Initial Book Offering – Daddy Throws Me In The Air….

…is ready for  pre-order. From today, October 17th through Nov 7th –  when your order is placed – I will have the books sent to me to autograph  along with a special message – then I will mail them out to you. The price is $24.99 along with a small mailing fee – since it will go through two mailings – first to me then to you.




Ayn Dillard’s book, Daddy Throws Me Up in the Air, demonstrates plenty of spunk and tenacity that will inspire others, who have had similar trials and tribulations in their upbringing, to persevere as she has done. It is a self-help book that encourages as well as coaches others in how to survive a difficult childhood.A searing look at what the lack of love and feeling of empathy from a parent can do to a child. Ayn works her way through this unspeakable stress at a young age and gradually comes to terms over how to handle the loss of maternal support.  Janice Spina, Author, Copy Editor

Description: 
“It was time to heal. I had to stop creating a life that I could not live.  It was time for the pain and suffering to stop.  There was too much pain. I will die if the pain continues.  Why does my life keep ending up in the same place?  Abusive marriages, divorces, lawyers, legal suits – people in my life that had alcoholism, mental illness and abusive behavior, all telling me that I am the problem.  Why did I keep creating and recreating everything I did not want and vowed not to have in my life?

In the process of the healing – soul searching – reading of books – discussing – studying – therapy; seemingly insignificant scenes from my childhood kept entering my mind.  The scenes were overpowering me, forcing me to look at and relive the feelings that I was having at the time.  I began writing down the stories and discovered very meaningful messages that I was given as a child, messages that imprinted me and shaped my life’s existence.  These scenes and the feelings they created caused me to experience a repetitive pattern.  It did not matter if the imprints were intended to create this pattern, only that it was the pattern it created in me. Until I was genuinely ready and able to look at my imprints and beliefs, where they came from and release them – the pattern would remain.”
Negative imprints, beliefs, thinking and emotions cause a great deal of mental, emotional and physical distress. Negative thoughts and worry sink deep and can control your life. There is power in how you perceive your past, your relation to it and your world . Awareness of how your past affects and guides will help stop the vicious cycle
‘Daddy Throws Me In The Air’ is a journey through childhood memories to  awareness. It includes a process to assist in releasing negative imprints and beliefs.
My life is my gift to you.

Excerpt:

He turns and looks at me, as I softly ask. “Daddy, do you mean that?”

His eyes tear as he answers. “If you had never been born, your mother would not have had a breakdown. If you had never been born, she would be okay – like she was when we first met. She was more like you are then. She was happy and full of – of life and now…”

“You said this is not the way things are supposed to be with me. So you think at the age of one that I caused her to have a breakdown? Was I, at the age of one supposed to experience that? Do you ever think about what that did to me as a baby, to have a mother become catatonic then put into a mental institution? Was that supposed to happen?

Tears enter my Dad’s eyes almost as if he had never thought about the affect all that had on me as a one-year-old.
Dad doesn’t answer. He just stares ahead.

Author Bio:
Ayn Dillard has experienced much prompting much self-reflection. She is a self-proclaimed know-it-all and is sharing some of what she knows with you. She acknowledges that just when you think you know eveything, your inner or outer world shifts. For you to realize that you don’t know much of anything, encouraging you to dig deeper to discover an even more profound awareness and wisdom. Understanding this, she shares what she has gleaned from her experiences and life to assist others to become more aware. She is a former ballet dancer, and former interior designer.

 




Empty People…

trying to fill themselves up – do much damage to self and others. To them the grass is always greener – because they have little to no ability to appreciate where they are, what they have and to water their own grass – they are always looking over the fence to another yard or to attain another shiny object.

They exploit others using sexuality – they lie – they cheat – trying to make themselves feel good about who they are and  to stave off and deny their internal self-lack. They are void of self worth continually trying  to fill themselves up.  Sex is one way, but there are many ways that the empty-vessel-people try to fulfill their desperate need to feel worthy and fulfilled.

