The Insecure Woman....
by Ann
... is not good for her friends, her husband, her children, or herself... and I am not talking about that occasional insecurity that we all feel at certain times.
I am talking about the blatantly insecure woman. She comes in many forms, but some of the ways to spot her are... her lack of insight towards self and others. Her insecurity makes most everything all about her... either she is a victim, or she is the one victimizing...
But no matter what occurs, she will view herself as a victim most all the time.
Her insecurity makes her emotions unstable...ups and downs are the norm, but she will probably deny it if you confront her about it. Deny, deny is part of her game.
She is quick to anger and holds grudges. And she may be bossy in her attempt to cover-up her insecurity.
Because she is jealous of her friends, she is catty, many times sarcastic, gossips and is usually talking behind others' backs. She doesn't have the confidence or security to say it to the person's face. So she back bites, while she might be smiling innocently and sweetly when she is around the people that she is scandalizing.
She is usually the one complaining about others. That 'they' didn't notice 'her'. That she is not being treated correctly. That they are 'mean' and she is sooo nice. Well, she isn't nice... she is an insecure disease.
It's usually someone else's fault, instead of hers, when things fall apart, or go wrong. Blaming others is one of her activities.
She doesn't enjoy being alone. So, she may wrap herself in a group of less accomplished, or less attractive friends, whom she arranges just so, so that she recieves their praise. Her friends feel lacking in the friendship, but don't quite comprehend why. They may even be tied together by their 'in common' insecurity.
Insecure women don't like secure women. And will try to bring the secure woman down to their level. If they can't, they will try to alienate or attack her her in some manner. The attack will be covert because these women can't do things overtly. Many times, an insecure woman is sneaky, plotting and planning in her mind and actions about how to make sure she 'gets' others, or to make certain that she is continually 'praised' in some manner or form.
The insecure woman either blames her life on her children, hides behind them, or promotes and pushes them to live out the dreams that she is, or was too insecure to pursue herself. Or she may sabatoge them out of her innate insecurity. She does similar things with her husband. She is proud of him, but doesn't like his success or happiness, while at the same time, she will brag about his accomplishments as if they were her own. She must identify with someone and live through them or she feels even more insecure.
She may stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship way too long because she is too insecure to get out of it and make it on her own.
She is the one that is glued to shows like the 'reality housewives'. She may even find her complete identity in public personas. She dreams of being a sought after 'star' herself.
Husbands and children feel lacking, but don't understand exactly why? They also feel stressed and drained because the insecure woman sucks their energy without them even being aware.
She can't take constructive criticism. She looks at it as insulting. She is too insecure to work on herself. She can't see who she is because she is too insecure in herself to see herself. She needs to feel 'right', on top of things, and will rarely admit that she is wrong.
She doesn't give compliments easily, but she must have them for herself. She isn't truly generous or caring, unless she can brag about it to others.
She can dish it out, but she can't take it. She runs from confrontation. (drives off in her pink Barbie car)
Many times, she uses her sexuality for attention and to 'get' men. Her over focus on sexuality is a cover-up for her feelings of unworthiness. She may be addicted to liguor, the must have a glass of wine while cooking. Concerning working out, she must be thin and trim or she gets depressed. She is obsessive about her appearance, her weight and clothing and little is done for fun, while she is always looking to have fun!
She must stay distracted from herself. Given too long to think and she will become depressed and may turn to alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex to lift herself up.
She may at times, even act arrogantly or boastful, as this is part of her cover. But she isn't secure enough to talk and to confront to resolve any conflict.
She is easily offended, overly sensitive and fragile. She takes things incorrectly as to intent and misunderstands conversation and intentions. (think Camille Grammer on the Beverly Hills Housewives. I watched that show in total about 30 minutes and Camille's behavior was obviously that of blatant insecurity.)
If you remark to her, "Don't be insecure?" She will anger up and slam back, "I am not insecure!" She might even say... "It's you who's insecure, not me!"
Projection is her best friend because she can't and won't look at herself honestly.
You see, an insecure person needs to think of themselves as secure. And this is one key sign of deep insecurity.
She may be beautiful, accomplished and appear to have it all, but something innately deep inside herself makes her feel insecure. She lives a distortion.
