When a selfish lover says, I love you....
what they are saying is, I love the way that you make me feel, or worse, they are saying, “I love you", to try and ‘get’ something from you. Selfish love recognizes certain needs must be met in order to maintain its happiness. Real love is free of these restraints and demands. Love is not ‘perfect’. Demands bring obstacles to love. Unnecessary expectations about love make it rigid and inflexible. We all change from birth to death, and if we are not willing to accept these changes and grow with them as both an individual and in love relationships, then we are neither ready, or worthy of love’s full attention.
Love and relationship offer the most intense and rewarding place to grow and to learn about yourself in relation to another...some are afraid of this intensity and growth and have fear of learning about self...
Love is about giving...not about what you can get...
Love just is...when you 'really' feel it, you just know...
But some are not capable of love....only its imitation....so they correlate love with what they can get in its name...
Are you capable of love, or are you looking for what you can 'get' in its name?
Have you every felt really loved and if so what does it feel like? Have you ever really loved and what does it feel like?...
Think about it...
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Posted by Ann at 12/19/2011 1:03 PM 
Categories: Love
Tags: love selfish expectations growth cons sociopaths happiness demands giving getting
Categories: Love
Tags: love selfish expectations growth cons sociopaths happiness demands giving getting
Good points Ann. There is so much selfishness in the world today it is hard to find love. I have felt love and been loved and it was wonderul. When you are loved you feel home and accepted and you have trust and respect. Ann you never disappoint in getting us to think.
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Pretty much summed up my ex, sad to say. Best thing though is I learned (I think) from that experience and so am hopeful to never get caught up in it again.
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Love is a safe place to be. You feel safe, genuinely safe.
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Agree when you are in a solid relationship you feel safe.. but how solid the relationship is depends on how solid the people in it are...
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Ann I was just talking about this how selfish everyone is. Men these days are out for sex and that's it and I guess some women are giving it to them because dating is like stupid now. Men come on so fast they don't care if they know you and don't try to get to know you. I have decided to stay single and to stop dating and I know many women who are thinking the same way. Men these days do not have a clue what love is.
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A lot of folks are like that. They want to feel the way you make them feel. It's about their feelings, not about you, and you can be replaced.
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Exactly.. they are looking for a person to 'make' them feel good about themselves..and when they don't any longer.. they are gone.. off to another...
Love comes from within not from another... another can ignite that spark but if it isn't in there, there is nothing to ignite. I have found those that talk about it the most have it the least.
They are looking for someone to make them feel okay, like a success, like a hero, like something.. and it isn't sustainable...
Love is constant in its ups and downs..
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The problem with these "takers" is that though they may be exciting, now, you won't want to keep them. They are as impermanent as they see you to be... like frat boys and sorority girls... scorers.
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Yes Ann many people today are too selfish to love. They want the rush of the feel good but when that goes so do they. Real love endures. When you see couples who have been married for 50 years it wasn't all romance and flowers they endured life together all of it. Now everyone seems to want it to be like some reality show wedding all the time. Look at the Kardasian crap. It's all phony crap. There is no value in staying together. Society is broken. Love is lost or gone from the world. I know I sound depressing but it's all about sex now. It's all crap.
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Jamie unfortunately some men ( and I can only write from this persepctive since I am a woman) are looking for a woman to make them 'feel' like a man, to feed their ego either by her looks and nurturing or her inner glow.. they fake the 'love' words and action to pull this out of her.. then either take her for what he can.. sex, money, time, energy, her support or when she pulls back he abuses her in some form or manner and tries to get her attention again in order to suck more from her.. I have found in these days many men are soooo needy and they have no idea what loving and to love is.. they may fake it based on some movie that they watched but they don't feel it.
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Ann....you know my ex!?? ;o)
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Jan.. HA! .. this type of a person are all alike.. same MO.. I have experinced it and have also experienced real love.
I know what love is.. have had it and have loved.. and I know what it isn't... and there is much faking a going on in this world.. EGO.. is replacing love.. And women 'usually' carry that burden.. feeds a man's ego .. so that he 'feels' important.. then she feels drained and sucked dry because he isn't filling her up... in return for her efforts or may be actually tearing her down overtly or convertly to make himself feel better... Be aware of how you feel around someone.. when you have love.. you feel content.. it isn't a rush all the time.. it's a calm secure knowing.. so maybe it's more of a 'knowing' than a feeling..
