative feelings and poor attitude drive them on a daily basis. They are self-absorbed.

A positive person is able to put the needs of others before his or her own.

 Negative People Don’t Apologize – “I’m sorry” is a phrase that negative people avoid even dread. They see apologizing as a weakness. It means admitting that they were wrong. While a positive person is quick to apologize for hurting others, a negative person will do almost anything to avoid an apology even cry to illicit pity for themselves… oh poor pitiful them.

A positive person is able to admit when they’re wrong and apologize sincerely.

 Negative People Focus on Personal Gain – Negative people are willing to step on everyone around them if it boosts their success. They are concerned with their own personal gain and will do anything that benefits them, despite who it hurts in the process.

A positive person would never put someone else down in order to get ahead.

Negative People Enjoy Seeing Others Fail – Negative people don’t root for anyone, even if it’s a family member or a friend. When someone else experiences success, a negative person becomes jealous and bitter. They may give lip service to another’s good but they really don’t feel it… what they feel is envy.

A positive person is sincerely happy to see others succeed.

Negative People Can’t Accept Constructive Criticism – Constructive criticism can be hard to take, but it’s often necessary in order to learn and grow. A negative person hates to be criticized. Even if someone is trying to help them, they become closed off and they see criticism as a threat.

A positive person welcomes constructive criticism, seeing it as a learning opportunity.

Negative People Think They Know Everything – A negative person sees learning something new as a sign of weakness. They like to act like they are already an expert in every subject, instead of taking the time to truly expand their knowledge.

A positive person always strives to learn something new.

negative2Negative People Aren’t Compassionate – A negative person will never be a shoulder to cry on. If friends or family members ask for help, a negative person won’t be able to cheer them up. They’ll likely point out even more negatives in a situation or start talking about their own sorry life and issues.  A negative person will never be a soft place to fall.

A positive person is able and willing to cheer someone up when they’re feeling down.

Negative People Aren’t Willing to Work for Change – Negative people aren’t happy with their situation, but they also aren’t willing to work to change anything. A positive person knows they have to work for what they want, while a negative person would rather sit around and mope than put in any effort.

A positive person sets goals and works hard to achieve them.

Negative people are usually immature and insecure.

I have a ‘friend’ that would often comment to me that just being around me makes them feel happier and that I calm them.  That they like my energy.  They would also say that they don’t have any friends.  I usually felt drained and stressed after being around them. I tried to be a good friend… I would invite them to dinner, cook a nice meal because according to them they have such a stressful busy life with job and family. They whined all the time about all the stress in their life.

Then it was my time to need some extra attention. And when it was, they were an hour late, came in stressed and dithered. I immediately felt the usual stress energy around and coming from them  and it made me feel worse and this was when I needed to feel nurtured and calm. They talked about themselves, how stressed and  hurried they were to get to my house. They drank almost a whole bottle of wine while yammering on and did things I did not want nor ask them to do.  What they decided to do what more important than what I needed. Their concern was that they take a bath… while I was feeling neglected and that they were being put upon. I detested being around them so I came into myself and calmed myself down that night.

negative6The next day, I addressed how their behaviors made me feel… and they whined that they went out of their way for me even saying that I made them cry. It was a pathetic display… but showed me clearly what needed to be revealed.

My eyes were opened. This person is too negative and consumed with self to  clearly see me, help, me, genuinely care for me, be a shoulder for me,  because when I asked for and  needed nurturing and solid energy, they had none to give… they made it all about their self.

I, therefore, honored myself and my ability to stay centered and to calm and nurture myself… with God’s grace and help. I pulled forever away from this person,  keeping them at arm’s length as an acquaintance, never to have expectations of reciprocation…  nor need of it… as they have not the ability.  Lesson learned…

There are positive and negative energies on this planet. It’s what keeps it afloat, rocking and rolling along… all of us will have negative people, things and experiences in our lifetime. It’s how we address them that either brings us back to center and to be mostly positive or keeps us captured in the evil throes of negativity.  It’s our choice which energy that drives us. I choose the positive … the positive light of God. I choose joy!