A secure person can admit when they feel insecure and will usually readily cop to it and examine it when called out, because they are secure enough to see self clearly in most aspects. Nothing is wrong with feeling insecure at times, we all do... it is part of being human.
And when you have two insecure people in a marriage... oh my gosh! The Insecure Man
Do you have insecure people and friends in your life and how does this affect you and manifest in your relationship with them?
... is not good for her friends, her husband, her children, or herself... and I am not talking about that occasional insecurity that we all feel at certain times.
I am talking about the blatantly insecure woman. She comes in many forms, but some of the ways to spot her are... her lack of insight towards self and others. Her insecurity makes most everything all about her... either she is a victim, or she is the one victimizing...
But no matter what occurs, she will view herself as a victim most all the time.
Her insecurity makes her emotions unstable...ups and downs are the norm, but she will probably deny it if you confront her about it. Deny, deny is part of her game.
She is quick to anger and holds grudges. And she may be bossy in her attempt to cover-up her insecurity.
Because she is jealous of her friends, she is catty, many times sarcastic, gossips and is usually talking behind others' backs. She doesn't have the confidence or security to say it to the person's face. So she back bites, while she might be smiling innocently and sweetly when she is around the people that she is scandalizing.
She is usually the one complaining about others. That 'they' didn't notice 'her'. That she is not being treated correctly. That they are 'mean' and she is sooo nice. Well, she isn't nice... she is an insecure disease.
It's usually someone else's fault, instead of hers, when things fall apart, or go wrong. Blaming others is one of her activities.
She doesn't enjoy being alone. So, she may wrap herself in a group of less accomplished, or less attractive friends, whom she arranges just so, so that she recieves their praise. Her friends feel lacking in the friendship, but don't quite comprehend why. They may even be tied together by their 'in common' insecurity.
Insecure women don't like secure women. And will try to bring the secure woman down to their level. If they can't, they will try to alienate or attack her her in some manner. The attack will be covert because these women can't do things overtly. Many times, an insecure woman is sneaky, plotting and planning in her mind and actions about how to make sure she 'gets' others, or to make certain that she is continually 'praised' in some manner or form.
The insecure woman either blames her life on her children, hides behind them, or promotes and pushes them to live out the dreams that she is, or was too insecure to pursue herself. Or she may sabatoge them out of her innate insecurity. She does similar things with her husband. She is proud of him, but doesn't like his success or happiness, while at the same time, she will brag about his accomplishments as if they were her own. She must identify with someone and live through them or she feels even more insecure.
She may stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship way too long because she is too insecure to get out of it and make it on her own.
She is the one that is glued to shows like the 'reality housewives'. She may even find her complete identity in public personas. She dreams of being a sought after 'star' herself.
Husbands and children feel lacking, but don't understand exactly why? They also feel stressed and drained because the insecure woman sucks their energy without them even being aware.She can't take constructive criticism. She looks at it as insulting. She is too insecure to work on herself. She can't see who she is because she is too insecure in herself to see herself. She needs to feel 'right', on top of things, and will rarely admit that she is wrong.
She doesn't give compliments easily, but she must have them for herself. She isn't truly generous or caring, unless she can brag about it to others.
She can dish it out, but she can't take it. She runs from confrontation. (drives off in her pink Barbie car)
Many times, she uses her sexuality for attention and to 'get' men. Her over focus on sexuality is a cover-up for her feelings of unworthiness. She may be addicted to liguor, the must have a glass of wine while cooking. Concerning working out, she must be thin and trim or she gets depressed. She is obsessive about her appearance, her weight and clothing and little is done for fun, while she is always looking to have fun!
She must stay distracted from herself. Given too long to think and she will become depressed and may turn to alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex to lift herself up.
She may at times, even act arrogantly or boastful, as this is part of her cover. But she isn't secure enough to talk and to confront to resolve any conflict.
She is easily offended, overly sensitive and fragile. She takes things incorrectly as to intent and misunderstands conversation and intentions. (think Camille Grammer on the Beverly Hills Housewives. I watched that show in total about 30 minutes and Camille's behavior was obviously that of blatant insecurity.)
