Category Archives: Self-help

Don’t We All?…

 I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum.

From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous, but there are other times when you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those, “I don’t want to be bothered times.”

“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought. He didn’t. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop, but he didn’t look like he had enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke.

“That’s a very pretty car,” he said. He was unkempt, but he had an air of dignity about him. His blond beard kept more than just his face warm.

I said, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, “Ask him if he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “yes”, but I held true to the inner voice.

“Do you need any help?” I asked.

He answered in three simple, but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.

“Don’t we all?” he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun.

Don’t we all?

I needed help. Maybe, not for bus fare, or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day.

Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help, too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money, or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that.

You never know when you may see someone who appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that perhaps only you can help them see.

Maybe, the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe, he was more than that. Maybe, he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in himself.

Maybe, God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said,

“Go minister to that man cleaning the car; that man needs help.”

Don’t we all?

~ The author is Nathaniel Bronner, Jr., who has a daily inspiration “Wings Over The Mountains of Life. ” His website is well worth the visit and is located by clicking…


Is communication by machine hampering, blocking and detracting from real sincere human communication?

Are email and text messaging hampering face to face look into the eyes real honest communication?

I think that it is! Not think! I know that it is!

There were studies done, years ago, that revealed that people who used a computer in their work were more likely to objectify human beings. There were also studies done showing that sexual predators, many times, are isolated in their work and in their work use a computer.

I can’t stand to be asked on a date, or lunch with a friend by email or text. I think email and texting can be useful, if used as an additional tool for communication, but when someone uses it, when it would be just as easy to pick up the phone, it appears as an avoidance and a lazy way to communicate. It’s detached communication, a step removed from the voice, and two steps removed from in person.

I like to hear a voice, I like to see a face. I like eyes… intimacy… touching and real in person communication.

Behind a computer, a person can pretend to be anyone. I don’t know how many married men approach me over the internet. These people are weak and insignificant in their essences. They are frauds hiding behind a machine. Trying to make a human connection through a machine, dependant on a machine, hiding behind a machine and lying through a machine.

If you don’t have to reveal yourself, but you can just type out a persona and words that are meaningless, do you diminish, perhaps, even lose the ability to really communicate from your heart and in person?

Communication has always been key to any and all human relations….and is the cause for so much misunderstanding, hurt and break-ups. So now, that so many are focusing using communication by machine, it’s taking real communication to a new low.

Sure, you can communicate faster and with more people, but how about the quality? How meaningful is a text? And do you think that you can really know, or get to know someone communicating by email and by texting? Well, you can’t and you don’t…

We are detaching from the fullness of who we are and from each other. Some may like that as they hide who they really are and their intentions. 

A man can text one woman while having dinner with another… and tell her it’s business…while he’s making or canceling a date…

I like real in person communication…

I have noticed too many times, couples in restaurants, where both are on their  ‘communication’ contraptions and missing, or avoiding the opportunity for real in person communication. 

Perhaps, in the future, classes will be needed concerning how to communicate and interact in person. We needed that as a society even before communication by machine took over…

Communication is difficult as it is… why add a machine into the mix…?

It takes courage to communicate face to face, eye to eye, person to person. In person, the whole of you is revealed, your facial expressions, your voice tone, your eyes, whether you make eye contact, or not, your vulnerabilities, even if you are really capable of full communication….In person, it’s yourself, YOU, in all of your dimensions.

All this hiding behind this machine driven communication is diminishing real communication and who we are as a people.

My suggestion, use it as a tool, but don’t count on it to do most of your communication (especially personal) and never rely on it and certainly not to make dates especially in the beginning of a courtship. Doing so, might be cutting you off from yourself, and others, even while you ‘think’ that you are communicating more.

Put down your cellphone while eating with friends and family. Put down your cell while driving, turn off your cell while in the movie threatre. And on dates, turn off your phone, or don’t even take it, unless, you are a surgeon and you just preformed surgery and need to keep tabs on your patient.

Be where you are and with the person and people you are with, instead of being distracted, and connecting to others who aren’t there in person.