“In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing.”
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Spirit is what creates life in our body…

ann-smile5Just like fabric doesn’t become an article of clothing until is it designed and created as such. An article of clothing doesn’t become alive until a body enters it. A dress lying on a bed is a dead  piece of fabric until it’s put on a body then it becomes animated. A body makes the article of clothing come alive. Every article of clothing will fit  and look differently as it adorns each body. Some bodies won’t even be able to fit into it while it fits others like a glove. But there are many other articles, styles and fit of clothing for the body to choose.  An article of clothing while perfect for one body will be wrong for another.  There are dresses to wear to Galas and dresses to wear to work.  It’s all about choosing the garment that suits the occasion and the body.  The appropriate garment, but some bodies don’t know how to select what is appropriate for occasion or for their body style, so they walk around being off the mark,  out of sorts  and not appropriate. They don’t fit their clothing and their clothing doesn’t fit them.

Similarly, it is the spirit that makes a body come alive.  A body that is dead with no spirit in it, can’t move, can’t talk, can’t create, can’t move…has no life.

A dead body is just that, it is dead and without spirit to animate it.

When the body dies, the spirit exits. Therefore, the body has no life with the spirit gone. At death, the energy of the spirit exits the body.

The  spirit entering the body is what creates life.  Our body is the tool of our spirit. How our spirit expresses in our body is up to our spirit…

The eyes reveal the soul. The quality of the spirit shines through either the  light or the darkness in the eyes.  A spirit of evil will be revealed in the eyes and a spirit of good the same. 

We can either work with our spirit or against it as our spirit is expressed through our heart and mind into our body in every single choice that we make…. what we eat, if and how we move, if , when and what we say, what we choose to put on our body. What we choose to do, what we create, whom we love or if we do. If we choose bad or if we choose good, if we sin or not, if we choose evil or if we choose God. What we see and how we see it.  The spirit will  choose the body that will be able to express what it needs.  The desires of the flesh and the corruption of the mind can over take goodness. It’s choice.  The spirit will choose the appropriate body, heart and mind for the what it needs to experience on this earth and when the mission is accomplished the spirit will exit the body or when the body wears out, the spirit will exit.

It’s our spirit that gives our body life and our spirit comes and enters from God. Which spirit animating which body is God’s  decision. Which spirit that enters which body that will have the circumstances, choices, trials, joys, challenges, happiness, sadness, pain or pleasures is a union between spirit and God.  If the body, mind, heart and circumstances don’t seem to fit the needs of the spirit after trying to do so,  then it’s time to turn to God in prayer and guidance for asking and understanding.  The message of the spirit may need to become clearer or the body, mind and heart need to shift and change to match the guidance of the spirit.

It’s the spirit that fills the flesh of the body with life.

When the body dies, after living life with all its experiences and  imprints on earth, the spirit goes back to God… or to hell based on choices made while on earth. The body remains here on earth, as an empty shell of matter just like a dress taken off, tossed on the floor, it is lifeless.

Does your spirit fit your body? Does your body honor your spirit?

Body, mind and heart are the tools of the spirit… full of God given choice in each and every moment.

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Kiss a Momma’s boy and you’re kissing a frog, the biggest ugliest one…

Oct10Stop9in the group of designated men not to date and certainly not to marry. Because this kind of disorder rarely corrects.There are many disordered men to avoid : men with addictions, men who lie, cheat, etc. But the mother controlled man is lethal, “mother-controlled monsters” is what I call them and they should be avoided at all costs. Don’t expect him to change, they rarely if ever do… and few if any really ever fully commit. Because they are committed and owned by their mother and, or other female members of their family. Many of these men have never been married.

Mother-complex

If a son becomes his mother’s partner emotionally, if a mother is weak and too dependent on her son, so that he feels responsible for her well-being, he may be unable to lovingly commit himself to another woman – Consequences of Mother – Son Triangulation… he will be his mother’s boy until she dies or even longer.

