Can you love someone you don't respect?...
If you don't have respect for someone, can you really love them? I am talking romantic, enduring, and true love...(I understand a parent can and will love a child even if their child commits murder, as parent/child love is unconditional, as is God's love.)
But other than this, I believe without respect, love turns into something else like pity...or tolerance.
Only what is respect? Some definitions are: an act of giving particular attention ...consideration... holding in high or special regard - esteem... the quality or state of being esteemed... to admire deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements....have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of...a feeling of deep admiration for someone, or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements ... due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others ... a person's polite greetings...
But we are all individual and have different traits that we admire and respect in ourselves and in others...
Example: I was dating a man and I 'thought' that he was of a certain character level... then he stole something from one of my neighbors (small, but still) and he thought that I would think it funny. And of course, I didn't. I was appalled and in that moment, I lost all respect for this man as I saw his true character. What he did in this instance, compiled with other things that I had observed in him, and any caring I had for him was gone. I saw clearly his lack of consideration, his arrogance, his ability to harm others, even to commit a crime (no matter how small)... and I didn't want him around me any longer. I lost all trust and all respect. He showed me that he is a person of weak character. Because what someone will do to others, they will eventually do to you...
Another person might even admire him for what he did, or it might not have bothered them as it did me.
So, what makes you have respect for someone? Is it their character? Their talents? Their expertise in some area? The way that they treat you, themselves and others?...
And do you think that you can love someone without respecting them?...
I think love and respect go together. Men who don't respect women sure can't love one. Says alot about playboy types.
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no, you cannot have love without respect
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Nope.
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NO!
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I don't think so.
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Don't you know?
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Figure of speech, but Hell No. Is that better?
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Yes!
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YOu're a wise woman Ann..thanks for another great blog =) ♥
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Not only wise but classy and great looking!
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No!
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HOW??????????? NOT POSSIBLE.
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First, to be able to give love, you have to respect yourself. Now need is a much different thing.
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I vote no......
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I definitely say NO! I recently dated a woman I was growing quite fond of,until...we had lunch at a restaurant where I treated for us and her friend and her friend's kids...it was a vietnamese rest. and she and her friends Cambodian(I make this point becuz it is relevant) I left about a 23% tip becuz we ran the waiter ragged and he was a very nice kid...as I was leaving I saw my GF go and pull a bill out of my tip and put it in her purse..I confronted her and she said"You don't understand asian culture,that was too much" I then asked her friend about this and she said"What? Of course it's not an insult to leave a good tip!" This ,combined with the fact that the money stayed in her purse(I went in and placed another $10 bill outta my pocket) told me all I needed to know,she may have been gorgeous,and she was alot of fun to spend time with,but...how could I ever grow to love someone with morals so different from my own? If she was willing to steal tip $ from an honest hardworker,where would she draw the line? Would I need a safe in my house if we moved in together? Yep,this decision took all of 5 seconds to make....MMMMMBYE!...NEXT!..
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Yep Patrick a person's character can be revealed very quickly. Sure people make mistakes.. but certain things tell you who this person really is and you know that it will only get worse.. so wise of you to get away from her.
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NO!
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Agree love and respect go together.
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My ex is a living testament to the fact that you can NOT love someone you have NO respect for!
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Respect is the basis for love.. trust and respect and once broken.. love dissipates..
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You got it! Trust may even be easier to EARN back than respect!
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Wish a husband and wife could be that in love, what a concept, what would the lawyers do then?
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Yes, but that is the concept of what love is.. respect and trust are what love is built on. But if someone doesn't have self-respect they treat others accordingly. They are always trying to get away with something as in cheating because self-respect allows them to treat others as they treat themselves. People who can't and don't take care of themselves will not have the ability of awareness to care for another. Look at how many treat their bodies, stuffing food into them and having sex with anyone that will 'do it'.. no respect.. no trust and no love.
