EGO – Secure vs Insecure People…

Excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR…

Do you feel less than, more than, or equal to?

Most of us are a mix of our insecurities and our strengths…

When an emotionally aware person feels insecure, they have learned to self-reflect concerning why it is that they do.  Insecure people are either afraid of looking at self or have no awareness that this is what their feelings in the circumstance are telling them to do. When feeling insecure – ask yourself – Why am I feeling that I am not ‘equal to’  – equal to others – equal to the challenge – equal to being in this place, circumstance – even equal to being in the world?  People feeling insecure do not feel worthy and this can manifest in their bodies, lives and into the world in many different ways.

Some of the ways are :

They don’t feel good enough or equal to – so they may criticize others to make themselves feel better and so that  in their distorted head they think they will bring others down to their insecure level as they try to one-up others.

They don’t feel good enough – so they have much negative-self talk.  and this projects into everything in their life. The view the world through their lens of their insecurity which translates into seeing most everything and everyone as negative.

They may be ill often – one aliment after another. This is caused by their low energy and internal stress  which affects their immune system

Often times – insecure people live behind or in a facade of their own making. They have fear of being found out for who and what they truly are.  They treat people as if they don’t matter because only they matter. It’s all about them. They have an inflated ego – which is a defense for how insecure they feel.

Definition of EGO: a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance – the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.

Our ego level and valuation may change drastically when we are fractured and out of balance. Ego may go from one extreme to the other from feeling down and weak to overly confident triggered by external circumstances or internal self-talk.

There is a syndrome – where you go from feeling less than, to more than, but not equal to.  Which is – you feel insecure and less than others – that you are not good enough – you don’t matter – everyone is better than you – have more – are more attractive – more intelligent, etc. Then you flip into thinking and feeling that you are better than – smarter than -everyone else is a fool even stupid and you know more, are special and are way above and better than they are. You go from feeling below everyone in the world to higher than everyone in the world. Which means that you don’t feel equal to, equal to the challenge, equal to living life in the way you desire, equal to developing your talents and skills, equal to taking care of and grooming your body so that you are the best you can be – equal to being on earth along with everyone else.

When you are feeling less than, you will fall into envy, jealousy, denial and defensiveness. You may criticize and blame others to make self feel better. You beat yourself up with negative self-talk and dark thoughts. You fall into fear of the future. Fear, insecurity and negativity take you over. You fear dealing with tasks and dealing with others.  You don’t like people and think they don’t like you. You are insecure and devalue yourself and everyone else.

When you are feeling more than, you will bloat up with arrogance – will treat others with disrespect, like you are much better than they are – you will boast and brag – you will talk down to people – criticize them to show them that you are better than they are, etc. You over value yourself to the extent that you become unbearable.

Either way, you are not at balance and don’t feel equal. You go from feeling like you are nothing to feeling like you are above all others. Continually and repeatedly doing this will wear you out as you beat yourself up in insecurity then bloat yourself up in self-importance. Genuine self-confidence is feeling equal to the challenge. That you self-reflect, learn, evaluate self before pointing the finger outward. Ego and confidence are two different things.

Definition of CONFIDENCE – feeling or consciousness of one’s ability or reliance of one’s circumstances – faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper or effective way – to have confidence is to have trust in self-reliance and ability.

Sure, there are days we all feel like a bitch, are grumpy and out of sorts then there are days when we feel on top of the world, can do no wrong and are king of all we survey – simplistically, like the difference between a good hair day and a bad one.  When you are at balance, the extremes won’t take you down as low as to fall into depression or so high that you become reckless into self-destruction. You will not be blown about by the external winds of change – up so high then down low controlled by every turn and twist. You will remain, more often than not, at confidence and equal to the challenge. Being in internal confidence, you will/can more easily adapt to others and circumstances staying more in balance without the highs and lows. You will be able to focus on issues and solutions, instead of allowing your emotions and the feelings connected to them take you over.

A fractured ego – goes from one extreme to the other, from over valuation of self to devaluation of self. Emotions, feelings and behaviors are unbalanced both internally and externally. When you arrive at balance, ego will remain internally confident more of the time. Confident that you are equal to others, not more than, not less than, but equal to the challenge; when you arrive at this place, there is a big internal sigh of release – like a balloon full of hot air deflating.  Because you realize that you are just fine. You are okay, all you need to do is to be yourself, learn about self, develop yourself, accept self, challenge self, be open to learn from others, listen to others, listen to self, respect yourself and respect others.  Your competition is first within self then reflected outward. Living in this way, you will respect yourself and others. Everyone has their worth, their talents, their value. Everyone is/can be equal to and so can you.