If in a relationship, and the woman has normal needs for nurturing and attention, he will not be able to fulfill her needs because he will feel trapped and smothered like he felt with his mother. So, he will shut down, get depressed, escape in anyway possible and, or criticize the woman for having normal needs. Men like this use escape as a way to live, fast cars, out in bars, extreme sports, toys, being reclusive, etc. They have an innate and deep fear of being trapped again by a woman, like they were or felt that they were by Momma.

Typical effects on the son of an overbearing, smothering, needy mother are homosexuality, Don Juanism, inability to commit, going from one woman to another, as he always finds something wrong with each woman. He’s searching for perfection in the woman and complete freedom for himself which does not exist in any woman or any relationship. He has an idealized image of a relationship that cannot be achieved and if achieved it would be all for his benefit and nothing for his partner. Sometimes, these men suffer with impotence [though here the father complex also plays a part]. In homosexuality, the son’s entire heterosexuality is tied to the mother in an unconscious form; in Don Juanism, he unconsciously seeks his mother in every woman he meets and in his mind no woman can match the love that he feels from his mother and if he does feel it, then he feels smothered and must escape. These men are always trying to escape their mother while they need/crave female love intensely. They are seeking the approval of Momma but when or if they get it, they sabotage, or run from it. And why they go from woman to woman searching, from one shiny thing to the next. Even if they found perfection, ‘ the perfect match or woman for them’ they would not recognize it as such and would, perhaps, even feel more smothered than ever, because they would have a more difficult time finding their excuse, justification and reason to escape.

Many of these men are severely disordered with multiple afflictions such as narcissist, (inability to feel love or joy), avoidant,  borderline, depression, hypochondriacs, sexual issues, addictions, perversions (as depicted in Shades of Grey) may escape into porn, overeating, are full of illusions and delusions about women, delusions of grandeur, emotionally and, or physically abusive and that may include withholding sexual expression.They don’t live in reality as it relates to the man woman connection. They don’t understand it because their perception is that of mother and child not man and woman. A man protects.A child needs protection.
No woman will be good enough for the little prince as deemed by Momma and in his subconscious  mind no woman will love him as well as his Momma did. So if a woman finds herself in a relationship with a man  with this disorder, RUN! Because no matter how hard you try, no matter how great you are, you will never be enough. He will forever run back into the arms of Momma avoiding and negating the responsibilities, comfort, pleasure of the love of a real woman in a genuine healthy relationship choosing his needy Momma’s hold on him.  His need is to remain a child with little to no responsibility. A man with all the man genes wants the responsibility of the woman he loves. He considers it an honor to provide and protect her. The man/child runs from it. Again a man protects. A child needs protection.

A study of the romantic history of 58 adults aged 22-28 found that those who avoid committed romantic relationships are likely a product of unresponsive or over-intrusive parenting, says Dr. Sharon Dekel, a psychologist and researcher at the Bob Shapell School of Social Work.

Dr. Dekel and her fellow researcher, Prof. Barry Farber of Columbia University, found that 22.4 percent of study participants could be categorized as “avoidant” when it came to their relationships, demonstrating anxiety about intimacy, reluctance to commit to or share with their partner, or a belief that their partner was “clingy,” for one example. Overall, they reported less personal satisfaction in their relationships than participants who were determined to be secure in their relationships.

The goal of the study, published in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, was to address the widespread research debate on “avoidant attachment” — whether such behavior is due to innate personality traits, such as being more of a loner, or is a delayed reaction to unmet childhood needs. Dr. Dekel and Prof. Farber found that while both secure and avoidant individuals expressed a desire for intimacy in relationships, avoidant individuals are conflicted about this need due to the complicated parent-child dynamics they experienced when young.

Taking lessons from childhood – the premise of their study, says Dr. Dekel, is based on attachment theory, which posits that during times of stress, infants seek proximity to their caregivers for emotional support. However, if the parent is unresponsive or overly intrusive, the child learns to avoid their caregiver.

The researchers believe that adult relationships reflect these earlier experiences. When infantile needs are met in childhood, that person approaches adult relationships with more security, seeking intimacy, sharing, caring, and fun, says Dr. Dekel. The researchers labelled these relationships “two-adult” models, in which participants equally share desires with their partner. Avoidant individuals, however, are more likely to adopt an “infant-mother” intimacy model. Men who never grow up, who remain eternally a boy or son, not capable of becoming a man, a husband responsible for and to his wife.