They may gorge themselves on food. All those huge swollen bodies in this world stuffed themselves overly full to become that way. Sure, there are a few people with physical disorders that keep them heavy, but for most it’s because they stuff themselves to overly full – way too often. We all may do this occasionally, but it’s not what is done occasionally that does the harm. It’s what is done daily as a habit or obsession that creates the dysfunction of destruction. Then most sit on their butts in front of the TV or computer escaping into whatever it is  they can find.  Escape – escape-  escape is their goal – trying to escape themselves and their self loathing and fear, along with refusal to face self in any solid self-reflection.

Some use drugs or alcohol to escape their self-lack and emptiness.  They will do any and everything to avoid facing self and their core issues. They are empty to the core and they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel full – except to face self and to genuinely heal. They continually are trying to cover their internal wound with one band aid after another, when emotional surgery is what is needed. They have little or no regard for others because they have little to no regard for self.

Some buy or collect things. Some become hoarders – if one is good ten is better mentality. They may collect cars or other objects. But once one object has been purchased and owned – their intense internal lack leads them to immediately desire another. They are never satisfied as they roam about on the hunt for their next momentary high only to have it crash to the ground which stimulates  and forces them to search and acquire their next rush. They can’t be genuinely happy or feel fulfilled for long because they do not have the internal means to do so. Some where in their lives they have been fractured – and it’s seemingly easier for them to look  outward to things, objects, money, sex, drugs – any addiction rather than to stop and face  self – their demons – their inner issues.  The grass is always greener in their distorted mind’s view. Something around the next corner or curve they think may be their answer.  They may have a beautiful wife, kids and success but they have little to no ability to have appreciation or gratitude  for what they have. Their inner empty vessel  always desires more – better – younger -newer – the next best shiny thing.  If they have a brunette wife, they desire a blond mistress, etc.

They have little ability to be in the moment of thanks and gratitude. They have a restless soul – they are an empty vessel always looking – searching to be filled-up in some way or form. I am not referring to healthy ambition. I am talking a destructive, internal empty vessel self of nothingness that will eventually lead to destruction in some form or another.

It also  has to do with spirituality and a connection to God – when there is little to none – destruction of self and others doesn’t matter – because no real ability to feel love – contentment – goodness or joy exists in the individual at the deeper soul level. God – goodness values human life. Evil – satanic has no value for human life, but to capture and destroy… hence its attraction to addictions of all varieties.

The key to having a solid core is to face self straight on and in deep self-reflection.  Avoiding self will always lead to  a life with broken fragments – ultimately shards of nothingness.

My book – out now … has a process to assist with this kind of intense and inner self-reflection.




Only lost souls – those with fractured self-identities…

are overly enamored or obsessed with actors, actresses, rock stars, reality stars, artists, politicians, athletes, sports, religious types, those of extreme wealth or any kind of ‘guru’ etc. – and I will also include in this group those who are obsessed with ‘things and objects’.

People in the public eye are showing  for the most part an ‘orchestrated persona’. It is not – many times anything close to who and what they actually are. And some, who are shockingly crass and gross are doing so to garner fame,  attention and your money to purchase what they are offering. Many are talented in the areas of acting, music or athletics and it’s to be enjoyed or admired for what it is. But because they can play tennis or golf well, does not mean their whole life is in order – that they are wise about much anything else – or that their life is that which to emulate – Tiger Woods comes to mind. – but there are so-so many others.

They make money and fame off all their followers. Why follow anyone – how about lead your own life? Only a person with little to no self-identity will overly attach themselves to a person, place or thing. 

When you put those in the public eye on a pedestal and admire them, emulate them – follow them – worship them – thinking that what you see is really accurate or all that there is – and that they have no motive other than that which is self-serving or that they have nothing negative, perhaps even vile that is  being hidden from view – then you are bound to be disappointed.

Their images are often times created to be as such to grab attention and admiration and nothing more – with the purpose of gaining income and popularity for self and their ‘handlers’. It’s mostly advertising and publicity. In essence, it’s a con and fraud to the public – an illusion.