Observing people in the grocery store, walking across parking lots, and while they are driving, etc. talking on the phone… well, to me, they look like idiots… not actually present, but attached to some machine. It doesn’t make them appear ‘busy’ or ‘popular’.. it makes them appear unorganized, detracted, distracted and pathetic. So desperate to communicate and connect… but are they really? Are they really even capable?

Human interaction and communication in person is fulfulling for a healthy individual. Real human interaction enables a person to be autonomous and to enjoy solitude at times, without the need to be plugged in all the time…

Get what I am communicating here?

Voices and in person are the only way to fully communicate…  
Look me in the eyes and talk with me…

Insecurity! Our individual blight that spills onto others…

Looking honestly and sincerely at yourself… can be a difficult thing to do.

It takes a secure person to admit what they are insecure about in themselves… but when you are able to recognize, accept and work on your personal insecurities, you will live a more actualized, self-contained, emotionally healthy life with less harm done to those around you. 

How does one become more secure in self? I believe that it comes from self-reflection and evaluation. Examining situations and how you interact and react with others and taking the time to look at both sides, not just how you ‘think’ that it is, or how you ‘think’ that someone is, but to see things from both sides, even all sides. When you feel a certain way, examine whylook into yourself to see if what you feel is real, imagined, or a distortion. 

Example: If you are jealous, but can’t, won’t, or don’t see that in yourself, how can you release it? You can’t! You need to be able to recognize what you are feeling and why you have the emotional reactions that you do, in order to grow, shift and change out of it.

To be able to identify what you are insecure about is key. I bet most don’t give it a thought. They just go through life reacting, blaming and projecting onto others…

So, what are your insecurities? Can you identify them? Some insecurities are deep and painful, while others are right on the surface and fairly easy to see then some we aren’t even aware of.

At times, I feel insecure about my appearance. I feel insecure that perhaps, I am not doing as much as I should be…  Why am I here? What is my life for? When I was younger, I might’ve felt insecure, if I didn’t feel like I was wearing a ‘cool’ outfit or if I ‘felt’ overweight…I think that I have behaved in varying levels throughout the years in some of the behaviors in..The Insecure Woman

And we also have The Insecure Man

But now, I am mostly just insecure concerning my direction on the planet. Am I doing what I was placed on this planet to do? Am I fullfilling my highest destiny?

If and when you are feeling insecure and lacking… volunteer to help in your community in some form (not just to get your photo in the paper, or so that you can brag about what you are doing) because when you think about others and put others first, often times, you can step out of yourself. Then when you come back to self, you might be able to see yourself more clearly. Also, accomplishments of worthwhile things, over-coming and striving, in competition with yourself and challenging yourself, builds confidence and helps a person to fill up their insecurity holes…

Be competitive with yourself not others… set your personal goals and strive to achieve them.

The more that you recognize and fill up your insecurities, the less that you will have the need to lash out, respond with insecurity, turn to addictions, or project your insecurities onto others. You will be at peace and honest in yourself and that is good for everyone concerned…

I think that the older you get, if you have been self-evaluating along the way, you come to a point where you know who you are and can more easily identify your weaknesses and blind spots… What do you think? 

What are your insecurities? Are you brave and secure enough to recognize them and to share?

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Just because someone is talking…

doesn’t mean what they are saying is true…

Just because you read something that someone writes, it doesn’t mean that it is true..

Learn to discern!

Discern : to detect with senses

If someone tells you something, observe their actions and how they live, to see ‘if’ they match their words..

If you read something, before you believe it, sometimes, it’s important to take the time to research it for yourself.

Anyone can talk and write anything…

Agree or not????

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When others talk…

do you really listen? Do you really hear what someone is really saying? Or do you hear mostly, or only what you want to hear?

If you REALLY listen, you have a chance to really comprehend what they really mean along with their intent. Really listen and you have more of a chance to discern lying and ill intent. Cons are counting on you not really hearing them. That’s why they talk fast, circle talk and repeat certain words. They are trying to manipulate with words and take over your thought processes. That way they can sweep in and have you signed on the dotted line, vote for them, buy their products, or let them into your life so they can manipulate you further…
Really listen and you can hear behind the words.

And if you are in the service industry, really listen and you will be able to preform your job more proficiently.

Try getting out of the chatter in your head, forget ‘your agenda’ and while someone is talking listen to theirs. When others are talking really hear what they are saying. Listening and comprehending are skills and they can be learned and refined.

