Category Archives: Self-help

Maturity.. what is it and how does one attain it?

by Ann

Is maturity is the sum of all your experiences and how you process them?

But, I have met older persons with seemingly many life experiences that are so immature that it is scary.

Then I have met younger persons that act and appear mature on most levels…

So, what is it exactly that allows, creates, develops ‘maturity’?

One definition of maturity is:  The state or quality of being mature; ripeness; full development; as, the maturity of corn or of grass; maturity of judgment; the maturity of a plan.

Another definition is: adulthood: the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed.
 
According to these definitions, seems maturity is reached by physical adulthood. But how about maturity in emotions, feelings, actions, behaviors and intellect? Isn’t all that pretty much an on going effort?

Then a person can be seemingly mature in most levels of their life and at old age revert back to an immaturity that is almost insanity.. as in sex, and lifestyle to even the extent of whining like a baby.

To be able to process experiences in life, one needs to have the intellect and emotional honesty and innate integrity to look at self and evaluate. Without this, how can maturity occur at all? So where does this ability come from? And why are some so lacking in this ability? As some have it, others don’t and seemingly never will as they step into the same traps, mistakes, irresponsilbity, and blunders all their lives and can’t see why, or change or ‘mature’ past it.

Someone can maturely handle their job and finances and be an immature dweeb in emotions and feelings.

So, what is a mature individual? Are we all just a work in progress until we die, or until we revert back to being childlike…?

Ummmm….interesting, huh?

What does maturity look like to you?  How is maturity manifested in one’s life?

Share Love, Gratitude and Compassion…

Ways to spread abundance that will brighten your day – and someone else’s!

Write a Thank You (for Being You) Note!

It may be old fashioned in these days of e-mails, texts and facebook wallposts, but sometimes the best things stem from tradition. Take this opportunity to let someone know that you appreciate them – not for something they’ve given you or done, but for who they are and what they bring to your life.


Shake Things Up 

Even if you hate it, and it doesn’t go with the rest of the meal at all, make your loved one’s favorite dish part of your Holiday celebrations. Barbecue? Chinese dumplings? Whatever? The fact that it’s not standard holiday fare makes it even more meaningful as an expression of love. The gesture won’t go unnoticed.

Donate Something

Whether it’s your time, a few bucks, or your favorite holiday snack, give something to your local homeless shelter. You’ll be surprised how good it feels.

Offer to Babysit

Have friends or family members who don’t get out much. Offer to babysit so that they can have a second to themselves. It’s a great big thank you for which they’ll be extremely grateful!

Mentor Someone

It doesn’t have to be more than a coffee, but if you’re in a position that someone else might like to learn about, give them a little insight into your experiences. This doesn’t have to be professional, it can be life based (like Big Brothers and Big Sisters). Offering guidance to someone who needs it, is a great way to pass on some positive energy.

Smile at Strangers

So what if a few people think you’re strange? Most people love being smiled at – it’s a reflection of happiness and who couldn’t use a little more of that?

Dedicate a Yoga or Meditation Session

Some people offer up prayers, and it’s great if you do that, too. But the next time you’re meditating or in a yoga class, focus on sending someone you care about (whether you know them or not) a little white light. Afterward, don’t be surprised if they get in touch because they’ve been thinking of you.

Release All Ill Will

There’s no point holding grudges, and what better holiday is there for releasing yours in celebration of all that is great in your life? Let go of any bad feelings you have toward anyone. Whether that means you forgive them and forget them or you forgive them and reach out is up to you.

Make Amends

Now is a great time to let bygones be just that. If you feel you owe someone an apology, give it now. Even if it’s just in e-mail, the signals it sends (to the person and to the forces at work) open you up for progress.

Set Aside Time For Yourself
It may sound crazy as a way to spread goodwill and gratitude, but above all other things, if you appreciate yourself and the importance of maintaining a sense of balance. Doing so, you’ll offer others inspiration and may even help them permit themselves to do the same. And what can be better for the world than that?