Some teenagers  – the immature – those who remain stunted in their emotional and intellectual development may idolize these figures for awhile especially those with little self- identity. But hopefully  as they grow, find and develop who they are and will become – they will be able to self-actualize and not idolize others to prop up their identity. They will mature out of these illusions and delusions as they  discover themselves and their individual identity. It’s only the lost souls – the fractured, who stay captured by the facade of  images and things. Unfortunately, in this time frame, there seems to be so many with little to no maturity, wisdom and authenticity of self that they emulate, believe, even get plastic surgery to look like some public person.

Actors, musicians, etc. are to be appreciated for their talent and enjoyed as entertainment, but that is pretty much it – to give them more credit is to be immature, naive and under a kind of spell of brainwashing. They are not ‘stars’ . That phrase ‘movie star’ was coined to garner admiration and to create the illusion of being above all others. It’s all BS! They are not above all others. Because someone can read a script, fake emotions and actions means only that – that they can be fake. Just because someone can hit or run fast with a ball doesn’t mean that they know much about how to live correctly or have any emotional intelligence or any values or morals other than ‘bling’. So why would any thinking person ever think anything more or else of them?

They are flawed regular people with a particular talent – they entertain the masses and doing this pays well in the times we are living in – the times where so many, focus so overly on escape – trying to escape their lives – escape their self – to escape thinking for self – to attach their lacking self identify to that of another.

Today – we are seeing many ‘stars’ fall into the reality of who they actually are.  This is a good thing – we all need to live in reality to see and beware of  truth.

What some actress wears, who she sleeps with, when they marry, when they divorce have nothing to do with your life – and if you try to emulate someone whom you don’t really know and believe what they say and how they live – you are a fool.

Appreciate and enjoy their talent but realize who they actually are in their private lives may very well repulse you. I can read about this mess for a few seconds while waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store and have enough of the idiocy to last a lifetime… it’s a diversion into insanity – escape into a bizarre kind  of fun for a few minutes then BLAH!

Enjoy, appreciate, even learn from talent and entertainment, but be discerning and think for yourself. Don’t blindly believe or follow anyone.

Each person is here to develop who they are, not to try and become ‘like’ someone else or to become a puppet of repetition of thoughts, life styles or beliefs of some flipping actor, etc.

Stars  and ‘star makers’ are falling – crashing into the hard ground of reality these days – and thankfully so…

Idolizing a person is just as stupid, vile and banal as idolizing an object.

Everything in life is relative….

This week for me has been intense – I was relaxing after dinner last weekend sipping wine and feeling content and at peace, then I broke a crown on a back tooth while eating salt water taffy. I know stoopid but I had a temporary addiction to it – now over! HA!  I do not have a dentist  where I live. I travel to a different state to go to my dentist that I have gone to for about four decades. I love him –  those in his office are like family and I feel safe there. But know and decide that  I must get a dentist where I live. TRAUMA! I have had trauma with dental work ever since I was twelve when my two front teeth were knocked out in an accident. Traumatic events create imprints – stress us and throw us into a kind of frenzy and intense internal fear. This  imprint/memory is shared  in – my soon to be released book.  So I went on the hunt to find a dentist that I would feel comfortable with to put on a temporary then a new crown … FEAR – STRESS!!!

As I was dealing with this, they are putting  new roofs on the townhouses where I live and mine was happening this very week.  Ever lived where a new roof was being put on? It is loud … it feels like being in hell. BANG! BANG! BANG! Mess everywhere – and they begin at 7:00 AM and go to 7:00 PM. I like peace and quiet. I must have a certain amount of it and I can’t stand messes and dirt.

At the same time, I am  working to get my book DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR published… and it’s now being put through the copyright phase. Since it’s about memories in my life… it has sensitive topics in it. Although, I have not only changed names but left out names for the privacy of the living.  It’s a memoir – self-help.

https://www.facebook.com/ayndill/

Along with this, Nordstrom’s couldn’t find my return… so I had to spend time on many, many phone calls.

Hectic week! I did find a dentist – I think I will like. So a temporary has replaced the cracked crown. Today my roof is complete. This morning, they came out to power wash my patio from all the soot that fell from the roof on my patio between my garage and house, when they were working on it.