Stop and really listen to people when they are talking. You will learn more about them and also more about yourself.

When has not listening messed you up? And when has really hearing what is being said saved you from heartbreak or trouble?

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Have you ever tried to fit in where…

you knew that you didn’t belong? But you wanted to be a part of some group. And because they seemed to not like you, or they ignored you, it made you want to fit in even more…

Like when I was in highschool, I was not in the ‘popular’ group. I was on the fringe of it. I was a ballet dancer and into health and fitness. I was unsual in the day.

I didn’t smoke, go ‘all the way’, or drink and certainly didn’t do drugs. So, I didn’t fit in with the fast and popular crowd.  At that age, I thought that there must be something ‘wrong’ with me because I didn’t seem to fit in. And I had enough confidence and security in myself to not succumb to pressure ‘just to be popular’ or to ‘fit in’.

Except, I do recall, in highschool, going into the girl’s bathroom at noon and sitting on the floor to give smoking a chance, in order to ‘try’ and ‘fit in’ and be ‘cool’… Sitting there with the ‘cool’ girls, I coughed, got smoke in my hair, and clothes and I hated it…. So, I got up, left and never touched a cigarette again. I found and find it disgusting! Nothing about it was cool! I listened to myself, what I was feeling, and kicked to the curb the need to go against myself to be ‘cool’.

I was lucky to not fit in..

When I look back at who was ‘popular’ and where they are now and what they look like now… YIKES!  And some are still in the same seemingly lame group. I certainly don’t ‘fit in’ with them now… Thank Goodness!!!

My friends and groups have changed and shifted as I’ve changed and grown throughout my life. Fortunate for me….very!

There are always times during your life, when you won’t fit in, and think that you don’t fit in and it may, at the time, hurt your feelings…

But when I look back over my life, those places that I didn’t fit, at the time, as it played out, I didn’t belong because they really weren’t up to my standards. Anywhere, I didn’t fit, I didn’t belong…and I was fortunate to not fit there… Even at times, when I was included in something that I thought I wanted, after being there, I realized I didn’t want it after all. It was either boring, catty, lowly and not up to the standards that I hold for myself. And I hold myself to high standards because I know that I am special to me.

This goes with men also. Throughout my life,  I might’ve liked someone and he didn’t return the feelings. Or I enjoyed a date and he never called. So, at the time, I felt hurt and rejected, but as life played out… I usually discovered, WHEW! lucky for me that it didn’t workout with a certain man.

Even after serious relationships broke up or even marriages… seeing them again or hearing what they’d become.. I was so lucky not to be with them any longer…. sooo fortunate…

Many times, not fitting in is a blessing in disguise. Being an individual and sticking to your standards and where you want to go in your life is much more important than fitting in or staying in something that you will grow past, if you are fortunate in your awareness to keep growing…

What have been your experiences with not ‘fitting in’?

What do you do under extreme stress?

Do you cry?

Do you rage?
Do you scream? 

Do you laugh?
Do you freeze up?
Do you faint?
Do you sleep all the time?

Do you stay awake? Do you pace the floor?

Overeating : An overweight man enjoying a plate of spaghetti.  Shot with fish-eye lens.  Focus is on the face.Do you eat too much?

Do you lose your appetite?

Do you drink too much?Exercising : Young woman dancer. On wall background.
Do you exercise?

Do you meditate?

We all do different things when stressed to the max… what do you do?

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Instinct …

…. an
inborn pattern of activity or tendency to action common to a given biological species – 
a natural or innate impulse, inclination, or tendency – a natural aptitude or gift: such as 
an instinct for making money –  natural intuitive power

Our innate instincts create our feelings about things including people. We are all born with innate instincts and when we listen to them they will usually serve us well. Because they are ours and are usually looking out for our well-being.They are our connection to the divine source.

Our instincts lead to feelings and then onto emotions and these things will guide our lives to either good or bad choices.

When you are honestly connected to self and your divine inner guidance, your instincts will usually be on target. If you live in denial, delusions, stress,fear, lies, or are addicted to substances that distort perceptions of self and others, your instincts can get tainted even shut down.

