Sex and the female...growing into my sexuality...
by Sara Zimmerman
Sex. This is something that consenting adults all around the world are partaking in. So why is it so taboo? The idea that sex is not to be discussed is a large part of the problem. Have you walked in to a high school lately? If you have then you probably ran into a pregnant teen or two or three... Am I one to talk, why yes I am, I was one, once upon a time. But, I didn’t get pregnant because I was enjoying a healthy sex life; I became pregnant because I allowed it into my relationship. I didn’t enjoy it and yet I did it.
Sex used to terrify me. I started too young which ironically set back my understanding of it quite a few years. It took me being comfortable with myself to even begin to understand the mystery that is sex. I used to have it, so I could feel loved. I used to have it, so I could feel wanted.Neither reason, is any reason to be having sex.
If you can’t have a reasonable conversation about sex, you shouldn’t be having it.
I was in way over my head, way too young. Sex became a chore, something I dreaded. I was the girl pretending to be asleep to avoid having it. Sound familiar? Hopefully not, because that is not a fun place to be, besides it is pretty crushing to the guy when he discovers that you would do just about anything to avoid sleeping with him.
I have changed and grown-up a bit since then; I was one of the lucky ones. Sex has become something that improves my self-esteem, instead of tearing it down. It took awhile to get to that place, but I am here and it is something I enjoy, imagine that!
On the grander scale, sex is just as responsible for failed relationships as it is for creating relationships that never had any business being in the first place.
Ever been to Las Vegas? Sex oozes from every billboard and store window. If you plan on walking down ‘The Strip’ then be prepared to have pornography flyers shoved in your face every few feet. This is an extremely awkward way to start the sex talk with your kid. “Mommy, why is that naked lady kissing the other one?” There has to be a middle ground somewhere between the two.
But where is that line and how can we tell, if we are in a healthy relationship, or simply making things worse? This is different for everyone, varying on beliefs and maturity. For me, I began to enjoy the act of sex when I found someone I was comfortable with and realized that sex is not such a horrible thing that needs to be whispered about or shoved down my throat with every passing innuendo.
The fun comes, when we realize that having sex is a natural part of life. It is OK to have it and to enjoy it. As long as we are prepared for all that comes along with it. Consenting adults can make their own decisions about sex and their body. If you have it for the right reasons, it does live up to all the hype, even for women. Once I entered my mid-twenties, I began to finally see what all the fuss was about.
Woman all around the world are enjoying it and the idea of having it just to satisfy the man is long gone. It has become an act of empowerment and confidence. Men have started to become concerned about pleasing their woman and the street is finally a two way one.
Alfred Kinsey broke boundaries, when he asked woman what they enjoyed about sex, in 1953 with his book 'Sexual Behavior in the Human Female'. This book was considered highly controversial and also became a best seller. According to his findings, women and men, are very similar in the biology of their sexuality, but women had their sexuality repressed by social and cultural forces. (Kinsey 348-349)
This is something that, we as a society, have become a bit more aware of, since the 1950’s, even mediums such as Sex in the City, have Kinsey to thank.
Now, I understand how important sex is and luckily am much more comfortable with the idea, than I was even eight years ago. I am not encouraging random sex with random partners, nor am I discouraging it. I am merely stating that sexual desire is a part of life for men and women. I am lucky to exist in a world where it is acceptable for me to enjoy it and to recognize its’ significant role in relationships. Maybe, if I had understood this as a teen, I would have waited to have it.
My advice, wait until you’re prepared for all that comes with a healthy sex life, and wait until you are mature enough to make this important decision and engage in such acts in a mature fashion. Also spread this knowledge to your teenagers, if you so happen to have them. It is only an uncomfortable conversation if you treat it as such. If you don’t have the conversation with them, someone else will, and that someone might be just as lost on the topic as I once was.
When did you come into your full sexuality, meaning when you really enjoyed it, your body, and your partner? Men chime in also...