When they enter relationships, there is an attempt to satisfy their unmet childhood needs, Dr. Dekel explains. “Avoidant individuals are looking for somebody to validate them, accept them as they are, can consistently meet their needs and remain calm — give them unconditional love, including not making a fuss about anything or getting caught up in their own personal issues.” While what they give in return is criticism, escape and aloofness. So what they are after is a mother/son interaction, not a man/woman interaction. 

Hope for the commitment-phobic? It’s important to study this group further because beyond their severely diminished ability to conduct satisfying romantic relationships, they are also less happy in their lives and are more likely to suffer illnesses, depression, etc, than their secure counterparts, notes Dr. Dekel. Psychologists need a better understanding of what these insecure individuals need, perhaps through more sophisticated neurological studies, she suggests.

There is also the question of whether or not these attachment styles are permanent. Dr. Dekel believes that there are some experiences which can help people develop more secure relationship styles. Sometimes, a life trauma can shift these men out of their commitment disorder.

A boy learns about relationship with women primarily through his relationship with his mother and through observing his parent’s relationship. If there was conflict or emotional distance in his parents; relationship his emotional bond with his father may have  suffered. The boy may have emotionally bonded with his mother in a way that shut down his feeling capacity, which now continues to affect his masculine identity and sense of separate self. Or he observed his mother’s neediness controlling the father. The father may be weak and not able to stand strong, so the boy’s image of a man is that a woman can control a man and suffocate him. So he tries to ‘avoid’ that his whole life. Because he sees that image as being unmanly, while his reality is, he never comes into his full manhood. He remains an eternal child.

If the mother was emotionally unsupported by the father she may
have unwittingly used her son to get her emotional needs met as a substitute for her partner. The disappointment she felt in the father back then was felt by the son . In response the son aspired to be her perfect “little man” that would not let her down like his father did. The son’s heart is open at an early age and it’s natural for him to want to be the apple of his mother’s eye and fill her up with his love. He learned how to please his mother at the cost of his own needs being ignored.

He suffered from not being emotionally close to his father and yet part of him enjoyed his special relationship with his mother in his absence. It comes at a cost. The boy was unaware that he had been setup for an impossible job that he inevitably failed at. It was too much for a little boy to fulfill the emotional needs of his mother. She needed an adult man. The boy was in an emotional bind. He couldn’t be himself and be what (he imagined) his mother  wanted him to be. He unconsciously chose at a young age to fit in with her needs at the cost of his own.

The father was remiss in not providing a healthy parental relationship alongside the mother to allow the son to develop a healthy male identity. The boy cut off from his male power to fit in. A weak, distant or closed hearted father, an emotionally needy mother combined with the cultural images of masculinity encouraged the boy as he grew up to close his heart and disconnect from his feelings.

Relationship Attitudes from “Rape of the Heart”

In later life, the boy as a grown man may develop the following kind of attitudes:

