Counselors say that it is good to fall asleep after making some kind of physical contact. This helps express mutual attraction and reduce feelings of abandonment or rejection, and in some cases can be a form of sexual release for a couple who’s too tired to actually do the deed. They also say that it promotes mutual feelings of closeness, which will allow a couple the chance to initiate deeper talks and have more opportunity to share intimate and personal thoughts before sleep, or immediately upon waking.
Marriage counselors say that sleeping apart pushes relationships towards the “roommate zone,” while researchers bring up the fact that it was the pre-industrial revolution that required couples to sleep together in the first place in order to save space. Today, with family homes stretching beyond 3,000 square feet, there is no reason that we can’t retire to our own sleeping quarters. Here are a few statistics showing the prevalence of couples sleeping in separate rooms.
• 1 in 4 couples will sleep in separate rooms (sofa, dog house, etc.) on occasion, due to an argument or disturbance of sleep in one form or another.
• 3 in 10 couples, according to a National Sleep Foundation poll, sleep in separate rooms the majority of the time.
• 40 percent of couples age 70 and older sleep in separate rooms in order to ensure the best night’s sleep possible. Researchers suggest that the security of these long-time relationships resists any feelings of rejection or loneliness.
• 60 percent of all new homes built in 2015 will feature accommodations for two master bedrooms, so that each individual in the relationship can retire to their own sleeping quarters at the end of the day. This statistic comes from the National Home Builders Association.
The final message here is that if your relationship is suffering from sleep disturbances, then sleeping in separate rooms may just save your marriage… or even your life! In extreme cases, where one individual is disturbing as much as an hour of sleep per night of their partner, their risk of stroke, heart disease, depression and even divorce can practically double.
However, with that said, don’t be fooled into thinking that you can solve other relationship difficulties by separating your beds. These might include loss of attraction, disinterest in sex or gradual feelings of falling out of love. These are quite separate problems in a relationship, which will only get worse if you turn away from your spouse. Separate beds are a last resort for couples having troubles getting a good night’s rest, but should never be a crutch for an already crumbling marriage.
Thoughts...opinions?
Ummm... don't know about this. Might could see it, if he snored really bad or something.
Reply to this
I think the article mentioned all reasons for separate beds. Depends on the two people. I have a hard getting to sleep lately and sugested I go to another room. He said, it doesn't bother me if you get up several times, I'd rather you be here with me. I like sleeping together close and so does he. What ever works for both of you. My brother and his wife slept in separate rooms almost all their married life, they had a wonderful marriage. He died 2004 and she said no woman ever had a better husband. Over 50 years. 2 children.
Reply to this
I pretty much think that it's between the couple. Sometimes it's nice to be close and snuggly and others to be apart. The choice and variation might be nice.
Reply to this
I can see the points in this article. Sometimes, separate beds work and others not. I like to be close but if I am sick or want to watch something on TV, I go into a different bedroom.
Reply to this
Couples can do what they want as long as they are happy and content with it. That's all that matters.
Reply to this
I'm not buying this for a second.
Reply to this
Ann it depends on the couple and their issues. If it helps then the more the merrier. I personally would not do it for one reason. Intimacy, Ann is very important and being in a marriage it is vital to be in the same room.
Reply to this
I was married once. & I just don't believe that separate beds is a viable solution. This is why you're supposed to live together before you get married so these things can be found out it's all part of the cohabitation process.
Reply to this
We are supposed to live together first? Where is that information written?I guess the "Take it or Leave it"book. Geeeez!
Reply to this
Agree, Carol... all these stupid 'supposed' new rules that are tearing down our society...
Reply to this
Ann, you are beautiful!
Reply to this
At times, separate beds are needed and others not. It's all individual. What works for the relationship.
Reply to this
Thank you for introducing me to your website. I admire really the inherent strength in your honesty. You stand boldly as a woman in the world, having no need for pretensions otherwise, and knowing that your strength resides in sustaining, and then overcoming, the tribulations of life. There is a real joy in that approach to life - perchance not one of superficial happiness all or even most of the time, but definitely one respondent with the deeper bearings of joy. I always have loved, as friends, or as lovers, or both, the strong, vibrant woman. It is always an engaging pleasure to be reminded of the reason why.
Reply to this
To each it’s own! I can see it though. I have never seen my parents sleep in the same room, since I was very young! They have been together for 42 years. I much rather sleep alone. My husband would not be so happy. I think men in general hate to sleep alone…I need space and hate to fight over the covers! Less distractions better sleep…I think it could work and anyway, if you get lonely you can always jump into their bed! I see no problem with this study.
Reply to this
My husband and I often sleep in separate beds. At first I was bothered by it but now I find it quite nice. I worried, why is this a good thing? But we are doing fine and enjoy the privacy! (And the TV remote)
Reply to this
Sara, I can agree that, at times, separate beds can really help a relationship..
Reply to this
I voted 'Disliked the article' because the percentages of those 'same bed' or 'separate beds' seemed so inconclusive. It all boils down to individual preferences, no matter how many pros or cons or research studies are generated.
I'm a 'same bed' guy all the way.
Reply to this