by Sara Zimmerman
Relationships are a beautiful thing, but sometimes that beauty can turn ugly. You fight and fight, or maybe, you simply ignore one another.
So, when is it time to bail on a relationship? This is an area that I have given a lot of thought, not because I am about to pull a post runaway bride, or anything, simply because I have been in quite a few relationships.
Relationships are not something that we can control and this in itself is often the problem. No matter how disciplined you are, you are only half of the relationship. The other half is being controlled by someone else, your other half. If this is not the case, then you have a whole list of other problems to address. There is always a chaos factor and you have to prepare for that, but how do you prepare for chaos? Just don’t try to control it.
Most everyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship has had a point where they have said to themselves; “This is so sad, how did we get here? Can we get back what once was?” But how long are you ‘supposed’ to wait to pull out of the relationship rut? If this is an average rut and there is no violence, or abuse going on, then you have time.
All relationships go through their ups and downs. That’s just part of living and if you can’t survive some down time than nothing will last for you. Just sit still, gather yourself and say that you can live like this for X amount of time and commit to it. It usually does gets better.
But if it doesn’t and you find yourself miserable for an extended period of time, then maybe, it is time to revaluate the relationship. And yes, it is sad, but nothing is sadder then wasting years in a relationship that you don’t belong in. Besides, if you stick around too long, you’ll start to resent the other person, which may be why so many divorces are bitter and ugly. Rejection is never pretty, but resentment is worse.
Something to keep in mind while looking at a broken relationship, it is usually or almost never a one sided thing. If something is wrong, you both ‘probably’ played a part in it. Deferring blame is something that, we, as humans seemed to have mastered, but ultimately the deferment only hurts ourselves. Being unable to see our part in the failure of a relationship is increasing the odds that you will make the same mistake again and then wonder, why does this always happen to me? If it always happens to you, you might want to look at well, you.
Think long and hard about what went wrong, find your part in it, and address it in yourself. Hopefully, the relationship is salvageable, but if not, then you get to start the process all over again with someone new.
What about taking your share in the blame for those failed relationships, so you can heal and grow…
And what are your thoughts about when is the right time to bail?