As I looked out at the men cleaning my patio, I pondered – ‘everything in life is so relative’. I thought of the people in Houston and other towns affected by the flooding of hurricane Harvey. My current issues would seem like little to nothing to them. Right now, I bet they would feel glad to hear the sounds of a new roof being put on their houses.

I saw in my mind’s eye the images of the people walking in flood waters, being carried out of their homes, etc. The horror of it all – their loss – their pain – how unsettled and surreal their lives must feel at this time. They can’t relax in their homes and look out their window while sipping coffee. Our homes are so dear and comforting to us especially during and after trauma. But that is their trauma – the security of their home and belongings have been taken from them. My heart, of course broke for them again, as it had been all week – for all they are enduring.

While I had a stressful week – it was nothing compared to what these people  are going through. And as I stand at my back window, sipping iced coffee, watching the men clean my patio. After my week of trauma,  I am now  in peace – most all of my temporary irritations are over or are on the mend. While those affected by the flooding have so much ahead of them to deal with. And I thought, ‘There but for the grace of God go I.’ –   And  also, ‘I cried because I had no shoes, then I saw a man who had no feet.’

May God bless all those hurting and in harm’s way and fill their hearts and lift their minds with comfort, peace, faith and hope for healing, renewal and a fresh beginning.

Everything in life is so amazingly relative.  And this is exactly what a part of my book is about – that we are all in different places. We endure different trials, joys, imprints, have different beliefs, suffer, endure and with faith hopefully can get past and release the trauma and are able to heal.

It serves us all to be thankful for where we are, what we have and what we may be dealing with – however big, small, irritating or irrelevant  it may appear, because it could/might get  worse, change or get better at a moment’s notice.

We are all vulnerable on this Earth. Our only real peace and salvation is with our Lord.

Globalists- NWO – UN – many in our Government ….

and media around the world  who are aligned with this manipulative, corrupt, evil, ‘destroy America’ movement  are the biggest racists that exist. They  want to rule over the  world with all others beneath them in servitude; as in Al Gore, Soros, Clintons, Buffet, Obamas, Gates, Zuckerberg, Pelosi, Rothchilds, some of the Bushes, etc. – to name a very few. Their goals are to control all the world’s resources and assets, including all property rights. They want to weaken America  and take us down to insert us into the NWO under the rule of the UN. Under this rule, the masses will have no freedom.  It will be an illusion of ‘being taken care of’. All will be ‘considered equal’ according to the edit of the few who rule over the masses. So what better way to do this than to flood America with illegals, refugees and others that don’t want to assimilate, but instead want to drain, destroy, change, rule over and conquer the USA.  

President Trump is trying to expose and to  bust this up. This group of  self- anointed  elitists are greatly threatened and in fear of him and what he is doing as it goes against their destructive evil agenda for America.  While they appear that they wanted ‘equality’ for all – this is only a facade – what they want is control. That is why they are after Trump so intensely. He is exposing them and will continue to do so. He sees right through them and has for years. If you listen to his interviews, from decades ago, he even says so then and that he knows their agenda.

Only the ignorant are buying into the chaos and division that ‘they’ are instigating, triggering and promoting concerning race, etc. Tearing down statues and monuments is destroying our history. History is ‘what it is’ – it can’t be changed and it is to be learned from. To tear down, destroy, hide  or try to recreate history is control for agenda and of evil.

‘They’ own most the media. So ‘they’ imprint in the minds of fools that which they want them to believe. They know most of the populous will believe what they are told because they don’t/won’t/can’t think for themselves and are easily brainwashed to believe that these manipulative elitists care about them and their miserable lives. ‘They’ think as advertisers do – repeat the promo – the lie – promote – repeat – promote –  continuously repeat –  and  the masses will believe what they are told to believe and buy what they are told to buy.

They want the American people weak and fighting one another. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

They want the government to replace God…. they want the world broken, fractured, fragmented, perverted, confused and under their Satanic-based control.

Cut to the chase – we are on the planet of dualities – good versus evil.

