Category Archives: Self-help

When others talk…


do you really listen? Do you really hear what someone is really saying? Or do you hear mostly, or only what you want to hear?

If you REALLY listen, you have a chance to really comprehend what they really mean along with their intent. Really listen and you have more of a chance to discern lying and ill intent. Cons are counting on you not really hearing them. That’s why they talk fast, circle talk and repeat certain words. They are trying to manipulate with words and take over your thought processes. That way they can sweep in and have you signed on the dotted line, vote for them, buy their products, or let them into your life so they can manipulate you further…
 
Really listen and you can hear behind the words.

And if you are in the service industry, really listen and you will be able to preform your job more proficiently.

Try getting out of the chatter in your head, forget ‘your agenda’ and while someone is talking listen to theirs. When others are talking really hear what they are saying. Listening and comprehending are skills and they can be learned and refined.

Stop and really listen to people when they are talking. You will learn more about them and also more about yourself.

When has not listening messed you up? And when has really hearing what is being said saved you from heartbreak or trouble?

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Have you ever tried to fit in where…

you knew that you didn’t belong? But you wanted to be a part of some group. And because they seemed to not like you, or they ignored you, it made you want to fit in even more…

Like when I was in highschool, I was not in the ‘popular’ group. I was on the fringe of it. I was a ballet dancer and into health and fitness. I was unsual in the day.

I didn’t smoke, go ‘all the way’, or drink and certainly didn’t do drugs. So, I didn’t fit in with the fast and popular crowd.  At that age, I thought that there must be something ‘wrong’ with me because I didn’t seem to fit in. And I had enough confidence and security in myself to not succumb to pressure ‘just to be popular’ or to ‘fit in’.

Except, I do recall, in highschool, going into the girl’s bathroom at noon and sitting on the floor to give smoking a chance, in order to ‘try’ and ‘fit in’ and be ‘cool’… Sitting there with the ‘cool’ girls, I coughed, got smoke in my hair, and clothes and I hated it…. So, I got up, left and never touched a cigarette again. I found and find it disgusting! Nothing about it was cool! I listened to myself, what I was feeling, and kicked to the curb the need to go against myself to be ‘cool’.

I was lucky to not fit in..

When I look back at who was ‘popular’ and where they are now and what they look like now… YIKES!  And some are still in the same seemingly lame group. I certainly don’t ‘fit in’ with them now… Thank Goodness!!!

My friends and groups have changed and shifted as I’ve changed and grown throughout my life. Fortunate for me….very!

There are always times during your life, when you won’t fit in, and think that you don’t fit in and it may, at the time, hurt your feelings…

But when I look back over my life, those places that I didn’t fit, at the time, as it played out, I didn’t belong because they really weren’t up to my standards. Anywhere, I didn’t fit, I didn’t belong…and I was fortunate to not fit there… Even at times, when I was included in something that I thought I wanted, after being there, I realized I didn’t want it after all. It was either boring, catty, lowly and not up to the standards that I hold for myself. And I hold myself to high standards because I know that I am special to me.

This goes with men also. Throughout my life,  I might’ve liked someone and he didn’t return the feelings. Or I enjoyed a date and he never called. So, at the time, I felt hurt and rejected, but as life played out… I usually discovered, WHEW! lucky for me that it didn’t workout with a certain man.

Even after serious relationships broke up or even marriages… seeing them again or hearing what they’d become.. I was so lucky not to be with them any longer…. sooo fortunate…

Many times, not fitting in is a blessing in disguise. Being an individual and sticking to your standards and where you want to go in your life is much more important than fitting in or staying in something that you will grow past, if you are fortunate in your awareness to keep growing…

What have been your experiences with not ‘fitting in’?

What do you do under extreme stress?

 
Do you cry?

 
Do you rage?
Do you scream? 

Do you laugh?
 
Do you freeze up?
 
Do you faint?
 
Do you sleep all the time?

Do you stay awake? Do you pace the floor?

Overeating : An overweight man enjoying a plate of spaghetti.  Shot with fish-eye lens.  Focus is on the face.Do you eat too much?

Do you lose your appetite?

Do you drink too much?Exercising : Young woman dancer. On wall background.
Do you exercise?

Do you meditate?

We all do different things when stressed to the max… what do you do?

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Instinct …

 
…. an
inborn pattern of activity or tendency to action common to a given biological species – 
a natural or innate impulse, inclination, or tendency – a natural aptitude or gift: such as 
an instinct for making money –  natural intuitive power

Our innate instincts create our feelings about things including people. We are all born with innate instincts and when we listen to them they will usually serve us well. Because they are ours and are usually looking out for our well-being.They are our connection to the divine source.