  • He doesn’t feel he is enough. Deep down he feels he wasn’t enough for his mother, so as an adult man he doesn’t feel he is enough for his partner. He is sensitive to criticism as it challenges his male identity . He feels he needs to be perfect and it’s hard for him to admit when he makes a mistake in his relationship.
  • He is fearful of women getting upset. He can’t bear it when his partner is upset, partly because he feels he is responsible for his partner’s happiness. As a boy he felt he was the cause of his mother’s unhappiness. As a child he believed he was responsible and in control of his mother’s feelings through pleasing her.
  • He pleases women to avoid conflict. The man  learned to please women at the cost of his own needs. Women pick up straightaway when a man is pleasing them to avoid conflict. It feels inauthentic. The woman feels shut out from the man as his true feelings are hidden. She can’t feel his authentic male energy which frustrates her. She feels rejected and abandoned as she hears from him the message ,’You are too much’ .This is often how she felt as a child.
  • He feels overwhelmed by her needs. He feels burdened by having to meet his partner’s needs. He is unable to express his own needs as he unconsciously learned not to listen to his needs in order to meet his mother’s needs. Outwardly, it may seem like he has very few needs as he has repressed them.
  • He resents his partner’s needs. The man has an unconscious rage and resentment towards meeting his mother’s needs and he sees all women as his mother on some level.. He believes he is working hard in the relationship to do the right thing, yet he finds no matter what he does, he slips up. He forgets to tell his partner important things, or finds a way to rubbish his partner or the relationship in someway. If he is asked why he ignored her he probably isn’t in touch with his resentment.
  • He feels guilty. The man feels ambivalent about the relationship because of the unresolved feelings he had about loving his mother and feeling smothered.
  • He has repressed the hate which also represses his loving feelings. He may feel unworthy of his partner’s love and want to leave her in order to protect her from his dark feelings.
  • His life Energy is blocked. He represses his feelings and energy or he directs all his energy into work. Men push their feelings down yet keep going in a particular kind of hidden depression.
  •  Healing Process for ‘Rape of the Heart’… best possible outcome for a mother controlled commitment phobic, but this rarely occurs….

    A woman attracted to this kind of man needs to become aware of why she has been unconsciously attracted to a man with a closed heart and what she needs to heal from her past family experience.

    It’s great if both partners can work on this together as in what was there needing to be brought out in one another to themselves. We find that working with the relationship dynamic with both partners together is much more effective than individual counselling alone.

    Behavior Patterns Were Learned In The Past

    mother complexAttraction between partners in part comes from an unconscious fit of “unfinished business’ from each person’s early family. It’s sobering to realize that both partners have re-created their early family situation in the current relationship. Realizing this can give a major shift in perspective as he sees that relationships are an unconscious union that is providing  him now with the opportunity to work things through in order to become emotionally whole.

    Rather than blaming his partner for not being ,’his perfect parent’, he begins to see how he experiences what is going on now, through the eyes and feelings from the past. The recognition of the connection between how he experiences his relationship now and how he felt in his early family makes the unconscious conscious. This stops him being controlled by the past.

    For many men it can be difficult to even conceive that there is a connection between his partner and his mother. It can just seem like “psychobabble”. There can be an investment in protecting the image he has of his parents. He needs to balance that his parents did the best they could and their lack of relationship had an impact on him. It’s  worth looking at how the early  past pattern  affects how he relates with his partner now.

    He Manages His Fear

    He learns how to manage his fear of being emotionally overwhelmed. He discovers his partner is much more emotionally robust that he imagines. As an adult he doesn’t need to placate her for his survival . He may wish to contribute to her happiness yet he realizes that when she is upset it doesn’t mean that he has failed or that he needs to be over responsible. He is not responsible for her happiness.

    He Receives His Partner’s Emotional Flow

    He learns listen to her emotional flow without taking what she says too personally. He is able to discern what he needs to take responsibility for and what belongs to her past. He discovers how to hear what she is saying on a feeling level rather than get caught in rationality disconnected from feeling.

    He Makes Adjustments To His Attitudes And Behavior

    He realizes that his partner isn’t really wanting to criticize  or undermine him. What she is seeking is for her feelings to be received . She feels what needs attention in the relationship and needs him to make an adjustment/ – walk his talk rather than saying “sorry” and repeating the pattern.

    He Strengthens His Male Identity

    He learns that his partner can’t make or break him or take away his masculinity. From this realization he can be present and receive her when she is upset. He doesn’t need defend his male identity as it’s not under threat. He gets the support of other men to strengthen his male identity and reconnect to his masculinity.

    He Reconnects To His Feelings

    He discovers how to express his feelings and needs. He notices when he disconnects from his partner and learns how to manage his emotions intelligently so he can take a time-out without abandoning his partner.

    He Integrates His Dark Side

    What is emotionally repressed controls him. He includes his male wildness/ dark side constructively in ways that brings life energy and passion into the relationship. He expresses more range of feeling so there is room for love and for hate. He learns how to manage his vulnerability. He reconnects to feelings and opens his heart. In effect he chooses to be in relationship and comes from his core in his actions rather than acting in reaction to his mother.