If you remark to her, "Don't be insecure?" She will anger up and slam back, "I am not insecure!" She might even say... "It's you who's insecure, not me!"
Projection is her best friend because she can't and won't look at herself honestly.
You see, an insecure person needs to think of themselves as secure. And this is one key sign of deep insecurity.
She may be beautiful, accomplished and appear to have it all, but something innately deep inside herself makes her feel insecure. She lives a distortion.
A secure person can admit when they feel insecure and will usually readily cop to it and examine it when called out, because they are secure enough to see self clearly in most aspects. Nothing is wrong with feeling insecure at times, we all do... it is part of being human.
And when you have two insecure people in a marriage... oh my gosh! The Insecure ManDo you have insecure people and friends in your life and how does this affect you and manifest in your relationship with them?
Posted by Ann at 3/10/2011 10:53 PM 
Categories: Self-help
Tags: insecurity friendship gossip secure anger sarcastic victim emotions unstable bossy blame fault success children happiness brag identity confrontation arrogant conflict projection
Categories: Self-help
Tags: insecurity friendship gossip secure anger sarcastic victim emotions unstable bossy blame fault success children happiness brag identity confrontation arrogant conflict projection
Very good piece and so detailed and true. Insecure women can be real bi....ches and they will turn on you in a flash. Look at the housewives reality shows. Most of those women are insecure, competitive and hateful to each other.
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Excellent article! Excellent! Ann you are amazing, you see so clearly. Insecure people are what is causing so much turmoil. It's the cause of bullying and much more.
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Loved it!!! You always hit the nail on the head!!!! lol
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What a comprehensive article. Yes. I have insecure friends that make my life miserable. And they fit into what you wrote. They are obsessed with their wieght and talk about people behind their bad. They will 'act' like they like someone then bad mouth them when they are not there. I don't trust them, so we can't really be good friends. Ann, you are very wise this insecurity is the cause of many problems between people and in relationships.
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Many women in my office have the traits and behaviors that you address here and they make everyone's life miserable.
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ann I'm way past being insecure. Why is that that many attractive women have very low self esteem?
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Doug, I think that the attractive woman taht places too much emphasis on her looks and not others aspects of herself can trigger self-esteem issues when she doesn't feel like she looks her best. Now, we all have those days, when we feel like we don't look so great.. that's just normal and being human. The deeply insecure won't self analyze to see why they feel so insecure and lash out at others and where their behaviors are self destructive.
Also, youth is a time where inscurity can take over as in bullying. As you grow and learn and become more self-aware.. hopefully and usually people grow into a more secure base. When I was younger I would never go out without make-up.. now I can do it and it doesn't bother me.. It's my interior that matters more than my exterior and Ilike who I am...
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Very good article. You covered it all. I hav also seen that the insecure woman is overly concerned with designer fashions and comparing what she wears to what others where. She is a jealous person and full of envy. And you on so dead on about self awareness and evaluation of self and looking at feeling and why you feel the way that you do. I love your articles and your insights.
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Those socialite types are way insecure about how they look. They freak when everything isn't perfect and they don't have the right purse with their outfit.
I have been subjected to really bad experinces with gossipy women. They pretent that they like people then talk badly behind people's backs. And yes, it is their own insecurity that makes them do this. It must make them feel better about themselves or why do it. It's a waste of everyone's time.
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I love this site even though Im a man.
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Hey.. thanks! You are in good company man! We have many men followers... Womenexplodes.. loves men!
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We men can learn a lot by listening to what women have to say. It helps us understand more about women...
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Really good thoughts. I know so many women that fit into what you wrote. Do you think that we are becoming more insecure as a people?
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Yes, Debbie I do. I think insecurity is rampant. Because so few take personal responsiblity for their actions and are looking outside of themselves for affirmation and or to 'Hollywood' and 'fashion' standards. They 'think' that they need a certian pair of shoes or to be a certain weight to be happy when nothing ie wrong with fashion or being fit but it is determential when that is what defines you. I have been around women at lunch who literally sit and tear one another down subletly and it makes me sick to watch and to hear. I pull away from these women. If I don't care enough to try and talk to these women, I distance myself. If they are doing that to others, they will do that to me. Often times, if you try to talk to women like this, they will take offense and turn on you. They don't want to self-evaluate. They want to project onto others, blame and gossip.