Our instincts lead to feelings and then onto emotions and these things will guide our lives to either good or bad choices.

When you are honestly connected to self and your divine inner guidance, your instincts will usually be on target. If you live in denial, delusions, stress,fear, lies, or are addicted to substances that distort perceptions of self and others, your instincts can get tainted even shut down.

Cons, manipulators, those that want you addicted, that wish to influence, that wish to control you, want you separated from your innate instincts and will try to distract you from yourself. They want you to be cut off from your divine inner knowing. They want you to believe and to think that ‘they’ know better than you do about what is good for you, your life, and what you should or shouldn’t be doing. This can be a love interest, a friend, a group (news media), a government, or a church.

Have you ever had someone tell you that they know you better than you know yourself? Well, that person is trying to cut you off from your instincts. This is a person to be leery of and to watch with suspicion.

We have a human instinct to be free and those that wish to control and oppress will try to curtail your human instinct to be free. They will try to make you ‘believe’ and to ‘think’ that you need them and again that can be a love interest, a friend, a group (news media) or a government.

Your instincts can alert you when someone ‘pretending’ to be good but is really bad. Your instincts can lead you to turn one direction instead of another, and by so doing, you may miss having an accident, or you may meet someone special.

Do you listen to your instincts? Are you aware when they are shouting at you? Are you aware when they are whispering?

Most people will say after some bad situation.”If I had only listened to my instincts.”

Always, but most especially, in our world today, it will serve us well to listen to our instincts. Instead of the noise around us, listen to your inner knowing… not the news, not the government, not the leaders, not the politicians, nor the Hollywood dribble, or marketing and advertising promotions and scams, or anything else. Oh, it’s important to be aware of all these things, but for decisions  and choices in your life listen to your instincts.

Step out of your busy lives and come into your quiet calm knowing and give yourself time to reflect… when you do, you will find peace, answers, and your instincts will be more easily revealed and heard. 

When you eat healthfully, sleep deeply and enough, get physical exercise, relax, and have enjoyment is when your instincts will be sharper.

How do you know when your instincts are talking to you? What are the signs? With me, I actually feel it in my gut. I can be somewhere in some environment, or meet someone,  hear someone talk, and if I become uncomfortable because the person isn’t good for me, I feel it instinctively in my gut.

How do your instincts speak to you? And when they do, are you confident enough in yourself to listen? Or do you defer to those trying to separate you from yourself and your innate instincts? Think about this one hard…

What could ever be more important to you than your own instinct?

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The Insecure Woman….

    by Ann
          
… is not good for her friends, her husband, her children, or herself… and I am not
talking about that occasional insecurity that we all feel at certain times.

I am talking about the blatantly insecure woman. She comes in many forms, but some of the ways to spot her are… her lack of insight towards self and others. Her insecurity makes most everything all about her… either she is a victim, or she is the one victimizing…
But  no matter what occurs, she will view herself as a victim most all the time.

Her insecurity makes her emotions unstable…ups and downs are the norm, but she will probably deny it if you confront her about it. Deny, deny is part of her game.
She is quick to anger and holds grudges. And she may be bossy in her attempt to cover-up her insecurity.

Because she is jealous of her friends, she is catty, many times sarcastic, gossips and is usually talking behind others’ backs. She doesn’t have the confidence or security to say it to the person’s face. So she back bites, while she might be smiling innocently and sweetly when she is around the people that she is scandalizing.

She is usually the one complaining about others. That ‘they’ didn’t notice ‘her’. That she is not being treated correctly. That they are ‘mean’ and she is sooo nice. Well, she isn’t nice… she is an insecure disease. 

It’s usually someone else’s fault, instead of hers, when things fall apart, or go wrong. Blaming others is one of her activities. 

She doesn’t enjoy being alone. So, she may wrap herself in a group of less accomplished, or less attractive friends, whom she arranges just so, so that she recieves their praise. Her friends feel lacking in the friendship, but don’t quite comprehend why.  They may even be tied together by their ‘in common’ insecurity.

Insecure women don’t like secure women. And will try to bring the secure woman down to their level. If they can’t, they will try to alienate or attack her her in some manner. The attack will be covert because these women can’t do things overtly. Many times, an insecure woman is sneaky, plotting and planning in her mind and actions about how to make sure she ‘gets’ others, or to make certain that she is continually ‘praised’ in some manner or form.