Remember, when you are feeling less than or better than, you are not feeling equal to…

To become more self-aware…

We all see through individual eyes…

and what we see and how we perceive it is based on our psychological make-up – our intelligence and emotional levels – how we were reared and in what environment – our experiences thus far and at any given time – our astrological influences, our genetic make-up – lineage – our educational, religious and spiritual leanings – our maturity or immaturity level – our socio-economic levels – our age,  etc. We all have our individual imprints and beliefs and they will stand as they are, until and if we become aware…

What we think and perceive at the age of ten will usually be different at the age of twenty – what we perceive at twenty will often be different at the age of forty. So no wonder there are so many and such different and varied perceptions, truths, thoughts and ideas in the world.  We have all been imprinted differently. Some imprints we want – are worthy and serve us well – others not so much. Some imprints, as we become aware shift and change – others do not. Some are of the light and some are of the dark. Some are negative and some positive, and they all serve our individual purpose – until they don’t.

A ten-year-old will not enjoy hanging around a group of thirty-year olds for long nor would a thirty-year-old enjoy being with a group of ten-year- olds at length – other than for the purpose of perhaps, teaching.

Mature and intelligent people may enjoy playing games and behaving like irresponsible children for an evening of fun but hopefully, they will soon get bored with it. Usually, maturity doesn’t enjoy being around immaturity at length. The light may fly too close to the flame of darkness on occasion, but will not stay there. The dark may prey on the light – but if the light is aware, they will soon close the darkness out.

Differences can make life interesting but it can also make things stressful and tedious. We all prefer to be with those of like kind and those of like or similar minds – being so, we feel comfortable and like we are accepted, feel heard and comfortable.  Exploring out to be with others who are different, into different cultures, countries, life styles, etc. is refreshing, interesting, educational and widens our perspective, but we soon like coming back to home base and our center.  We may incorporate new things into our life and change our way of looking at the world but not completely. Only those with no core and who have been fractured feel the desire or need to leave all that they are or know behind in an attempt to live completely differently than everything they know.

When we more understand, accept, and know who we are in self-reflection, then we are able to accept, get along with and learn from others while still keeping our boundaries and self-integrity.  If we are fortunately aware , we learn to get away from and stay away from those with dark, cold, blank eyes and gravitate to those with light, joyful and interesting eyes.

Eyes are the windows to the soul… while also they are where our awareness and change in perspective brings growth and expansion to our very being. We all see through our own eyes – as we go through life triggering those who don’t see as we do and searching for those who do…

Look deep into your own eyes… and when you do, and can see self clearly – you will be more able to look into the eyes of others and recognize their nature, who they are and where their heart and intellect resides.

It all begins at awareness…

 

Dare At The Five And Dime – excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR

  I am thirteen 

On Saturdays, my best friend, Renee, and I like going to the shopping center and hanging out. It’s the ‘in’ thing to do. All the really cool kids hang out at the shopping center on Saturday and we want to be cool. Then of course, we like to shop, too. Lots of kids will be walking around talking to each other. It’s great to be out of the house, away from our parents, and on our own for a few hours.

Renee and I take turns spending the night with each other on Friday night. Then one of our parents will take us to the shopping center. This Friday night, I’m staying at Renee’s house. So this Saturday, it’s Renee’s chauffeur, Leonard, who will take us to the shopping center. Renee’s mother is away somewhere in mental hospital. I have never met her mother and people talk in hushed tones whenever she is mentioned.   So her father hired a nice man to drive Renee around.   Leonard is cool. We like him. He doesn’t bug us all the time, like parents can do.

Leonard drops us off at noon on the corner by the ‘Five and Dime’. He says that he’ll be back to pick us up at four o’clock and for us to be at this corner and to be on time.

We have lunch at a department store tea room.   We have our usual – tea sandwiches, soup and shakes. Yummy!   Then we set out to be hanging out and cool.  We walk to the bowling alley. Lots of the really cool kids are there. We walk around the place and talk to our friends. There are some cute boys from another school. We talk to them. Then we go to purchase some items we want. I get a wallet and Renee gets some shoes. It’s fun to shop and get what we want without having parents around.

We head back to the ‘Five and Dime’. It’s getting close to four o’clock. We want to have time to look at some records before Leonard picks us up. We like the ‘45’s’ at the ‘Five and Dime’. We begin looking at the records. Bobby Vee and Paul Anka are two of our favorites.

Renee states, “Lots of the really cool kids steal records.”   I ask, “Who?” She tells me the names of some of the kids that she has heard steal records. I can’t believe they would steal because their families have lots of money. Renee states, “It has nothing to do with money.   It’s just cool to steal records to see if you can get away with it.” She says, “I dare you to steal that record!”

I’m nervous. I don’t know what to do? I want to take her dare. I want to be cool but I don’t want to steal. Stealing is wrong. Renee taunts, “I dare you.” I look around. No one is watching. So I slip the record into my sack.   Renee walks around to another aisle and puts a record into her sack.   We did it!

I’m freaking out scared inside. We walk to the checkout counter because we have some candy we’re going to pay for. We’re standing in the checkout line and a man comes up to me and asks, “Young lady, what do you have in that sack?”