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No if you don't have respect in love then you are right it turns into co-dependacy or something else. If a guy think that you would admire him stealing his is a criminal. I bet you never went out with him again.
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Amen Sister once you lose respect it is over!!
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No. You cannot. You can accept them, but love demands equality. It is easier to distrust than to disrespect.
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Yes and when you lose respect for someone, they become less than in your eyes and love is gone.. that is if you are a balances, self-aware and moral person. When you lose respect, trust usually goes also. So there goes love. as with this guy I mentioned.. he said he 'loved' me.. then so he behaves unloving to self and others.. the man doesn't know what love is. People without self-respect usually don't love .. that is love with any regard to what love is.. they may equate it with sex or something esle like be co-dedendant as Candy wrote.
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Respect is critical. Anyone who is "attracted" to someone they do not respect needs to examine that attraction -- for it is something other than love.
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Agree and exactly..
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Men and women such as playboys and 'whore types' who don't respect women or themselves, can't love .. they haven't the ability. They think it is attraction, and the rush in the excitement but once that dissapates they roam on looking for it again.. they have little respect for themselves or others..and no ability for respect, trust, and the intimacy that developes into true love...
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You can't be committed to another person, the way the marriage convenant is structured, w/o respecting and loving that person on every level. You are selling yourself and that person short to try and be with them if you are not dedicated to that marriage convenant.
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Agree Logan .. to make that committment it takes a person with self-respect and know that love is based and respect, trust and is a responsiblity to those things and another.
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I have seen men attracted to filthy women -- and they lust but do not love them -- and women running after amoral, self-absorbed narcissistic studs who love only themselves and share nothing but their STDs.
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Kinda gross but true and well put..
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No respect is why there are so many out of wedlock kids and cheating and divorces and turmoil. No one has respect for themselves as you said Ann and so they don't know how to respect anyone else. You hit it exactly as it is everytime. Reading your blogs give me hope because you tell the truth and make sense.
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Respect and trust - unfortunately, not always necessary for love, but necessary for true, lasting, healthy relationship love - sometimes it takes a lifetime to finally understand this...
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True. Lots of ladies who I otherwise respect lust after bad boy trash who may thrill them, but then will hurt them and demean them.
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Peter, those women don't respect themselves.. they are needy and hungry... starving for attention and to feel .. and haven't a clue who they are..
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Any, it begins with self-respect and it can take awhile of living to 'get' this.. when you really develop self-respect you will be able to love and to treat others in this way.. and you will not love those who don't respect themselves or you...
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just like playboys.. and sex addicts.. on and on.. it begins with self -respect..
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It is not enough to "know better." Some folks make trash of themselves. No love there.
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Yes and they make trash of themselves and others and hurt everyone.
The loss of self-respect in this world is what is causing so much harm to self and others.. it is not about love.. it is about self-respect.. without self-respect you can't have love or even really know what love is.
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Ann I want to cry this is so true and I so needed to read this today. THank you so much. I am really understanding. I am just now understanding a situation that I am in and this article helps me to really understand. thank you so much. you are so wise!
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YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, Respect=LOVE
I RESPECT YOU ALL so you know I LOVE YOU ALL
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NO they both go hand in hand.
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so agree.. so then why do so many behave so disrespectfully to those that they claim to love?
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I hate to say anything is impossible but this is a difficult to do...Look at it introspectively, people who do not respect themselves do not treat themselves very lovingly and vice versa....
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NEVER.....i would not "respect" myself in that case>..(we are more likely to "use" ppl we do not respect.)
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Exactly Diane.. EXACTLY... a man or woman who repects themself won't... even, can't use someone for sex or anything else...
I respect myself too much ...
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I believe it is the attraction that the person has for "themself". that causes you to "LOVE" them. By this i mean,a person that "LOVES" them self,,, takes better care PHYSICALLY OF THEMSELVES..A person that loves themselves takes care of their surroundings better,meaning if they had a shack for a home you would be aware they did not care what happens to the world around them. YOU ARE A very smart woman you see where i am headed.