Confidence or arrogance, virtue or vice…

Arrogance should never be confused with having an innate sense of self-respect and healthy confidence. Initially, these character traits may come across as similar, but if you look more closely, you will readily perceive how differently they manifest themselves in real life. With a little effort and insight, you can avoid the mistake of misidentifying a sense of self-importance and superiority with the real deal: a truly confident person with an inherent sense of peace, an openness to others’ thoughts and lifestyles, and with nothing to prove to anyone else. Let’s look at a few major differences between leading a self-assured life and a self-inflated existence.

Arrogance can often come from self-misconception and false perception, an inflated ego that tells the person they are better than all others around them. How a person views themselves is often contrary to how the rest of the world views them. Even if arrogant people truly have more talent than others in a given field, the idea that they are superior to others because of this talent still represents a skewed perception of themselves. After all, no one is perfect, everyone has faults, and there’s always someone out there better than you at your talent.

Arrogance is often an attempt by someone with low self-esteem to gain praise from others through false confidence. Through seeking praise from the outside world, they hope to gain a feeling of worth that they may not otherwise feel in themselves. Conversely, people with confidence are comfortable with their accomplishments remaining under wraps, and have no compelling need to consistently brag about their achievements.

Another aspect of arrogance is that it does not lead to loyal relationships, as arrogant individuals seem to only attract those who are looking to use them for the very things they brag about. Then, too, they might attract others with equally inflated egos, where their main connection is boasting of their accomplishments together and making others feel inferior to themselves. These types of negative relationships do not weather the harder times in your life, when things get difficult or problems arise. When the going gets tough, these fair-weather friends will be nowhere to be found.

Confident people, on the other hand, don’t need to belittle or put down others with less success in their lives, in order, to feel better about themselves or their accomplishments, as arrogant people often do.

Confidence has humility embodied within it, an inner strength that does not diminish others, but lifts them up with the unperceivable shining of their light – a sort of charisma resulting from a surety in who they are as human beings. Arrogance, on the other hand, has a person claiming, even demanding their proper respect and “adoration” from those beneath them, who they perceive to be cut from lesser cloth.

Confident people tend to be more aware and accepting of those times when they aren’t always in the right. They can live with the idea that no one is perfect and don’t feel unduly threatened when confronted with their mistakes or limitations. In contrast, arrogant people tend to think only their vision is correct, unlike confident people who are able to see other points of view, and if necessary, adjust accordingly.

People with confidence are not upset when challenged by others, whether the debate is regarding ideas, abilities, or opinions. Confident people are open and accepting of different viewpoints, while arrogant people often do not allow much room for debate, insisting instead that their thoughts and beliefs are the only ones that count.

Clearly, confidence and arrogance are on opposite ends of the character spectrum with one emerging as a virtue and the other, a most unpleasant vice.

Single, or in a relationship LIVE! Create new experiences!

Ideas!
 
If you find yourself constantly aware of wanting to be alone and hibernate, to play the hermit, to sit home alone and feel sorry for yourself, you are pushing yourself down into a depression, illness, or worse. Be proactive, and you can make it through the holidays without the darkness claiming your happiness! Choosing to dwell on the more depressing aspects of your life can be dangerous.

I won’t be a cheerleader here, because I’ve been there, and I know how the pep talks can irritate when you feel like “hiding.” If you’ll hear me out, think about making the following choices during the holidays. Everywhere you look, they’re “selling” family and relationships on TV, in movies, on the radio… how can you avoid feeling lonely?

 
Don’t automatically say no. When friends ask you out, or over, or to a party, don’t say no immediately, and do not melodramatically claim that they are “only” doing it because they feel “sorry” for you. No matter what, why, or how, this is an opportunity to enjoy the company of others, to find something funny and laugh, or to meet new people, or find new interests. If you stop that knee jerk reaction of “No, I just want to go home and be alone” and say, “Thank you, I’ll come for a while,” you may end up having fun.
 