Evil hates the good, just for their being the good . Therefore, Leviathan fog is spread over all communication and  used for manipulation, control and corruption.

Their weakness is their arrogance – that no one can see what they are doing and that they ‘think’ in their distortion that  ‘they’ are all powerful. Just like Satan thought he was better and more powerful than God.  So God – ‘good’ – threw evil out of Heaven and  down to earth.

Evil is not more powerful than good.

God is freewill. Evil is about control…

Explosion! Warning! Concerning race….This may offend some.

oprahThis is my opinion as I have studied, experienced and lived it. I think political correctness and denying the obvious is going to be the death of us. We are not all the same! We are created to be who we are and that includes our race.

How many races are there?

The world population can be divided into 4 major races, namely white/Caucasian, Mongoloid/Asian, Negroid/Black, and Australoid.

This is based on a racial classification made by Carleton S. Coon in 1962 (in common usage the ‘Capoid’ and ‘Congoid’ groups classified by Coon is merged under ‘Negroid’). There is no universally accepted classification for “race”, however, and its use has been under fire over the last few decades.

The United Nations, in a 1950 statement, opted to “drop the term ‘race’ altogether and speak of “ethnic groups”. In this case, there are more than 5,000 ethnic groups in the world, according to a 1998 study published in the Scientific American.

Why would anyone want to deny that there are different races? Races were created differently. They have different traits, physical, intellectual, emotional, regional, talents, temperament, to list a few. So, who is anyone to deny them? Why are some trying to mesh them all together, take away their individuality, their uniqueness and their reason for being and melt them all into one big bowl of mush?

Think of the different countries and the races that inhabit them… and how they express themselves, their accomplishments, or not. No matter how much assistance and money are given to some, they never prosper. Reveals much, huh?!
Races are not the same. They were not created the same and, perhaps, were not meant to live intermingled and closely together. Just maybe, that is why they are different and scattered in different parts of the world. The body types and characteristics in races are conducive to live in certain climates more than others.

This propaganda that we are being fed that all races and ethicalities can and should be able to live together is against nature and the natural order and it is creating everything bad. It’s creating a ‘forced climate’ of control over the God given natural order. ‘They’ are trying to politicalize people for benefit, pit ones against the other, or force amiability, when perhaps, they should have never been mixed, or intermingled so intensely in the first place.

‘They’ are not trying to give value, but to diminish it.

Some people of the same race get along better with others and some not at all. Some races get along with others and some do not mix well. Why are we being forced to mix and ‘like’ those that we do not? What results are ‘they’ really wanting?

Let people be who they are, like what they like, worship as they choose, and stay in their own countries. Why don’t and won’t people stay where their race thrives, where they belong, and where they fit? Why do so many want to be in America, while saying that they don’t like us? Instead of coming here, and trying to make us be and ‘accept’ how they are, how about staying where they are and ‘changing’ their own country?

Being a Caucasian, Christian woman born in America, I might like to visit other countries, learn about other religions and eat ethnic foods, on occasion, but I do not want to stay in that place. I am an American white woman and I want to live and be around those of my culture and race.

Heck! I don’t even like to visit people with messy houses, so why would I want to diffuse my boundaries to include extreme differences? Certain types of white women drive me insane… so why would I want to try and be in close proximity with all sorts of women of other races. I don’t! And I know many who feel exactly as I do, but will not state it out loudly, but will whisper it… and the only reason that they won’t and don’t shout it out… is to be ‘politically correct’.

When is this ‘politically correct’ BS going to explode in a very bad way? Because, it is being forced upon us.

Should I be in another country for a visit, I will adapt to their customs or go home. I would not expect them to adapt to mine.

So, why is America adapting to all sorts of people and customs? It’s a recipe for disaster…

I don’t want to hurt or harm anyone, but I don’t want to have anyone infringe their customs onto me. Just as I would not force my customs, likes or dislikes onto them. I don’t want to live around them, or be more than passing acquaintances with those of different races, customs and beliefs. Why? Because we REALLY aren’t compatible. We have little that is REALLY in common. And I don’t care to blur my boundaries, or muddle who I am for them. I like who I am. I like my race, my country, my religion and do not care to ‘change’.

