Defensive and denial are partners in the deepest blocks towards awareness and healing. Becoming defensive or flipping into denial can be a sign that something, someone or some words have triggered an imprint that you are trying to avoid looking at. Defensive and denial are activated because of fear to feel the pain, to feel wrong and to block reality and truth.
If you flip into denial and become defensive along with being angry about a situation or something said or done, it reveals that you have been deeply triggered. You are trying to make them wrong, so that you can feel ‘right’ and ‘safe’ in your beliefs according to your imprints about self, others and your issues.
Try to break through the knee jerk reaction of denial and defense mechanisms, in order, that you are able to look hard and long as to why you react in this manner. Incorporate intense self-refection. Look at yourself instead of trying to point the finger at another. Pointing the finger outside yourself and at another is deflecting and a sure sign that someone or some situation has hit upon your vulnerabilities. Many times, becoming defensive and in denial, is insecurity hiding behind a big ego. It’s a kind of self-willed blindness. You wouldn’t have been triggered, if it hadn’t touched something that you were trying to avoid or hide.
Defenses and denial mechanisms can be difficult to break through, because their whole purpose in being kept alive is to defend imprints, perceptions and the belief system, in order, to stay out of pain. They came into play to avoid looking at self and to avoid change. The defended self can be a hard nut to crack. Some people reacting defensively and in denial do so with such intensity that it’s as if their very life is being threatened and to them it feels this way. The fear that their defended belief system might not be accurate throws them into a spin and the feeling that they are fighting for their life and even to the feeling as if they could die. They will accuse the other side to that which they are guilty. It’s an obvious manipulation tactic and also used to control along with shaming and blaming others, into doing as they wish.
Therefore, awareness will probably need to be done layer by layer because feelings of defensiveness can trigger intense denial, anger and the feeling that you want to reject the person, words, experience or situation. You may actually do this by blocking them out of your life, as you point the finger at them away from self, in deflection, trying to shame and blame them because they are too close to revealing truth, that will break open or shatter your image of self. That which you believe you must hold onto to make yourself feel and ‘appear’ what you think is ‘safe’. Something is shaking up your status quo and your mechanisms of defense don’t like it, and will fight like hell to stop being exposed and to not feel the emotional pain. The defended belief system is a major block that keeps truth and subsequently, peace, love and joy away.
Dig really deep to become aware of why you are defensive, look at yourself honestly, don’t be afraid to feel the pain. Pain is a part of living. If and when you allow yourself to get into the feelings and the imprint that is being triggered, you will be able to more easily see why you became defensive, and then release it. Being defensive is usually because you are not feeling good enough, feeling flawed, unworthy, or uncertain and someone has gotten dangerously close to revealing it, so you try to do everything in your power to defend self. But what you are actually doing is defending your right to stay stuck, blocked and cut off from self, growth, truth and ultimately healing and happiness. The longer you stay in denial and defense, the longer you will stay blocked. The quicker you break through denial and defense, the faster you will feel free.
It takes bravery to break through defenses. This is why it’s so prevalent in our world today and why so many make statements such as: ‘Don’t judge me. You have no right to ‘judge’ me. Who are you to ‘judge’ me?’ Comments such as these are defense mechanisms on over drive and come from persons not integrated and at acceptance of self. People who react in this manner are living in insecurity and emotional pain. Their defensiveness and denial concerning the fear of being judged by others clearly reveals this. They may as well be screaming, ‘I am insecure, am weak, feel unworthy, am really not sure of what I believe or what I am saying or doing. So don’t put it in my face because I am too weak and frightened to look at it or myself.’ They will then deflect and try to point the finger outside of their selves by shaming and blaming those who have triggered their deep seated issues and insecurity.
Blaming is giving your power away. When you blame anyone, it is saying that they have power over you, the way you feel, think and behave. So you are admitting that someone else is so powerful as to control your feelings, mood, and even your very being. Therefore how weak does that show you as being?
Reality is that everyone is judging everyone else, in each day and every moment. We all make judgments. Judgments from others will not trigger you and you will not become defensive, if you are at awareness, acceptance and understanding. What matters is how you look at yourself. It’s fine to be different and individual. It’s your insecurity that triggers defensiveness, denial, vulnerabilities and fear of being judged. Feeling the pain in self-reflection and awareness, is the beginning to release. Feel the pain and release it, so you can feel the joy!
Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.