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Boy have I met women like this. Back stabbing whackos.. pretending to be your friend then doing whatever they can to harm you. How do you handle women like this?
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Suzanne, my suggestion if you can't share how you feel with them, distance yourself from them. They will try to pull you into their place of unhappiness and insecurity.
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Ann, my Mom is insecure. She is in competion with me and I hate her for it. I am 18 and she is 45 and she tries to dress like I do and she flirts with my boyfriends. I ask her to stop it and she will for a bit then she does it again.
It makes me want to cry and it makes me embarrassed. What can I do? I love her but I am ashamed of her when she acts this way.
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Tammy, you can use this interaction with your mother to learn about yourself and how to develope boundaries and inner strength. Keep sharing your feeling with her. I know that you love her. She is your mother. I think that sometimes that when women hit middle age that they can try to recapture their youth through their children. Not a good thing, but an outlet for them. It is wise of you to recognise what she is doing. So since you see it for what it is, you are a step ahead of it. It is no reflection on you. It is just what and how your Mother is dealing with her insecurities. Set your boundgaries and step away when it gets to be too much, talk to her at others times and I hope the situation achieves a better balance.
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Geez.. I am the queen of typos today.. sorry!
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Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I see myself and my friends in this. I am going to print it out and read it over and over. I get caught up in gossip and I don't like myself even as I am doing it. This makes me want to cry. I hate you Ann for doing this but really love you for it. I need to look at myself. I really do.
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Gina, don't cry. I am impressed. Most can't or won't even be able to recognize their behaviors and traits in this article. You are so ahead of most.
Good for you! Yeah!
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Oh no! I think my husband and I are both insecure. We're crazies and do all those things listed.
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i like this it's quirky different.....good info and funny..
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Also insecure women lie and exaggerate. I have a friend that is getting a divorce and she lies about everything. She is so insecure about getting a divorce that she can't face the truth about her life. People try to point her in the right direction and give her good advice and she denies what is really happening. She used to come across like she was really together and secure and it was all pretending. As long as she had her husband to hide behind she could be that way without him she is a complete mess. I bet that this ie one reason that the divorce is happening. I am going to send this article to her. But she most probably will throw it away. She is an insecure mess.
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Well good luck to her Janie..When you see behaviors in other's you can look to yourself and reflect about how you might handle things. We continually learn from others.
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Insecure women are jealous bitches. They are the mean girls in the world. They are always putting others down to make themselves feel better. Ann, your site is the best. My sorority reads it.
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Good read. And I agree with it all. Insecure people are hell to be around. You have to tiptoe around all their issues.
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Insecure men and women are a pain in the butt! The men are arrogant and whiny and the women are emotionally difficult. Insightful piece Ann. Keep it up
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You have such a great way of exercising voice in your writing. That is why people enjoy reading what you have to say. The article is very true, insecurities are in us all but if we refuse to acknowledge them and refuse to grow a person they will devour us. Hopefully someone will read this and maybe spend some time reflecting on themselves.
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I agree Sara. Ann is so on it. This site rocks. I have delt with so many insecure people and at first, they can make you think that they are so on it and they are fakes. And when they go down they try to take you with them. They will not look at themselves until forced to if ever. I had a roommate that was insecure and very jealous and she would lie about things to try and hurt me, but it backfired on her LOL!
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I started crying when I read this. It is so true. I have been a victim of insecure girlfriends many times over. I thought it was me until I saw that they treat everyone like crap. Then I realized that they reason they do this is not because they are better but because they are insecure and feel inderior. Yes Ann people who are secure treat others with respect. Thank you for this site and this point on article. It just confirmed what I am learning.
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These insecure women are the fashion victims seen walking around on those stupid looking shows. This article is too true. I dated a woman that was so inseucre that if she didn't have on the latest fashion crap she freaked and I dumped her. I like a woman to look withit but those obsessed and too into fashion and what they look like are a bore and are constantly needing reassurance. And she drank all the time and fits into what is written here. She talked bad about her girlfriends and then would get mad if they didn't want to be around her. Men can learn alot on this site. It is great.
