Pimple On My Nose – excerpt from Daddy Throws Me In The Air

I am fifteen

I am enjoying visiting with Dad in the kitchen about everyday things. “Hey Tiger, you look cute today.”

Surprised, “I do? Thank you, Daddy!” I was going through the blahs being a teenager and usually felt like I looked icky. So for Dad to tell me that I looked cute made me feel great!

Dad continues, “But you have a pimple on your nose.”

Hearing Dad comment about the pimple on my nose devastated me. I had tried hard to cover it up. It was one of those hulking red terrible ones and it had to be on my nose. It was just horrendous, a complete headlight of embarrassment.

Dad continues, “Did you realize that you had a pimple on your nose, and a big one!”

“Yes, Daddy I did.” Sarcastically, “Thank you, for reminding me.”

“Aren’t you going to do something about it?”

“Yes, I am.” Then I quickly exit the kitchen to my bathroom to look at and work on the pimple on my nose.

So instead of Dad and I having a nice conversation, he pointed out a flaw in me that not only embarrassed me but shut down our communication.  Dad often did that, pointed out a flaw. He would compliment me then take it away in the next breath.

This created in me the feeling that I was never okay and certainly, never close to perfect. And that I must be perfect so that I would not be criticized in some form or another. I became so aware of every little flaw that I didn’t need someone to point them out because I did it myself continually in my mind.

Okay, you know those hard pimples that when you poke a hole in them with a pin, sanitized with alcohol of course, then squeeze and clear liquid and blood comes out? Then the next day, they are full of white pus. They are red, painful and awful and you need to work on them a couple of days – layer by layer, squeezing, applying peroxide and alcohol then repeating the process to fully release the yuck inside of them. Well, releasing poisonous imprints, perceptions and belief systems are the same thing and take the same repeated process. Poke it with a pin and it hurts. Squeeze and a bit of relief then repeat again and again until all the nasty poisonous pus is released. Then and only then will the wound created by the pimple heal itself so that the skin is back to normal and is healthy.

Same as with the fractured part of your being that has been imprinted with negative and poisonous imprints. When these imprints are recalled or triggered, it’s not until all the pus is out that the wound can close over and fully heal. Otherwise, it’s left with poisonous pus to fester and will come back again and again.

It’s also interesting that while the pimple is there that it’s the only thing I can see when I look into the mirror. It stands out to be seen. First thing in the morning, I look at it to see if it’s still there or if it’s healing and less noticeable. I do this many times throughout the day and before I go to sleep at night.  I think about it often when it’s there, then when it heals I completely forget that it had ever been there. That is how we are with most things. When something is irritating us, bothering us, needs our attention, we focus on it as if it runs our life. This is how negative imprints, perceptions and beliefs control us. Until they are seen, understood, accepted and forgiven they control us. Those imprints will continue to bother us until they are recognized because that is their nature and purpose.

My skin is olive and is oily. I suffered and suffer with pimples at times, but the good thing is that oily skin is not prone to dryness and wrinkling like other skin types. So like most everything in life, there is a minus and a plus because we are on the planet of dualities – good and bad – negative and positive. It just depends on where you are at any given time and how you look at it.

As I age, I am happy that I have oily skin. But I still get embarrassed and hate it when I get a pimple and especially on my nose. Because it’s like a sign flashing that I am not perfect. Ha! But I have learned to love myself even though I am not perfect. Just as God loves us all and knows that we are not perfect. But in our imperfection, there is perfection.

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Excerpt from DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR…

Image result for Photos of a woman shooting a gun Shooting At Logs In A Pond…

Adult

I am divorced and living in my house alone. I loved being alone in my house. But one night, late at night, while in bed I heard the fence gate at the side of the house squeak open. I jumped up and looked out the side windows of the house. I heard more noises. As I turned on the outside lights to the side of the yard, I dialed 911. I went back into my bedroom, closed the door and kept the 911 operator on the phone until the police arrived.

The police looked all over. No door or window was tampered with but when they came in from the back yard, they told me that the gate to the right of the house was open. There were footsteps on the side yard and in my backyard. They said that when I turned the outside lights on, it must have scared whoever it was away. I was freaked out. So I turned on all the outside lights to flood the yard and kept them on the rest of the night. The policemen inquired if I had a gun for protection.  My answer was no. The police patrolled and watched my street and neighborhood for the rest of that night.

The next day, I called Dad to tell him what had occurred.

Dad said, “I’m going to pick you up. We are going to the ranch. You need to learn how to shoot a gun for your protection.”

At our ranch, Dad drove the truck far out to a back pond where he showed me how to load and to shoot a gun. I practiced by aiming and shooting at logs in the pond. It was so fun! I found that I was a good shot. Dad was impressed.  I loved practicing so much that I wore my dad out. I didn’t want to stop. Dad sat in the truck while I stood nearby, shooting at log after log. Dad did place some beer cans on tree stumps for me to also practice on. But my favorite was to shoot the logs in the pond. I was able to hit my mark most every time.

I noticed that Dad looked at me in pride as I was having fun practicing my aim. Dad and I could have such a good time, just the two of us. We had much in common. We enjoyed learning, striving to master skills and new adventures. I loved the tomboy side of me and so did Dad.

Driving across our land back to the ranch house, “Well Tiger, from the looks of it, I’d say that you could hit someone dead on if they were coming at you. The best strategy is, if you hear someone in your house – get your gun, cock it, get down behind your bed, face and aim at the bedroom door. If you see someone at your door, shoot them in the legs. Immediately after, shoot them in the torso. Shoot to kill. If they are in your house and in your bedroom, they are there to hurt you, so hurt them first.