Cons, manipulators, those that want you addicted, that wish to influence, that wish to control you, want you separated from your innate instincts and will try to distract you from yourself. They want you to be cut off from your divine inner knowing. They want you to believe and to think that ‘they’ know better than you do about what is good for you, your life, and what you should or shouldn’t be doing. This can be a love interest, a friend, a group (news media), a government, or a church.

Have you ever had someone tell you that they know you better than you know yourself? Well, that person is trying to cut you off from your instincts. This is a person to be leery of and to watch with suspicion.

We have a human instinct to be free and those that wish to control and oppress will try to curtail your human instinct to be free. They will try to make you ‘believe’ and to ‘think’ that you need them and again that can be a love interest, a friend, a group (news media) or a government.

Your instincts can alert you when someone ‘pretending’ to be good but is really bad. Your instincts can lead you to turn one direction instead of another, and by so doing, you may miss having an accident, or you may meet someone special.

Do you listen to your instincts? Are you aware when they are shouting at you? Are you aware when they are whispering?

Most people will say after some bad situation.”If I had only listened to my instincts.”

Always, but most especially, in our world today, it will serve us well to listen to our instincts. Instead of the noise around us, listen to your inner knowing… not the news, not the government, not the leaders, not the politicians, nor the Hollywood dribble, or marketing and advertising promotions and scams, or anything else. Oh, it’s important to be aware of all these things, but for decisions  and choices in your life listen to your instincts.

Step out of your busy lives and come into your quiet calm knowing and give yourself time to reflect… when you do, you will find peace, answers, and your instincts will be more easily revealed and heard. 

When you eat healthfully, sleep deeply and enough, get physical exercise, relax, and have enjoyment is when your instincts will be sharper.

How do you know when your instincts are talking to you? What are the signs? With me, I actually feel it in my gut. I can be somewhere in some environment, or meet someone,  hear someone talk, and if I become uncomfortable because the person isn’t good for me, I feel it instinctively in my gut.

How do your instincts speak to you? And when they do, are you confident enough in yourself to listen? Or do you defer to those trying to separate you from yourself and your innate instincts? Think about this one hard…

What could ever be more important to you than your own instinct?

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The Insecure Woman….

    by Ann
… is not good for her friends, her husband, her children, or herself… and I am not
talking about that occasional insecurity that we all feel at certain times.

I am talking about the blatantly insecure woman. She comes in many forms, but some of the ways to spot her are… her lack of insight towards self and others. Her insecurity makes most everything all about her… either she is a victim, or she is the one victimizing…
But  no matter what occurs, she will view herself as a victim most all the time.

Her insecurity makes her emotions unstable…ups and downs are the norm, but she will probably deny it if you confront her about it. Deny, deny is part of her game.
She is quick to anger and holds grudges. And she may be bossy in her attempt to cover-up her insecurity.

Because she is jealous of her friends, she is catty, many times sarcastic, gossips and is usually talking behind others’ backs. She doesn’t have the confidence or security to say it to the person’s face. So she back bites, while she might be smiling innocently and sweetly when she is around the people that she is scandalizing.

She is usually the one complaining about others. That ‘they’ didn’t notice ‘her’. That she is not being treated correctly. That they are ‘mean’ and she is sooo nice. Well, she isn’t nice… she is an insecure disease. 

It’s usually someone else’s fault, instead of hers, when things fall apart, or go wrong. Blaming others is one of her activities. 

She doesn’t enjoy being alone. So, she may wrap herself in a group of less accomplished, or less attractive friends, whom she arranges just so, so that she recieves their praise. Her friends feel lacking in the friendship, but don’t quite comprehend why.  They may even be tied together by their ‘in common’ insecurity.

Insecure women don’t like secure women. And will try to bring the secure woman down to their level. If they can’t, they will try to alienate or attack her her in some manner. The attack will be covert because these women can’t do things overtly. Many times, an insecure woman is sneaky, plotting and planning in her mind and actions about how to make sure she ‘gets’ others, or to make certain that she is continually ‘praised’ in some manner or form.

The insecure woman either blames her life on her children, hides behind them, or promotes and pushes them to live out the dreams that she is, or was too insecure to pursue herself.  Or she may sabatoge them out of her innate insecurity. She does similar things with her husband. She is proud of him, but doesn’t like his success or happiness, while at the same time, she will brag about his accomplishments as if they were her own. She must identify with someone and live through them or she feels even more insecure.