If you choose to do so, do so… but those of us that don’t choose  to do this should not be forced into it.

We should not have to monitor our every word, or pretend to like what we don’t.

What your race is should not be denied, nor changed, nor mixed, nor negated. Those that are trying to mix the black with the white with the brown and make us into mud are destroying the world…not making it better…

‘They’ are trying to create a class of people in servitude.  An ‘under-class’ of melded people all mushed together, beaten-down, brain-washed, devalued and controllable. ‘They’ see people as commodity, as ‘something’ they can lead and control. ‘They’ want the masses to be a people that don’t know who they are, who identify with no one, are not individuals, and who deny who they are, and what they like, or feel, in order, to be ‘politically correct’ and this will make them slaves to those doing the rule making. What better way to do this then to take away race differences…? Think about it!

Some are playing the ‘race card’ against certain races that are more easily manipulated. Obama is where he is only because he played the race card and became a media creation. He is an affirmative action President and he is a disaster for America! He is so busy trying to stand for everything that he stands for nothing. He is weak and he wants to make America like he is … nothing! A mix up of nothingness!

We are not all the same. We are defined by our race, our blood lineage, our talents, our beliefs, our likes and dislikes, the place that we are born in and to and this is unique to us as individuals.

Whichever race you are, whatever your origins, whomever you are, be proud of it and behave accordingly, seek to better yourself as an individual. When you devalue, or over value another, you are playing into the hands of those that wish to control you.

And it is okay to like and prefer to be around those of your own race and ethnicity. In fact, its is a proven truth that we do… and it’s also been proven that to try and force those of differences to be together is a disaster.

What if we are all being sold a bill of goods?!?

Thoughts?…

Racist! Bigot!

???????????????????????????????have become today’s hot words.  I just heard on a news program that to be called a racist is the ‘worst’ thing that you can be called.  UMMMM…REALLY? And it appears the words ‘Bigot’ and ‘Racist’ are being used interchangeably.

 

‘RACIST’ – prejudice against people who belong to other races. ‘PREJUDICE’ – intolerance, discrimination, narrow-mindedness, injustice, bias, preconception.  ‘BIGOT’ – somebody with strong opinions, especially on politics, religion, or ethnicity, who refuses to accept different views.

 

Calling people these names has become common place in the political and media world. If someone disagrees with agenda, they are called a racist or bigot because it is such a ‘terrible’ label. I ask how is this any different than any other name calling? It isn’t!

 

In fact, how childlike is this behavior? 


When I was about ten years old, I was walking home from school with my girlfriend, Becky, and some ornery boys from our school began tormenting us. They were calling us names such as: dill pickle (making fun of my last name), riggy sniggy, (making fun of Becky’s last name) stupid girls, dummies, creeps and all sorts of things that hurt our little girl feelings. We ignored them, walking straight ahead with purpose. Until these boys got closer and closer then fear over took us and we ran fast towards my house that was a few yards away.

 

When we reached the front porch, our hearts were pounding. Becky was crying as we burst in the front door and my Mother appeared and asked, “What’s wrong?” As she comforted Becky. I sucked it up. I wasn’t going to let those boys make me cry. As quickly as we could, we told Mother how horrible these boys were and the terrible names that they were calling us. To our surprise, Mother chuckled as she turned to me, “Well, you aren’t a dill pickle, are you?” To which, I gave pause, then answered as I giggled, “No, I’m not! Of course, I’m not!”

 

Becky stopped crying as Mom continued, “Why are you letting what these boys say bother you? It’s not true. It’s plain silly. You know who you are.” She was looking at the papers in my notebook as she talked, “You just got an A on your history test, so you certainly aren’t stupid. When you know who you are, what someone calls you won’t bother you.”

 

Becky and I immediately understood Mother’s message and were soon laughing about how silly those boys were as we munched our after school snack. And with our awareness and our subsequent attitude shift, those boys never bothered us again.