The insecure woman either blames her life on her children, hides behind them, or promotes and pushes them to live out the dreams that she is, or was too insecure to pursue herself.  Or she may sabatoge them out of her innate insecurity. She does similar things with her husband. She is proud of him, but doesn’t like his success or happiness, while at the same time, she will brag about his accomplishments as if they were her own. She must identify with someone and live through them or she feels even more insecure.

She may stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship way too long because she is too insecure to get out of it and make it on her own.

She is the one that is glued to shows like the ‘reality housewives’. She may even find her complete identity in public personas. She dreams of being a sought after ‘star’ herself.

Husbands and children feel lacking, but don’t understand exactly why? They also feel stressed and drained because the insecure woman sucks their energy without them even being aware.

She can’t take constructive criticism. She looks at it as insulting. She is too insecure to work on herself. She can’t see who she is because she is too insecure in herself to see herself. She needs to feel ‘right’, on top of things, and will rarely admit that she is wrong.

She doesn’t give compliments easily, but she must have them for herself. She isn’t truly generous or caring, unless she can brag about it to others.

She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. She runs from confrontation. (drives off in her pink Barbie car)

Many times, she uses her sexuality for attention and to ‘get’ men. Her over focus on sexuality is a cover-up for her feelings of unworthiness. She may be addicted to liguor, the must have a glass of wine while cooking. Concerning working out, she must be thin and trim or she gets depressed. She is obsessive about her appearance, her weight and clothing and little is done for fun, while she is always looking to have fun!

She must stay distracted from herself. Given too long to think and she will become depressed and may turn to alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex to lift herself up.
 
She may at times, even act arrogantly or boastful, as this is part of her cover. But she isn’t secure enough to talk and to confront to resolve any conflict.

She is easily offended, overly sensitive and fragile. She takes things incorrectly as to intent and misunderstands conversation and intentions. (think Camille Grammer on the Beverly Hills Housewives. I watched that show in total about 30 minutes and Camille’s behavior was obviously that of blatant insecurity.) 

If you remark to her, “Don’t be insecure?” She will anger up and slam back, “I am not insecure!” She might even say… “It’s you who’s insecure, not me!”
Projection is her best friend because she can’t and won’t look at herself honestly.
  
You see, an insecure person needs to think of themselves as secure. And this is one key sign of deep insecurity.

She may be beautiful, accomplished and appear to have it all, but something innately deep inside herself makes her feel insecure. She lives a distortion.

A secure person can admit when they feel insecure and will usually readily cop to it and examine it when called out, because they are secure enough to see self clearly in most aspects. Nothing is wrong with feeling insecure at times, we all do… it is part of being human.

And when you have two insecure people in a marriage… oh my gosh! The Insecure Man


Do you have insecure people and friends in your life and how does this affect you and manifest in your relationship with them?

Signs that you are dating a sociopath…

by Donna Andersen

We all want to be loved, don’t we?

Well, no. There are people in the world who don’t care about love. They don’t even know what love is. But they do care about power, control and sex.

These people are called sociopaths. The media would have us believe that a sociopath is a deranged serial killer. This isn’t true. Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing, and most of them never kill anyone. But they are social predators, who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

To meet them, however, you’d never know it. They’re fun. Charming. The life of the party. They sweep us off our feet. They specialize in the whirlwind romance. Unfortunately, sooner or later, the whirlwind turns on us.

You’d think that by a certain age, we’ve already seen everything and met every type of person. But it’s possible that we’ve never before been targeted by a sociopath. If we find ourselves widowed or divorced after a long marriage, however, it could happen. All of a sudden, after many years as half of a couple, we’re on our own—perhaps with a home, a business, an inheritance, and a big, fat retirement account.

We are ripe to be plucked. And believe me, because of my website, Lovefraud.com, (http://www.lovefraud.com/ ) I’ve heard some truly heartbreaking stories of newly single women who have given all their assets to beaus who appeared out of nowhere. I’ve been contacted by the adult children of these women, who are positive that the guy is a con artist, but Mom is in love and won’t listen.

We’re especially vulnerable if we’ve had a good marriage. We naturally assume that the next man we meet will be as considerate and reliable as our husband was. It could be a very dangerous assumption.

If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He might be a sociopath with a hidden agenda—taking you for all you’re worth.

1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.

2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.

3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.

4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.

5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.

6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.

7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.

9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.