She may stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship way too long because she is too insecure to get out of it and make it on her own.

She is the one that is glued to shows like the ‘reality housewives’. She may even find her complete identity in public personas. She dreams of being a sought after ‘star’ herself.

Husbands and children feel lacking, but don’t understand exactly why? They also feel stressed and drained because the insecure woman sucks their energy without them even being aware.

She can’t take constructive criticism. She looks at it as insulting. She is too insecure to work on herself. She can’t see who she is because she is too insecure in herself to see herself. She needs to feel ‘right’, on top of things, and will rarely admit that she is wrong.

She doesn’t give compliments easily, but she must have them for herself. She isn’t truly generous or caring, unless she can brag about it to others.

She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. She runs from confrontation. (drives off in her pink Barbie car)

Many times, she uses her sexuality for attention and to ‘get’ men. Her over focus on sexuality is a cover-up for her feelings of unworthiness. She may be addicted to liguor, the must have a glass of wine while cooking. Concerning working out, she must be thin and trim or she gets depressed. She is obsessive about her appearance, her weight and clothing and little is done for fun, while she is always looking to have fun!

She must stay distracted from herself. Given too long to think and she will become depressed and may turn to alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex to lift herself up.
She may at times, even act arrogantly or boastful, as this is part of her cover. But she isn’t secure enough to talk and to confront to resolve any conflict.

She is easily offended, overly sensitive and fragile. She takes things incorrectly as to intent and misunderstands conversation and intentions. (think Camille Grammer on the Beverly Hills Housewives. I watched that show in total about 30 minutes and Camille’s behavior was obviously that of blatant insecurity.) 

If you remark to her, “Don’t be insecure?” She will anger up and slam back, “I am not insecure!” She might even say… “It’s you who’s insecure, not me!”
Projection is her best friend because she can’t and won’t look at herself honestly.
You see, an insecure person needs to think of themselves as secure. And this is one key sign of deep insecurity.

She may be beautiful, accomplished and appear to have it all, but something innately deep inside herself makes her feel insecure. She lives a distortion.

A secure person can admit when they feel insecure and will usually readily cop to it and examine it when called out, because they are secure enough to see self clearly in most aspects. Nothing is wrong with feeling insecure at times, we all do… it is part of being human.

And when you have two insecure people in a marriage… oh my gosh! The Insecure Man

Do you have insecure people and friends in your life and how does this affect you and manifest in your relationship with them?

Signs that you are dating a sociopath…

by Donna Andersen

We all want to be loved, don’t we?

Well, no. There are people in the world who don’t care about love. They don’t even know what love is. But they do care about power, control and sex.

These people are called sociopaths. The media would have us believe that a sociopath is a deranged serial killer. This isn’t true. Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing, and most of them never kill anyone. But they are social predators, who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

To meet them, however, you’d never know it. They’re fun. Charming. The life of the party. They sweep us off our feet. They specialize in the whirlwind romance. Unfortunately, sooner or later, the whirlwind turns on us.

You’d think that by a certain age, we’ve already seen everything and met every type of person. But it’s possible that we’ve never before been targeted by a sociopath. If we find ourselves widowed or divorced after a long marriage, however, it could happen. All of a sudden, after many years as half of a couple, we’re on our own—perhaps with a home, a business, an inheritance, and a big, fat retirement account.

We are ripe to be plucked. And believe me, because of my website,, ( ) I’ve heard some truly heartbreaking stories of newly single women who have given all their assets to beaus who appeared out of nowhere. I’ve been contacted by the adult children of these women, who are positive that the guy is a con artist, but Mom is in love and won’t listen.

We’re especially vulnerable if we’ve had a good marriage. We naturally assume that the next man we meet will be as considerate and reliable as our husband was. It could be a very dangerous assumption.

If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He might be a sociopath with a hidden agenda—taking you for all you’re worth.

1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.

2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.

3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.

4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.

5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.

6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.

7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.

9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.

Donna Andersen is the author of Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. ( ) She is also the author of, a website that teaches people how to recognize and recover from sociopaths. (