Defensive and denial are partners in the deepest blocks towards healing. Becoming or feeling defensive or flipping into denial can be a sign that something, someone or some words have triggered an imprint that you are trying to hide and avoid looking at. If you flip into denial and become defensive along with being angry about a situation or something that was said or done this reveals that you were triggered deeply. Try to break through the knee jerk reaction of denial and the use of defense mechanisms and look at it hard and long while incorporating intense self-refection. Look at yourself instead of trying to point the finger at another. Many times, becoming defensive and in denial, is insecurity hiding behind a big ego.
Pointing the finger outside yourself and at another is deflecting and is a sure sign that someone of some situation has hit upon your vulnerabilities.
When you flip into denial and a defensive posture that is a sure sign that something needs to be looked at, healed and released. You won’t be triggered, if it doesn’t touch something that you are trying to avoid or hide.
Defenses and denial mechanisms can be difficult to break through, because their whole purpose in being kept alive is to defend imprints, perceptions and the in place belief system. The defended self can be a hard nut to crack. It will probably need to be done layer by layer because feelings of defensiveness can trigger intense denial, anger and the feelings that you want to reject the person, words, experience or situation. You may actually do this by cutting them out of your life, even blocking them out of your life because they are too close to revealing truth, shattering your image of self or that which you believe you must hold onto to make yourself feel what you think is ‘safe’. They are shaking up your status quo and your mechanisms of defense don’t like it, and will fight like hell to stop being exposed. The defended belief system is a major block that keeps peace, love and joy away.
Dig deep to become aware of why you are defensive, why it is that you become defensive, look at yourself honestly, and if and when you allow yourself to get into the feelings and the imprint that is being triggered, you will be able to more easily see why you became defensive and release it. Being defensive is usually because you are not feeling good enough, feeling flawed, unworthy, or uncertain and someone has gotten dangerously close to revealing it, so you do everything in your power to defend yourself. But what you are doing is defending your right to stay stuck, blocked and cut off from self, growth, truth and ultimately healing and happiness.
It takes bravery to break through defenses. This is why it’s so prevalent in our world today that so many say statements such as: ‘Don’t judge me. You have no right to ‘judge’ me.’ Comments such as these are defense mechanisms on over drive and come from persons not integrated and at acceptance of self. Their defensiveness and denial concerning the fear of being judged by others shows this clearly. They may as well be screaming, ‘I am insecure, am weak, feel unworthy, not really sure of what I believe or what I am doing! So don’t put it in my face because I am too weak and frightened to look at it or myself.’
They will try to point the finger outside of self by shaming and blaming those who have triggered their deep seated issues and insecurity.
Reality is that everyone is judging everyone else, in each day and in every moment. We all make judgments. Judgments from others will not bother you and you will not become defensive or deny, if you are at awareness, acceptance and understanding. It’s fine to be different and individual, it’s your insecurity about it that triggers your defensiveness, denial and fear of being judged.
Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.