“But Dad, I don’t know if I could really shoot at someone to hurt them – to kill them?”

“Hell Tiger, are you kidding? If someone is in your house and entering your bedroom, you shoot to kill. Do you hear me? It’s either you or them by that point! And of course, call 911! But don’t be weak and let someone get too close to you, so they can overpower you. You hear me? Shoot to kill!”

“Yes Dad, I understand.”

“Here keep this gun, it’s yours. Keep it beside your bed.”

I respond, “Okay. Thank you.”

Dad continues, “When we get back to the house, I will give you more ammunition for it. Keep it loaded, but with the safety on.”

Dad spent time at length teaching and watching me load and unload the gun, taking the safety off and putting it on. I loved learning. Dad had many guns of all types both at our in town residence and at our ranch.  Knowing how and being able to shoot a gun, when and if I ever needed to protect myself gave me a secure feeling.

That is part of what a Dad does, teaches you to protect yourself physically. Thank you Dad!

Emotionally, Dad taught me some about how to protect myself butImage result for Photos of a woman shooting a gun also left me open to be taken advantage of and to be overpowered. He didn’t do this intentionally. He did it unknowingly. His way of relating to me taught me that I was above most others in the world, but not good enough for him which served to confuse and fracture me internally. At times, I felt better than others then my self-esteem would crash and I felt like I was not good enough.

When you don’t feel good enough and not equal to others, you can flip from feeling better than others to not feeling good enough. This means you are not in balance and not feeling ‘equal to’. It creates up and downs and insecurity at times, then over valuation at others – which is an imbalance in the belief system that leaves a person fractured internally. While they may appear outwardly arrogant at times, they feel weak and insecure at others. This is done to compensate for not feeling equal to others. And this is how my dad related and what he created in me.

Had he been aware, he would have taught me to protect myself emotionally as vigorously as he had taught me to protect myself physically. But did he really and fully know how to do this? He was passing down to me the way that he internally coped and it became imprinted – until I became aware that I am equal to all others, not better than or less than but equal to.

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It’s bumpy and I am scared! ….

It’s Bumpy And I Am Scared!

I am eight

We are on our way to Florida for a family vacation. I am sitting beside Daddy on the airplane. The little girls are sitting somewhere behind us with Mommy.  The airplane is bouncing up and down lots and way too much for my comfort. I feel as if I could throw-up any minute and if I did that, I would be so embarrassed because I am eight-years-old and not a baby.  But it’s really, really bumpy and I’m really, really scared.

I am trying to act grown up, but I get so frightened that I can’t anymore and I turn to Daddy, “I’m scared, Daddy. Why is the airplane bouncing so much? I feel like I could throw up!” He responds, “It’s okay Tiger, airplanes are meant to withstand turbulence.” “But -but, Daddy, I feel sick to my stomach.” “Here’s an airbag, hold onto it just in case you need to throw up.” I take the bag and hold it tightly in my lap while trying very hard to not be afraid.  Then the airplane bounces up high then down low as my stomach does the same. “Daddy, Daddy! Is the plane going to crash?” “No, everything is fine. The airplane is doing what it’s supposed to do. It is built to withstand turbulence.”  “Okay Daddy, but I am still scared.” The plane bounces roughly again. I grab hold of Daddy’s arm, “Daddy!”  “Okay, Tiger, remember when we were fishing that time and your Mother caught a fish and when she reeled it in and it flip flopped inside the boat, how she jumped up, screamed and almost turned the boat over?” I laughed, “Yes, I do, Daddy and it was so funny!” Daddy kept telling me stories, real and made up, one after another, until the plane touched down in Miami. He kept my mind off the turbulence, off my fear and off my needing to throw-up. He kept me focused and even laughing and enjoying myself.

Even at the age of eight, while this was the perfect distraction, I knew what he was doing. And as I knew this, I loved him so very much for his doing of it.  I love the memory of sitting beside my dad when I was scared riding in turbulence in an airplane and he told me story after story to keep my mind off my fear. So clearly, your mind, even while in intense fear can be distracted and occupied in order that you stay out of fear and in control, relaxed and in present time. Daddy taught me this by example, when I was eight-years-old that to occupy my mind with funny and interesting things and the fear will dissipate.  I love you Daddy for this lesson, thank you!

I recall this imprint of awareness as often as need be. If when emotional, you flip into your thinking brain, it will alleviate or may even clear the emotion. Being more in the analytical side of your brain will bring you into present time – to be in the moment and out of the emotion of fear or the anticipation of fear and the ‘what if’s’.  When I am in stress, emotional pain, fear, anticipation or dread, I will oftentimes, do a task, such as clean my house, workout, focus on something physical and or mental that will pull me out of my feelings and emotions. Doing this gives me release to either work through the issue, come back to it refreshed, put it more into perspective or to release it completely. Staying and being in present time puts most things into perspective.  It’s the anticipation of fear of the future and or anticipation of the ‘what if’s’ or the negatives that messes us up and freezes us in emotional fear.  Of course we need to prepare for the future and the ‘what if’s’ in life as best that we can, but some things we have no control over or won’t know until they happen. As human beings, we are vulnerable at times. Some things are out of our control.  So it’s better to live happy and positive and turn it over to God.