 

In that simple clear lesson at the age of ten, I learned that someone can call me ‘whatever’ name and it does not affect me because it is about them and NOT ME.

 

So what in the freaking world is going on in the world today? Everyone is calling everyone names. If someone calls someone the ‘N’ word then they in quick retaliation are called a racist. If someone says that they don’t like certain people or groups or ideas or anything else that doesn’t agree with another, then they are called ‘bigots’.

 

It has become like an elementary school room. Many in politics and the media are using the immature tactics of little bullies. If someone says something that they don’t like then they are labeled the ‘terrible’ labels of the day ‘Racist!” Bigot!’ We are giving over our power to the childlike behavior of name calling by calling and labeling names in return.

 

Pretty soon racist will become the “R” word. We have the ‘N’ word – the ‘B’ word – ‘C’ word, so on and so forth…everyone knows what is meant. We are becoming a bunch FOOLS! That is the real “F” word.

 

How plain SILLY is all of this? And this silliness is being perpetuated daily in the media and by people who are just plain clueless OR ARE THEY?  Appears to me, that we may be being manipulate to ‘think’ and ‘talk’ like ‘they’ want us to – to be ‘Politically Correct’ by whose standards? It’s as if they thrive on the friction in the suppression. So, quick to point fingers at others caught saying the deemed horrible indiscretions.

 

Think back to the little boys tormenting Becky and me. It’s no different. We might have turned and called the boys names in return, but I was reared too mannerly to do so. And had we, what would it haveaccomplished? Only to make our behavior like our perpetrators?

 

In my opinion, there are worst things to be called than racist. How about murderer, rapist, pedophile, abuser, molester, cheater, etc???

 

The continual playing of Mel Gibson’s rant is an example of the perpetual attention to things such as this; with many coming out for a moment of spotlight to righteously exclaim their horror. How about stop playing the tapes? Stop calling Gibson a racist and shift the energy of it by NOT giving it any media time? Well, because, if they did that, they would miss out on exploiting the outrage of it all. Shows such as, THE VIEW, thrive on this kind of public display. Some of the women, such as Joy Behar have created their whole comedy ‘act’ on exploitation of  the problems of others; making her living as the sarcastic bully.


There is not a one of us that hasn’t called someone a name or even used ‘racist’ slang. Doing so, does not make us a ‘racist’, in the true sense of the word. There is not a one of us that doesn’t have a bit of bigot or racist in us and that is not always a bad thing. In fact, it can mean that we stand for something, so we won’t fall for everything. It can mean that we just have our differences and don’t like others. SO WHAT!! Everyone doesn’t need to like or agree with everyone else. And we SHOULD NOT be called a name for feeling this way, anymore than we should call others names for being different. But it happens all the time and it is no big deal, (just as my Mother advised) When you know who you are then what others call you won’t matter. In fact, I know a man that uses this kind of slang towards all kinds of people and he is one of the kindest people, helps many, and would harm no one.

 

This racist/bigot name calling is just a counter attack by bullies.Bullies bullying bullies! And what it reveals are immaturity and a lack of common sense.

 

If you take the focus off of something it diminishes.  What a concept!

 

 

24 hours in a Hell of irritation…

It’s twelve o’clock at night, I am relaxing sitting in bed looking forward to watching a movie, I  just rented sipping red wine from a stemless glass ( I am not stoopid – glasses with stems can cause accidents in a bed) after a long, hot day.  I lift up to move my laptop and the glass flips up then lands hard. The ounce of red wine, if that – splashes all over my completely white bedding.  Ever seen red wine splashed on a white bed? It looks like someone was murdered in my bed.  Yikes! I ponder this mess. How can so little red wine create so much destruction?  I can’t stand spots on anything – drives me a bit crazy! But it’s late – should I wash it out now or later? I elect to wash the comforter and the blanket. I put the comforter in with  a bit  of bleach.