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Yes, I clearly see it. Even if a person has a modest home, if they respect themselves they keep it nicely and people who respect themselves take care of their body.. and even in the marriage vows, it states that a man should care for his wife as he does himself.. that says it all.. but if a man has no self-respect.. well, clearly he will not be able to respect his wife.
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No, I don't think you can, respect is part of love, but there are too many out there who don't know what real love is and say I love you way too easily without understanding the real meaning of those words
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I think respect is also difficult if the man is insecure, going back to your previous blog....after awhile you just get tired of dealing with it all...and respect just isn't there...
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Very good point Jan, if a man is pouty, angry, withdrawn, unable to express his emotions, whiny and abusive.. he sure isn't your hero and you certainly lose respect for him... so love dwindles until it is gone.
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Agree ..the word love it thrown around so often that it has lost his real meaning.. If someone comes out with "I love you" too early.. chances are they don't know what love is..
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A simple answer....NO. once respect is gone, loves goes too.
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Absolutely, not. No love without respect.
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Love can't exist without respect. Ann this is a wonderful article. Great for young people to read. I am going to copy it. This is such a with it site, sharp and fresh and with sound moral advice. You are one great lady and are doing a great service.
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It's all about the character & integrity in a person & that how u get respect..
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Exactly when you see a person has no character, that they don't respect themsleves and others.. a person who does have character and respect will not be able to love them..
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ur right on point. if two people want to have a relationship they both need to have character & then & only then will u be able to respect & love each other..
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very well said, Ann!
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No you can't love someone that you don't respect.
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No respect.. no love..
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You can love them but not be in love with them.
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impossible to love someone that you don't respect
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Awesome article!!!!
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The hat makes you look so elegant.
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Off course not. It will never last.
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I answer yes, because tis where the rubber meets the road on the gospel, loving the un lovable. Though in my marriage as my wife has exemplified respecting me of late, it has brought clearer understanding to me, even at her most disrespectful, how deeply she loves me in those times.
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But will we respect them in the morning?
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Totally preferring the love and respect combo. Love without respect....like being between tectonic plates with your heart square in the middle of the big one.
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I wasn't being lighthearted about it, but that seems to be a common line. Personally, I cannot love someone that I cannot respect.
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Maybe for fifteen, twenty minutes tops.
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no way
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No!
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Hi Ann. You remember that Mel Gibson movie where he got clocked on the head and all of a sudden could read women's thoughts. Well, that's me. I have that power. I read all of your blogs and it's as if I wrote them. Women wear their emotions on their sleeves. So easy to read. I love this country. Just sayin.
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It seems largely a truth of definition.
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NOPE AND NEITHER CAN I LOVE SOMEONE I DON'T TRUST!
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Definitely NOT!
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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You can LOVE someone you dont even LIKE .
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Umm.. yes, but is that real love? You can love members of your family that you don't like.. but real romantic love.. must have respect don't you think?
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Yes, we are commanded to love....we choose not to like..happens all the time.
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no respect , no love .no respect and no trust
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Love is a gift ypu give not take
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No Way!
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What really puzzles me is when someone shows their tue colors early on,yet the other person overlooks them(probably hoping they can somehow change this person's actual morals and principles) then acts so shocked later in the relationship when said person does something horrible...it's like the story of the scorpion and the frog,a scorpion asks a frog to ferry him across a pond,frog says "No,you will sting me" scorpion says'Why would I? Then we both drown and die" so frog puts scorpion on his back and halfway across scorpion stings him,frog says"Why did you do that" and scorpion simply replies"I am a scorpion,it's what I do!"...you might be able to get a smoker to stop smoking,a drinker to stop drinking,an overweight person to join a gym,but if a person shows you a true lack of character or morals you have nothing to work with.
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I agree Patrick, but most all of us have gotten caught up and missed clues.. only to think back and go "Ah! That was it then."
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No you can't love someone that you don't respect.
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No you can't!
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No way!
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