Stay away from “downers” – sad movies, morose “he dun me wrong” music, people that are negative. If your family of origin is a downer… plan a trip to see friends or loved ones that you enjoy over the holidays instead! Or do something fun and invite a friend.
 
If it winds up that you happen to spend one of those “family days” when you are “feeling” alone, you can plan a special dinner and movie for yourself, dress up, make YOUR favorite food or just have dessert! To fill time, you can make calls to others that you haven’t talked to in a while just to wish them “happy holidays,” and if all else fails, you can volunteer somewhere. Helping others is an amazing way to get your mind off your woes!
 
In fact, that is one suggestion that I absolutely think is great. If you get to a place where you’re spending all your free time depressed, or feeling sad about your situation, you can use my trick. If I’m too much in my own head and life, too self centered, I go and volunteer. There are hundreds of groups, programs, homes and hospitals that can always use some help… and that, my friends, will bring you back to the world of living, and help you move your life forward again!

Are you more than, less than, or…?

by Ann

egual to?

Do you feel like you are more than others, better than others? Do you feel arrogant, bloated in your self-esteem and full of yourself?

Do you stay in this place most of the time except… for when you sink low and feel much less than others, feel like nothing, insignificant and not as good as others? 

When there are extremes in these levels in an individual and I am not talking as extreme as in mental, or emotional illness here. Although, that can and does play a part, then your internal core is not balanced.

And this can lead to difficulties in every area of your life…

Sure! We all have our bad days, where we feel not so good, fat, stupid, insignificant to others and the world. Our hair looks yucky, etc…. we just have a bad day.. Then other days, we feel on top of the world, we look good, feel good, can do no wrong, are smart and on target with it all.

But anyone with extreme flips in either direction is not balanced in themselves and hasn’t made peace with their self-worth in relation to self and to others. They don’t feel equal to others, instead, they feel more than, or less than. And in their efforts to feel equal, they can do much damage to themselves and to others.

Those that go from arrogance to the pits of depression are out of balance. These are people that when feeling their arrogance, put others down to make themselves feel even better and take advantage of others. They don’t think that ‘others’ are as important as they are … so it matters not to them what they do to others. When actually, they are projecting their own negative self-worth out into the world as they suck energy off of others because theirs is a false arrogance that depends on others for approval. 

They feel less than so they belittle others, but are sensitive to criticism themselves. They can dish it out, but can’t take it themselves. And may even lash out emotionally and inappropriately when they are criticized because they can’t stand that they may not be all that they think that they are in their ‘insecure-arrogant mind’.

When they meet a ‘genuinely’ confident person… they will ‘try’ to overwhelm them, or put them down, or take them down to their size.. because ‘they’ don’t ‘get’ that confidence and arrogance are not the same things.  Genuine confidence threatens them to their empty core.

On the flip side, a person that doesn’t feel, or think that they are as good as others may let others take advantage of them and even let others walk all over them. These people look like they feel, mashed down, the underdog and they are ripe for exploitation on every level.They feel that they have no worth. This can be because of trauma in their lives, or a chemical imbalance, or psychological issues.

It’s all so complex and relies on an internal balance…

But when a person ‘most of the time’ feels equal to tasks, life, people etc. then they will have fewer highs and lows. They are more balanced and feel genuine confidence. They can handle criticism and conflict by taking the time and opportunity to look at self and evaluate. They are not so sensitive, or easily blown, or taken down by the wind of misfortune, or bad days. They flow more easily through life…

To arrive at, equal to, most all of the time requires self-evaluation of your behaviors, reactions and also that of others.

Being equal to is the place to strive for and to be. Because in this place, you will naturally treat others well and with respect because you treat yourself well and with respect. And if you mess up, you will be quick to apologize.

The key here is…you respect yourself, therefore you respect others.

The way that you treat others most of the time reflects how you feel about yourself all the time.

So, are you better than, less than, or equal to? Self-evaluate…

What are your opinions, experiences, or examples?