    Conclusion

    It takes time and work to work on deep patterns. It’s a process rather than a quick fix. Relationship counselling provides a safe place to gain insights and explore what is going on in the relationship. It’s a powerful process of recognizing patterns learnt from the past, detoxifying resentments and gaining a new perspective on what the relationship is about. The felt experience of attending sessions and working things through in the sessions and between sessions leads to the couple feeling more connected to each other and better able to work things through together.

    I would like to acknowledge Nick Duffell and Helena Løvendal Sørensen at Creative Couplework for sharing some of the ideas expressed in this article. By

    Directly from the Bible – An unhealthy soul tie often develops when a young adult or older adult becomes solely dependent upon his or her parents.

    The problem is that many people are still bound by generational curses.  These are curses that have been passed down from one generational to the next.  The umbilical cord is still attached.  They are bound by their birth and early childhood experiences.  It is like that they are dragging a ball and chain around with them wherever they go.

    The umbilical card in this passage may also be a picture of unhealthy and ungodly soul ties.  Such ties are destructive to individuals.  These unhealthy attachments lead to anger, depression, and even at times to attempts of suicide or homicide

    ……Very few men with these issues ever get past them. It takes lots of courage and a willingness to dig really deep and become vulnerable. They must step out of their denial and most can’t achieve this. So to women who find themselves dealing with this disorder in a man, I say exit and learn about yourself as to why you were there in the first place. Then reconsider very carefully if you want to deal with a man with this kind of deep seated emotional disorder. If he is not willing to be committed to you  and to do the work needed, including being in counseling together, I say chances are, you will end up feeling like a door mat to his emotional dysfunction and inability to become a fully grown man. You will forever play the role of Momma and he will forever be a rebelling, escaping, run away, petulant boy. These men have no ability to love a woman because they are owned and controlled by their mother or her memory.  Always a son, never a man… a mother-controlled monster. They lack the self-confidence that most men develop in order to head a household, love their wife and exist on earth with a mostly positive  outlook. Their mother instilled insecurity in them, arrogance or both that conflict with their ability to become a whole integrated man.

    I once was in a relationship with a man, who had severe mother issues. I knew it when I first met him and I distanced myself from him for years. He had never been married. Then he re-entered my life, after his mother died, and I pondered, perhaps he had grown up.  He seemed different, ‘appeared’ like a grown, mature man, the first few months as he professed his undying love for me and we began planning a future. But he soon crumbled into the immature son of his mother. He will never be anything more. He drives his mother’s car and lives in her house in an isolated area.  He sits in a rocking chair looking at the view that his father created. He is assuming his mother’s life. His man facade crumbled  and he became like a negative, fearful, depressed, needy, pessimistic old woman. After telling me he will love me forever and was after me for years. He then tells me he will never marry and prefers being alone because he has had depression all his life, (signs of a chemical imbalance were strong.) He said he doesn’t like being around people for long and doesn’t think he could live with anyone. He is always the same and will never change. So he chooses to live alone in a house built by his mother and father, assuming their life as always  being a son,, never separating his identify and creating his own life.  Because of what occurred between his father, mother and him, along with other members in his family, he will be forever a son and never a man or husband. He will never know or experience the full love and life with a woman because he is too fearful to become a man and  he trashes every woman and relationship he has been in.

    I exited and what the final prompt was, when I wasn’t feeling well, and his comments to me were: “What’s your problem, you don’t have cancer.” ( his mother died of cancer) then he stated “You’re a grown woman and can take care of your own life.”   The clearest statement ever that he wanted no responsibility for a woman on  any level because he is a child and at the time was spending time working on his Momma’s house that he was now living in after her death. After I broke up with him and asked for the things I had left at his house. He left them at my front door with a note that said he didn’t want confrontation. Showing that he is a coward on top of it all. He doesn’t want to be held accountable for his actions and the harm that he does to others because of his immaturity and disorder.