Donna Andersen is the author of Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. (http://lovefraud.com/book/index.php/b/ ) She is also the author of Lovefraud.com, a website that teaches people how to recognize and recover from sociopaths. (http://www.lovefraud.com/)

What makes an opinion worth something?

What makes yours or anyone’s opinion worth something if anything? Is it experience, character, conviction, or just media creation?

Why do you listen to people and to whom do you listen to and why?

Think about this… what makes Oprah’s opinion worth something, if anything? She went to Rev. Wright’s church of hate America, yet she makes millions off the American public… isn’t that a bit suspicious??  She gives away products to promote companies, yet takes most of the credit herself. Isn’t that a bit suspicious? So, who in their ‘right’ mind would listen to her agenda-filled opinion??? 

What makes the loud, sickening women ( I guess you can tell my opinion about this show) on ‘The View’s’ opinions worth listening to? What makes Jesse Jackson’s opinion worth anything? How about Howard Stern, Barbara Walter’s, Bill Clinton, Ashton Kutcher, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly or anyone else’s. Why listen to any of them? Why do you listen to them?  Is it worth anything really? How do you decide?

Why is some movie star worth listening to concerning anything? Just because someone can sing, and you enjoy their music, is their opinion worth anything to you? If someone can act, does that make them have worthwhile opinions and if so, why?

Why do you listen to some ‘politician’s’ opinion? Is it how he lives his life, his character, or is it just that he knows how to make you listen to his opinion by his delivery learned by Hollywood guidance and practice at persuasion. Is it just the media hype?  Is that why you listen? Is it because their opinion is rammed down your throat continually on TV or radio?

Obama has stated repeatedly, “Repeat it often enough and they will get it.”
He is a ‘community organizer’ and that’s what they do, ‘persuade for agenda’.

Obama’s spiritual advisor for 23 years was the hate America, Rev. Wright. Gadhafi is tied to Rev. Wright. So who exactly is this man leading America and whose opinions are making decisions for our country?

Why would someone like Obama be someone that anyone would listen to, especially in America?

What makes some network’s opinion worth listening to? What makes some radio show’s opinion worth listening to?

What is your opinion worth? What is anyone’s opinion worth?
We all have opinions, but what in your opinion makes some worth listening to and other’s not?

Why do we have all these opinions flying around the airwaves?

Might I suggest that you look at where and from whom the opinion is coming from and be discerning about whom you listen to and why…

It’s my opinion that character, experience and agenda count. If I catch someone in a lie, their opinion becomes worthless. Obama’s continual blatant and obvious lies make him and his opinion worthless. It’s actually humourous watching him, were he not so dangerous. The way that Obama lies and circle talks makes his opinion worth nothing.

Clinton is a blatant liar, also. He was caught red-handed and this con lies right in America’s face. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” And besides, he’s a whoremonger and lies to his wife. So, how could his opinion ever matter? You think he’s not lying to you to get you to follow his agenda?

Listen to my opinion or not. It’s up to you. Your own opinion should be the most important. 

Whose opinion is worth something to you and why? Ever really thought about it?

The essence of a con…

by Ann

Men and women who seduce and con successfully know that they must disrupt your sense of stability, and so they try to make you starstruck with something about themselves concerning what they have to offer. Your insecurity allows them to move in according to their plan.

They see your holes, and they strive to make you ‘think’ that they can fill them.

Sooo.. the key to avoiding the seduction of a con is to know yourself and to listen to your instincts. Know your weaknesses, know what, and where your holes are.

Now, we have all been harmed, hurt, and betrayed on some level in our lives. It’s just part of the human experience and we all have holes… in varying degrees. It’s a life long journey to close our soul’s holes and along the way are many ups and downs.. and some of our worst experiences can be the ones that enable us to heal the most, in order, that we can become more whole.

Allow hurts to heal you, and make you aware of who you are, and if you can be honest deep into your very soul to the essense of what makes up ‘you’…so, you will be able to see how the seduction of the con lured you in.

Examine who you are in the situation and try to be brutally honest with yourself. Sure, you may have been conned, but look to see why they picked you, why you were susceptible, and how it all happened.

It seems that there are more and more cons these days and more varying ways to con going on in our world.

Listen to your gut instincts…Know thyself and to thine own self be true. Integrity, honesty, truth and respect are what any real human interaction is based on and any relationship must have, in order, to endure and most certainly a relationship that includes love. Be aware of this always…

But integrity, honesty, truth and respect begin with self. When you feel and apply these things to yourself, you will be more able to realize when someone isn’t treating you in this manner. And you will either move away from the person, or situation, or communicate your thoughts and feelings. And when you do communicate, if you feel unsatisfied with the interaction… honor how you feel.  HONOR YOURSELF!