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Speaking as a man, I feel like protecting those I love. If it's a woman I want her to be happy, feel content safe and in my protection. I want her to know that I am her friend, her provider and her safe place. I think I am a strong man and an old fashioned man. I don't understand many of the men today especially the younger men of today. They are more like dicks looking for sex. Why would a woman want them? Unless all she wants is sex and some women today more women today are like that and missing out on love.
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Too much "me-ism" kills enduring love...
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There is no love if there is no friendship upon which it rests. Sex is that is satisfying does not mean the participants love each other. So the men who are looking for sex and the same holds true for women are not looking for love. Those interested in looking for "love" should be selfish and not settle for less than what compliments them.
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I agree about the friendship.. that this is an important component of love.. Sex derives from this.. not starts there.. I think it's self-protective that is what is wise to be... instead of selfish... if someone comes on too fast.. step back and see who they really are.. if someone tries to sweep you off your feet or makes promises.. step back and see if this sustains.. love will endure and sustain.. and isn't in a rush.. as it is always there... being wise is to be self-protective...and that is not selfish at all...but smart...emotionally smart..
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"enduring love" is more than repeated satisfaction -- it is the love that serves, not the lust that takes.
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Selfish people leave you out in the cold everytime. Ann I love how you match up your photos. You are sitting out in the cold with water behind you, symbolizing emotion behind you. Brilliant!
I have been in love and I am finding through my children that most of them are lost when it comes to love. The are looking for the love rush, the adddictive high that doesn't last. It's the Hollywood example of love in the actors and what they present on screen as either too good to be real or horribly fast and over just as fast. Bad examples. It's a throw away society. But then if you are being abused you need to get out and fast.
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Thanks Katie.. you got it.. when you are with a selfish love, you feel left out in the cold full of emotions and lost.. and it can take many forms, abuse it certianly one of them. Selfish love tries to suck whatever it can from its supply source. Shut the supply down and see if the love is still there...
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I have never taken a poll where everyone positively! The pole offered the following choices: Liked; Disliked; No Opinion. everyone who took the poll responded, "Liked!" It is a great article!
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Thank you, Lynne...appreciate it.
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Love is a matter of exchange (of course, that sounds cold and dry, but without mutual exchange it's just not love). Love is about mutual surrender and the ability to give and receive...It's about sharing values, sorrow and joy, and about taking and giving in similar parts. People who don't believe they deserve their loved ones, probably don't; because to have true love, you have to earn it every single day. And no, I'm not talking trash here, these are the axioms that have mede for a very happy marriage in my case (26 years and counting happily!).
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Agree George, well, put!..
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I agreed,things have change so much in relatioships.It seem like almost a game. Men today dont want to get to know you if your not going to give then sex.I'll just turn my phone on and look for someone else.There is no let me get to know u.And yes,there seem what i have saw alot of women(not every) who are so in need of a man they given-up there self-respect to just be able to talk to one. After being in a eight year realtionship and getting back out there it was like a major shock. Men seem to tell you up=front this is what i'm looking for. I just stop seeing someone she wamted selfish love.Along with keeping a hold of a ex.He told me in a matter of fact way that he plan on dating us both.This was in a tone of I just dont care whaat u throught.
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Things have changed there is no respect for self or others. Men don't respect women and women don't respect men and without respect you can have anything close to love. This 'sex' thingy is getting stupid in that, it means nothing to some... and they seem to expect it.. Sex comes AFTER you get to know someone and is based on love. Anything else is usary. And if a woman allows a man to use her in this manner or she uses him in this manner will there is no respect and no affection..It's nothing. People like this are vapid and empty and there does seem to be alot of them around.
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....some men will say "I Love You", when what they Mean is "I Want You" , or , Worse, " I Need You" .
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Agree, or they want what you have and who you are...
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Good blog
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I've heard it said that "I love you" is true to the precise degree that YOU experience your life being better for my presence in it.
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That's a great way to put it.
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I have had selfish lovers and you summed it up well. They are cons and they do harm.
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