When I go down to put it in the dryer, I find that the washer has overflowed because of the largeness of the comforter blocked the back water drain. I struggle to put the wet and heavy comforter into the dryer. Then put the blanket into the washer and begin to clean up the water that is all over the utility room floor. I need to move everything.  Just as the water is about cleaned up – I pick up the vanilla coffee  in glass bottles  resting their cardboard case –  not realizing how wet the cardboard is – the  four glass bottles fall to the marble floor and break – spilling and splashing coffee and scattering broken glass all over. I am freaking out. Talking to myself by now, as I continue my clean up – stating to the universe, “Bring it on! I will not be broken!” I pick up and take to the  trash over and over again – broken glass and coffee soaked paper towels –  moving everything  on the floor to make sure I get every ounce of this mess cleaned up. Then another two bottles of vanilla coffee fall to the floor and break. I should not have challenged the universe –  huh?! I begin to cry as I continue cleaning up. My hands and feet cut by the broken glass. After the floor is clean – I tend to my ‘utility-water/coffee/glass on floor’ war wounds…

Finally! It’s all over with  comforter and blanket back on the bed, but with sheets still  to be washed – saving for the next day. I settle into watch the movie I ordered. Then the cable goes out.  I call the provider and wait  ad-nauseam- until finally, I get a person who barely speaks English – who  guides me through the process to correct the cable issue -tedious at best – I can barely understand her.  I am about to blow, but keep saying to myself – keep calm – stay in awareness. All this is nothing in the whole scheme of things… right!?

The next day, I deal continually with the  publishing of my soon to be out book, Daddy Throws Me In The Air… a memoir, self-help book, which I began 25 years ago and knew it was time to complete a few months ago. Dealing with formatting issues… on and on and so forth – I realize the book, I thought would be out in August will not be out until mid-Sept.  After spending most all the day on this, I do notget around to washing my red-wine-stained sheets nor do I  eat all day – well, nothing but a banana and some vanilla coffee… yes, the same offending  vanilla coffee bottles that broke on the utility floor – I had two left after the utility room disaster.

I decide to go to spin class to release the stress and shift the energy. Exercise is a great release and has saved my sanity many-a-time. And whew! It works! After class –  having nothing, but a banana all day, I am starving. I decide to pick up ribs  at one of my favs. I get home to find the order is incorrect. The ribs have overly hot and spicy sauce when I had ordered honey barbecue. My mouth burns at the first bite causing my empty stomach to hurt.  I am beyond starving after working out so hard. I eat a dinner of French fries and coleslaw. And the restaurant promises to make good on my ribs the next time, I pick up ….

As I write this, I am sitting in my freshly washed white bed sipping ‘white’ wine. The moral of this story is? Don’t sip red wine while sitting in an all white bed  – or things just happen and when they do, it’s one irritation after another – or after the chaos comes peace – or !@#$%^$#@!#$%^%$#@$%

What???!

Cheers babeeee!  Look for my book DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR … to be out sometime in September….

There is a process included in my book to assist in releasing limiting imprints, negative belief systems and stress. I created it and use it all the time – for the little and the big things…

 

Love…

When a selfish lover says, “I love you”, what they are saying is, I love the way that you make me feel. Or worse, they are saying, “I love you” to try and ‘get’ something from you. Selfish love recognizes ‘certain’ needs must be met in order to maintain its happiness. Real love is free of these restraints and demands.

Love is never ‘perfect’. Demands bring obstacles to love. Unnecessary expectations about love make it rigid and inflexible. We all change from birth to death, and if we are not willing to accept these changes and grow with them as both an individual and as partnerships, then we are neither ready or worthy of love’s full attention. 

Male is the head and Female is the heart…

of the home. This is a union that has the highest possibility on earth – that of the head and the heart – male and female in union . To think without feeling or to feel without thinking… is not  humanity at it’s finest. It’s when they come together that we are closer to God in his image with the ability to think through our hearts. It’s a union when at its highest and finest  –  no man can put asunder.  And is why, God created male and female with different traits and aspects that complement one another.

Male is not to dominate female but to honor, protect, and provide for her so her gifts and radiance come forth for his and both their benefit. Female is to be led by male as he uses his head and follows her heart. Merged and together they create a whole with purpose – ability and possibility to come to truth… a complete fulfilling and pure love.

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