If you don’t honor yourself, few others will. Doubt yourself and the con, instinctively knows it, and they move in because they know that they have you and that you are an easy mark.

What do these statements mean to you?  Remember the recent post..”Sometimes when you lose, you win.” Sometimes, when you win you lose.” 

Think about it.. it will make sense!

Maturity.. what is it and how does one attain it?

by Ann

Is maturity is the sum of all your experiences and how you process them?

But, I have met older persons with seemingly many life experiences that are so immature that it is scary.

Then I have met younger persons that act and appear mature on most levels…

So, what is it exactly that allows, creates, develops ‘maturity’?

One definition of maturity is:  The state or quality of being mature; ripeness; full development; as, the maturity of corn or of grass; maturity of judgment; the maturity of a plan.

Another definition is: adulthood: the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed.
 
According to these definitions, seems maturity is reached by physical adulthood. But how about maturity in emotions, feelings, actions, behaviors and intellect? Isn’t all that pretty much an on going effort?

Then a person can be seemingly mature in most levels of their life and at old age revert back to an immaturity that is almost insanity.. as in sex, and lifestyle to even the extent of whining like a baby.

To be able to process experiences in life, one needs to have the intellect and emotional honesty and innate integrity to look at self and evaluate. Without this, how can maturity occur at all? So where does this ability come from? And why are some so lacking in this ability? As some have it, others don’t and seemingly never will as they step into the same traps, mistakes, irresponsilbity, and blunders all their lives and can’t see why, or change or ‘mature’ past it.

Someone can maturely handle their job and finances and be an immature dweeb in emotions and feelings.

So, what is a mature individual? Are we all just a work in progress until we die, or until we revert back to being childlike…?

Ummmm….interesting, huh?

What does maturity look like to you?  How is maturity manifested in one’s life?

Share Love, Gratitude and Compassion…

Ways to spread abundance that will brighten your day – and someone else’s!

Write a Thank You (for Being You) Note!

It may be old fashioned in these days of e-mails, texts and facebook wallposts, but sometimes the best things stem from tradition. Take this opportunity to let someone know that you appreciate them – not for something they’ve given you or done, but for who they are and what they bring to your life.


Shake Things Up 

Even if you hate it, and it doesn’t go with the rest of the meal at all, make your loved one’s favorite dish part of your Holiday celebrations. Barbecue? Chinese dumplings? Whatever? The fact that it’s not standard holiday fare makes it even more meaningful as an expression of love. The gesture won’t go unnoticed.

Donate Something

Whether it’s your time, a few bucks, or your favorite holiday snack, give something to your local homeless shelter. You’ll be surprised how good it feels.

Offer to Babysit

Have friends or family members who don’t get out much. Offer to babysit so that they can have a second to themselves. It’s a great big thank you for which they’ll be extremely grateful!

Mentor Someone

It doesn’t have to be more than a coffee, but if you’re in a position that someone else might like to learn about, give them a little insight into your experiences. This doesn’t have to be professional, it can be life based (like Big Brothers and Big Sisters). Offering guidance to someone who needs it, is a great way to pass on some positive energy.

Smile at Strangers

So what if a few people think you’re strange? Most people love being smiled at – it’s a reflection of happiness and who couldn’t use a little more of that?

Dedicate a Yoga or Meditation Session

Some people offer up prayers, and it’s great if you do that, too. But the next time you’re meditating or in a yoga class, focus on sending someone you care about (whether you know them or not) a little white light. Afterward, don’t be surprised if they get in touch because they’ve been thinking of you.

Release All Ill Will

There’s no point holding grudges, and what better holiday is there for releasing yours in celebration of all that is great in your life? Let go of any bad feelings you have toward anyone. Whether that means you forgive them and forget them or you forgive them and reach out is up to you.

Make Amends

Now is a great time to let bygones be just that. If you feel you owe someone an apology, give it now. Even if it’s just in e-mail, the signals it sends (to the person and to the forces at work) open you up for progress.

Set Aside Time For Yourself
It may sound crazy as a way to spread goodwill and gratitude, but above all other things, if you appreciate yourself and the importance of maintaining a sense of balance. Doing so, you’ll offer others inspiration and may even help them permit themselves to do the same. And what can be better for the world than that?