    I am a strong woman and highly independent and that is why he attracted to me in the first place. But we all have needs and need extra caring at times… and this man could not be consistent in this area of relationship interaction. He became resentful to have to put another’s needs before his own infantile ones. And infantile is the perfect adjective for these men. Selfish, narcissistic and childlike are some of the traits of a Momma’s boy.

    I then began learning how I could have  been attracted to him or thought he might change.

    Now, I get it. He was a challenge, He could be kind, loving and sweet then would turn critical and  cold. And when he became cold and depressed, it ripped at my heart, so I tried to help him and be more attentive when actually his behavior repulsed me, as does his over connection to his mother and also his sister. He would become like a whiny toddler, negative, depressed, pouting, complaining and criticizing of me, even paranoid and full of fear about the world and everyone and everything in his life or things even not in his life. When I would observe him sitting on my sofa, all that was missing was a pacifier.

    Momma’s boys are internal and eternal children, will never be men with full emotional capacity and do not know how to fully love a woman… they only love Momma, she owns him.

    Being with this child/man triggered my insecurity that I must be perfect and strong to be loved that had been imprinted on me from my Dad’s high expectations. This Momma’s boy  is a narcissist and I am an empath… so I was falling into codependency. But I am a ‘Daddy’s girl’ and my Dad was a strong, capable provider and protector. This man didn’t have these traits and wasn’t going to develop them,  or couldn’t pretend that he had them for long. He is a whiny, depressed Momma’s boy and thinks trucks, manly toys, climbing some mountain make him a man or temporarily feel like one, when he has no ability to be a man with a woman and this ability is what defines manhood.

    So why was I attracted? He, at first ‘appeared’ manly and he is a large man (false appearance)… and when he fell into being a boy… it triggered my male side imprinted on me by my Dad to carry on and fix things… and that is not the main roll I want in a relationship. I want to be the woman, not the man. I am a feminine womanly/woman and while I am strong and capable, I need and want a man who is manly and takes that role with vigor and pride, that of provider and protector. A man with all his  male genes intact knows that he provides a place for his woman to feel safe and to glow, she can then bestow on him all her caring, joy, nurturing and love…  and he values her place in his life above all others. If a man doesn’t value what you are giving to him, exit ladies. He isn’t worth your time. Any other way and it really does not work… as this was the way God intended it to be.

    After breaking up with him, I went into counseling and healed myself. I had hoped this man and I could heal together, but he refused to go to counseling together.  I don’t want to always have to be the strong one  and my strength is what attracted him, so he could rarely handle any weakness in me.  while I had to continually handle his. In fact, he vomited his neediness, insecurity , depression and lack onto me daily at the end of our relationship and the weight of his disorder made me feel ill physically and emotionally ill.

    I don’t need to be perfect to be loved and being codependent ravages the soul. I don’t want to be some man/child’s mother. GAG!  Talk about a sexual turn off. I deserve a man who can handle my weak side, that I can lean on when needed and is my soft place to fall and is there for me, or I would rather be alone… so, ta da!..  I am out of this Mommy boy dance … and sadly but  gladly said, ba bye!I had begun to pity and feel sorry for this emotionally stunted boy/man and that destroys love, respect and, of course, sex.

    I was a Daddy’s girl and my Dad was strong and capable and that is the only kind of man I will be with. This was my first and last ‘mother-controlled monster’… while I have had other men in my life with their fatal flaws and issues, they were all men and not ‘momma’s boys’.

    A ‘mother controlled monster’ should not be mistaken for a man who has an emotionally healthy respect and love for his mother and she him. This kind of man knows how to treat women, wants, is even honored to be a provider and protector to and for the woman he loves and is consistent in these actions and behaviors. He wants the honor of having a wife, puts her first in his life and defers to her, instead of his mother, sisters or any other female in his family. An emotionally stable mother wants to create emotionally independent children and wants her son to have a wife and to experience the joys of relationship.

    “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. ”

    Genesis 2:24

In romantic relationship, is the closest you can get to the mother, father bond and it takes strength of emotions, and self integrity to walk through the healing and if your partner can’t do it then get out , heal and save yourself.

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