Oh, no!   I’m caught! I’m so scared that I pull out the ‘45’ record and hand it to him.   I say, “I did it because of a dare. I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” The man turns to Renee and asks, “Do you have anything?” Renee answers, “No! I wouldn’t steal anything.” He turns back to me and orders. “Follow me!” I look at Renee. She says, “I’ve got to go out and meet Leonard. It’s four o’clock. Bye, see you later!”

She’s just leaving me and this whole thing was her idea. I’m terrified!

I follow the man as I do, I turn around and look up to see there’s an office that looks down over the whole store. That’s how, he saw me put the record into my sack. This man is the manager of the store.

I follow the manager up to his office.   Sitting here, I have a view of whole store.

The manager is really mean to me. He takes my purse and goes through it. He says, “Whatelse did you steal? You spoiled, little brat?”

I respond, “I did it on a dare. I’ll never do it again!”   He goes through my sacks. He comments, “You have money, so why are you stealing? You children are spoiled rotten. There are people that really don’t have any money. You steal and you have the money to pay for whatever you want.”

He’s yelling at me. I’m so scared! I’m thinking – I’m going to kill Renee when I see her again.

He says, “I’m tired of you children coming into my store and stealing. I’m going to call the police!” I ask, “Can I call my parents? Please! I need to have them pick me up. My friend has left me.” He says, “Sure she’s left you. She doesn’t want a thief for a friend!”

I’m trembling.   I’m so scared that he’ll call the police and I’ll be put in jail!

He hands me the phone to call my parents. I call over and over again but there’s no answer.   They’re expecting Leonard to bring me home. I’m afraid that if I don’t get my parents on the phone soon. This man will have me taken to jail.

The manager says, “If you’ll tell your father about your stealing, I won’t call the police. Have your father call me first thing Monday morning. So, I can be sure that you told him. If I don’t hear from your father on Monday, I’ll call the police.   They’ll pick you up at your house.”   I promise him that I’ll tell my father.

Finally, my father answers the phone. I say, “I need for you to pick me up.”

The store closes and I go outside to wait on the corner for my father to pick me up. I’m all alone and I feel like a criminal.

When I get into the car my father asks, “What happened I thought Leonard was bringing you home?” “Renee had to leave early.” I respond. Then I bravely tell him the whole story.

He listens to what I tell him then responds. “There’s no reason for you to ever steal.” I answer, “I know, daddy. I’ll never do it again.” Then he says something that I’ll never forget. “What will your mother’s friends in her Bridge club say if they found out? Your mother will be so embarrassed.”

I say, “I promise I’ll never do it again. You’ll need to call the manager at the ‘Five and Dime’ and tell him that I told you what happened or he’s going to put me in jail.”   Daddy said that he would call him on Monday morning. He could see how scared I am.

I plead, “Please, don’t forget or I’ll go jail!”

Daddy says, “They don’t put children in jail. I’ll call him Monday.”

I was so glad to get home and to feel safe.

I called Renee, that little rat! She wanted to hear about everything. She apparently thought that she was super cool because she got away with stealing without being caught. She acted like she thought she was better and smarter than me just because she didn’t get caught.

All I know is that I never did steal anything again ever in my whole life. Some of those ‘cool’ kids did end up in real trouble with the police. Maybe I was lucky in a way for getting caught.

I sure never trusted my friend, Renee again or anything she said.

The obvious awareness is that it is wrong to steal.   Nothing is cool about it. Also, you need to be very careful when you take a dare. An additional awareness is my father along with his concern about my stealing was more concerned with what my mother’s friends would think, if they found out that I had got caught stealing.

As I remembered this incident, I thought it so strange that this would even occur to my father. It made me feel uncomfortable that this would even cross his mind. I thought he would be more concerned with me.   What I had done, why I had done it and my fear of going to jail. I wondered why he would even care what those ladies think.

Then I remember the reason that I took the dare to steal was to be like the others that I thought were ‘cool’. The whole reason I had stolen the record was because of my concern of what others would think of me. I was more concerned with the acceptance of those so-called ‘cool kids’, than I was concerned with what I knew was ‘right and wrong’. I gave up what I knew was the correct way to behave in order to be accepted by others that I felt were doing wrong. Therefore I gave up acceptance of myself to try and be accepted by others.

My awareness is, no one will accept me if I do not accept myself. When I live by my own standards and what I know is right for me is when I will be at peace with myself and able to totally accept myself.

Now I can forgive myself for stealing because I did not understand this yet. I can forgive my friend, Renee because she did not understand this either.

Why do we put so much emphasis on what others’ think when what really matters is what we think of ourselves?

Did you see how quickly my friend turned on me when I got caught and how she acted like she was better than me because she did not get caught?   She was the one that dared me! What others’ think about you can change rapidly.   What I think of myself can remain true.   I honor my mistakes and learn from them.

My awareness is to accept myself, trust myself and to do only what I know is right for me. I do not listen to others before I listen to what I know is right for me in my heart.

When I accept myself totally, I will care less if at all what others’ think. Others will accept me when I accept and honor myself. I will live by my own standards of what I know is right and wrong. No one else influences me nor can decide this for me. I accept myself and know who I am!

For awareness…