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i am happy to see my view in that phrase ;woman is full of compassion and so feeling passion than man ;so god gave him after he suffered so much lonely ;he had every thing we can hope for it ;all sweetie fruits the ''flesh'' ;all governing ...all creatures in garden ''power''but had never passion;so God gave him very overwhelming beautiful passionate equally to him that can be inevitable for him;but woman when she was, ''passion''being ,tried in her feeling can easily connected to any ;so she is always in trials ;that makes me verily advice man ''do not hurt your woman ;you should know she comes for him to help him live happily and passionately ;she is so tender so giving ;so forgiving and forgetting ;please do not harm woman you hurt the heart of God
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Excellent article. I agree with it all. I have been insecure and have been around insecure women that act just as you describe.
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Cripes I could have written this Ann. Good stuff here.
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"No opinion" on this one, Ann. I will say one thing: Weaklings make for poor friendships. And a weak, insecure woman is a dangerous companion.
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yes, a weak insecure woman makes for a dangerous and scary friend. She will back stab you every chance she gets then smile to your face. Good article very thorough.
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Do you know my ex??? once again you have done yourself proud.
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Met, Married and divorced. My wife now is one of the most confidentwomen i have ever met. She is a school counselor and very smart which alsomakes her very sexy, In myworld smart is sexy.
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It's good to hear that..I have met many man that give claim to liking intelligence in a woman but who can't really handle it.
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That's because they are insecure.
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THE INSECURE WOMAN (have a little more time on here today and always appreciate your writing, Ann) and in the article I found points that as a woman, are excellent to hold up to my mirror, ck off and say, 'ok, now get it right'....LOl...thx for the article
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I have know a few women like this. The sad part of it is. I can tell when I come in contact with one. They will start put in people down. If i must come into contact with someone like that I keep it little as possible.
I still carry a few backstabbing marks by women who I used to work with.
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They usually talk about people continually and are jealous and put them down to make themselves feel better.
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This is so true.
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Right again Ann, a friend of mine is terribly insecure and her relationship with her boyfriend suffers tremendously from it. She refuses to accept a compliment because she feels so undeserving. Her health suffers as well and she is always complaining about one ailment or another. Surprising the number of people in the world with this problem, Insecurity leading to depression holds so many back from a lot of happiness and health mentally and physically.
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The hardest part...being honest w/oneself...
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Are you insecure Barb? I'll bet a lot of people are insecure to some degree, the difference in people is the ability to deal with it.
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I used to be pretty bad...started at a young age...Have grown a great deal/changed...I dont' think I have too much anymore.) Fear is the ugly cause of many of our character defects...as odd as that may sound...it's true.
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I know insecurities held me back from alot that I should have experienced and accomplished in life. I have grown out of it the past 20 or so years but every now and then there is that twinge of insecurity.
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We all have degrees of insecurity.. it's when it get over blown that we are in trouble.. and those that deep in it.. many times can't see it.. It's normal and healthy to think at times, I am so insecure.. why is that and to figure yourself out..
Fear is a big part of it.. true Barb. Fear that we aren't good enough, won't be accepted etc.
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I never knew how much fear contolled my life til about 10 years ago and at first was disbelieving that many of my 'issues' (lol) were, iin fact, fear based. Amazing how simply admitting & facing something can change the power it has..
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Grasping the fact that someone who was all powerful, sacrificed everything just because he loved YOU so much; is a good place to start. Jesus Christ wouldn't have endured YOUR pain and humiliation if he didn't KNOW that you are truly worth that sacrifice. To pull his love close to you via the Holy Spirit is such an empowering and peaceful state. It takes daily dedication to love yourself like Christ loved you and to love others. It's a win-win scenario.
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Agree Barb and excellent point Logan..
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when I was reading this piece I thought I was reading me. Not proud. Then I get to the last paragraph. It says a secure person will admit to when she is insecure. Well that's me also. I'm having a hard time being secure because of a life time of situations. Looking for help
??? I'm lost
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We all feel lost at times.. it's part of being human. That you recognize it is the beginning to awareness... read around on the site.. many interesting article.. also, I am thinking about doing consultations..email me on the site if interested.
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